Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Song of the Month

right here

my favorite part

Can call all you want,
but there's no one home,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!
Out in the club,
and I'm sippin' that bub,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!

Hair Cut & a Pimple on My Asshole

man... just got a hair cut. my last one was May 25ish right before Graduation. and to top it all, I got this weird pimple feeling thing on my asshole. right on my bunghole. I'm worried. I was thinking of going to the doctor tomorrow but maybe wait a day and hope it goes away. If not I go to see my doc Thursday. Dang.. so many health problems this year. Maybe it's my time to gtfo of Earth. Don't know.. time will tell.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Disrespectful Family Visit

so yesterday I wake up... do my morning ritual, brush teeth, eat, and about to get ready to meditate... I turn on my phone and get 1 message "hey, we about to leave back to San Francisco but we're on our way to visit you. give us a call if you don't want us to come". So I'm like.. YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!

So I go ok... they are 5-10 mins away since I woke up late. Ill just wait till no one answers the door and theyll go away. They come... start yelling my name, dog starts barking at them, they keep yelling. Neighbor comes out in the front house talks to them in Spanish, they come inside. Dog still barking at them and they keep yelling my name. They get close to my house yelling my name OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Now this is 1 day after I told them I'M DONE SEEING YOU! I saw them for 3 consecutive days they were here and told my mom OK, SEE YOU LATER. so what do they do? They barge into my fucking place uninvited waking up half the people in my hood!!! This freak show kept happening until I finally went down stairs and let them in.

They come inside, (and my mom's b/f is nosy as fuck, i hate the lil faggot in situations like these. he used to go through my personal shit when I wasn't home back when I used to live with them), brought me a bunch of BULLSHIT FOOD, half of which went to the garbage. Talking about we worry about you, you should call more often. FUCK YOU! YOU CAME IN HERE ALL RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL, AND NOW YOU WANNA TALK TO ME MORE OFTEN??? GO TO HELL YOU FUCKING RETARDS! OMG I felt so disrespected. But I was nice.. as always. Talk to them and everything. Basically, her b/f is a control freak. He knew I am moving in a few days and wanted to see this place because if he didn't he wouldve never seen where I lived. Fucking idiot. He wanted to see it, so that after I moved, he would know where I lived, how I lived, and all the other details that he saw in my room.

I was so emberrased. I mean all my neighbors was watching and listening to this freak show going on and I was in the middle of it with my name being shoutted a billion times. I was so mad, upset, and stressed out that I DIDN'T SLEEP THE ENTIRE NIGHT LAST NIGHT. And this is when I can't sleep in this house. got about 4 hours of sleep from 7-11:30ish.

There is so much more to this but I don't feel like typing because it would be another 20 paragraphs. I e-mailed them saying FUCK OFF FOR A GOOD MONTH (not verbatim but.. you know). I feel disrespected and you cant barge into my life like this because I DONT LIVE WITH YOU ANYMORE. Im trying to do MY OWN THING. Let me stand on my own two feet instead of always trying to baby sit and spoon feed me. And then they wonder why I have such a hard time being myself around people. All my life my family like my mom, uncle, dad, etc.. been telling me "why cant you be more like him?" or "youre just like your daddy" or "everything you touch turns to shit" or *smack upside the head* whenever id piss off my father. That's my family, and I am the product of this nuthouse. My mom's b/f is just as retarded and infact, he tries to play the father role way too much, and I told his ass already he aint, and never will be my dad.

What's really interesting is that when I couldn't sleep, I felt like I NEEDED TO GET IT OUT. And not just to anyone, but to them. I needed to TELL THEM HOW WRONG AND FUCKED UP THEY ARE. I dont know if it was from meditation, or from wherever. But once I wrote them that long e-mail I felt better. Cuz usually I just keep it inside and it bottles up, not this time though. Thank GOD I have 1 good friend I can call, but he is all the way in Kansas right now. He told me I'm 100% right and they violated my privacy when I asked them NOT to come visit me. I really need someone to talk to and get a second opinion because I don't know when I'm right or wrong so I need someone else's thoughts on the issue.

for the meanwhile, FUCK MY FAMILY! I am so sick and tired of all of them scattered, part of them not giving a fuck about me, and part of them acting like this, treating me like im a little fucking child. People wonder why do some men become serial killers or end up in jail, just look at their family. It also works the same way when someone is very emotionally and whateverlly stable. It usually means their family is very together-like and supportive of each other doing all the right things in raising their children. At least now I can just relax without seeing or hearing from them fucks for a good month... or 2

Friday, December 25, 2009

Journey of Souls - BOOK REVIEW -

Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives

Before I go into this Review, I just want to say that this guy used to be an atheist. This is probably the most exciting book I have ever read. I was NEVER this excited to read a book in my entire life because I find most books boring, which I was forced to read all throughout school, and my college years.

Hypnotherapy is the method used in this book to gather information about the spiritual realms, and what lies beyond the physical Universe we are familiar with. Michael Newton, the author, have spent years upon years putting people under hypnosis trying to find the ROOT of their problems. Subjects go back into their past lives, and report what they see, hear, and feel. They also report back to what it is like to die. What it feels like after their spirit leaves their body. Where do they go? What do they do? Who do they meet?

This book is absolutely FASCINATING to me. It answered many, if not most, of the questions I had about life after death.

  • Why are we here?
  • What's the purpose of life?
  • Why do souls chose to re-incarnate?
  • Why do we all go through individual struggles, some of which are extremely unpleasant?
  • Can we chose not to incarnate, and if so, what happens to our souls in the spirit world?
  • How does suicide effect one's karma?
  • What happens to a soul if it was involved with heavy criminal activity?
  • Do we all have a spirit guide? If so, is it just 1 guide, or more than that?
  • Are there different levels of souls as far as advancement?
  • Do we chose our own lives?
  • What about soul mates?
  • Can a soul be born into 2 different bodies on Earth at the same time?
  • Do souls incarnate on other planets?

All of these questions are answered in Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives. There is so much DEPTH in this book. Michael even touches briefly on life on other planets. He mentions many things about the spirit world and what we do in order to prepare for our next life. The renewing of our soul from all the shocks of life, our spirit guides, our friends in the spirit world, soul mates, what the spirit world looks like & feels like, and much more.

If you are interested in something outside of what you see, feel, and hear, if you've always wondered why you are here and would like to get more information about the purpose of life, or if you're just curious about spirituality, I HIGHLY recommend this book. It took me 2 years to get to this book because I was so busy with school and life, I simply did not have time to read it. But now I am finally done with it and feel great. I'm more relaxed about life and not be tripping going "why am I here? Why I gotta go through this bullshit?"

4.5/5 Stars

I'll leave you guys with part of an interview of the author.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I'm sick of Biting in Hip Hop

ok... it's time for some hate. here we go.

fuck all these rappers biting. I'm talking about your Commons, Talib Kwelis (fuck this i-know-it-all faggot. no wonder all his fans are white and he disses them on top of that because he can't get the street cred from street dudes that he desperately craves), Jay-Z and the rest of 95% of the Hip Hop industry. It's sickening.

and I'm not just talking about biting lyrics like these bitches be doing. like they take the most popular slogan of some hot song (i.e. "we in the Hotel, Motel Holiday Inn" by Chingy, and then the rest of the faggot ass hip hop industry start saying that shit including the most respected rappers in the game). STFU!!!!!!!! stop this bullshit and then cry about others not being original. then talking about some stupid shit like "dont be a follwer, be a leader" yeah, you're a leader. a leader who cant even make his own rhymes and make them hot so you gotta bite other rappers who made the track of the year. fucking retards.

and I'm so sick of Jay-Z. that dude been on Nas' dick since Illmatic. LMAO@"Empire" State of Mind. GTFO WITH THAT BULLSHIT!!!!! how many more times you gonna dick ride Nas? seriously dude... and how many times you retired? I dont even take anything you say seriously. fucking stop your nonsense already. all your new shit sounds the same. sick of hearing your gay songs on the radio. and Nas is not an exception with biting, that dude does it like the rest of the sheep. uh.. what else............. oh yeah. why the fuck Jay always finds rappers dick to ride? first it was Nas, then BIG, then Pac a little bit, now it's Nas again, wtf dude? how much more dick riding faggotry gonna come out of you? it's disgusting!!!

oh yeah.. what I was saying earlier. it's not just biting lyrics, it's biting movies like Mafia and shit, or different scenes and then making it into a video. taking other cultures and then flip flopping them and turning it into some trend for like a year until it fades and no one gives a shit about it anymore (i.e. Chinese culture and its writing system with Sisqo and Dragon or whatever). like WTF??????? most of you are on some copy cat bullshit.

AND FUCK KINGSTON!!!!!!! that piece of shit that named himself after what? "uh... today Ill name myself after a Jamaican city with the one of the world's capital murder places so Ill get respect. and then ill take a CLASSIC r&b song, which is timeless and the greatest of all time, and turn it into a complete joke" fucking retarded ass chipmunk faggot. kill yourself. here is the ORIGINAL. and no im not linking kingston's version. that garbage dont belong on my blog

so sick of all this bullshit man. all these rappers and especially R&B bitches doing this. THIS IS WHY I DONT FUCK WITH HIP HOP ANYMORE. I cant take this shit. everywhere I go and everywhere I look, it's this biting shit. just turned on the radio and Mariah's gay ass has a song talking about "last night I think of you/I want to be your lady baby" BITCH STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP STEALING SHIT THAT WAS ALREADY DONE YOU BLACK WANNA BE SLUT!!!! yeah you got some 5% of black blood in you. why you gotta go around signing this shit to the world like you special. we all part black if you think about it since we from Africa. WHO GIVES A FUCK! you aint special and i aint gonna give you no special respect just cuz of your fucking race or genetic make up. what a crock of bullshit.. just look at this great song she bit on her new bullshit single with some faggot rappers backing her up(black rappers of course. she always gotta have them there to show the world how much "black" she is)

and who the fuck knows.. maybe even this dope song that was like my favorite when it came out is probably copied too. shit is disgisting man...

and i know hip hop came from taking beats and rapping over them, BUT MOTHA FUCKERS WERE ORIGINAL. THEY MADE UP THEIR OWN LYRICS AND HOOKS AND SHIT, THEN MIXED THE BEATS UP. nowadays mother fucking rappers just take other lyrics and combine with their own, and then the original verses loses its meaning to the point of NO ONE REMEMBERS WHERE ITS FROM.

i dont even watch BET, MTV, VH1 no more. it's fucking hopeless and frankly, i dont give a fuck about none of them no more. I never thought id say this but... Hip Hop is DEAD!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Shoot Out in France

I remember this old clip from a few years back. Probably the craziest shoot out I ever seen

New Roomate, No Sleep, Drama.. FUCK THIS PLACE!!!

Man this place I'm living in SUX BIG DONKEY'S BALLS!

First off... the new Mexican roommate I got. He is 46, loud as FUCK, and wakes me up every morning at 6 AM. He been doing this since he moved in 2 months ago. I haven't had a decent FULL NIGHT SLEEP of at least 8 hours for 2 MONTHS!!!!!!! I'm so worried for my health. My heart feels funny.

I tried talking to him one time. He was an asshole. I did it again by inviting him to my room and we talked on good terms for 30 mins. Still wakes me up. I bought some shit for my door for sound proof. put that in, and it helps but... still wake up cuz I'm conditioned by his gay ass to wake me up every morning. He used to shower at 6 am.. stopped.. but he still showers at like 7 or 8.. AND THE FUCKER WAKES UP AT 6AM ON SUNDAYS AND SATURDAYS TOO!!! IM LIKE WTF PLEASE KILL YOURSELF DUDE! MY ROOM IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE FUCKING BATHROOM STOP BEING LOUD YOU FAGGOT WITH EMPTYING YOUR NOISE WITH THE WHOLE HOUSE SHAKING AND TALKING TO YOURSELF OUT LOUD LIKE NO ONE IS AROUND!!! shit... I mean HOT DAMN!!! I don't even work and I get no sleep.

Now I got these 2 guys who are twins as roommates who are sons of the landlord lady. She is cool and all but these young high school shits been really rude to me lately. Like I done something.. I mean damn.. INTERNET GOES DOWN EVERY DAY! So I gotta ask them to repair the wireless LINKSYS PIECE OF SHIT! If you mad at me cuz of that.. fuck ya! if you mad at me cuz you saw me wacking off through a window... fuck ya more you young bastards, and if you mad at me for any other shit which I haven't really done, FUCK YA 3X! You loud piece of shit. Walking around banging dishes and slamming cabinet doors. I asked you to please keep it down cuz I'm trying to sleep on Sunday at 12 fucking am and you came out slamming the door behind you like no one is asleep you lil piece of spoiled shit!

Landlord lady's husband is loud as fuck too. The dude making noise at 5AM putting dishes back like BAM... BAM... SLAM!!! STFU YOU FAGGOT ITS 5AM!!!!!!! I MEAN WTF!?!?!!!?!?!? I talked to him already but still loud. and my fucking entrance door go 2 inches hole underneath I HEAR EVERYTHING! I put some clothes under it but it only prevents like 35-45% of the noise..

I dont know.. maybe It's the culture of Latinos... the family are real cool and they treat me better then my own but I'm really thinking of moving right about now. it's like I don't fit here. The best person I like in this house right about now is the family's dog. Oh man... and I talked to my neighbor today. He said his place is available with same price and everything. They got a baby but it seems quiet and he told me no one snores and its quiet there. Tomorrow Ima talk to him 100% and tell him im 90% interested. FUCK THIS PLACE!!!


OMG... I fixed my computer and it was all because I had bad RAM. Now it was partially my Hard Drive since my Windows XP was OLD AS FUCK and has so much crap on it, I COULDNT EVEN RUN ANTI-VIRUS SCAN cuz it would get stuck on certain files. My video card was bad too cuz it would crash me every few days (then eventually every day) when I'd play WoW (FUCK ATI!). Then my PSU was old and wouldn't even let my PC get me outta sleep mode. I replaced that too. Bran new PSU *muaaaaah* love ya! Right when I get this baby it gave me a blue error when in windows on 3rd boot. Right after that blue error type (which I had before), I KNEW it was RAM related. Took out 2 of my RAM sticks and it works perfectly. So technically this PSU which came in mail today saved me a trip to a PC Tech tomorrow cuz I was planning on doing that for sure.

Already tested the RAM I'm running on with Memtest and no errors. Will test the other 2 tomorrow when I wake up and throw the shit(s) in the garbage. Will need to order new ones though. Damn my CC bill this month is like $600. The job I just got is such a good timing it's not even funny.

The most important thing is... I'm BACK!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Daddy Yankee

Steets of Puerto Rico.. tough.

You know.. I was just thinking about Daddy Yankee and I THINK he is not a phony. He just has that authenticity about him like he a real street dude. Like DMX or Tupac. They had their own personalities but you could tell they were for real and weren't bullshitting when they were on that street shit in their rhymes.

I have no idea what they're saying and most of these guys are probably fake, but I was always interested in Gangsters, the streets, and what's going on in them

I got a Job! pt. II

oh man.. this is unbelievable. Ever since I got fired I had 2 of my recruiters contacting me about jobs, and the 3rd, which was involved with me through the job I got laid off on, told me about this other job opportunity. So stay your asses in school because a College Degree helps! So anyway, I had an interview over a week ago and they said about some b.s. with not having enough budget. I didn't believe him and thought it's a no go. Today I get a phone call from him saying I got it.

I'm so happy right now because I was really worried since I haven't been looking since my lay off. Living off of your savings is no fun, ESPECIALLY in this bad economy.

The job is FULL time and pays $15 per hour!!! FINALLY! A REAL JOB! Even if I work for only 2 months, I could save up for 6 months of rent! And then that will give me plenty of time to find something more.

p.s. my PC is still fucked up. It just locked up on me again last night running my CPU at full speed. So I'm in the middle of replacing a Power Supply. Ordered it today and I hope I get it by Tuesday. My bad ass video card just came today but I don't even want to put that thing in because if my PSU is bad it can fuck it up. And the only card I'm returning is the one I'm running at the moment.

If I'm still having problems after that, I'll have a technician take a look at it and test all the parts. I really want to get my PC fixed because dropping a G on a brand new computer is not something I want to do when I'm not stable in life with no sort of income.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

3 Dreams - Sun, African War, and others

ok say I only have a few minutes to blog this. I had these 3ish dreams tonight.

The Sun - I had this dream that I visited New York every day and the Sun there was HUGE. I mean it was BIG. It was so big and so alive that I felt it's heat and saw all the details around it. It covered like 60% of the sky and blocked it out too. It was also so CLOSE it scary. All I could think of was 2012 and that New York is fucked for sure. Some nights it had ice over it with lava dripping like a volcano, other days it was just big and bright. They were also selling calendars of this big gigantic Sun and I was thinking of buying one.

African War - I had a dream that I was on my last assignment where I got laid off. Then they had me doing things until my supervisor e-mailed me saying to just stop doing my work and that I'm good. I guess how my assignment ended. Then I got my stuff and was about to leave. They said there is gun war so we'll have to escape. When we got outside one person was like.. okay... get in this plastic bag. I was like nah fuck that, and was just standing there watching. I didn't want to move or escape. I started seeing Africans running around with AK 47s. They were after somebody. They were running and then 1 African had this weird shaped back like he was designed and not a human. Then they were going inside this house real carefully and I think they wanted to killed some dude in there.

Others - when I was in New York I saw this slum house that was big and weird shaped. I started to take pics of it and 2 dudes came out of it. One was just old and had some blood on him like he was just half fucked up about to die or some shit. The other more younger, I think his son. So the old dude started talking about come up stairs like to kill me or something or rob me. I started thinking of protection like fucking them up and they left me alone.

Another was when I was trying to go through forest or something and then these 2 idiots on bikes saw me and trying to mess with me. Then I turn into a chick and say "something isnt right in this place. it has evil in it" because I couldn't escape it no matter in what scenario and there is always some forces preventing me by trying to enforce violence on me.

Monday, December 14, 2009

feeling Bigger & Smaller in Meditation

so this morning when I was meditating, I started to feel like I'm being stretched and increasing in size. like... as I'm sitting with my legs crossed, my torso and my body stretches upwards and it's as if I'm 1.5 to 2x longer. Then I started to feel like I'm shrinking and was getting as small as a few inches.

I've had other sensations before that I didn't blog, but they weren't this strong.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Friday, December 11, 2009

Is she Using me?

when Trojanman told me I need somebody to talk to face to face, it got me thinking. I don't even have 1 person here in LA that gives enough fuck about me to come hang out with me or ask me to come hang out with them. 7 cousins live here, one of which is a distant not related by blood, and none of them ever call.

Now I got this "friend" who lives in Riverside and she does nothing but call me on the phone and tell me about her problems. Like she could call me and tell me about her father and how fucked up he is. And I'm like hey.. it's all good... my father is fucked up too. But then she calls me and starts telling me about her guy problems like "so this one guy at my work, I went for him, and then I pushed him away, and now I'm gonna work on Sunday with him and it's gonna be so uncomfortable". And I'm thinking "bitch, wtf do you want me to say?" I have no clue what to tell her cuz you tell this sort of thing to your girlfriends or maybe gay guys who'll probably go "guuuuurlll he did you wrong" or some shit. I AM NOT THE ONE! But I try to be nice so I just stay silent cuz I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL HER! I have no experience with women and she knows this.

And I had this dream about her one time. In this dream she lied to me about where her room is, and that we were gonna do something in her room. I said if you lie to me I don't wanna be friends with you and she went "NOOOOOOOOO. I NEED YOU!" So when she was telling me about that white guy at her work or whatever the fuck I said... 'I gotta question for you. are you using me?' and I told her about my dream and she went 'no, if I were using you then you'd be using me too.' BUT ALL SHE DOES IS CALL ME ON THE PHONE TELLING ME HER BULLSHIT PROBLEMS! or that her job sent her on some fucking delivery, or that her dad is giving her trouble, blah blah blah. she doesn't wanna meet up (one time flaked on me when I was the one who tried to go to the beach), she doesn't want me to come visit her (when she told me I should and said she'd visit me too. I fucking wanted to see her city and she calls me right away on some "there is nothing to do here" as in 'dont come here!!!'), and I been in LA since July I haven't seen her ONCE!!!

So she got all mad or whatever and haven't called me since. She was like "dont get this the wrong way but I love you and blah blah blah, but I dont NEED you. If you not there, I'll be alright". Oh, and when I asked her about this she said "I'm not using you for emotional support". And I was thinking like... BITCH IF YOU NOT USING ME FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT THEN WHY DID YOU BRING EMOTIONAL SUPPORT UP? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! But I'm all nice and shit and can't say it to her because as crazy as this sounds... SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN MY LIFE WHO CALLS ME ON THE PHONE AND TALKS TO ME! So I'm scared of losing her. But on the real though... FUCK THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sick of hearing from her and her telling me "oooooo, I'm gonna do so and so, you should come be there for me" when I KNOW we aint never gonna meet and the bitch is gonna keep talking about these future plans that will never happen.

So I don't know. I texted her once after that and she never replied. The bitch is probably mad. FUCK HER! I won't ever call or contact her and see if she does and if she doesn't, good riddance. I'm so sick of always finding people like her who find one or the other way to use me for their purposes when at the end of the day I remain ALONE with them being nowhere near me to support me. Yet when shit goes down they call me for some sort of advice or a shoulder to lean on. FUCK YOU BITCH! GO TO HELL!! IF YOU USING ME FOR THAT DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN YOU SLUT! STUPID ASS BITCH.

I fixed my Computer but...

can't play games worth shit.... My WoW is so laggy that it's PATHETIC. I'm gonna go test how many fps it gets. brb... 14 FPS!!! and I all the settings on LOW! it lags even when I start the game without logging in. it's that bad. At least I now can meditate which I haven't done in like 2 weeks.

I'm gonna try to find this one GeForce card that is considered the best for my old system but it gotta be some ebay sites. argh.. I'm so exhausted. I got 2 video cards to return and I can't even receive e-mails from newegg for some reason so I gotta figure this out to get my RMA settled.


Thursday, December 10, 2009

Don't EVER buy ATI/Radeon Video Cards

My PC has been crashing and I had no idea why. I feel like I just gave my computer a heart surgery because there was so much dust inside. I spent 2 days cleaning all of it. Some fans were cluttered with dust up to 80%! I took the entire tower apart and put it back together. After finishing this project (thank God I don't work), it STILL froze on me DESPITE THE FACT THAT I BOUGHT NEW AND BETTER SPEED FROM EBAY!

now the GOOD thing is I believe I figured out what is wrong with my computer.

Problem 1: ATI Radeon Video Card

Problem 2: Old WIndows XP that had so much junk on it I couldn't even run an anti-virus scan all the way through.

Problem 3: Dust

So I purchased a brand new Radeon card for $100 that is TOP NOTCH. I mean this card is one of the best on the market for my system. Got it this week, installed it, and it would give me more problems. First it wouldn't even show the screen when I turn the PC on, then somehow I managed to make it work only ONCE, tried WoW which worked on Medium settings, tried it on High and it crashed. And then it would give me blank screen when I restarted the computer.

ATI/RADEON CARDS ARE A PIECE OF JUNK! So don't ever waste your money on them! If it has either ATI or Radeon label on it, look the other way.


I'm running my old ATI Radeon 9500 pro atm, but can't play any games on it because it overheats and the fan on it is broken. It even froze on me last night when I was blogging this (Firefox rules! it saved all my text). If my new GeForce card I'm getting soon works, I'll reinstall Windows, and treat my PC like it's my one and only son. Well, in a way it is... I watch TV on it, I play games on it, I check my mail on it, and I look for jobs on it. But that GeForce is nothing fancy though. It's slightly better then the card I'm running but if it works and can get me through another 6 months with this computer, then I'm happy.

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Power of Now - REVIEW

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

I just finished reading this book a few days ago. First of all, just like New Earth, this is NOT an easy book. He gives you a lot of different views of life, death, and beyond. There is a lot of things to absorb and think about. This isn't the book you read in a week and go "that was nice." This is a book you read a little, put down, pick up again, read some more, etc..

The main topic of this book is presence. Not the future, or the past, but this moment. Eckhart Tolle mentions that every time your mind goes into the past, thinking about all the bad things done to you and you start to get real emotional wishing this and that would never happen, or the future-thinking of what will happen tomorrow and so on, it is your Ego. In order to not align yourself with your Ego, you gotta bring your mind into the present moment.

The author also talks a lot about "Being". From what I understand, he refers to your "true" self. The inner self that is immortal, your soul, spirit, or whatever else people refer it to. He says people put labels on things that don't last farther then this life time which I COMPLETELY agree with. Example: "I'm Puerto Rican! blah blah blah, I eat PR food, date PR women", etc.. I've met a lot of people who half the time talk about their race, religion, or background which I find EXTREMELY annoying. After they die, that label they were so boasting about goes to their grave and most likely will never be related to them in any way, shape or form.

Echkart gives this great exercise on how to feel the life force within that most of us don't even pay attention to. I do it after every meditation.

Also, there is this short part about negativity, and that the only useful thing about it is that it strengthens the Ego and gives itself an identity, like "I been through this, that, and the other. This is who I AM. This is really ME." *cough*Trojanman*cough*. When in reality, the REAL you is somebody so far beyond these labels to which the Ego attaches itself to, through which it can only survive until your death. Once you die, your Ego dies, but your "Being" lives on.

I would give this book 4/5. It's worth a read if you got some free time on your hands. Took me a few months to finish it.

My next book though is just FASCINATING to me. I will be writing a review when I finish it. I'm picking it up today from the library. Hint: it's very similar to the previous book review I did but with MUCH more depth to it.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Fired, Headach, & no Internet

So another headache hit me today. I talked to my co-worker and she suggested I go str8 to a hospital. I told my supervisor and she said she'll talk to her boss. Then I'm thinking "I they won't fire me because of this right? eh, who cares. health is more important to me". Then she comes and goes "you can take off". So I leave, go do my thing, call my employment agent and he's like 'yeah, they want to end your assignment' I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS??? he said they wanted somebody who'd be more committed or some shit. Like wtf? I wasn't even shocked the fact that I got fired as the fact that they just laid my ass off cuz I had to leave 2x due to my health condition. WOW! And I was busting my ASS on that job. Many people waste time. Like they could be standing next to the printer while it's printing "yep, I'm waiting for the printer to print... WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". Not me. I was running back and forth to my desk and by the 3rd run my shit would be finished printing and I would finish more then half of the packet. I guess they were gonna fire me anyway since they got this new girl working there. I don't know.

That company is a trip though. We are all slaves working for them. People with my job title start at what.. $10 per hour, and they have to wait 6 months before they ask for a raise for... uh... $12 per hour? and ANYONE can get fired like THAT because of any reason. It really is a trip. Truth is, if they paid $8 an hour and there were no jobs, people would work for that company. We all need money somehow, someway...

I went to East LA to a Hospital afterward, saw a doc, and he said I have Cluster Headaches. He just gave me some meds but said they come and go and there is no way of telling when. They are kinda seasonal I guess and come for a week, then gone for months.. I really thought I had a sinus infection because my co-worker suggested it.

And on top of that my PC is screwed. Got a new CPU and it has the same lock up problems, and I don't know if it's my video card or mother board. And internet is very unstable. Can work 1 min, and the next it's gone. Wireless sux, linksys sux more, and my PC needs some serious work.

Saved up some money from this job for the next 2 months of rent though, so that's a good thing.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

another fucking Headache, pt. II

so today I had ANOTHER headache at work. I started feeling it at around 9:45 and by 10am it was FULL BLAST. It lasted for 1 and a half hour. OMG I had to go break in a break room and couldn't work. Went to the bathroom and it just went away when I took a shit. I don't know wtf is happening but I am so sick of my body and not knowing what and how is causing these painful headaches from hell.

I went home because I wanna relax and WILL get at the bottom of this. Need to do some research later on after I lay down for a while on what is causing this.




Dream about having Sex with Rihanna

I wanna blog before I leave for work. But I woke up and had a dream about boning Rihanna. Actually, we were making sweat love to each other. It was beautiful and intense. Laying there all naked in bed caressing each other. There was a lot more in the dream but this is all I remember for now.

Monday, November 30, 2009

another fucking Headache

I really don't understand why I go through so much pain. And not just isolation and loneliness, emotion pain or whatever, but PHYSICAL PAIN.

earlier today around 10:30am I had this headache from hell AT WORK! so I was like WTFFFFFFF. I eat healthy, check. I drink lots of water... check, I slept that night, check.. WTF YOU WANT FROM ME!!!!!!!!!! I went into the bathroom trying to ask my guides wtf you put me through so much pain. I mean SHIT!!! I talk to my spirit guides before every meditation session and it's like.. I ask for a lot of things and I'm appreciative for all the things I already have but if there was some way I could communicate with them to get rid of these headaches... man..... I was in the bathroom for 20 mins holding my head while taking a shit. I mean seriously... I feel like I'm being tortured when these headaches hit me.

My co-worker said it could be dairy products though cuz her friend had a similar problem so I'm gonna lay off cream cheese for a while and all the other dairies like cheese or whatever. I'm out this bitch. gonna go meditate then sleep... Finally burn some candles and some incense. Haven't done a proper meditation in about a week because of me being sick. It's like food to me.. I NEED IT!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, November 27, 2009

my CPU is fried

PC kept freezing and freezing, I made some posts on some forums and the long story short my CPU is fried. Ordered a new one already from ebay. $26 and another guy told me he can send me one for free that's even faster than the one I ordered. So let's see what happens. I had to underclock mine so I can run my PC without it shutting off.

I even went to the store and got some Thermal Paste thinking it would solve my freezes but no. CPU just died on me but I guess they don't completely fail, but only when you run them at their full potential speed. I don't know. This my first time having problems with this.

Oh and I'm almost done with my next book so look forward to the Review very soon. That, AND I'm starting a new one right after. But this next book is just fascinating to me and not so hard to internalize.. been wanting to read it for a really long time but with school and everything else just didn't have time. I hope it's really good like its index was.

Friday, November 20, 2009

I'm Sick & my PC is Broke

I'm at the lowest point in my life atm. I have pink eye, fungus all over my legs, waist, arms, and my dick. I was shook yesterday because it almost looked like an open wound on my head. I was scared of losing my dick for real. But it SEEMS like it's getting better. (Trojanman, if you reading this, how long did it take you to get rid of this? Cuz I'm on week 2 and it SEEMS like it's getting better but I still don't know because it's the same shit every day) And to top it all off I got a fever right now.

My stupid Manager got sick and the dumb bitch came in to work NEXT DAY talking about "I don't have a cold". Yeah bitch, you don't have a cold TODAY but you did yesterday. Anyone who is sick should KEEP THEIR ASS HOME FOR A MINIMUM 3 DAYS. Now half of the department is sick including me. That got me so mad. I barely had energy to work. It's gonna be a long and painful weekend for me. Funny I got a degree but I make almost minimum wage. And with all the taxes they cutting for November and December in California (they cutting 10% instead of 8 for these 2 months because of economic crisis), I make around $1,200 per month.. LMAO... funny shit ain't it? It's tough, and I thank the Universe for bringing me this job because some people DON'T GOT ANY JOBS! This is why I always knew Obama was full of shit. He is just all TALK, and try to convince people with his bullshit tactics of "Change" and "Hope". GTFO of here with that bullshit.

But anyway, my PC keeps crashing. I don't know if it will crash at any moment as I'm typing this. It could be the video card because it's crap (though powerful), it could be my Power Supply or it COULD be my Hard Drive that already died on me once. I was gonna install my old Video Card but I'll try to replace my HDD and see if that works. If it keeps crashing, I'll try video card next. If it fucks up then I guess its a Power Supply.

I'm gonna do 3 forms right now and burn my body. If I'm not tired after that I'll try my best to do Golden Bell and get my ass in a Horse Stand for 20 mins. This Kung Fu is AMAZING. I was sick as fuck one time back when I used to train religiously, went to my school, did 20 forms, and the next day the cold just left my system.

I'm out. Using safe mode to blog this. I'll do some forms, replace some parts and run tests, take a shower, and probably watch a movie. I WAS gonna play some WoW cuz I barely have time for it now but fuck it. I can't be sitting any longer and need to lay down and watch a movie or something.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The New Britney Spears song is HOT!

Just heard this on a radio. This is the type of song that makes me wanna DANCE. Too bad I'm so self conscious.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Pink Eye again, and Rash

my health is really bad right now. First it was a mysterious blood clot, now I got a pink eye today because my hair is long now, and when they're long they get in my face. I don't know exactly where it came from but this morning I KNEW I had a pink eye for some reason. I really need to stop scratching my eyes even with the back of my thumbs. But my eyes always itch because of my allergies!! Urgh...

And to top it off I had a rash since I lived the last month at my cousin's place. That's for 2 and a half months. Her spot was dirty as hell, flies everywhere in the kitchen, flies going into my room if I have light in it, and I got this rash there. At first it was small and just in a few spots. Now it's all over my legs, stomach, and my ass! I even got this fungus (what the doc said) on my dick! Right on the head my of penis. I been using a cream for a month but it was anti-itching so it didn't help for shit. Now I been using doc's proscribed one for 1 week and not sure if it's getting any better. I guess I'll have to wait and see and make sure I shower once a day. Yeah, my ass gets lazy and sometimes showers like once every 3 days. I got good hygiene so I could get away with it. I guess not anymore. Doc said make sure to keep the body clean at all times.

Gonna go take a shower right now.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

I almost got into a Car Accident

this last Friday I was in a fast lane in traffic when going home. it was around 6pm, dark as fuck, and I had to switch lanes to exit. Then right when I was exiting the last lane i ALMOST hit the car in front of me, and the car behind me almost hit me. The dude behind me was FLASHING FLASHING FLASHING the far light on me I was scared as fuck!

Man... tomorrow I'll be extremely careful when driving home from work and switching lanes.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Drama at work - The Fat Bitch story

so this fat bitch who is training me at work just got into major trouble today. It was so funny, I was trying REALLY hard not to laugh after-wards.

So my position is THE most complicated position in the entire building of our company. The fat bitch and all the others around me are under the same title, but they are more experienced. The Taco Bell Eating buffalo has 1 year of experience under her belt. I got 1 week, going on week 2. Every time the Sumo Wrestler trains me she gets irritated with my repetitive questions, but the thing is THERE IS SO MUCH INFO COMING AT ME BILLION MILES PER HOUR! Plus, she never printed out the VISUAL instructions for me. I had to spend a long time making them myself. Everybody knows this, and doesn't care for my simplistic, and repetitive questions but the Walrus that sits next to me acts all high and mighty, showing off her knowledge, think I'm dumb. I ask her a closed ended question, but the Kentucky Fried Chicken eater will NEVER give me a yes or no. She will always confuse me by throwing in MORE, AND MORE redundant crap that I DON'T need to hear. And she is rude as fuck.

Now I have always had a hard time defending myself ESPECIALLY in social situations. This is because in social settings you have to a) know that you are being disrespected or talked down on. and this isn't just 'fuck you'. it's more subtle things that are being thrown at you INDIRECTLY, and b) know HOW to counter the attack by not being mean, rude, or disrespectful back ESPECIALLY in a job that you just got. I have a hard time detecting both of these but especially the latter. If I were to stand up for myself, I wouldn't know HOW to do it verbally. So I stay silent. Now this fat Orangutan acted like a biatch once again today. Then the guy a few desks away went "ease up a lil bit there [Chicken Wing eating elephant], he is new. How is he supposed to know all this stuff when all you do is talk down on him? I'M SERIOUS!" and the dude went at it. Then my supervisors had her in the big Lady BOSS's room, then the Walrus disappeared from sight for about 10 minutes (crying in a bathroom LMFAOOOOX1293783743874), then they had me in the BIG BOSS's room. I met the BOSS, she was SUPER NICE, I told her the Elephant of India always gets mad at me when I'm asking questions and never gives me direct answers. So now I don't EVER have to talk to the Alien creature with 300 lbs of flesh that is anywhere but on her ass (she is hideous let me tell you), and I thank GOD for that.

Man... when I got back to my desk she was there sobbing... with a tissue. I was trying REALLY hard not to laugh but a few smiles came outta me. That shit had my insides laughing for a good minute and I'm still laughing as I'm typing this. The Fried Chicken eater likes to show off her knowledge and make me look stupid because I only been there 1 week, yet she got in trouble, and then went crying like a lil bitch in a bathroom. She was all quiet for the rest of the day. This Whale is a funny creature.

To be continued...

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Nikola Tesla - Tribute

It's funny how one man revolutionized this planet, and most people don't even know who he is.

My Gangster Grandpa was right..

...when he came to me in dream and said "oh, it's nothing, I dealt with that all my life". Just came from the doc and he said it seems to be a bruise blood clot and not the vein one that could go to your heart and kill you. Phewww.. I was shook. I actually felt like it could be cancer and all the bad things went through my mind. Not that I'm scared of death. I just don't want to go through months of watching my body rot and then die after.

I guess my grandpa was a fighter and he was referring to all the bruises on his face. The weird thing is, I don't remember getting hit in the back of my calf. So I have no clue how it got there. But I ain't going back to WoW for at least 2 weeks. I'll still do my Golden Bell form tonight and burn the fuck outta my body. Fuck push ups. I'll be going back to doing my forms from now on for at least 3x per week. And on top of that call a few peoples I need to get in contact with. Hopefully get a small social circle going or at least get together once or twice with some of my cousins or friends.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Flat tire, blood clot, and my Gangster Grandfather in Dream

I got a flat tire a like 2 days ago on the way to work, and only realized it when I got there. My co-worker told me where to go in South Pasadena and those guys hooked me up. The best $25 ever spent. Thank GOD! I was afraid I was gonna pop the donut since he told me it's not meant for driving but just for emergencies.

Around the same time I kept feeling this weird pain in the back of my leg. Then yesterday I came home and look close. It's a blood clot! Shit freaked me out!!! I was afraid it's cancer or something so been driving around today looking for a doc but they expensive as shit and I didn't get there in time so now gotta go to General tomorrow in East LA. My landlord told me they don't even charge you nothing. I looked around on google and found this http://www.emedicinehealth.com/blood_clot_in_the_legs/article_em.htm "Prolonged sitting, such as during a long plane or car ride" in the Causes section. OMG! I'm generally really healthy but for the past 6 months I haven't exercised for shit! I been staying home, looking at jobs on-line (sitting), running around to an interview or two or buying groceries, browsing the internet (sitting), and the rest of the time playing WoW (sitting). Shit... this is bad. I done just done my Martial Arts forms last night and just now-7 in a row. I gotta get back in shape. Fuck WoW for now, and fuck sitting on the internet. I'll be reading books, doing some exercise, and going to the beach more often for at least a few weeks till I'm back in shape.

Last night though, my grandfather came to me in dream. At first I saw my cousin and her 2 year old baby (the lil fucker that cries 24/7). He was excited to see me and all, and then I was looking around for someone to ask about my leg, and there is my grandfather. I tell him "look, I wanted to show you this", and he goes "oh, that's nothing. I dealt with that all my life". So I said "it's cancer??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" then woke up at 4:30am. I couldn't sleep till I had to go to work. Now my Grandpa I never met and I think he died like 10 days before I was born. I heard he was a gangster and was the only one that escaped from cops. Everybody else got caught and/or killed. He had 17 knife wounds on his body. So I was thinking maybe that's what he meant? He "dealt with that all his life"? Or maybe blot clot bruises from fighting? I don't know. But that shit really freaked me out because I don't remember him saying nothing else but I started screaming. Anyway, fuck this internet shit. I'm gonna go finish my book.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Jupiter sounds - NASA-Voyager recording


Fascinating recording of Jupiter sounds (electromagnetic "voices") by NASA-Voyager. The complex interactions of charged electromagnetic particles from the solar wind , planetary magnetosphere etc. create vibration "soundscapes". It sounds very interesting, even scary.
Jupiter is mostly composed of hydrogen and helium. The entire planet is made of gas, with no solid surface under the atmosphere. The pressures and temperatures deep in Jupiter are so high that gases form a gradual transition into liquids which are gradually compressed into a metallic "plasma" in which the molecules have been stripped of their outer electrons. The winds of Jupiter are a thousand metres per second relative to the rotating interior. Jupiter's magnetic field is four thousand times stronger than Earth's, and is tipped by 11° degrees of axis spin. This causes the magnetic field to wobble, which has a profound effect on trapped electronically charged particles. This plasma of charged particles is accelerated beyond the magnetosphere of Jupiter to speeds of tens of thousands of kilometres per second. It is these magnetic particle vibrations which generate some of the sound you hear on this recording.
Visit http://www.inner-net.com/bmr/bmrpg2aa.html for more sounds."

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Dream about Nebula

Last night I had this dream about being on Earth, and seeing Nebula right in the sky. I was around some kids from the youth center I used to volunteer at. Some of them wanted me to go to the movies with them. Then after talking to one kid whom I remember, we went outside and there it was. It looked HUGE and almost exactly like the "Pillars of Creation" Nebula below, only it was more purple with a darkish background

And the word "Nebula" came to me in this same dream. This is THE first time I had a dream that transcended into the real life. I usually have dreams with images and words that have nothing to do with those images if I were to ever look them up.

Saturday, October 31, 2009


I love these!! One thing I haven't done though is get high and then watch them. That's mos def on my list of things to do before I die.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Jason Derulo - Whatcha Say

I haven't watched music channels in a really long time, haven't watched BET, MTV, or VH1 in around 6 months or so. Then heard this song on a radio a couple of times so I had to do my research. LOVE IT!

Thursday, October 29, 2009


So 2 days ago I get this dude calling me from some Employment Agency and how there is a position available that requires fast typing. And my ass is FAST! And ironically, today I changed my schedule and started waking up at around 8am. The recruiter calls me at 8:45 and tells me they wanna interview me at 10:30! I had to get ready in 30 mins and be out the door. Didn't eat, didn't meditate, just had enough time to prepare.

I went in and there was 1 brother, and an Asian chick too. Then after the interview I call my recruiter, leave a message, he calls me back a few hours later and says I got the job! FINALLY!!!!!!

I'm so excited. This is my first official job and I been looking since July!!! That's 4 months. Fucking Obama and the recession. How many millions he spent on the stimulus package and the economy still being in the toilet. But nah, I can't complain. I start this Monday...

Interesting Dream

So I'm hanging out with these 2 guys. One of them seems to be close friend and the other is some dude from a city near by. The second guy from a diff city was black and my close friend I think he was black too but I don't remember.

So we hanging out in my old hood where I lived before I moved to LA. And I'm telling them about my stories with women, but they look at each other and laughing like 'we don't believe the word you say' cuz they kinda feel I don't have much experience with women. Then we ended up going deeper into the hood doing something and when we were heading back it was much later at night. My close friend's buddy started getting scared like he in the hood and was afraid something was gonna happen. I was like dang this guy reminds me of me but he not just nervous he's straight paranoid! So he disappeared probably heading back home. Then me and my friend go into this homeless shelter of some sort and he turns into my childhood friend, the one who got locked up with 15 years. We sitting there eating and one bum comes up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder mumbling something. I'm like leave me alone man. Then I push him off me and he takes a gun, puts it to my friend's temple and BAM fires the shot as a way to get back at me. My friend kept looking and eating like he was still alive. Then the next moment I see a cop sitting there at the table across the bum reading him his right.

That's all I remember.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I saw Bubbles from the Wire!

so I'm over there at South Pasadena for some business today. I'm driving down the street and I see this dude talking on his cell phone outside of some restaurant and I'm like 'he looks so familiar' so I keep looking and then... OHHH SHIT! ITS BUBBLES FROM THE WIRE!!! haha

He knew I recognized him too.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

2012 Doomsday?

I found this fascinating movie on youtube. Interesting stuff.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

man WTF is wrong with youtube?

this shit is as slow as a turtle corssing the fucking golden gate bridge. it's been like that for days. i cant even watch anything but pause the videos and leave them to load while i do something else.


$390 for the Car Repair

wholy shit! That's like almost 1 month of rent for me. Dang I gotta hustle for a job really soon cuz more and more of my savings are getting drained.

went to the mechanic today 10 blocks from my house and he said that the radiator is fucked. There is a big crack in it and I was driving like that since I got the car! He said that I could kill the engine if I keep driving with that crack.

I got the anti-freezer cuz that's what that tow-truck guy told me to do but it's way more serious then that. This mechanic charging me $350 to replace the radiator and $40 for thermostat. I had to walk home today and tomorrow will go pick up my baby. I love you *kisses his car* don't you ever give up on me like this.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My car overheated

I was driving then *POOOOOH* and the white steam coming out. I pull over, open up the hood, and EVERYTHING is covered in liquid. It got all over my hands so I had to call 21st Century.

I had to wait for a tow truck to come and drag my ass home. Took them over an hour! Then this guy was helping me then at the end he gave me this look like he wants something from me. At first I was like 'is he gay or some shit?' so I said thanks then went inside and doh! He was probably looking for me to tip him. Dang I should've gave me the 10 dollars I had on me. Oh well.. I always forget this type of stuff...

I'm just glad I made it home and it turns out it ain't that serious. My car just overheated. The dude told me what to buy and everything..

Monday, October 19, 2009

I never realized how similar me and Michael Jackson are...

until his death. It's crazy how we are so much alike.

I been thinking about this since he died. He was "weird" and that is what people perceive me, he was lonely, and so am I, he was not a fighter, and neither am I, and the list goes on. A few weeks back I saw this Entertainment Show like ET or whatever, and they were talking about how the reason why he bought the remainder of "the Elephant Man" bones was because he was the loneliest man in the world. I think he wanted that part close to him because the loneliness was so real to him. And the part about not growing up and being a child no matter your age? Yep. Many people think I'm 22, 23, etc.. but I'm 30. And that's not just my looks. I mean it is, but it isn't. It's also how I act, how I talk, my innocence, etc.. People really think I'm still a young teenager because I don't have the same experience many 30 year olds have so when I talk to them they feel they talking to a little boy. I think Michael was even worse though cuz he thought it was cool to sleep with little children in the same bed and whatnot. But just saying.. That is why people misunderstood him. He thought all these things that aren't cool are okay to do with a child frame of mind. It was like he was a child and didn't understand that once you pass a certain age you can't be doing certain things or you'll be in big trouble. Me and Michael are both very young at heart and I'll probably be this way for life even at 50 and until my death.

I really hope he found peace though. That is something we should all find at some point when we check out. Rest In Peace brother.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Funniest Chris Brown Parody

It's raining

Today, it's been raining about 2-3 times since this morning. Good thing is the rain washed my car, but I'm not sure if it usually rains here in LA.

But it's been getting pretty cold within the last couple of days. Can't wear no t-shirt anymore.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Internet Down - Linksys router Take 2

I feel like a thief. It went down again and nobody is home. I found out these houses are built kinda weird with their locks turned the wrong way. So I used a credit card to open their door, go in there, and repair the connection through their computer.

this is what a mother fucka gotta do to survive around here. LoL..

I ain't gonna just sit here while I just paid $15 per month for my WoW and stare at the screen. Fuck that!!

Linksys is indeed a piece of shit. 2nd time going down within 1 week! Wow...

I got my router RMA'ed though so hopefully it will be here within a week or 2. I'm thinking of even getting an extra one to built a bridge. But I never done that so I'll have to ask around on some PC forums how that works and if it helps to prevent the router from going down and make it more stable.

No Water-filter in this house

some bad news for me. The faucet crane is too big to fit my filter, and the owner told me no when I asked him if he is interested in replacing it. I'll have to return it :( I'll wait a week though. Hopefully he changes his mind.

Fucked up cuz I got enough filters for 6 month and each costs $10. Now I'll have to get the 2.5 lb plastic bottle from the store every week or so. That's $8 per month and only if it's 1 container per week. Could be more but oh well. I guess I gotta roll with the punches sometimes.

I just don't see why the dude would rather go to Ralph's every week to refill the 2 huge jars then to stay in the comfort of his own home and order a few filters with a click of a mouse button every 6 months. That, and the fact that he already got the next 6 months covered if he only changes the damn crane.

Friday, October 9, 2009

This New Lil Jon track is HOT!

I love electronic/trance and how he combines it in this beat.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Internet Down - Linksys router Take 1

here we go... welcome to Linksys routers where things happen for no reason and no one knows why they do (not even the tech support behind the very own company that made these cheap things).

last night it went down, and was down until the dude reset it and changed the pass. let's see when the next time will be.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Today is 1 of the worst days of my life

everything that could've went wrong did and it all started with me not talking to a girl.

So I was out working today in Bel Air. My first assignment with this agency that likes me. I go and it's amazing. The place is huge, it is rich. It is some sort of rape foundation for rape victims. avid Schwimmer does an opening and Ben Stiller and Amy Adams do their speech after. Many other folks talked and even some rape victims sharing their stories that made my problems seem small and insignificant.

So then I already liked this MILF there that rode in the same van with me and she had one AMAZING body. But she is not the cause of my bad day, or at least the start of it. I'm being really friendly, smiling, saying hi to everyone, and to some girls too. And off the record.. generally, I get about 95% of negativity from women I like that I say 'hi' to. And I don't mean try to 'holla' at these hoes, I mean just a simple 'hi' or 'how you doing?'. It could be a frown, or a 'im fine thank you' in a rude way, or whatever else they respond with it is negative as in really rude/leave me alone type of voice tone, or it's 'don't talk to me' type of vibe. I don't know if it's my pale skin, or if it's my skinny body, my energy field, or whatever else (i know it's not cuz of my looks cuz some girls find me cute but you never know..). All I'm saying is, I am so accustomed to this negativity from women that when I get 1 girl respond positive in 'ooo, who is this? you're cute' look, I get REALLY taken by surprise. And this usually happens when I say hi and don't even try to look at the hoes I'm greeting because I don't wanna see that negativity coming back at me. So today, this exact thing happened.

1) I walk by my supervisor, she is maybe 23, and her friend and say 'how you guys doing?' look for a split second at them and look away. Her friend, who is THICK AS A MOTHA FUCKING TURKEY ON THANKS GIVING, looks at me like 'ooo, who are you? you're cute' but I hardly notice it cuz I don't look long enough. Then I saw her looking at me or towards my direction when Ben Stiller and all them other folks doing speeches. She was looking again later on when the event was over. I wanted to come up to her and ask her name then tell her she's cute but I just didn't. I let that fear stop me, fear of 2 of her friends being around, or fear of me being socially awkward, etc.. and I really think she liked me. And you know.. when you a woman likes me it's like 'wow, I should talk to her'. It's not too often when you get a female that genuinely likes you and is interested in getting to know you for whatever reason that she sees in your eyes. So anyway, I left the event FUCKED UP all depressed like 'here we go again, back to me, myself, and I. all alone and shit without friends, human contact, family, or not even a girl who COULD be a potential friend' mentality.

Then the day got worse..

2) I get home and I find out they bought me a linksys router. Im like FUCK ME IN THE ASS HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? LINKSYS!!???? SOMEBODY KILL ME NOW!!! it's working and im typing this as a result being connected to the net THROUGH this SHITTY router but I told him the agony and the pain that I and many others are going through with LINKSYS SHIT ROUTERS. I feel so bad they bought it for me. My OWN router turns though, out was dead since it came out the box. I will try to call tech support tomorrow hopefull get it returned. BUT I DONT KNOW IF I'D BE ABLE TO CUZ I HAD IT FOR MONTHS WITHOUT TAKING IT OUT THE BOX. I LOST RECEPIT, AND IT DIDNT FUCKING WORK RIGHT OUT THE BOX!!!..... AND I USUALLY KEEP ALL THE RECEPITS HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???

3) so I get on ebay and buy me a WoW 60 day card for 24.99 cuz I got some gift certificate on ebay through paypal and... THE FUCKING ORDER DIDN'T GO THROUGH AND IT HAD AN ERROR!!! OMFG!!!!!!!! now i gotta wait for them shits to email me back and tell me if my credit was charged cuz id be pissed as fuck when it did when it didnt even pay for my order.

4) Then I'm like fuck my life I'm gonna go do laundry. So I take all my sheets that smell weird cuz my last laundry didn't work I think. I take them down stairs, load them up, AND THE FUCKING WASHING MACHINE GOES BEEP BEEP BEEP. SHIT IS NOT WORKING!! I try 3x and same shit. Waste so much laundry detergent and NOTHING.

Now I got my laundry and my white cloth sitting in my closet WET cuz WHERE THE FUCK ELSE WILL I PUT IT FOR TONIGHT? Ill be sleeping on my mattress without any sheets or pillows. At least I got some fucking cover blankets to use that ARE clean.

all I need now is a phone call with some bad news to top of my day of my shit life. WOW!

5) did I mention this house has an ant problem? I usually leave them alone but I had to execute every last one of them fucks that were on my white sheets today when i came home. SHIT IS GETTING OUT OF HAND!!!!!!

so my Landlord got a router and..

it's a piece of shit LINKSYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!! OMG WHY IS MY LIFE SO FUCKED UP ALL THE TIME? I told his son oh man.. i had 2 linksys routers and had lots of problems with them. Any gamer should stay away from linksys and fucking smash it with a hammer a billion times. Now I don't know what the hell to say. I told him if he got a receipt if I could exchange it he had this 'wtf' sad look on his face with leaving my room. I mean wtfff was i supposed to say? I said thanks I appreciate it though.


fuck.. i don't know what to do now. i get internet but fucking linksys i wanna destroy it with a hammer but can't...

My Internet is fucked up

damn this is really pissing me off. MY INTERNET IS FUCKED! I managed to log on to a neighbors' wireless and my own router won't connect to the modem. It's either the modem or my router. Arghhh this suxxx... If I don't get internet up my life is officially dead. Can't get on to play WoW and can't get on to find a job. I really hope it gets resolved on Monday.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Meet Dave -REVIEW-

This movie ROCKS! It is FUNNY, has an excellent story as well as all the unexpected plots that come out of nowhere when you least suspect them, and even got some love crap for people who seek that. The movie got a little bit of everything for everyone :)

And I honestly thought it was gonna suck. Eddie Murphy is a genius!

5 out of 5 stars

First Day In My Hood

So this Thursday, 10/1/09, I went to get some food. It was my first day in the neighborhood actually living here. The closest Chinese place was on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive which is like a few blocks away. So I go.. And... It's mostly black. I was like where the fuck am I??? There was some Latinos too but seems like black people don't like em. 3 black girls were walking in a parking lot and a Mexican driving trying to get out. 1 of the girls started to scream at him like 'why you in my way?' or some shit.. I don't know. I park. Go in to get some orange chicken. One brother eating there and everybody else who comes in are black. It's one of those squared shaped parking lots that got shops, laundry mats, etc.. in a circle around it. There is a lot of those stops here in L.A.

I also went to Ross to get some home supplies. The parking lot is ghetto as hell. Garbage everywhere on the floor. Ross employees are mostly black or people of color. Sooooooo many sisters. Some were checking me out. One of the dark skinned ones was doing something by me so I asked for help. I talked a lil and really felt like I should 'take it there' right at that moment. But I was nervous so I said ty for help. Then I was like dang... she likes me. I can feel it. I went back to ask for help (was nervous as hell and almost didn't do it). She directed me and I'm like what's your name? Then I said how about you and me hang out sometime. She was like 'not right now' but she seemed real excited. I should've came back after that and taken it from there but decided not to. Next time I must act on instinct becuase once I let that first moment go I start to get more and move nervous until I don't even wanna go talk to her again. I almost didn't do it the 2nd time too. But I really think meditation helps me to stay calm.

Dang.. I was like the only white boy on Martin Luther King Jr... I saw another one on the bus stop, and another one but he was a bum. Man... This is my hood. I mean I like it in a way because I care for the black community on a deeper level. I just hope there is not gonna be another Rodney King happening anytime soon. Can't beat this house though. It is the BEST deal I could get and had only 5 days to find a place. I did it! SO proud of myself.

I had no Internet for 3 days

When I moved all my shit here, which was the 9/30/09, my birthday, I found out there is no internet in this bitch. I thought I was gonna die for the duration of these 3 painful days. OMFG! Not only can I not order a new WoW pre-paid card but I can't even look for a job! I was like wtf am I gonna do??? (I mean I did watch 2 movies, one of which the review is coming up, and reading a book I just got from the library)

Now I tried 2 times connecting my router in the 2 brothers' room (they're twins and no homo I guess), and was uncomfortable as hell being there hoping it would work but... NOPE! Nothing!!! So then their modem wouldn't work after I unplugged it from the socket and one of the guys said just give it some time it usually comes back online. So I suggested leaving my router on all night and a few hours later I'M ONLINE!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHH

there is God, and he LOVES me today. Thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose -REVIEW-

This is the 2nd book that I started to read when my Internet was down, and boy am I glad to finish it. It has A LOT of great depth of the Ego, how it thinks, what it wants and says inside your mind, and mentions countless of other ways of realizing who is speaking-you or your Ego. The book mentions about the "chaos in the mind" that we all have as human beings. The paranoia that someone is out to get us, that somebody is out to betray us, that so and so person hurt me in the past so I will hate him forever and never forget what he did or come after him years down the line, etc.. Eckhart Tolle gives great examples of how many wars and evil this chaos has brought to the planet Earth.

A New Earth also has some great tips on how to be HERE and NOW instead of always thinking about tomorrow, next week, or fantasying that someday, a year from now, we will finally get our break. When that break that we are always hoping for, and dreaming about will always remain in the future; and it will never come if we don't start focusing on the present moment because the present moment IS the future if you really think about it.

But I gotta warn you. This book is NOT an easy read. It has a lot of depth, and a lot to think about. It has helped me with my anxiety about worrying about events in the future, even if they are 10 mins away. And it is very rarely when a book helps me reprogram like this.

At the end there is even a chapter about people like me-those who are passive, not ambitious, and are very inwardly. Eckhart Tolle calls us "The Frequency Holders", and says we effect the world more deeply then it appears on the outer surface. I feel honored because I always looked at myself as someone who is insignificant and will never make any difference like all the Alpha "hey, hey, hey" dudes. Oh well, whatever..

Great book! 4 out of 5 stars.

I'm 30 Years Old today

Wow.. this is almost unreal. Not only am I 30, but I have never had sex before. I am literally a 30 year old virgin. Dang... I remember watching some Maury type show or whatever, and topic was virgins. One guy got up and said "I am 29 years old, I'm virgin, and I'm still continuing", so I was like oh man.. that will NEVER be me. And here I am.. I beat that guy by 1 year haha.

I kinda don't care anymore to be honest. Before my mind was set on losing my virginity. Every year I was like 'ok, this year' then next year, then next year, etc.. Now I'm like WHO CARES!

I don't wanna do nothing for my birthday but my cousin says she wants to go a restaurant. Sure, why not I guess. At first she said my father wanna go with me and bring my grandma who never liked me for the day in her life. I was like uh... no? I'm so tired of her trying to bring me close to my dad and his mother. It is really irritating. But other then that, until next time... happy birthday to me.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

District 9 Review

This movie ROCKS! It is probably the best representation of the human race. Once they come in counter with "aliens" it depicts how they deal with them in such a perfect way. I didn't expect this movie to be this good. And how the government uses lies to cover up the truth and manipulate the peoples' mind through the mass media.

5 fucking stars out of 5!


Oh man I'm so excited! I finally found a place and it's the cheapest deal ever!! It's 12:43am right now but technically I got the confirmation of me being the person they chose on 9/26/09, Saturday.

Only $450 per month including the utilities!!! The house was built 3 years ago and is REALLY nice. The bathroom is 2.5x bigger then the one here and it doesn't smell like a skunk died there.

And it's semi-hood. I was really hoping for a nicer area but dang I guess the hood needs me. It's mainly Latinos and Blacks but some white people too because it's close to a college. And there was this other place I saw in a downtown area that was really nice. But I think she was a con-artist because she was cool, yet weird and flaky at the end. Not sure whether to call her and tell her I found another place because she told me I can move in but never called me back like she said she would.

Oh man... this deal is soooooooooooooo good. I can park my car inside every day because there is a back entrance I can use. It's one of them alleys in LA that look deserted and are in the back of the house. Like in Boyz N The Hood. Looks kinda spooky. But if I get to park there every day I don't ever have to deal with parking, or people giving me trouble, haha.

Oh yeah, and when I was leaving their house these 2 brothers started arguing outside. "Hey man.. wtf is wrong with you? I don't even know you. We gotta go with the deal! oh you wanna take it there? I got no problem with that. I'm ready to go head on knowhatimsaying? We can take it there!!! What's up man!!" I was watching this from the car, then said hey to one of the guys who was walking by loool. He was like 'heeey' all looking in my car. I don't know exactly what he wanted. Hood folks I tell ya... But the neighborhood ain't that bad. It's no Watts or Compton, or worse San Bernandino which is considered the "new" LA that got the hoodest ghetto around, or so they say..

I cannot believe I will finally be moving out from this nut house!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

No more secrets from my cousin, no more fruit flies and BIG flies in the kitchen, no more flies in my room that I have to hunt down and kill then feel disgusting afterwards, no more baby crying 6, or 7, or 8am in the morning depending on when it wakes up, no more not being able to sleep because the roomate goes to bed like... now? (its 1am dammit) no more not being able to meditate because a 100 things would interrupt me in the other room, no more my cousin talking out loud on the phone not giving a fuck 2 in the morning when we all trying to sleep, NO MORE DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Crenshaw Blvd.

So I was looking at this place in Hawthorne today and needed to get some gas. I drive a few blocks and I'm on Crenshaw! Damn son!!! I couldn't believe it. All that shit you hear in rap songs and how gangsta it is and its just kinda spread out, quiet, maybe 1 or 2 people on the street. I guess that's LA for you. Gas there is cheap as fuck. I only paid 2.99 per gallon, and It's usually like 3.15 to 3.30.

Then I drove North from Crenshaw and El Segundo all the way back home. I went through Inglewood (saw the "Welcome the Inglewood" sign) which is mostly nice and quiet. It was mainly black folks but some Latin too in certain areas. Again, barely anybody on the street except a few people here and there.

Then I got to Martin Luther King Jr., which is mos def the Hood. I saw guys posted up on a bus stop, and a cop with his motorcycle parked. Then half a block a lil further there is like 5 cop cars parked. Something was going on. Black area.

I'm still looking for a place though. Got 6 more days and I really really really I hope I find it this weekend because I do not want to stay here another month.


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Many Lives, Many Masters - BOOK REVIEW

So Internet went down a few days back and there was absolutely nothing I could do because Internet is my LIFE. I read this book in 2 days! 120 pages the first day and the other 100 on the 9/15th. I have NEVER read more then around 40 pages a day. Maybe 50 back in college when I really pushed myself. But this book is so good I couldn't stop reading it.

It is a true story of this shrink who hypnotized his patient and instead of her going back to her days of this life, she started to go back to the days of her many OTHER lives she've lived. Then in between stages she went through death, traveled into spiritual realms, and in some sessions several "Masters" came through her with messages for this doctor. Fascinating book!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

another Idiotic Outburst by Kanye West

Just found this

He has such a huge ego. The dude probably went home and cried that he didn't win a moon man himself. Then he can turn this into a black and white issue saying that a black woman should've won it or whatever other stupid shit he'll say next. What an idiot.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Kid Cudi - Man on the Moon: The End of Day *REVIEW*

Okay, so I decided every album I download I must review it as a way for me to pay back something to the creator. I haven't downloaded an album in over a year because I don't want to steal someone's creation but until I find a stable J.O.B. I just can't spend my money on music or anything for pleasure. I need to get stability first. But since I just got this album (props to Trojanman), I'm gonna review it. My reviews will be short and to the point. I have a unique taste so I don't expect people to agree but here it goes.

1. In My Dreams (Cudder Anthem) - 2/5. An "okay" intro. Common does his poem at the end which is cool.

2. Soundtrack 2 My Life - 3/5. Cool song. He keeps talking about his mission here on Earth but I'm not sure what he's referring to.

3. Simple As... - 3/5. Catchy beat. I like it.

4. Solo Dolo (nightmare) - 2/5. Sorry Cudi but you CAN'T SING! lol

5. Heart Of A Lion (Kid Cudi Theme Music) - 4/5. I like this song enough to replay it again. Really nice beat.

6. My World - 5/5. My favorite song. I relate to this 100% when he talks about having no one to hang with but your closest friends/peoples you know. Being alone, having low self-esteem, women problems, etc.. I'm really surprised Trojanman hates on this dude so much. This song made me gain respect for him at how similar we are. I love the hook, the beat, the lyrics, and everything about this song. It is THE best song on the album to me.

7. Day 'N' Nite (nightmare) - 5/5. Love this! Relate on being alone and being stuck in a place feeling like I'll never get out of my predicament. I was thinking about this too and MANY people are like this, not just me. Some of them are stuck selling drugs or doing bad things because they don't know how to get themselves out of the life they got into.

8. Sky Might Fall - 2/5.

9. Enter Galactic (Love Connection Part I) - 3/5. Takes a few spins to start liking this song.

10. Alive (nightmare) - 4/5. Talking about the moon's effect on him and us as humans/animals. I totally relate. I'm a night person and feel more energized at night compared to during the day.

11. Cudi Zone - 4/5. Nice song. I like it. Will mos def replay it again.

12. Make Her Say - 4/5. I love the song minus the biting on Common's part. STOP BITING YOU RAPPERS MAKE ME SICK! I don't care if you bit Chingy on "hotel, motel, holiday Inn", Rakim, or Jamie Foxx. Pathetic.

13. Pursuit Of Happiness (nightmare) - 2/5. It's okay.

14. Hyyerr - 2/5.

15. Up Up & Away - 2/5. Maybe I'll like it more after a few spins. *shrugs*

Overall - 3/5

Not a bad album at all.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

1st Meditation Sensation

I just meditated and usually my mind is racing. I have a really hard time putting it to stop. Even after meditating since January 1st of this year, 2009, my mind is racing 1,000 mph when I'm NOT meditating, but in meditation I can put it to about 500 or 300 mph if I'm lucky. Today I really focused on my breath I'd say 75% of the time.

About 80% into it I started to feel this weird sensation. It was as if I'm bigger then my body, or my body is bigger then me. It was like I'm in some sort of a room that is really big but it is all taking place inside of me. And it didn't feel like here and now how I usually feel and we all feel as humans. It was as if the more I focus on my breath the more I get into this trance.

Now the tricky part is that I'm a day dreamer. I LOVE day dreaming and been doing this since high school. So when I start meditating it's like an excuse for me to escape. But then I'm like "oh wait.. I'm meditating" and get back to my breath. And the moment I start to focus in on my breath and go deeper I get scared or something and use day dreaming as an excuse to go somewhere else in my thoughts. But I really am trying to focus with every sitting and hope to go even deeper.

She apoligized

So yesterday my female cousin came into my room and apologized. Said $50 is not worth our friendship and wants to still be "family". It's cool I guess. I accepted her apology but I still don't trust her and I'm still gonna move out. She said I don't have to if I don't want to move. But I'm still looking at places. Once I find a good spot I'm OUT! I can't believe she apologized though cuz she was already getting all her friends on her side telling them how wrong I am or whatever. And she still owes me that $50 and $20 on top of that. Money really is the root of all evil.

I really hope I get a good place plus that job I had an interview for a day before yesterday.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Female cousin kicking me out

Yesterday there was this huge fight between me and her. This was all about money. Long story short. My friend was staying here for a week about a month back cuz he got kicked out of the place he was staying in and she agreed to take him in. He had this 1700 plasma tv and was trying to sell it on craigslist for around 900. She asked me to help her buy it from him and promised to pay me back. I didn't say anything and he already had a buyer lined up that will take it for $900. But I ended up paying 800 for it. I really didn't want to because I had many people in the past play me with for money. And my friend who was staying with us came back in town this Sunday and she again.. let him stay reluctantly.

2 days ago she calls me and asks me "can you do me a favor?" The rent that you weren't supposed to pay this month for the tv, can you pay it anyway and not pay NEXT month? I was like "uh.. that wasn't part of the deal. We agreed that my rent is covered THIS month", so she got mad and started yelling and going crazy. Then said she'll pay me back 165 back or whatever cuz she already gave me 100 for tv. And I'm like what do you mean? It's 225 and not 165. She goes.. "Tv costs 750 and..." lol 750? It was 800!!!!! Then she went "your friend stays here and I pay the bills for him NOT you". And I'm like "so is this about my friend staying here now? What is that got to do with anything?"

So now she saying she said that it was 750 and that 50 she was gonna give me "on the credit card" like if I use my cc shell give me 50 for it. Like it makes a fucking difference. It still is 800 for me whether I wrote him a check or used my cc ya dumb bitch! So when she got home she said "I let you stay this month for free" like it wasn't already part of the deal.. yeah, you "let me"... BITCH PLEASE! "and I already found somebody else, so you got 1 month to move out". I said ok and left to do my work assignment I had for that day. The reason why I think she said that is because she needed money. I didn't give it to her, so she found some other person to give her it. (Also, her brother been staying with us since she told me this and if he stays with us every day, then he must have given her rent money for this month) Then when I came back we had this huge fight in front my friend and the roomate. Screaming, yelling, and everything. I said 1) I don't need your $50 and I don't even have any friends to go out and spend it with, I sit in my room all day on my computer so wtf you talking about? 2) either you pay me back 800 or if not this Tv is technically mine so I'll give you back your 100 and sell the Tv on craigslist. (I mean shit, it's a $1700 Tv i can sell it for 900!) So she said.. Then take all your shit and move out on the street by tonight. My own cousin kicked me out on the street over a fucking tv! I was thinking about it and was like.. fuck it.. I'll pay $50 for your Tv... I could've called my dad or my cousin's to ask for a favor to move in with them for 1 month, but I didn't want to bring all this drama to them plus my friend was staying with us too and then he'd have to move and omg, so much drama in 1 day. So she gave me back $165 and I made her sign a contract that my rent this month is free. I should have done this with the Tv but oh well, it's my mistake. I thought that it would be disrespectful since she is family. From now on, any money deals I make, and there won't be many or at all, will be done with a written contract.

So the moral of the story is, my own cousin cares more about money then her own family. If I sold this tv on craig's list and took back what is rightfully mine, I was gonna be on the fucking street that same night! And this is my family? HA! Whatever dirty business, or businesses, she is involved with is just sad. I don't even feel bad for her, me, or anyone who stays in this nut house paying her rent as much as I feel bad for her son who will suffer when he grows up with issues that she will instill onto him. She was yelling when we were arguing "I didn't know you for 17 years and probably will NEVER know you!" and I was like.. it's your own choice. She is the one who keep being involved with whatever she is involved with and be secretive. She says she goes to school, but does she? She shows no tests, or proof that she's even enrolled. She says she works, where? The baby is crying half the time "mooommyyyy.. moooommyyy" cuz she leaves him behind so much and goes to do whatever she does thinking we will look after it. And she doesn't even tell us about it half the time!

I am already looking for places on craigslist. On the good note, my distant cousin told me I have her full support. Man.. this really is a nut house. Our relationships will never be the same after-wards. I can't even look her in the eyes right now.