Tuesday, September 30, 2008

It's my birthday

and i'm doing the same shit i do every year-NOTHING!

nobody is calling me, nobody is e-mailing me, nobody even remembers that it's my birthday other then my mom and her b/f, and i just came from school tired as fuck. i got a burrito for my birthday cuz i asked and it was one hell of a burrito! also got a computer chair and it's the best pc chair i ever seen or sat in (and why wouldn't it be? i picked it!) probably the most meaningful gift i got from my mom, considering i'm always on my computer if i'm not doing my homework.

happy birthday to me, and shout out to trojanman. i hope you enjoy your playstation. oh yeah and i'm thinking of reviewing my book and my audio lecture and then blazing the fuck out for a few before i go to bed. it's my fucking day, might as well do what i want.

Sunday, September 28, 2008


I just caught a glimpse of Apocalypto and it was scary as fuck! it felt like the real tribal times people going back and forth killing each other and cutting the guts out of the stomachs. So i googled it and this came up..


this is interesting as fuck! i remember i used to go to a bible study cuz my Samoan friend i tried to get with ended up being my buddy at school when iD see her at work cuz she worked close by. one time walking home from school we saw each other and she was like you wanna come with me to this place? its where i chill at im like cool.. i kept walking with her to this house and it turned out to be a bible study right. but it turned out to be nothing but fundamentalists.. a bunch of Jesus freaks. so then there was this gay guy who was openly gay and had a boyfriend. so then these Jesus freaks had a bible night and im there right. and this dude Paul i think was the "Preacher" or whatever, the man in charge. so he was reading the passage from his Bible, and at some point came to the part... "and if you are a homosexual, you are going to Hell!" the gay guy got all emotional got up and rushed out the door. my Samoan friend went after him and shit was crazy. then his mom was like "he knows, he knows this but he refuses to acknowledge it! blah blah" i was like dang this dude is trapped in this shit nut house with a bunch of Jesus fundamentalist freaks. hes doomed until the day he moves out. i ran as far as possible from those freaks and same with this democrat politician guy, his guy keeps calling me and shit stalking me im like dude fuck off already!! so after 4 calls i call him back and like 'im real busy lately man, and blah blah blah and yeah i dont support Josh Fag anymore' and hung up. so the dude tried to call me again after that a few days ago im like dude leave me alone ya stalking ass bitch!!! i'm a little high but not too much just a little piece of weed i smoked through my bong. dang its good weed but i need to go to bed now cuz dont wanna stay up on saturday i gotta a monday 8am class gotta go to bed on sunday at least at 12 *crosses fingers i'll be able to do that this sunday*

oh yeah, and about the bible study right. there was this one fat guy and he was real cool. i dont know why but we got along and talked about some deep shit about spritual worlds and stuff (no homo! i know its gay as fuck and this phrase is retarded that wwaas made up probably by some real major fags but i just had to cuz its getting way too gay by the European society's standards.) and then we start talking about why you here and hes on that jesus shit. im like ok and then the convo went somewhere to how "if you get beat up just pray and God will help you." so im like dude you cant be serious if that happens you just take martial arts and thats the only way. so he was like "I knocked a guy out and put him a hospital for 2 weeks. i realized that what gave me that power to do that to another human being?" and i was like thats cool man but not everybody can do shit like that so they gotta take martial arts to get confidence, etc.. so he was like what is martial arts? what do they teach you there? i said something like "inner power" and he was like 'exactly! so i dont wanna mess with that at all. i dont worship idols like in Budha and all that type of stuff is EVIL!" i was like what about psychics? .... "EVIL!" i was like what about soul travel? "EVIL! all you gotta do is pray to God and he will help you." so i was like wtf!? blah blah blah.. blah blah blah blah?? so he went... "I don't care about this life here on earth. i care about what happens after wards" or something. so i went whoa..... same exact line from Autobiography of Malcolm X where he said something like... "The white man told the slaves not to worry about life here on earth, and that he will reward them in the afterlife." some shit like that. and i froze the fuck up like "this is crazy how much the European colonization has effected the society through all the rapes, tortures and the killings of the indigenous tribal people, the enslavement of the Africans, and the forcing their religion practices on the enslaved is still in full effect on the people of today (the fat guy was white btw, there was only one black person in that place-a black elderly woman that came every now and then. and i saw one black dude there he just came and went. never seen him again. sad shit on the fat guy's part and his failure to not get brainwashed.) shit is crazy as fuck and right before i left that paul or whatever the fuck his dumb ass name was said something like "and if you are not a Christian and dont accept Jesus as your savior, you are going to Hell!" and on other nights he would say shit like "can you imagine all those people who didn't accept Jesus?" and people would be shaking their heads like "omg! tragedy!!!!!" so he'd continue.. "they're lost" and shake his head.. after that 'if you not Christian you'll be chilling with Devil' part though i broke the fuck out!! oh man it was crazy. i tried to tell my Samoan friend all this shit of how they enforced religion and all that shit but she wouldn't listen. she still kept going but i dont know what happened after that maybe she stopped im not sure cuz she never told me nothing. we were friends for a while but then her celly got disconnected and thats the last i heard from that girl. she was a cool ass girl though she was big boned and fine.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I got the greatest job in the world but...

it got as much bad as it has its good. i work on campus driving a kart, and it is by far the greatest job i ever had. i get paid to drive! omg, its heaven!! i love driving and even though im quiet and don't talk to too many people i give rides to, i get some joy out of it. so this is the first job i actually get some joy out of, but some people at the office already labeled me a weirdo.

i been working there for a while and basically once people saw how im to myself and quiet, they keep their distance. it's the same "happy" people who always have a nice and fun life. they find other people who are happy, always smile, feel good inside, know what to say, how to joke, and tease others, and become friends with them. now when i come in im on that social awkward shit where i don't even get some of their sarcasm or their teases and take everything literally. other times i just don't know what to say or barely smile cuz i got nothing to smile about so i'm labeled a weirdo.

so the same people who been keeping their distance i just mirror their response and ignore them. they dont acknowledge my presence i do the same shit back. to some of them i dont even say hi to cuz im sick and tired of being treated like shit cuz i grew up different. its funny though cuz some of them already trying to be nice to me cuz they feel guilty or whatever but i dont give a fuck. i've always considered myself a cool guy, i'm cool with everybody but i guess the way i act is abnormal to society's standards so i'm never considered part of the "in" crowd and always on the sidelines somewhere. this is why after i joined the black student union i didn't feel like going there. it would've been the same shit there as it is anywhere i go, only about 100 times more awkward since im white, everybody there is black, and i don't know anybody. i bring that negative, pessimistic, and socially awkward atmosphere everywhere i go. i can't help it cuz it's part of who i am, and i'm not even stressing about it anymore like i used to. my #1 goal is to focus on school and getting my ass outta my mama's house. that's it. fuck those people at my job who think im weird, fuck whoever bases their negative opinion about me without even talking to me and finding out anything about me. i dont give a rats ass as long as i can get an education and get my own money so i can support myself. nothing else matters to me at this point.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Entertainer sonning the shit outta Hoopz

i really hate that bitch. shes a phony ass bitch like she was down with flav she probably thought he was ugly the whole time spending in that house. fake ass phony ass slut got sonned. and entertainer is funny as hell. i really feel his pain talking about living with his parents. shit is straight up hell and im 28 too dang, will be 29 in like 2 weeks. good thing i wasnt on the show for the exposure though..

and new york is another dumb ass bitch

Friday, September 12, 2008

oh shit, i found it!


what video was this???

if anybody reading this i need help. i just saw this video on bet's blast and i dont know the name of it cuz im high as fuck i forgot to look!!!

a few brothers are at a black college dressed in some fraternity gear, and one of them is singing. before he starts the hook keeps going like "dont you say no... dont you say no... etc.." i think he was asking her to marry him and he was saying how "dont you reject me" or "your rejection something" i forgot

what song is this???????????

Monday, September 8, 2008

i got an 8am monday class and im still staying up

shit i just can't stop going to bed late. i thought i was gonna switch up and clear up my act with going to bed late but i was wrong. sunday come and i was just getting blown and staying up again. went to bed at 2:20 when i had to wake up at 6:30.

i think people like me are missing love, cuz i don't know what else it could be. why else would i be staying up trying to fill in that empty feeling inside? it's fucked up because my mom is trying to provide "love" but she does it in all the wrong ways.

LL Cool J said it best and he was right all along. all these thugs fronting like they dont want love in their life are playing themselves. i dont know where to get it or how to get it, thats the thing. shit is hard for a loner. most people just don't know...

Sunday, September 7, 2008

nose bleed and testing that ganja

i was testing that reefer i bought yesterday and it's some strong shit. its mostly sativa cuz i wanted to get a mind high. it will probably last me for a good 6 months or maybe a year. plus i got some left of 1/4th that i bought on July 10th. dang i smoke slow!!

and i woke up at like 5 am with my nose bleeding like crazy. i thought i may die cuz it wouldn't stop even when i put a whole bunch of bathroom tissues in it. it kept bleeding for a good 15 minutes.

deleted my Myspace and bought some ganja

just deleted that garbage ass myspace of mine with nothing on it, and only friends dissipating from it. and bought my first quarter (1/4) dang that shit is big!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Rudy Giuliani sonned the living shit out of Obama!!!

first part of it is Giuliani talking about McCain's experience in Vietnam as PoW. but then at about 5:40 the sonning starts

Part 2

Part 3 - this is what i was talking about when Obama tries to co-side both sides. he just wants votes. how can anybody trust him when he doesn't even co-side with Georgia, a small democratic country under attack? here it is... the "Ether" as you faggots call it in the Spot:

after listening to Palin's speech at the RNC i have gained so much respect for her. she got so many kids and yet her 19 year old son is gonna be going to Iraq soon to fight in this war. WoW! while most politicians are so focused on keeping their kids safe and preventing them from making their own life decisions she's like "if that's what you want, to go to Iraq and fight for your country, then that's your choice."

then i was watching an hour special on Obama on Glen Beck today and it was some heavy stuff. there was this guy David Freddoso on the show who wrote a book about Obama, and a few other people. there is so many fucked up things about Obama's background that most people don't even know because the media loves him, it is truly some scary shit. they mentioned Obama's friends like Bill Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, and how Obama's was not fighting any corruption in Chicago but endorsing some people who were behind it or some shit, i dont remember exactly. but dang, seems like there is just way too many things about this dude to grasp right now. he has no experience in leading anything, and his campaign is all hype. now i admit, most of the things these guys were talking about i didn't understand because it was real deep politics. but they were saying that all these "ill cut 95% of taxes" talks Obama gives and everything else he says is just ridiculous and people must be stupid to believe such things because if he becomes elected it isn't any way possible to do all that fairy tale bullshit he been saying.

so yeah, im gonna leave it at that. the media loves Obama and excludes anything and everything that has negative attached to his name. but then i'll just have to educate myself and find out what's really going on with this guy and McCain, but so far i'm leaning towards McCain, no contest! democrat, republican, we need a leader! not some rookie who needs a week to make the right decision with the help of 20 other politicians to guide him through the process.

and on another hand. i took down that piece of shit Democrat's (the one whose campaign i was volunteering for) sign off the living room window and now use it as my doormat. it feels nice to put my feet on every time i wake up. that is the only place it belongs and i'll make sure to vote for somebody else when November comes. and he had already the guy call me yesterday asking me to call back. haaaaa!! yeah the fuck right. find another sucker to do your dirty work while you exclude him from everything fun and treat him like a slave.

so I passed up free Pussy... again!

today there was this Chinese chick on the bus stop all throwing her hair left and right and to the side... o...m...g!!! i was like fuck!! what do i say and how do i say it? and most of all, all i could think was "i'm 28 and still live with my mama. what if she lives with her family?" i wanted to fuck her so bad and i knew she wanted me just as bad. she was 30ish and i had a boner, and i didn't know where to take it. should i have started talking to her all the way to the Bart station? and then get on Bart, sit next to her, give her compliments and then get her # when she got off? or should i have straight away gave her a compliment or just asked if she wanted to go get a cup of coffee? dang, im just wondering if it's gonna be the same thing when i move out on my own and finally have my own shit, my own car, crib, and life together. will i still make excuses or man the fuck up and talk my way through these reluctant feelings?

and one thing i don't understand is, are girls like her whores??? do they do this shit to every guy they attracted to? or is she just into white guys? and A LOT of Asian chicks are. it's fucked because i have no experience and not even one soul to talk to about this.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

and fuck that piece of shit Democrat politician i was volunterring for!

so as i mentioned i was volunteering for this guy who is running for the district i live in. so i went out to pass fliers, and collect signatures. after he got an office set up i came in to go out knock on peoples' doors, and then came in the office to do phone banking or whatever the fuck it's called. and this idiot was straight cock blocking me!!

there was this one girl that liked me there and i was just chit chatting with her about nothing. and this piece of shit politician was looking at me all serious (while im talking to her) and wouldnt look away. im like why is he straight staring at me while im talking to her, acting like hes part of our conversation when hes not? fucking dumb ass cock blocking piece of shit! how you gonna cock block somebody who helps your stupid ass campaign? you should be kissing my feet and ass you punk ass bitch! then he has people calling me cuz he needs more help. get real! and the only reason why i came there again for phone banking was cuz the guy who calls for help has been really cool with me. dude treats me with respect and even gave me a ride home one time. thats the only reason why i went there. but i'll play his game. ill leave his poster in my mom's living room window, and make him think im still contributing. but next time somebody calls ill be like sorry dude im busy. punk ass cock blocking ungrateful piece of shit ass bitch. die a slow death and ill make sure ill vote for the other candidate when the elections come in november. i dont even know you or what you saying you gonna do. stupid ass.

and another thing that was pissing me off is that i never got an invitation to any of his parties untill the last time i came in there all pissed to do phone banking not even looking at that piece of shit in the eye. then the next day i get an e-mail to some party. fuck you and your party bitch! i was there 2 weeks prior to that and his friend guy was talking to a girl that came in to volunteer about the parties they be putting together. and i was sitting there thinking.. 'shit! why dont i ever get invited and most of all i never even hear about these house parties? wtf!!!' and one time i was talking to him i was asking him about the pics they got on the windows and he was all saying how they all smiling in the pics (when they werent) subliminally implying that i need to smile more. i was just like dang wtf?! so yeah, that's how some people are i guess. they see somebody like me and they label me a future serial killer or whatever the fuck they think, and exclude me from everything. yet when they need something they're the first ones to call me for help. "help me with this, and help me with that" FUCK YOU BITCH! from now on im busy doing my own shit. fuck you and your campaign!

the Republican convention

so i peeped it last night and it was even scarier then the Democratic convention. it looked like a bunch of red necks piled up toghether in the same place. never seen so many red neck looking politicians in my life! dang.. didn't know so many republicans look like that, but now i know. i just wish i could've watched it for a little longer but i had to go to bed cuz i had an 8am class this morning.

and my teacher is pissing me off. he got these topics that he calls the students on, and if you don't know it too bad. i was sitting there all scared and shit cuz im like "i only know what one of those terms mean and it was due process." why do teachers do that shit? why do they feel the need to embarrass their students? i dont get that at all. i feel like im one of the most uneducated, most uninformed people who wouldn't even know the basic terms in the CJ system. so why would you want to embarrass me by having me say "i dont know what that means". shit.. leave me alone you dumb cunt why you feel the need to call on random people when they just beginning to learn the basics and half the class are already on that advanced shit? makes me feel so small like im a baby just learning to walk. every person he called on knew the answer but me. thank God my name wasn't called cuz people in the class probably would be like 'wtf is this idiot doing in a class like this?' i kept his class cuz it's interesting but this is the thing i hate about it.