Cats are the greatest creatures on EARTH!

this Music feeds my Soul

the amount of suffering a certain tribe put German people through, who soon will become minority in their own land... is beyond some peoples' comprehension. once you see this truth, your life will never be the same. I don't know why, but that's all I keep thinking about when listening to this song.

why isn't there more masterpieces like this?




Paganism for life! I was always a pagan, but more of a mutt. I got my Goddess from Egypt. she's been with me for quiet some time. I think it's obvious who she is when looking at my blog... I really need more help, but I feel like I need to take action. She's waiting for me to do this. But it's so hard, especially when you're conditioned to be a certain way. anyway, this song is amazing. even if you don't care about what I just said. there needs to be more traditional music like this of all people. everyone should get in touch with their roots. and white people shouldn't be demonized because they're trying to do it, like everyone else.

my first Ayahuasca experience

I have been wanting to drink ayahuasca for years. but after seeing Metamorphosis, I didn't want to go near that brew with a 10 feet pole. It was hands down the scariest documentary I have ever seen. and believe me, I have seen them all. It was like watching the Exorcist happen in real life. that film completely made me abandon and forget this tea for over a year. I had so much fear just thinking about sipping a cup, it was like my 2012 doomsday scenario all over again.

The hardest part of the experience was the waiting time after singing up for the ceremony, and the counting down of days to the last minute of me drinking that first cup. It was as if time slowed down, and I was being tortured by my own ego with fear and paranoia. I'd wake up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and then being frightened to go back to sleep, thinking about how my first experience was going to be. The entire reason why I really wanted to do this, was because I needed healing. I felt like I needed to suck it up, and go through with it. Because if I didn't, I may be fucked up for the rest of my life. And my entire goal in life, is to grow as much as possible before I leave this place.

I drove quiet a bit to get to the location, and once there I was the scariest person in the room. There was only one other person at the circle who was drinking it for the first time-a lady a little older than me. Everyone else seemed calm, including the lady herself, and relaxed. I was talking about my fears and concerns with everyone I met. What really made me just a tiny bit less scared, was the fact that this wasn't a traditional Peruvian ceremony-which is done in the dark. it was a Brazilian circle instead, with lights on and constant singing. I am very sensitive and was really freaking out by all the crazy visuals I may have been experiencing. That was my biggest fear-going to hell and stuff like that.

1st Night

One guy was assigned to me to be my guide, just in case I get freaked out. And I was freaking out quiet a bit. I was actually quiet calm until it was time to drink the first cup. Then I was getting more and more scared. When it came time to actually drink it, I was frozen, scared like a little girl. I asked for half a cup, and even then it took me about 5 minutes to drink the entire thing, sipping little by little. The taste was bitter and unpleasant, but not as awful as all those people described when going to Peru. I didn't feel anything until I drank the 2nd cup an hour later. 30 mins into the 2nd cup, it really hit me. My first thoughts were "I will never do this again". I felt this sudden rush with ayahuasca going from my hands to my head, until I started to get really woozy and drunk.

I wanted to throw up right away, but it was really hard so could not. I started to moan while suffering. I laid down and started seeing a dark field, with green molecules everywhere with eyes closed. Got really scared of seeing freaky things, and opened eyes. I did not witness anything after that, as we were in a circle singing songs with bright lights on. It was impossible to have visualizations with bright lights, even with my eyes closed. Part of the reason was because I did not purge. The 3rd glass was only half full (not by choice), and I didn't feel much. Music at the end was too loud; impossible to sleep or relax.


2nd Night

The second night was way easier to experience ayahuasca, as I didn't have as much fear but was a little nervous. I realized that I was freaking out for no reason. My fear was of all the crazy stuff I thought would happen to me, but none of it ever did. I just did what my guide, who was absent this time around, told me-"whatever you experience, go through with it."

I was nervous and afraid a little, but drank my first cup without a problem straight away. About 30 minutes later, I could feel ayahuasca flow through my arms, body, and brain. A little further into the ceremony, I got drunk on this vine; it was hard to focus on singing or even seeing and reading the lyrics. I laid down & eventually left the room to get away from everybody and especially lights.

I vaguely saw patterns, but no memorable visualizations. I didn't want to purge at all this time, but cried a little while was in the room with everyone. I gotta say that on ayahuasca, time doesn't exist. At some point, I got lost in the inner world; was laying there for 40 minutes or so without realizing about my body. I was going back and forth like this, escaping into myself having no clue on where exactly I was upon coming back into my body. Just laying there on the couch, with pain and suffering escaping me with each breath I exhaled.

I received the biggest dose on my 3rd cup, and at some point my vision got blurry when I left the room to lay on the couch with dimmed lights. It was hard to see, so I closed my eyes and was just trying to have visuals. But they never came. Once ayahuasca gets into your blood stream, and into your brain, you get intoxicated, and it becomes really hard to focus. All you want to do is lay down.


Ayahuasca was definitely not what I expected. The best way I could describe it, is a warm blanket. It feels hard at times, but cozy in the end. I did not go very deep, but feel like I really needed this. I asked the brew to go easy on me, and it did. A month later, I felt like it cleansed my brain of all the chaos. I was feeling a little crazy at around the summer, like I was on the verge of going insane. Ayahuasca took that away from me completely. After this ceremony, I now understand why Shamans in the Amazon drink it in the dark. It's not because of how some may think that the Shamanic world is "dark" and "evil". But it's mostly because in complete darkness, you could go far more deeper into the experience, and into yourself. I just wish the people at this Brazilian ceremony explained some things to me, like to close your eyes and try to visualize and then hold onto your visualizations. Because if you don't, you won't have any, which was my case. It was as if you were on your own, unless you got assigned a helper like in my case. But it was good for my first time, and I am proud of myself for facing my biggest fears, doing exactly what I wanted to do.

Nerve wrecking OBE

last night I was stuck again. it went from me falling back asleep 4 hours after my nap, and then hearing this annoying sound, to hearing people chatter, to seeing this social gathering very clearly. I tried to project there to see what was going on, but... stuck in my body. keep hearing this loud sound and some sort of buzzing sound. I think it was my shield that I visualized before bed spinning around me. it was really nerve wrecking.

I tried rolling out, nothing. getting up, couldn't. then I see this tunnel in my right vision. not going through it but just witnessing it spinning. then see purple clouds. I felt like I could be in this stage forever. but my fear and nerves got enough of this, so I woke self up. couldn't sleep for 10 mins, cuz I had to calm down first. so I jotted this down in my journal. man I am so frustrated being stuck in my OBEs. it's like, I don't know what to do. I guess I need to practice, but I'm tired of all the Astral Noise when I'm stuck. sometimes it get overwhelming.

Proverbs 22:6

This is the first Bible verse that actually made me say "wow!" this is so legit. every parent should follow this advice. I am the product of a child that was raised to be confused, uninformed with the world, and lack of self-esteem. parents need to do their job, and if they can't... they shouldn't have children. but that is why whites are fucked up these days. many of us don't want to have children. plus, having kids is expensive. and White Genocide just speeds up every generation. even Hitler try to stop it, and gave bonuses to Germans who had children. nowadays all the white German self hating cunts and cucks call this practice "racist". it's now "racist" to not want your own people to survive. this proposal was rejected because




I can't even watch this. it enrages me just thinking about it. women DON'T BELONG IN POLITICS!! THESE MORONS WILL DESTROY US AND OUR WESTERN WORLD SOON! GET THEM OUT OF POWER NOW BEFORE WE ALL PERISH! ITS NOW CONSIDERED "RACIST" TO NOT WANT GERMAN PEOPLE TO EXIST WITHIN 2 GENERATIONS!!! unbelievable. heh... at least I'm not uninformed anymore. I know more of what is going on than most of the world, and especially whites. but people are waking up. anyway, I digress...

Train up a child in the way he should go;
         even when he is old he will not depart from it. - Proverbs 22:6

Meditation and Music helps

I really need to get back into pick-up. I haven't done any approaches in so long, I feel like I lost all my power. I need to keep approaching women. It gives me energy, and makes me feel alive. It's really weird. Approaching women to get with makes me feel confident and amazing as a man.

But anyway, meditation helps to clear the mind. I have been doing it daily for about 2 weeks, and can actually remember my dreams every time I wake up, at least some of them. Even after I stopped smoking weed, I couldn't remember 90% of my dreams anymore. It's like I didn't care. I stopped reading my Seth book, and forgot all about that 2nd life. I also read that people who meditate every day, have Lucid Dreams on the regular basis. I remember back when I was trying to Astral Project, but didn't realize it's a constant work. Working on yourself as a person. Meditation is like food, spiritual food. Just like music

I need more House in my life

so I finally got internet here, my landlord let me use his. he is the best land lord I've ever had. the coolest guy ever and he likes me too. I don't cause trouble and always reserve water, electricity, and am clean, and he helps me out with stuff. anyway. I finally smoked this weekend on my own. I only smoke with a friend when we go out, and we been hitting up the House clubs. We get tipsy, high, and then dance and enjoy the music. not all of it is good, but when it is good, it is good!






I'm taking a break from viewing all the chaos, and the fall of the western world. I'm gonna check the Trump and Islam news at work, and at home watch LOA and self help, affirmation, and Photoshop tutorial videos on youtube. Time to get my life back on track. I need a plan. One plan is to get better at Photography and PS. Then I'm gonna get back into Premier and make a few movies. Then I will get back into pickup, but I'm thinking of doing a plastic surgery first. We'll see. I need to get my life in order, or things for me will never change.

I'm gonna start to meditate too. 20 minutes a day. I think that's not bad. At night before going to bed. I need to make goals and accomplish them. Man life is hard. But the best thing you could do is work work work hard at it. Otherwise, things will never change.

Trump is God status in India

one of the smartest people on the planet, this group...





The biggest holocaust happened in India, in case you didn't know. Muslim cockroaches slaughtered 70 million Indians, and destroyed many of their temples. India is still suffering today as a result of these muzzrats that infested the country. Why doesn't Hollywood make a movie about that? Oh, I forgot, they keep reminding us about the "6 million". So tired of their bullshit..

TRUMP 2016!!!!!!!!!!!

This man is the last hope for America, or possibly the entire western world, to be saved.

OBEs could be scary

I haven't had an OBE in a good minute, because I haven't tried. And also because I am focusing my attention in THIS world, getting all the things I need to survive and be happy. But last night, I was able to induce one.

Lately, I have been able to take naps regularly, and yesterday was no exception. Then a few hours later when it was time to go to bed, I meditated for about 5 minutes, followed by a numbing of my limbs exercise, and some protection visualizations. Then out of nowhere, I hear something falling to the floor on my right. I was about to get up and check, but then realized it's the vibration stage. So I am laying there stuck, can't move and can't see. Everything is black. I could sort of move my astral arms out, but barely. So I ask my guides to please help me with this. And before I know it, I start seeing my room with someone shining blue light towards the direction of my vision. Then I take a look at the ceiling where my window drapes are, and there is a monkey looking right at me! It scared the crap out of me. This is like if you are sitting there in your room doing something on your computer, you turn your head, and see a monkey! a freaking monkey!!! I mean, it's one thing to see a giant spider, but alive animal?? This isn't the scariest OBE I had, but I really need to get used to them, especially when they are very vivid. I used to think that once I learn how to OBE, I would be flying around everywhere, go to Mars, go to other planets, meet aliens, travel inter-dimensionally. But it's not so easy. Fear always gets in the way. And in order to progress, you must face it head on.

This is why I admire Robert Monroe, and how far he went in his Astral Projections. The man is a LEGEND! I will soon read his 3rd book, if time permits.

Manifestations of Life

reminds me of that post I made long time ago where I welcome positivity. but I was living in the midst of the most toxic negative shithole I've ever experienced.

I'm getting back into that mindset, though. and starting to watch videos like this daily, at least try to. I mean all the news stuff and the world blowing up soon is nice, but I need a break from that.

bought a Wii U, found this site.

Bought a Wii U on Friday. The best decision I have made in a long time. Plus, I also bought this DELL monitor, which is the best monitor I've EVER owned. So the timing was perfect! Bestbuy had this sale, so I had to take advantage of it, as console are never on sale. And fuck Black Friday! I hate the crowd . I used to work retail on Black Friday. Luckily, it wasn't Walmart where people are like fucking animals, grabbing anything they could get their hands on.

Anyway, I got Super Mario Wii U and Luigi Wii U in one. Came out on the same day I purchased it, 10/16/15. Luigi game is stupid! It's basically the same thing as the Mario one but levels are slightly altered, some of them, and there is a timer so you gotta rush. But Mario Wii U is awesome! I also got the Mario Kart 8, so I'm gonna go play that and go to bed.

But found this website while browsing on my Wii

http://beforeitsnews.com/beyond-science/2012/01/redux-terrified-woman-from-another-universe-wakes-up-here-1575265.html

This makes me want to get back into Astral Projection. I had one a few days ago, but I mostly smoke weed now. It's hard to sleep for me. Something about this place or the energy here. I never lived in a calm, relaxed, and grounded place. And I am very sensitive to energy, so things in the air are always disturbing me. I remember once there was this being or something watching me. I know because I had an OBE, and once I snapped out of it, I heard this real loud crack in the ceiling, and a second later a car's alarm went off. it was as if this being jumped to ceiling and then flew out to escape and hit the car. This other time, I have this OBE and I open my astral eyes. I see this giant being, looks like a 6'5 feet elf looking at me. He was more curious but freaked me out, so I start blowing air at him so that he'll disappear. I'm all freaked out unable to move. But yeah, all of these parallel realities exist and I've experienced some worlds beside this one. I just need to learn how to sleep without weed, get some money, and travel a little. I wanna see more places here in America and move somewhere where I like the energy. So far, this place has been gotta weird to me. People here are different, not very grounded, and very stand offish.

I'm out. Gonna go play some Mario Kart, and look for other Wii U titles. I wanna find something I could play with other people online. That new Splatoon game seems nice but it's an utter trash since Nintendo doesn't even allow you to voice chat with people. Not the best console for online games, I guess. But I don't have much time anyway. This is my 1st Nintendo since I had SNES 20 years ago. I had the best times with it. And I can see me enjoying the fuck outta this Wii U. I love Nintendo. The only console that makes me enjoy games like a kid, and love every second of life while playing them.

I need to Get Out of Here

I need to leave this room sometimes. I feel like I am in a solitary confinement.

I am not sure what is happening with my friend. last time I heard from her she was like nice knowing you. but i told her she treats me like shit, and I didn't hear back. maybe she really saw how she just treats me like a fucking driver/ATM/personal assistant. so that situation is on hold right now. I thought she'd block me on social sites, something she usually does with people she crossed wrong paths with, but she didn't.

anyway, I never really talk about my personal stuff on here anymore. I know some people who visit my blog periodically are wondering why I have such a drastic change in my blog lately. I just got tired of living out there in the Astral World. I want to learn how to live HERE, and NOW. I want to know what is going on in THIS world. I need MONEY! I don't have shit. And I want to know what is going on as well. So, I am simply searching for the truth in other places. I want to get involved in living this life, and participating in all its dramas. I am tired of existing, watching life pass me by. This is why I got curious about all these things I am bringing to the surface.

But anyway, I need to get out sometimes to keep my sanity. But I hold myself back every time. I am planning on going out literally EVERY WEEK for the past, I don't know, month? I never do. At first I say, okay if I nap I'll go out. I nap, and then just slack around not preparing and going out there. I know my PTSD gets pretty up there, but some days when I get out there, and be around people, I calm down. Get a bear or two, and let lose. But those days never happen. I do my martial arts every day, but mentally I am fucked up. So I am like a little cat every time I leave this room. But I need to walk or something. I put my ayahuasca journey on hold. I don't think I'm ready for that. It's way too intense, and I could really get freaked out. I am very easily scared, and maybe this is not for me at least FOR NOW. I will eventually get there, but I need stability, independence. Maybe it will help me? I don't know. But I feel like I need skills, but nothing to push me to get them. That's why I wanted to drink the brew in the first place. I need motivation, and a life change outlook, but I sit here in my room, letting my fears hold me back from meeting new people, and getting through life.

All this stuff I am learning with Europe crisis and wars, and the poison of religion, etc.. is great. But I got a crisis of my own, and don't seem to pull myself out of this hell hole. I have done constellation workshop, some self-improvement workshops, PUA workshops, did a few hundred cold approaches in day game, but seem to be still stuck somewhere. I only had my own place once, and then I came right back living with my mom. Now my uncle is staying with us because his apartment is being remodeled. At least I talk to him sometimes daily. If it wasn't for that, I'd be in my fucking room watching youtube, checking news, email 20x a day, whether or not someones e-mails me, and try to sleep, which I am almost never successful but weed sure helps me that.

I don't know what  to do. I need money, but I don't have any skill. I am in IT world, but I am a rookie. Some guys have 15+ years of IT experience, and I see them posting on cl bragging, yet looking for jobs. I can really see why people apply to any and all jobs when they're jobless. sticking in one field is a death sentence, will put you out on the street. fuck! I just wish getting money was easier.

I try to do that LOA shit, but I never stick with it. my laziness gets the best of me. How many fucking months I gotta visualize daily, and then what for if I don't take any action? visualizing alone won't make shit happen. I need to get out there and do something daily. But I don't know, lately I been learning some Adobe products, like Photoshop. I am thinking maybe that will help me make some money. But there are so many people who know the basics of PS, it gets me fucked up. everybody has a cam now. you can buy a point and shoot cam 4k for like $600.

I just talked to a "friend" who is a photographer, my old co-worker, and he said many non-pros over-saturate the photography business because they all charge a lot less, and make it impossible for pros. huh... but I am not a pro. so maybe that is what I should do! we'll see. I just don't know the social media aspect of it. I don't wanna put myself out there like that, with my personal pics and how I dress, and where I hang out, etc.. some people don't care. but I am a private person. I googled myself and found my face. scared the shit outta me. that was the last day I had my pic on facebook. I fucking hate that site. it's fake as fuck! should be called fakebook. everybody there is happy, clubbing, getting laid, i hate it!!! but anyway... i'm gonna go now. tired of typing.

I need a community, that's what I think. I am gonna see if I could volunteer more. I like going to a cat shelter, but I am there socializing with cats! haven't done it in a while, but I need to find a place where I socialize with real people! cats could only get you so far...

Kumare - MOVIE REVIEW

This is what happens when an American born Indian creates his own religion, and gets followers to follow him and learn his teachings. I am watching this for the second time, and enjoying every minute of it. Kumare shows you how pathetic religion really is, and that as long as there would be people willing to follow and believe you, you could basically always get paid.

"Kumare" created a bunch of rituals, gestures, song phrases, and had his followers believe every word of it thinking it is real. LOL! This movie isn't as funny as Borat, but it could very well be if you understand its premise from the very get go. I'd highly recommend smoking some ganja to this, and laughing along. Remember, as long as you believe your own bullshit, other people would believe it too. It also reminds me that how sensitive we are as people. If you think, visualize, and imagine the purest form of love inside of you emanating onto humanity and the world, others will feel it and gravitate towards you. This I have experienced for myself. Every thought you have towards others, positive or negative, is felt on a subconscious level. Remember that.

The ending was an excellent closure to this film. Kumareeee Kumaareeee Kummaaarreeee... Kumareee u waa eee u waa eeeee!! haha... 4/5 stars.

Seth, Dreams and Projections of Consciousness - BOOK REVIEW

It's hard for me to review this book after just finishing it, because I have been reading it for almost a year! I started for a while, then put it off. Picked it back up, and put it down again. Just recently, I really pushed myself to finish it. I haven't been reading books lately, and this is the latest one I read.

Starting Seth, Dreams and Projections of Consciousness, really reminded me how much I miss Seth. I really enjoyed Seth Speaks, and remembered how pleasant, comforting, and comprehensive Jane Robert's writing is.

The beginning of the book familiarizes you with Seth, and it gets deeper and deeper. Like many other Out-of-Body Experience / Astral Projection books, this Seth book indicates that you become more psychic as you have more OBEs. You could get insights of people, family members, strangers, etc.. in the OBE states, which you can't get in ordinary life. This has been my experience.

Dreams and Projections of Consciousness isn't a book you read through quickly and easily. This is one of those books that makes you think. I will have to go back and re-read it some day, because many of its ideas and concepts are hard to grasp for the human brain. It is like this part in the last chapter that said something to the likes of; when you have an Out-of-Body Experience, and you go into a really deep multi-dimentional place, as you come back to the physical body, your physical mind is not able to interpret the complex information you were exposed to. It's sort of like people who go deeply into meditation, or drink ayahuasca, and when they come back to this reality, they are not able to explain what they have experienced in words. This book is like that. It really makes you think, and you will find yourself going back and re-reading the same passage multiple times in order to fully grasp its meaning. Here is a good quote:

All experience is basically simultaneous, as I have told you. The dreaming self is aware of its experience in its entirety. You, obviously, are not. You are hardly familiar with your dream experience and barely aware of its significance. (Ch. 18, Probable Selves; Kindle location 4383 of 5610, 78% finished)

I got a little bit confused at some point, asking myself "Is this being written by Rob or Jane?" But Seth touches on a lot of subjects in this book like...

• The Dream World
• The Boundaries and the Confinements of the Dream World
• Dreams and Health
• How to Remember Your Dreams / Develop Dream Recall
• How to Have Out-of-Body Experiences / Astral Projections
• The Rules of the Physical World vs The Rules of the Dream / Astral World
• Hallucinations vs Astral Projections; How to Distinguish Them and Clear Hallucinations out of the Way
• Probable Realities and Probable Selves
• Thought Forms
• Different Bodies (Dream Body, Astral Body, etc..) Seth Calls these 1st Form, 2nd Form, and 3rd Form
• Astral Projection Stories

and much more.

Seth answered my main question, and the question of many other OBE travelers, "Is it safe to leave your body?"

You are safe as long as you do not meddle. You may explore, and freely, and that is all. (Ch. 20, More on Dream Projections; Kindle location 4820 of 5610, 86% finished)

If you are interested in Out-of-Body Experiences / Astral Projections, if you have lots of questions about it, as well as about the Universe beyond our physical world, this book is a must read! I highly recommend reading this book in a chronological order. It starts out slow, especially if you aren't familiar with Seth, but it gets better, and better, and then it just explodes in an orgasm at the end. The end is the best part where Seth goes into detail about Out-of-Body Experiences / Astral Travel. The last chapter was excellent, and the very last paragraph was poetic and an absolute classic way to end the book. I have never read a book with this good of an ending. 4.5/5 stars. A book MUST HAVE for Out-of-Body travelers and explorers, right next to Far Journeys.

Psychic Presidential Predictions

It would be interesting to view this video AFTER the elections, and see if this guy was full of shit or spot on... time will tell

Lucid Dreaming Tea

I ordered the "Guayusa & Coconut" one, since I love coconut. And surprisingly, it tasted awful. Not the Guayusa itself, but the coconut, which was grinded into a powder. I found myself dipping the bottom part of Guayusa in the hot cup, trying my best to leave out the coconut mixing in with the tea. I drank it every morning, and even before bed, and I don't remember any significant differences of having any sort of Lucid Dreams. I had Lucid Dreams or Out-of-Body Experiences only when I took naps (was doing reality checks every 15-30 minutes). I also googled Guayusa, and didn't seem to find any of its properties being 'inducing a Lucid Dream', or anything like that. Maybe the guy just created the "Lucid Dreaming Tea" name as a business slogan. I don't know. I got a free sample of "Guayusa & Rooibos", which tasted much better. I wish I would've ordered that initially. Anyway, this herb wasn't anything where it induces dream like trances or even helps you to be more awake in your dream. This was at least my experience. If you tried this tea before and had different outcomes, please share them. Thanks. http://www.raisingmyvibrations.com/lucid-dreaming-tea.html

Trippy Tunnels & Spirals

I'm gonna check these out after smoking some when I get home. Terrance McKenna was talking about these when he took 2 really strong hits of DMT, going through a tunnel, thinking that he died.

420 Numerology

okay, so I've been seeing the usual numerology with triple numbers. Just seen 1:11am an hour ago. 222, 333, all the way to 999. I see these numbers frequently. But lately, all I've been seeing is 420.

It got so crazy, that after I got home from work today, I am standing looking outside the window. Then I say to myself "I'm gonna smoke". I look at the clock, and it's 4:20. I laughed out loud. it was actually 5:20, but the time has changed and this one clock didn't. so I saw this number.

I've been seeing 420 everywhere for a while now. gonna go do some research on what it means now. and I know it doesn't just mean to smoke ganja.

reason why I stopped trying to Astral Project

the reason why I stopped trying to have OBEs, Out-of-Body Experiences, Astral Projections, Out-of-Body Travel, and whatever you want to call it, is very simple. I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH IN-BODY-EXPERIENCES!

I gotta say, all my life I have been fascinated with Astral Travel. Ever since the first time I found out about it, I was hooked. What is it? Where can I go? Can I visit other worlds, or other planets? Can I meet aliens? Can I visit my ancestors? The possibilities are endless. But the problem is, I haven't lived HERE. I spend all this time thinking and trying to go THERE.

Let's see. I am 35, I have almost no friends, I just lost my virginity, I still live at home with my mom, I don't have a career, I do drive and have a car so that's a good thing, I don't have a girlfriend, I have so-so social skills, I don't know how to make enough money to move out on my own and get my own place. And after all of that, I am trying to escape this reality? Sounds like I am just running away from myself and my circumstances. Now, all of these things I am dealing with are changeable and doable. BUT I HAVE TO LIVE HERE IN THIS REALITY!!! I can't accomplish any of these goals I want to if I spend all my energy studying how to go out 'there' instead of learning how to be 'here.' This is why I stopped trying to have OBEs. Ironically, though, I still have them from time to time. I am half way of reading my latest OBE book, and I haven't touched it in months.

The thing with Astral Projection is, once you have one, you will always have them. you could have Lucid Dreams, or even regular dreams, but once you have an actual Out-of-Body experience, which is quiet different, you will keep having them. Whether you'd have one every week or every month, that all depends. But you will have them. Ironically, I had one last night without even trying. The thing, naps are crucial. And I tend to have an OBE when I take a nap during the day, and fall asleep a few hours later.

But yeah, as I said already. I am focusing my consciousness in THIS reality from now on. I have so many things I need to learn as you could already tell. It's impossible to attain all these needs and desires, if you spend all your time trying to learn what it's like to be in the spirit world. Robert Monroe had his first OBE when he was 43, and correct me if I'm wrong, he already had a house, a wife, and was a successful businessman. Now, if I had my life put together like that, HELL YES I WOULD TRY TO OBE! I would try to OBE every night. But I can't be putting all my energy into this, when my life here on earth, in the 3 dimensional space, is out of order. I spend more time trying to leave my body, then to learn how to be in it and find ways to make money. I need money. I really do. At this point in my life, I never thought I would ever care about money. I always knew that money isn't everything, and that money can't buy real friends or real love. But boy is money important in our world. How am I going to survive without money if I want to move out on my own?

And without money, how am I going to travel? I want to travel. I want to visit other states. I want to make friends. I want to explore THIS world. I want to learn Portuguese real well and travel to Brazil at some point. I want to visit the Amazon. I want to go to Thailand. I want to visit New York, which has been a dream of mine for so long, I almost feel like it will just be that, a dream. So many things I want to do on this planet, that I waste all my time trying to not be here. I understand I am miserable and not happy, but I can change all that. I know I can. But it won't happen if all I do is spend my free time trying to leave this reality, when I never perfected it. Once I perfect it, then I'll have an excuse to learn lessons in the Astral World. Until then, I need to find how to learn my lesson in this one. After all, that's why we are all here, to learn the lessons we came here to learn.

Up All Night in a Hotel Room

So I just woke a few hours ago, at around 4pm. Me and my new Tranny friend decided to get away in a hotel for the night.

The first plan was to get away for the whole weekend to Half Moon Bay. She never been there, and said she was open. But then when she never got back to me by Thursday, I started to feel like she is too busy doing her escort job than wanting to hang out. I started thinking about all of my past experiences, and that she is probably like everyone else. Then I thought it’s over between us, as people tend to leave me over time. So, I didn’t text her until I heard from her on Friday. She said she’s free that night, but the next day she was going to be busy.

I wanted to get together with her and tell her that this isn’t working out, and that I don’t feel safe doing stuff like rimming her when she escorts for a living. But when we met up, her vibe was just amazing! I completely forgot that she is such a good person.

I decided to get us a local hotel room near the beach.

Hanging out with her was possibly one of the greatest nights of my life. At first, we were like ‘okay, we’ll stay up till 2, or 3’. Then before we knew it, we’re up till 5 am. Just laying there holding each other, watching videos, movies, etc.. talking about all sorts of things most people would find weird, and outrageous.

We talked about names and how both of us changed ours, and how much of your personality could change due to you changing your name. I am actually looking to change mine again after having this conversation. I told her about my Egyptian Goddess, and she told me about her Aztec God. Spirit Animals, ayahuasca, etc.. just a lot of unconventional stuff.

I realized how challenging her life is. She has to pay rent, health insurance, and also work her regular job outside of doing her escort services. She is not like a street hooker at all, takes great care of herself, eats healthy, and even meditates. I kinda regretted taking a few hits from her joint after getting nervous. I realize more and more that weed is just not for me, or at least I need to learn how to be calm when I smoke it.

The whole night was just amazing. I realized that I made a real friend this time. She is a loner, like me, and is very open. I mean, I meet some open-minded people. But she is just unlike anyone I’ve ever met, and has a completely non-judgmental personality about life, sex, etc.. It’s rare I meet someone like her. She wants to do a full surgery and get a pussy. I said that everything about her is beautiful, and she shouldn’t change a thing. It’s amazing how some people just have body features that aren’t of their gender. Her ass has this natural, feminine, and curvy shape. Even she has ass implants, she told me that she has always had the curves. It’s just unbelievable. If you’d see her walking around half naked, you’d think she’s a girl. I was surprised to hear that when she was a stripper in Tijuana, she was making a $1,000 per night with men thinking she's a real woman.

Everything about that night was showing me good signs, including numerology. We’re walking past hotel rooms, and see room 222, going to a gas station to get some water; the gas price says 3.33. Looking at her phone clock and it shows 4:44. Then we walking back to our hotel room, and see triple numbers AGAIN. She says to me, “something is happening right now”… This wasn’t like any other night. We want to get together again soon. Not sure when that will be, but hopefully soon.