Thursday, July 25, 2013

I like Trannies, and almost lost my Virginity tonight

There is no other way of saying it. I like Trannies, Shemales, Transsexuals, Chicks with Dicks. I feel like this is a good time for me to talk about it on my blog. I don't recall ever bringing this up. But here is my story.

Growing up I always liked women. I am what you call a typical straight guy. I found gays disgusting, and sick to my stomach. I had no sort of animosity towards them, but I found it repulsive. At the same time women were a puzzle to me. When I came to America it got even harder. I not only was lagging with women, but also had to learn English. So, it was triple hard. I remember one woman approached me on gym benches inside of a b-ball court. I just stared at her as she was speaking some mumbled sentences, as I had not a single clue what she was saying. To save face I just waited and after she was finished I said "no". It was really uncomfortable. I had other women strike up convos with me (this is all high school), but I answered by guessing what they were asking me (again, to save face) and everything would just go downwards from there. I should've kept it real and said "I don't understand English", but keeping it real was always hard for me. I had always kept it fake trying to be something I am not, a real American.

By the time I graduated, I was frustrated, confused, and angry with women. I couldn't understand why so many treated me like shit. And this was around September of 1997, right after my graduation. I was heavily into porn since my mom purchased me my first PC not too long ago. I had a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge crush on black girls. They were the most fine women I have ever seen. I liked their big curvy butts, and their African figures. I even wanted to marry a black woman and have kids with her. So then one day as I am going through porn I see this pic of a woman with a dick. I was like holy fuck what is that? It's a woman... but she has a dick! So, I saved the pic on my computer and went on to fapping it to other regular porn. I experimented with all types. Posing, white, black, Asian, latin, lesbians, BBWs, anal, hard core, etc.. Then, after about a week I was going through my old files I saved, and came across that same woman with a dick. I thought... eh... and something to the likes of "my life fucking sucks. so, who cares? let me just get off to this." I did, and then before I knew it I was searching for Trannies on the porn sites.

About a year into it, and that was all I was viewing-shemale porn. Then it hit me... "am I gay?" these are men, or at least used to be. I mean they still have their penises. Then I thought, nah.. can't be. I'll prove it. So, I got out my old black girl collection and started jerking off to them. Then I noticed that I just wasn't as turned on by them as I used to be. I came but it was empty. It was as if something was missing. I went from enjoying black girls in porn 100% to about 60 or 70%. It was really shocking and confusing at the same time. Why can't I get excited as much to regular porn as I am to tranny porn? So, I went even a step further and deleted all my TS collection. I even did the whole 1 year no fap challenge on sohh cuz of this, thinking it would help me.

Then I started noticing that the only fantasies I have are of trannies. I don't have fantasies of black girls like I used to. I used to be CRAZY about black women. Fantasize about them all the time, thinking about being with them romantically, etc.. But now, all I got was trannies in my head. I seen a few irl and got a boner. The thought of seeing a woman and knowing she has a dick made me hard. It was very new and exciting. So I went even further, I suppressed my fantasies. This is when things really went down hill. For about a year I didn't fantasize about shemales, so my dick went completely dead. It was as if someone performed chemical castration on me. I HAD A DEAD DICK! Then one day I was viewing regular porn, which made me about 60-70% horny, I saw an ad with a shemale with her dick hanging down. I had this HUGE rush throughout my system. It was as if I just turned alive. It was as if someone shot a fucking suringe into me filling me up with L.I.F.E.. I was blown the fuck away. I wanted this feeling all the time, and started to realize that this is what I like now. And there could be no other way to change that.

What made me suppressing my fantasies worse is that once I started to fap to tranny porn again, I had a really hard time keeping these fantasies. They would escape my head within minutes or hours after I was done watching porn. Sometimes it took days, but once I stopped viewing porn, the fantasies would disappear. To this day that is one thing I regret doing, suppressing my fantasies. I don't suggest anyone do that, but I learned the hard way.

So, at some point I learned to realize that Transsexuals is what I want and what I need in order to be happy. I still consider myself straight, but can see why people think I am gay. I just don't like men and am still repulsed by them. And the only thing that gets my dick hard is women with dicks.

The thing about it is that once I have discovered them, I had no negativity towards them. When I'd watch porn with women and see guys fucking them, I had so much anger towards females, so many negative feelings, so much pain behind what I am looking at. A man is dominating a woman, and the same woman probably treats me like I am some serial killer in real life. Maybe it's because I always lacked confidence, I was socially awkward, or whatever other reasons; it didn't feel good. But once I got into trannies, they were a breath of fresh air. I had really admired their struggle, as I admired black women's struggle. But Tgirls had even a bigger struggle. I mean it's one thing when half the world hates you because you are dark skinned, but imagine how much more people hate you when you are dark skinned and you are a tranny. I was always attracted to struggle, maybe because I have always struggled since birth and life was always really hard for me.

The best analogy to what happened to me sexually is a spring. When you take a spring and you untwist it, you could never put that spring back together again the way it was. It will always look and feel different. I believe that's how sexuality works, at least it worked this way with me. Once I got into trannies, I could never get back into women. It just won't work and I have tried for about 10 years, only to realize that Tgirls, Shemales, Trannies, etc.. is the only thing I want in this lifetime. They are the only "girls" that would make me happy and make my dick feel like no other thing in the universe, filling me up with ultimate 100% sexual rush.

So, with all of that being said, here is my story of what happened tonight. Last week I said to myself I want to go out bar hopping. I need to get used to being out by myself at least 2-3 times per week. I need to get used to being out at a bar and learn the night culture. So, that same night I just went bar from bar. It was Thursday night. And I remember the 2nd bar I entered was a gay bar, but I didn't even know till I was sitting there for 5 minutes and bar tender comes up to me and tells me so after I asked him about the bar, haha. It was a good experience. I needed it. I need to explore instead of sitting in my house. Then I bar hopped to other bars. There was another gay bar, a punk rock bar, a country bar, and a few others. Then I remembered that bartender in the gay bar told me about this other bar located behind them. So, I go in there. When I get inside, it's a TRANNY BAR!!! OMG!!! I go upstairs and there is a tranny in the elevator with tits. I was like daymn, "are you a transgendered?" She says yes. My dick gets hard. I go in and there is a tranny sitting there. I sit next to her and she tried touching my cock. She is a hooker and wants to suck me off. I see a bunch of trannies sitting in the corner and ask her if they all call girs>yes. I tell her I just wanna enjoy myself and go sit elsewhere. I basically spent the rest of the night there. I started to get really nervous because I was looking at all the strippers dancing thinking to myself "THIS IS WHAT I WANT!" Met a cool Brazilian guy there who is into Trannies too. Most dudes there were old, ugly, and looked like life didn't treat them well. I felt like fucking Brat Pit in that bitch.

So, anyway. I went there 2x last week. I also went out there tonight. And I almost lost my virginity there. I learned that 99% of trannies there are strippers, hookers, escorts, or all of the above. They come there to "work." So, tonight I meet this Columbian tranny. She is fine as FUCK! Thick with a black girl's booty, tits, the whole 9.. I introduce myself and just chit chat with her. Then said nice to meet you and went sat down by myself. Had a private dance from this one really amazing chick whose spirit I just love. Spent the rest of my money on tipping dancers, and ended up talking to the Columbian tgirl. We talked and I just asked her about her life and how she got into hooking, etc.. Then as she had no clients that night, she started asking me what type of car I drive, etc.. Then I told her if she wants I'll drop her off on my way home, since she was saying she would get a taxi.

We leave together, and she asks me to go get my car. As I pick her up I am driving her home. I get to outside of her place, and she tells me to park. I was like okay. We talk a little and she keeps asking me questions like "how long do you last? do you have stamina?" I dodge questions and tell her I practice Tantra, which I do, but with myself. She starts to get curious and I also told her I never had a tranny before. Now, I never say I am a virgin because I don't want to tell her that. She asks me what I would do to her. I describe in detail. Then she smiles and says "would you lick my ass?" I say I would but I would have to trust you and know you well. She says she is not horny now but the only way I can get her horny is to lick her ass. So, I say I won't do it unless I already know her, trust her, etc.. She says "well, you got me curious since you never had a tgirl so I'd be your first. but I am clean, I don't have any decease" etc.. Then she is like "well, you never had sex that's weird. I wanna help you but..." and then we just kissed cheek to cheek like Latinos do it, and she left. Looking at her from the back I was like DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN. Black girl's ass, legs, curvy as fuck, Columbian tgirl. This girl would be the type who'd get cat called by straight men without any of them knowing she is a tranny. She was that fine. I kept looking as she got inside the glass doors of her apartment building, turned around, and waved at me. I waved back and drove off. For a moment there I got so nervous realizing this could be my virginity out the window. But it didn't happen.

This is the closest I have EVER been. Actually, I was this close once but with a woman. I never talked about it. But I was not horny at all so I didn't close the deal. I just realized recently that why the fuck do I have these stupid rules? Like, "I got to lose my v-card with a real female" WHY!?!?!?!? it's stupid. I don't even like females that much anymore. and why the fuck would I want to have a chance of impregnating her? No thanks. If I could I'd just fuck trannies. The hardest part is meeting them and finding where they hang out. Not the ones who are looking to fuck for money.

I like trannies. That's who I like sexually. They are the only ones who can make me happy. I don't want kids. I don't need women. All they do is lie, and then trap you with the "I am pregnant with your child". Not saying all, but why go through that shit when I don't even care for them that much anymore? Pointless.

One wise man on sohh once said, whom I didn't even like... "follow your dick". And he was right all along. From now on, I am following my dick. I will still practice approaching women. Since fine trannies are rare as hell, and there is plenty of Transvestites/Cross Dressers in that stripper bar. But I am mos def will keep my eye out on a tgirl and hopefully one day I find one and make her into my girlfriend. I feel so good that I actually went out bar hopping last week. It was the biggest break through I had so far and realized that no one really gives a shit. If someone sees me there, they wouldn't care. I am past the point of where I don't care if people know or find out. I LOVE TRANNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And they will always be part of me.

Friday, July 19, 2013

The Roominator... LoL

just saw this on youtube's ads. was so good, I just couldn't click the skip ad bar.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Why am I destined to be alone?

This is my life!

I read this and everything here is me. From people not giving a rats ass if I am there or not, to me having maybe 1 friend who eventually gets bored of me (remember, my male co-worker that invited me out to hang out at a NYE?), to me being 'different' where nothing mainstream interests me and I don't fit in anywhere.

The funniest thing is, I am the most positive I have ever been and I am still alone with no friends. People still don't care if I go talk to them or not. They just go back to their social circle and gossip. I don't judge anyone anymore, but some people who are negative judge me and find faults with me. I am just gonna paste this here below and stop talking....

Why am I destined to be alone?

I know I post a lot about the same kind of stuff, but I feel like I have a better understanding of the "pieces" of my "puzzle", so to speak, but I still don't know how to "put it all together". I've been doing a lot more thinking, trying to figure things out for myself, and these are the things I've come to realize...

- When it comes to identifying a girl I'd like to ask out, I have zero interest in looks. That's not to say I don't have sexual desires, but they don't kick in at all until after I've fallen for someone. I'm looking more for mental stimulation. When I say "mental stimulation", I'm not necessarily talking about someone that's very heavily minded towards science or politics, or anything like that. I, myself, have very... peculiar outlooks and beliefs, as well as a peculiar sense of humor. Ideally, I want to be with someone that not only understands, but also shares the same peculiar mind. Unfortunately, from what I've seen, it's extremely difficult for me to find someone that's similar to me in that aspect. I don't really "fit in" with any specific group, so it's not like there are specific activity groups I could get involved with that would necessarily get me meeting like-minded people. Again, I consider myself very peculiar; not "better" or "worse" than anyone else, just... different. Honestly, my entire life, I've always felt like I don't really "fit in" with the vast majority of people and groups I come across.

- People, in general, don't seem to "like" me. That's not to say people dislike me; people don't mind me, but they don't REALLY like me. People don't actively try to avoid me, but they don't actively try to include me, either. If I'm "there", people are okay with my presence, but I don't get the sense that anyone ever thinks "I really want to go hang out with/ talk to him!". I constantly find myself in situations where I feel "left out" by people I'd like to spend time with; again, they don't purposely avoid including me, people just tend to forget about me and not think anything of it if I'm not included. Unfortunately, I'll admit, I'm not the funniest, most interesting, entertaining guy. But I try. I really do. I try to make people laugh, I try to think of things to say, but for the most part, it always ends up falling flat, not to mention, going back to me being "peculiar", I often feel like a lot of people don't really "get" me.

Only one time, last year, has someone ever made me feel like they WANTED to spend time with me, WANTED to be around me, WANTED to talk to me, and at the time, that really helped to make me feel like things could be different for me, but it only lasted about a month or two, and then I ended up back "on the outside looking in" all over again.

- On that same note, this makes finding someone to date even more of a challenge. From what I've seen, in order to actually get a date, you have to be charismatic and/ or good-looking. Clearly, as I just said, I'm apparently not charismatic enough for people to want to actively try to spend time with, so that's right out the window immediately. And as for looks, that's something I've just accepted I'll never have on my side. Do I think I'm "ugly"? No. But I'm unusually short, I have the face of a 12 year old boy, I can't seem to properly grow facial hair, and even my voice is a bit high-pitch; overall, I look very much like a "little boy", and girls don't want to date a "little boy", they want to date a "man".

A lot of you guys have pegged me as "negative" in the past, and I never really denied that. But the truth is, I feel like that negativity has only stemmed from pent up frustrations. I don't think I lack confidence, I don't think I project negativity to the world around me. I go out into the world and I try, I try to be positive and do what I can with people, but I ALWAYS come up empty-handed, and those frustrations build up.

So what's the solution? People frequently say "Stop focusing on it so much and just focus on you". And that's fine, that's not bad advice. But I've never really been "focusing on it" as much as my posts would have you believe. Yes, having people in my life (both romantically and platonically) is something I want very, very badly, but I've spent the last several years trying to put my actual energy into other aspects of my life. And really, everything else is going pretty well for me right now. My education and career are on the right track. I have a handful of hobbies that bring me some personal joy in my free time. I'm basically happy with "me", and honestly, I have been for a while. That's why this stuff gets to me, because as much as it may sound like it, I'm not "unhappy" with me, and it's frustrating to be unable to have anyone in my life.

I think I'm a good person, that deserves to have friends, that deserves to find a girl, that deserves to not be as completely alone and alienated as I am. And yet, here I am. Constantly "chasing my tail", unable to figure out why I'm perpetually stuck in this position I'm stuck in. Perhaps some of us are just "destined" to be alone?

Monday, July 8, 2013

Dream Tunnel by Theta Rrealms REVIEW

Around the summer of 2010 I found out about Binaural Beats. One of the first channels I found out about was ThetaRealms. I created a playlist of 7 tracks on my youtube, most of which were from Dream Tunnel album. Then I began listening to this playlist while laying down on my back putting my body to sleep. Then before I knew it, I had my first Out of Body experience within weeks.

I am not saying that Dream Tunnel helped me exclusively because I was also reading a book about OBEs, and doing exercises in it. I also had my first Lucid Dream around that time, and had several of other experiences in my life a year prior to this. But Dream Tunnel has definitely contributed to me achieving an out of body experience. These beats put my mind in an altered state and helped me gain some sort of clarity all in the middle of the chaos I was living in.

These beats could be used for preparing your body to have an OBE/Astral Projection, or while meditating. I just got the album for the first time, and meditated to every single track. My favorites are tracks #1 - Dream Tunnel, #2 - Cosmic Vision, and #4 - Theta Flight. My least favorite is #5 - Magnetic. But ironically, I had an Out of Body Experience the night after meditating to it. I like #3 as well, but it falls somewhere in between all of the tracks together. Either way, I highly recommend Dream Tunnel to anyone interested in Binaural Beats.

4.5/5 Stars

Theta Realm's Dream Tunnel:

Theta Realm's youtube channel: