Wednesday, December 26, 2012


arghhh... I feel like shit. it isn't the worst fever but it sucks. couldn't sleep all night with my nose running. then in morning realized I will not be able to work today. Maybe my body is telling me to stop treating it like shit. I work around 50 hours per week and some days sleep 2-5 hours per night. But I got no choice. One job ends and the other begings. I get home around 12:30am and gotta wake up at 6:30am for the next job in the morning. And a lot of times I can't sleep.

I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I am thinking of quitting one of these jobs. We'll see...

Friday, December 21, 2012


So I was just going to bed feeling all calm and relaxed. I am really tired and haven't been getting enough sleep throughout the week, and then something happened. I jotted down the date... 12/21/2012 on my dream journal, and something stroke a cord inside of me.

The universe wants me to write this in my blog, and I will talk about something right now-FEAR!

The real truth is, I am scared. I am shivering right now and don't even know why. Maybe because of all that toxic poison that's been put into me through media and television about this date, and once I jotted down that date with a pen, it opened up that fear and let it go wild.

The truth is, I let fear run a big part of my life. I know I've been talking about all this self-improvement with how I approach women and face my fears, but the truth is I do it half assed. And here is what I mean by that. I do street approaches in the day, but I don't go to clubs, I don't go to parties, and I don't put myself out there. Why? Fear. I am scared of people. Everytime I think of being out in a social setting where people mingle, it scares me to death. I think it is ancestral fear. My ancestars have passed me this fear and I have inhertied. This is what the constalation workshops deal with and this fear is so real, I don't wish it on anybody. It isn't just fear, but that is what has been passed into me and I have been dealing with it damn near since birth. That is why I developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and it gets really intense at certain moments. This is one of those moments, and the fact that it is cold right now make me shiver even more. I finally bought a real nice heater so at least I am heating my room right now.

But what set this set was me jotting down today's date, and then there is a storm outside. And you know SF is infamous for having small windy storms.

But this hit me the other day, the reason why I am so stuck and unsuccessful with 95% of women in the day game is because I don't ever do anything else! I don't go out, I don't go to parties, I don't go to events, I don't really have a life!!! I don't get myself involved in anything! How in the heck am I gonna be successful with women just by approaching them on the street? I may get laid once but that's about it. And even then, I don't even have my own place! So, getting laid is even farther from my reality than I imagined.

It was really intersting how prepared I was for today. I know it could either be today, 12/23/2012, or sometimes January, 2013, but once I lay in my bed and jot the date... BOOM... my best friend, my best buddy fear just knocked on my door.

I gotta say this; fear is my best friend. I learned so much from fear this lifetime, that I could never have imagined how much one could learn from just one element by experiencing it so much. I can talk to you about women all day and all night. Tell you about my philosophies and theories, but if I don't go out with women, have sex with women, have real, long lasting, healthy, unhealthy, and everything in between relationships with women, there is nothing I can say about women because I wouldn't know about women. Experiencing women is the only way I could learn a lot about them. Same goes for anything else. For me? The most I have learned about this time around is fear. I used to diss fear, say 'fuck fear' cuz I heard my friend say it, but now I don't think like that anymore. I love fear, it is my pal. If you want to understand something and learn about something, you can't just disregard it like it isn't there and throw negativity at it, imho you gotta embrace it and accept it fully. Yes, I am scared, and then move to the next step in understaind why, how, when, and where that fear stems from.

I have been through a lot of shit in my life, and I really hope I will get through this with fear understanding I am no longer letting it run my life. I was just thinking earlier laying down unable to sleep. I go through all my life completely alone. Everything I go through, I go through it alone. Sometimes I wish I had just one true friend whom I would be on the same vibration with. I love being alone, but sometimes this loneliness gets the best of me.

Oh, and I am completely done with marijuana. I blazed a few days ago because I was so stressed and realized right then and there that I no longer need weed. It freaks me out, it makes me paranoid, it makes me zone out like I am somewhere else, but the truth is we all do that WITHOUT weed but just not so intuned within that moment, and my body parts start jerking before going to bed. Mary J, you have been a good friend, but now I gotta go my own way without you. I no longer need you in my life because I have to face my fears of people, and all you do is just keep me comfortable when I am alone. I don't need to be comfortable. I need to step out of my comfort zone and make friends. And I can't possibly do that with you there because you make me paranoid of everything. If I was high right now, I would be so freaked out I would probably call the drug hot line like I did when I ate a brownie back in college.

Fear, I love you. Please keep teaching me about you because I want to know more.
Marijuana, I love you. Thank you for all the wonderful times I've had with you. But now I gotta move towards my goals instead of keeping myself in shackles by staying home and puffing until my lungs gets filled up with smoke, and my throat starts hurting where I am coughing for days at a time.

I ask the universe to please release me of all this fear and negativity, and connect me with everything and everyone so that I could feel much closer to humanity, and all that is and ever was.

Peace and love everybody, and good night. I really hope I will get some sleep tonight.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

12/21/2012 is One Week Away

I can't believe it. We are 1 week away from the biggest date that has been talked about for the last 10 years by fear mongerers, new agers, spiritualists, scientists, illuminatists, and god knows how many more types of people.

I am at a point where I am less scared and more excited. The whole 3 days of complete darkness used to scare me, but now I am more interested in whether or not that will occur. If it does, at least I am ready for it mentally. If we all die, it will be just like any other deah for anyone. Either way, it is no big deal. All I know is that I need to keep on working on myself and face my fears. I gotta work on my career and plan on how I can get on my own two feet. Get my own place, get my own JOB where it is STABLE, and find my own life in this world. I want to build a place I call home.

It's really interesting that this has been my goal since I have been in college. This was about 10 years ago. My goals were as follows: 1) find a job, 2) get a car, 3) find my own place. Now 10 years later, I am still doing soul searching and accomplishing those 3 goals. Even though the first 2 have been accomplished, #1 is not very stable, and once it is I will start working on #3.

Anyway, that's it for now. I know December 21st isn't set in stone because some say that the actual alignment date will take place on December 23rd, and there is also a possibility that it could be as late as January 2013. We will see, either way. Time will have the final say. Hmm... time... what a funny element it is. My biggest question about this whole 2012 phenomenon is, will something happen with 'time'? In other words, will time cease to exist; at least in the way we look at it. The one dimentional flow of time that never ceases to stop. Where we could only go with the flow. Where time just travels forward, never backwards. What will happen if time changes its course or lets us chose the course for it? Just something to think about.

Until next week, may the galactic alignment bring the best and most powerful forces in the universe to you and everyone you know. Peace and love, people. We are all in this together having our own individual journeys, learning our own individual lessons in this thing called life.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

THE WORLD IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So it hit me today. THE WORLD IS MINE! IT'S MINE!!!!!!!!!! I asked this Palestinian girl out at my work from a different floor and she said yes. I said to myself that I gotta do some approaches before the date because I was nervous. Approached 2 women in the mall. felt the adrenaline running through my veins like WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! so I am all charged up like BRING IT ON! and she tells me she cant get off just yet. I tried to schedule it sometime later but said fuck it, NEXT WEEK. so i got a date in 1 week.

isn't it funny? a Jewish guy dating a Palestinian girl. I know my uncle from Canada is gonna have a heart attack but I DONT GIVE A FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so after the date didnt go through I was like fuck this and went to the mall. on the way there I noticed something, NO ONE CARES! No one is paying any attention to me, no one is watching me, no one notices me, no one cares what I am doing, NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT ME! I started to scan the area, front, sides, back, and it was like I woke up for the first time. I started to see things I haven't seen before. 1 brother spitting game at this chick, 2 16 year olds in the mall were trying to talk to 2 girls (happened a few days ago), and then as I got to the mall these words came to me... THE WORLD IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so pre occupied with worrying how people see or perceive me, what they think of me, what they think when they see me approach a girl, that I never realized that not only are most people miserable and never face their own fears, but they also DONT CARE ABOUT ME. In fact, when that brother was spitting game, and she turned his ass down of course, NO ONE EVEN NOTICED BUT ME! it seemed like they were both part of the crowd.

so to sum it all up, i hit on 4 more women (6 women in total) 1 of which was a girl at Samsung station

her: what do you want? (asking me about which product i wanna test)
me: I wanna get your phone # :)

1 mixed tall girl, with her lesbian g/f right behind her haha
1 married black woman who lit up when i said hi
and a couple of miserable women whom i wouldnt touch with a 6 foot pole

it was cool. i came out on top as a victor who conquered his fears. it would really be nice to have a wing man who i am friends with, though. doing this alone is extra hard. i just got so tired cuz i worked since 9:30am and was walking around looking for potential marks/targets. my feet were hurting at the end of the day.

THE WORLD IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!