Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Song of the Month

right here

my favorite part

Can call all you want,
but there's no one home,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!
Out in the club,
and I'm sippin' that bub,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!

Hair Cut & a Pimple on My Asshole

man... just got a hair cut. my last one was May 25ish right before Graduation. and to top it all, I got this weird pimple feeling thing on my asshole. right on my bunghole. I'm worried. I was thinking of going to the doctor tomorrow but maybe wait a day and hope it goes away. If not I go to see my doc Thursday. Dang.. so many health problems this year. Maybe it's my time to gtfo of Earth. Don't know.. time will tell.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Disrespectful Family Visit

so yesterday I wake up... do my morning ritual, brush teeth, eat, and about to get ready to meditate... I turn on my phone and get 1 message "hey, we about to leave back to San Francisco but we're on our way to visit you. give us a call if you don't want us to come". So I'm like.. YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!

So I go ok... they are 5-10 mins away since I woke up late. Ill just wait till no one answers the door and theyll go away. They come... start yelling my name, dog starts barking at them, they keep yelling. Neighbor comes out in the front house talks to them in Spanish, they come inside. Dog still barking at them and they keep yelling my name. They get close to my house yelling my name OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Now this is 1 day after I told them I'M DONE SEEING YOU! I saw them for 3 consecutive days they were here and told my mom OK, SEE YOU LATER. so what do they do? They barge into my fucking place uninvited waking up half the people in my hood!!! This freak show kept happening until I finally went down stairs and let them in.

They come inside, (and my mom's b/f is nosy as fuck, i hate the lil faggot in situations like these. he used to go through my personal shit when I wasn't home back when I used to live with them), brought me a bunch of BULLSHIT FOOD, half of which went to the garbage. Talking about we worry about you, you should call more often. FUCK YOU! YOU CAME IN HERE ALL RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL, AND NOW YOU WANNA TALK TO ME MORE OFTEN??? GO TO HELL YOU FUCKING RETARDS! OMG I felt so disrespected. But I was nice.. as always. Talk to them and everything. Basically, her b/f is a control freak. He knew I am moving in a few days and wanted to see this place because if he didn't he wouldve never seen where I lived. Fucking idiot. He wanted to see it, so that after I moved, he would know where I lived, how I lived, and all the other details that he saw in my room.

I was so emberrased. I mean all my neighbors was watching and listening to this freak show going on and I was in the middle of it with my name being shoutted a billion times. I was so mad, upset, and stressed out that I DIDN'T SLEEP THE ENTIRE NIGHT LAST NIGHT. And this is when I can't sleep in this house. got about 4 hours of sleep from 7-11:30ish.

There is so much more to this but I don't feel like typing because it would be another 20 paragraphs. I e-mailed them saying FUCK OFF FOR A GOOD MONTH (not verbatim but.. you know). I feel disrespected and you cant barge into my life like this because I DONT LIVE WITH YOU ANYMORE. Im trying to do MY OWN THING. Let me stand on my own two feet instead of always trying to baby sit and spoon feed me. And then they wonder why I have such a hard time being myself around people. All my life my family like my mom, uncle, dad, etc.. been telling me "why cant you be more like him?" or "youre just like your daddy" or "everything you touch turns to shit" or *smack upside the head* whenever id piss off my father. That's my family, and I am the product of this nuthouse. My mom's b/f is just as retarded and infact, he tries to play the father role way too much, and I told his ass already he aint, and never will be my dad.

What's really interesting is that when I couldn't sleep, I felt like I NEEDED TO GET IT OUT. And not just to anyone, but to them. I needed to TELL THEM HOW WRONG AND FUCKED UP THEY ARE. I dont know if it was from meditation, or from wherever. But once I wrote them that long e-mail I felt better. Cuz usually I just keep it inside and it bottles up, not this time though. Thank GOD I have 1 good friend I can call, but he is all the way in Kansas right now. He told me I'm 100% right and they violated my privacy when I asked them NOT to come visit me. I really need someone to talk to and get a second opinion because I don't know when I'm right or wrong so I need someone else's thoughts on the issue.

for the meanwhile, FUCK MY FAMILY! I am so sick and tired of all of them scattered, part of them not giving a fuck about me, and part of them acting like this, treating me like im a little fucking child. People wonder why do some men become serial killers or end up in jail, just look at their family. It also works the same way when someone is very emotionally and whateverlly stable. It usually means their family is very together-like and supportive of each other doing all the right things in raising their children. At least now I can just relax without seeing or hearing from them fucks for a good month... or 2

Friday, December 25, 2009

Journey of Souls - BOOK REVIEW -

Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives

Before I go into this Review, I just want to say that this guy used to be an atheist. This is probably the most exciting book I have ever read. I was NEVER this excited to read a book in my entire life because I find most books boring, which I was forced to read all throughout school, and my college years.

Hypnotherapy is the method used in this book to gather information about the spiritual realms, and what lies beyond the physical Universe we are familiar with. Michael Newton, the author, have spent years upon years putting people under hypnosis trying to find the ROOT of their problems. Subjects go back into their past lives, and report what they see, hear, and feel. They also report back to what it is like to die. What it feels like after their spirit leaves their body. Where do they go? What do they do? Who do they meet?

This book is absolutely FASCINATING to me. It answered many, if not most, of the questions I had about life after death.

  • Why are we here?
  • What's the purpose of life?
  • Why do souls chose to re-incarnate?
  • Why do we all go through individual struggles, some of which are extremely unpleasant?
  • Can we chose not to incarnate, and if so, what happens to our souls in the spirit world?
  • How does suicide effect one's karma?
  • What happens to a soul if it was involved with heavy criminal activity?
  • Do we all have a spirit guide? If so, is it just 1 guide, or more than that?
  • Are there different levels of souls as far as advancement?
  • Do we chose our own lives?
  • What about soul mates?
  • Can a soul be born into 2 different bodies on Earth at the same time?
  • Do souls incarnate on other planets?

All of these questions are answered in Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives. There is so much DEPTH in this book. Michael even touches briefly on life on other planets. He mentions many things about the spirit world and what we do in order to prepare for our next life. The renewing of our soul from all the shocks of life, our spirit guides, our friends in the spirit world, soul mates, what the spirit world looks like & feels like, and much more.

If you are interested in something outside of what you see, feel, and hear, if you've always wondered why you are here and would like to get more information about the purpose of life, or if you're just curious about spirituality, I HIGHLY recommend this book. It took me 2 years to get to this book because I was so busy with school and life, I simply did not have time to read it. But now I am finally done with it and feel great. I'm more relaxed about life and not be tripping going "why am I here? Why I gotta go through this bullshit?"

4.5/5 Stars

I'll leave you guys with part of an interview of the author.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I'm sick of Biting in Hip Hop

ok... it's time for some hate. here we go.

fuck all these rappers biting. I'm talking about your Commons, Talib Kwelis (fuck this i-know-it-all faggot. no wonder all his fans are white and he disses them on top of that because he can't get the street cred from street dudes that he desperately craves), Jay-Z and the rest of 95% of the Hip Hop industry. It's sickening.

and I'm not just talking about biting lyrics like these bitches be doing. like they take the most popular slogan of some hot song (i.e. "we in the Hotel, Motel Holiday Inn" by Chingy, and then the rest of the faggot ass hip hop industry start saying that shit including the most respected rappers in the game). STFU!!!!!!!! stop this bullshit and then cry about others not being original. then talking about some stupid shit like "dont be a follwer, be a leader" yeah, you're a leader. a leader who cant even make his own rhymes and make them hot so you gotta bite other rappers who made the track of the year. fucking retards.

and I'm so sick of Jay-Z. that dude been on Nas' dick since Illmatic. LMAO@"Empire" State of Mind. GTFO WITH THAT BULLSHIT!!!!! how many more times you gonna dick ride Nas? seriously dude... and how many times you retired? I dont even take anything you say seriously. fucking stop your nonsense already. all your new shit sounds the same. sick of hearing your gay songs on the radio. and Nas is not an exception with biting, that dude does it like the rest of the sheep. uh.. what else............. oh yeah. why the fuck Jay always finds rappers dick to ride? first it was Nas, then BIG, then Pac a little bit, now it's Nas again, wtf dude? how much more dick riding faggotry gonna come out of you? it's disgusting!!!

oh yeah.. what I was saying earlier. it's not just biting lyrics, it's biting movies like Mafia and shit, or different scenes and then making it into a video. taking other cultures and then flip flopping them and turning it into some trend for like a year until it fades and no one gives a shit about it anymore (i.e. Chinese culture and its writing system with Sisqo and Dragon or whatever). like WTF??????? most of you are on some copy cat bullshit.

AND FUCK KINGSTON!!!!!!! that piece of shit that named himself after what? "uh... today Ill name myself after a Jamaican city with the one of the world's capital murder places so Ill get respect. and then ill take a CLASSIC r&b song, which is timeless and the greatest of all time, and turn it into a complete joke" fucking retarded ass chipmunk faggot. kill yourself. here is the ORIGINAL. and no im not linking kingston's version. that garbage dont belong on my blog

so sick of all this bullshit man. all these rappers and especially R&B bitches doing this. THIS IS WHY I DONT FUCK WITH HIP HOP ANYMORE. I cant take this shit. everywhere I go and everywhere I look, it's this biting shit. just turned on the radio and Mariah's gay ass has a song talking about "last night I think of you/I want to be your lady baby" BITCH STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP STEALING SHIT THAT WAS ALREADY DONE YOU BLACK WANNA BE SLUT!!!! yeah you got some 5% of black blood in you. why you gotta go around signing this shit to the world like you special. we all part black if you think about it since we from Africa. WHO GIVES A FUCK! you aint special and i aint gonna give you no special respect just cuz of your fucking race or genetic make up. what a crock of bullshit.. just look at this great song she bit on her new bullshit single with some faggot rappers backing her up(black rappers of course. she always gotta have them there to show the world how much "black" she is)

and who the fuck knows.. maybe even this dope song that was like my favorite when it came out is probably copied too. shit is disgisting man...

and i know hip hop came from taking beats and rapping over them, BUT MOTHA FUCKERS WERE ORIGINAL. THEY MADE UP THEIR OWN LYRICS AND HOOKS AND SHIT, THEN MIXED THE BEATS UP. nowadays mother fucking rappers just take other lyrics and combine with their own, and then the original verses loses its meaning to the point of NO ONE REMEMBERS WHERE ITS FROM.

i dont even watch BET, MTV, VH1 no more. it's fucking hopeless and frankly, i dont give a fuck about none of them no more. I never thought id say this but... Hip Hop is DEAD!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Shoot Out in France

I remember this old clip from a few years back. Probably the craziest shoot out I ever seen

New Roomate, No Sleep, Drama.. FUCK THIS PLACE!!!

Man this place I'm living in SUX BIG DONKEY'S BALLS!

First off... the new Mexican roommate I got. He is 46, loud as FUCK, and wakes me up every morning at 6 AM. He been doing this since he moved in 2 months ago. I haven't had a decent FULL NIGHT SLEEP of at least 8 hours for 2 MONTHS!!!!!!! I'm so worried for my health. My heart feels funny.

I tried talking to him one time. He was an asshole. I did it again by inviting him to my room and we talked on good terms for 30 mins. Still wakes me up. I bought some shit for my door for sound proof. put that in, and it helps but... still wake up cuz I'm conditioned by his gay ass to wake me up every morning. He used to shower at 6 am.. stopped.. but he still showers at like 7 or 8.. AND THE FUCKER WAKES UP AT 6AM ON SUNDAYS AND SATURDAYS TOO!!! IM LIKE WTF PLEASE KILL YOURSELF DUDE! MY ROOM IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE FUCKING BATHROOM STOP BEING LOUD YOU FAGGOT WITH EMPTYING YOUR NOISE WITH THE WHOLE HOUSE SHAKING AND TALKING TO YOURSELF OUT LOUD LIKE NO ONE IS AROUND!!! shit... I mean HOT DAMN!!! I don't even work and I get no sleep.

Now I got these 2 guys who are twins as roommates who are sons of the landlord lady. She is cool and all but these young high school shits been really rude to me lately. Like I done something.. I mean damn.. INTERNET GOES DOWN EVERY DAY! So I gotta ask them to repair the wireless LINKSYS PIECE OF SHIT! If you mad at me cuz of that.. fuck ya! if you mad at me cuz you saw me wacking off through a window... fuck ya more you young bastards, and if you mad at me for any other shit which I haven't really done, FUCK YA 3X! You loud piece of shit. Walking around banging dishes and slamming cabinet doors. I asked you to please keep it down cuz I'm trying to sleep on Sunday at 12 fucking am and you came out slamming the door behind you like no one is asleep you lil piece of spoiled shit!

Landlord lady's husband is loud as fuck too. The dude making noise at 5AM putting dishes back like BAM... BAM... SLAM!!! STFU YOU FAGGOT ITS 5AM!!!!!!! I MEAN WTF!?!?!!!?!?!? I talked to him already but still loud. and my fucking entrance door go 2 inches hole underneath I HEAR EVERYTHING! I put some clothes under it but it only prevents like 35-45% of the noise..

I dont know.. maybe It's the culture of Latinos... the family are real cool and they treat me better then my own but I'm really thinking of moving right about now. it's like I don't fit here. The best person I like in this house right about now is the family's dog. Oh man... and I talked to my neighbor today. He said his place is available with same price and everything. They got a baby but it seems quiet and he told me no one snores and its quiet there. Tomorrow Ima talk to him 100% and tell him im 90% interested. FUCK THIS PLACE!!!


OMG... I fixed my computer and it was all because I had bad RAM. Now it was partially my Hard Drive since my Windows XP was OLD AS FUCK and has so much crap on it, I COULDNT EVEN RUN ANTI-VIRUS SCAN cuz it would get stuck on certain files. My video card was bad too cuz it would crash me every few days (then eventually every day) when I'd play WoW (FUCK ATI!). Then my PSU was old and wouldn't even let my PC get me outta sleep mode. I replaced that too. Bran new PSU *muaaaaah* love ya! Right when I get this baby it gave me a blue error when in windows on 3rd boot. Right after that blue error type (which I had before), I KNEW it was RAM related. Took out 2 of my RAM sticks and it works perfectly. So technically this PSU which came in mail today saved me a trip to a PC Tech tomorrow cuz I was planning on doing that for sure.

Already tested the RAM I'm running on with Memtest and no errors. Will test the other 2 tomorrow when I wake up and throw the shit(s) in the garbage. Will need to order new ones though. Damn my CC bill this month is like $600. The job I just got is such a good timing it's not even funny.

The most important thing is... I'm BACK!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Daddy Yankee

Steets of Puerto Rico.. tough.

You know.. I was just thinking about Daddy Yankee and I THINK he is not a phony. He just has that authenticity about him like he a real street dude. Like DMX or Tupac. They had their own personalities but you could tell they were for real and weren't bullshitting when they were on that street shit in their rhymes.

I have no idea what they're saying and most of these guys are probably fake, but I was always interested in Gangsters, the streets, and what's going on in them

I got a Job! pt. II

oh man.. this is unbelievable. Ever since I got fired I had 2 of my recruiters contacting me about jobs, and the 3rd, which was involved with me through the job I got laid off on, told me about this other job opportunity. So stay your asses in school because a College Degree helps! So anyway, I had an interview over a week ago and they said about some b.s. with not having enough budget. I didn't believe him and thought it's a no go. Today I get a phone call from him saying I got it.

I'm so happy right now because I was really worried since I haven't been looking since my lay off. Living off of your savings is no fun, ESPECIALLY in this bad economy.

The job is FULL time and pays $15 per hour!!! FINALLY! A REAL JOB! Even if I work for only 2 months, I could save up for 6 months of rent! And then that will give me plenty of time to find something more.

p.s. my PC is still fucked up. It just locked up on me again last night running my CPU at full speed. So I'm in the middle of replacing a Power Supply. Ordered it today and I hope I get it by Tuesday. My bad ass video card just came today but I don't even want to put that thing in because if my PSU is bad it can fuck it up. And the only card I'm returning is the one I'm running at the moment.

If I'm still having problems after that, I'll have a technician take a look at it and test all the parts. I really want to get my PC fixed because dropping a G on a brand new computer is not something I want to do when I'm not stable in life with no sort of income.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

3 Dreams - Sun, African War, and others

ok say I only have a few minutes to blog this. I had these 3ish dreams tonight.

The Sun - I had this dream that I visited New York every day and the Sun there was HUGE. I mean it was BIG. It was so big and so alive that I felt it's heat and saw all the details around it. It covered like 60% of the sky and blocked it out too. It was also so CLOSE it scary. All I could think of was 2012 and that New York is fucked for sure. Some nights it had ice over it with lava dripping like a volcano, other days it was just big and bright. They were also selling calendars of this big gigantic Sun and I was thinking of buying one.

African War - I had a dream that I was on my last assignment where I got laid off. Then they had me doing things until my supervisor e-mailed me saying to just stop doing my work and that I'm good. I guess how my assignment ended. Then I got my stuff and was about to leave. They said there is gun war so we'll have to escape. When we got outside one person was like.. okay... get in this plastic bag. I was like nah fuck that, and was just standing there watching. I didn't want to move or escape. I started seeing Africans running around with AK 47s. They were after somebody. They were running and then 1 African had this weird shaped back like he was designed and not a human. Then they were going inside this house real carefully and I think they wanted to killed some dude in there.

Others - when I was in New York I saw this slum house that was big and weird shaped. I started to take pics of it and 2 dudes came out of it. One was just old and had some blood on him like he was just half fucked up about to die or some shit. The other more younger, I think his son. So the old dude started talking about come up stairs like to kill me or something or rob me. I started thinking of protection like fucking them up and they left me alone.

Another was when I was trying to go through forest or something and then these 2 idiots on bikes saw me and trying to mess with me. Then I turn into a chick and say "something isnt right in this place. it has evil in it" because I couldn't escape it no matter in what scenario and there is always some forces preventing me by trying to enforce violence on me.

Monday, December 14, 2009

feeling Bigger & Smaller in Meditation

so this morning when I was meditating, I started to feel like I'm being stretched and increasing in size. like... as I'm sitting with my legs crossed, my torso and my body stretches upwards and it's as if I'm 1.5 to 2x longer. Then I started to feel like I'm shrinking and was getting as small as a few inches.

I've had other sensations before that I didn't blog, but they weren't this strong.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Friday, December 11, 2009

Is she Using me?

when Trojanman told me I need somebody to talk to face to face, it got me thinking. I don't even have 1 person here in LA that gives enough fuck about me to come hang out with me or ask me to come hang out with them. 7 cousins live here, one of which is a distant not related by blood, and none of them ever call.

Now I got this "friend" who lives in Riverside and she does nothing but call me on the phone and tell me about her problems. Like she could call me and tell me about her father and how fucked up he is. And I'm like hey.. it's all good... my father is fucked up too. But then she calls me and starts telling me about her guy problems like "so this one guy at my work, I went for him, and then I pushed him away, and now I'm gonna work on Sunday with him and it's gonna be so uncomfortable". And I'm thinking "bitch, wtf do you want me to say?" I have no clue what to tell her cuz you tell this sort of thing to your girlfriends or maybe gay guys who'll probably go "guuuuurlll he did you wrong" or some shit. I AM NOT THE ONE! But I try to be nice so I just stay silent cuz I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL HER! I have no experience with women and she knows this.

And I had this dream about her one time. In this dream she lied to me about where her room is, and that we were gonna do something in her room. I said if you lie to me I don't wanna be friends with you and she went "NOOOOOOOOO. I NEED YOU!" So when she was telling me about that white guy at her work or whatever the fuck I said... 'I gotta question for you. are you using me?' and I told her about my dream and she went 'no, if I were using you then you'd be using me too.' BUT ALL SHE DOES IS CALL ME ON THE PHONE TELLING ME HER BULLSHIT PROBLEMS! or that her job sent her on some fucking delivery, or that her dad is giving her trouble, blah blah blah. she doesn't wanna meet up (one time flaked on me when I was the one who tried to go to the beach), she doesn't want me to come visit her (when she told me I should and said she'd visit me too. I fucking wanted to see her city and she calls me right away on some "there is nothing to do here" as in 'dont come here!!!'), and I been in LA since July I haven't seen her ONCE!!!

So she got all mad or whatever and haven't called me since. She was like "dont get this the wrong way but I love you and blah blah blah, but I dont NEED you. If you not there, I'll be alright". Oh, and when I asked her about this she said "I'm not using you for emotional support". And I was thinking like... BITCH IF YOU NOT USING ME FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT THEN WHY DID YOU BRING EMOTIONAL SUPPORT UP? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! But I'm all nice and shit and can't say it to her because as crazy as this sounds... SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN MY LIFE WHO CALLS ME ON THE PHONE AND TALKS TO ME! So I'm scared of losing her. But on the real though... FUCK THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sick of hearing from her and her telling me "oooooo, I'm gonna do so and so, you should come be there for me" when I KNOW we aint never gonna meet and the bitch is gonna keep talking about these future plans that will never happen.

So I don't know. I texted her once after that and she never replied. The bitch is probably mad. FUCK HER! I won't ever call or contact her and see if she does and if she doesn't, good riddance. I'm so sick of always finding people like her who find one or the other way to use me for their purposes when at the end of the day I remain ALONE with them being nowhere near me to support me. Yet when shit goes down they call me for some sort of advice or a shoulder to lean on. FUCK YOU BITCH! GO TO HELL!! IF YOU USING ME FOR THAT DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN YOU SLUT! STUPID ASS BITCH.

I fixed my Computer but...

can't play games worth shit.... My WoW is so laggy that it's PATHETIC. I'm gonna go test how many fps it gets. brb... 14 FPS!!! and I all the settings on LOW! it lags even when I start the game without logging in. it's that bad. At least I now can meditate which I haven't done in like 2 weeks.

I'm gonna try to find this one GeForce card that is considered the best for my old system but it gotta be some ebay sites. argh.. I'm so exhausted. I got 2 video cards to return and I can't even receive e-mails from newegg for some reason so I gotta figure this out to get my RMA settled.


Thursday, December 10, 2009

Don't EVER buy ATI/Radeon Video Cards

My PC has been crashing and I had no idea why. I feel like I just gave my computer a heart surgery because there was so much dust inside. I spent 2 days cleaning all of it. Some fans were cluttered with dust up to 80%! I took the entire tower apart and put it back together. After finishing this project (thank God I don't work), it STILL froze on me DESPITE THE FACT THAT I BOUGHT NEW AND BETTER SPEED FROM EBAY!

now the GOOD thing is I believe I figured out what is wrong with my computer.

Problem 1: ATI Radeon Video Card

Problem 2: Old WIndows XP that had so much junk on it I couldn't even run an anti-virus scan all the way through.

Problem 3: Dust

So I purchased a brand new Radeon card for $100 that is TOP NOTCH. I mean this card is one of the best on the market for my system. Got it this week, installed it, and it would give me more problems. First it wouldn't even show the screen when I turn the PC on, then somehow I managed to make it work only ONCE, tried WoW which worked on Medium settings, tried it on High and it crashed. And then it would give me blank screen when I restarted the computer.

ATI/RADEON CARDS ARE A PIECE OF JUNK! So don't ever waste your money on them! If it has either ATI or Radeon label on it, look the other way.


I'm running my old ATI Radeon 9500 pro atm, but can't play any games on it because it overheats and the fan on it is broken. It even froze on me last night when I was blogging this (Firefox rules! it saved all my text). If my new GeForce card I'm getting soon works, I'll reinstall Windows, and treat my PC like it's my one and only son. Well, in a way it is... I watch TV on it, I play games on it, I check my mail on it, and I look for jobs on it. But that GeForce is nothing fancy though. It's slightly better then the card I'm running but if it works and can get me through another 6 months with this computer, then I'm happy.

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Power of Now - REVIEW

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

I just finished reading this book a few days ago. First of all, just like New Earth, this is NOT an easy book. He gives you a lot of different views of life, death, and beyond. There is a lot of things to absorb and think about. This isn't the book you read in a week and go "that was nice." This is a book you read a little, put down, pick up again, read some more, etc..

The main topic of this book is presence. Not the future, or the past, but this moment. Eckhart Tolle mentions that every time your mind goes into the past, thinking about all the bad things done to you and you start to get real emotional wishing this and that would never happen, or the future-thinking of what will happen tomorrow and so on, it is your Ego. In order to not align yourself with your Ego, you gotta bring your mind into the present moment.

The author also talks a lot about "Being". From what I understand, he refers to your "true" self. The inner self that is immortal, your soul, spirit, or whatever else people refer it to. He says people put labels on things that don't last farther then this life time which I COMPLETELY agree with. Example: "I'm Puerto Rican! blah blah blah, I eat PR food, date PR women", etc.. I've met a lot of people who half the time talk about their race, religion, or background which I find EXTREMELY annoying. After they die, that label they were so boasting about goes to their grave and most likely will never be related to them in any way, shape or form.

Echkart gives this great exercise on how to feel the life force within that most of us don't even pay attention to. I do it after every meditation.

Also, there is this short part about negativity, and that the only useful thing about it is that it strengthens the Ego and gives itself an identity, like "I been through this, that, and the other. This is who I AM. This is really ME." *cough*Trojanman*cough*. When in reality, the REAL you is somebody so far beyond these labels to which the Ego attaches itself to, through which it can only survive until your death. Once you die, your Ego dies, but your "Being" lives on.

I would give this book 4/5. It's worth a read if you got some free time on your hands. Took me a few months to finish it.

My next book though is just FASCINATING to me. I will be writing a review when I finish it. I'm picking it up today from the library. Hint: it's very similar to the previous book review I did but with MUCH more depth to it.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Fired, Headach, & no Internet

So another headache hit me today. I talked to my co-worker and she suggested I go str8 to a hospital. I told my supervisor and she said she'll talk to her boss. Then I'm thinking "I they won't fire me because of this right? eh, who cares. health is more important to me". Then she comes and goes "you can take off". So I leave, go do my thing, call my employment agent and he's like 'yeah, they want to end your assignment' I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS??? he said they wanted somebody who'd be more committed or some shit. Like wtf? I wasn't even shocked the fact that I got fired as the fact that they just laid my ass off cuz I had to leave 2x due to my health condition. WOW! And I was busting my ASS on that job. Many people waste time. Like they could be standing next to the printer while it's printing "yep, I'm waiting for the printer to print... WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". Not me. I was running back and forth to my desk and by the 3rd run my shit would be finished printing and I would finish more then half of the packet. I guess they were gonna fire me anyway since they got this new girl working there. I don't know.

That company is a trip though. We are all slaves working for them. People with my job title start at what.. $10 per hour, and they have to wait 6 months before they ask for a raise for... uh... $12 per hour? and ANYONE can get fired like THAT because of any reason. It really is a trip. Truth is, if they paid $8 an hour and there were no jobs, people would work for that company. We all need money somehow, someway...

I went to East LA to a Hospital afterward, saw a doc, and he said I have Cluster Headaches. He just gave me some meds but said they come and go and there is no way of telling when. They are kinda seasonal I guess and come for a week, then gone for months.. I really thought I had a sinus infection because my co-worker suggested it.

And on top of that my PC is screwed. Got a new CPU and it has the same lock up problems, and I don't know if it's my video card or mother board. And internet is very unstable. Can work 1 min, and the next it's gone. Wireless sux, linksys sux more, and my PC needs some serious work.

Saved up some money from this job for the next 2 months of rent though, so that's a good thing.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

another fucking Headache, pt. II

so today I had ANOTHER headache at work. I started feeling it at around 9:45 and by 10am it was FULL BLAST. It lasted for 1 and a half hour. OMG I had to go break in a break room and couldn't work. Went to the bathroom and it just went away when I took a shit. I don't know wtf is happening but I am so sick of my body and not knowing what and how is causing these painful headaches from hell.

I went home because I wanna relax and WILL get at the bottom of this. Need to do some research later on after I lay down for a while on what is causing this.




Dream about having Sex with Rihanna

I wanna blog before I leave for work. But I woke up and had a dream about boning Rihanna. Actually, we were making sweat love to each other. It was beautiful and intense. Laying there all naked in bed caressing each other. There was a lot more in the dream but this is all I remember for now.