Saturday, April 24, 2010

This place has a lot of negativity

right before I moved here I was telling my roommate how "wow, Jose is not mad at me for moving". Jose was my last landlord and he is a really cool guy. And my roommate said "why should he? it's nothing personal. just business". Now I told my roommate I am moving out on May 1st and he was cool at first, but now he doesn't talk to me. He still says hi, but he never talks to me like he used to. They already moved all my stuff out of this cabinet in the kitchen that was for me without telling me. It is obvious he is mad. What a hypocrite. He is mad I won't be paying his rent next month and no one will put up with this bullshit so he doesn't even bother to post ads for the room. No way I'll be sacrificing my sleep and well being for his money. It's not happening.

Also, I been so positive lately. I do my daily affirmations, and shielding. But just today I got home from looking at a lot of places, laid down and started watching Burn Notice. All these negative thoughts came running to me "what if I don't find a place by May 1st?" "what if the place you found, the landlord lady screws you over?", etc.. I was like wtf? I do the affirmations but the thoughts keep on coming. I been real calm until today. It was until I got home from being out looking at many singles and shared apartments.

My roommies fight almost every morning. They haven't fought since he told her "if you don't stop this, I'm leaving you. I am way too young to be with someone like this. etc.." I wake up in the morning at 6am with or without noise WHEN I HAVE MY EARPLUGS ON. Either because I am conditioned not to sleep or it's just all this negativity in the house. It's chaos. But I found 2 places to chose from. If this other one don't work out I go and fill out the app for this other. Both singles so no more roommates. Will see what happens. All this chaos happening and baby crying every morning gave me so much motivation to look for a place I never thought it would be me running around town doing this stuff. I am someone who is almost apathetic to everything because of my overprotective mom. But I'm grateful for this situation. I learned a lot from it and should be outta this place by next Saturday.

Kesha - Your Love is My Drug

This song rules

Friday, April 23, 2010

I can see some peoples' spirits

so yesterday, I walk over to use a phone that's next to my black co-worker. she turns her head towards me and after like 5-10 seconds I kept seeing her face in my mind. Then I was like OMGGG. I swear... the best example I can give is Casper from the movie. she has these young and "what's that?" features, big eyes, like she is a young spirit. like she is curious and learning things for the first time. call me crazy but I think this is either her first, or one of the first incarnations.

Also, this Asian co-worker I got is SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME. I don't know why but I think my energy drives him nuts. He never talks to me, always avoids me, and when my supervisor tells him to train me he acts real nervous. Today I walked over to talk to my boss and he was there. He started to walk around in circles as I was talking to her. hahahahhaahha. I remember back when I was doing Kung Fu, my sifu told me "you have good energy". And he was like a sensey. NOBODY could beat him. literally, no one who ever challenged him beat him yet. He was the type of master who could feel everyone's energy in the room. So what he said kinda stuck with me. And this Asian co-worker never looks me in the eye.

It's crazy how powerful shielding is. I been shielding for over a month and could care less what others think of me. My old self was so fragile. Before when that Asian guy would ignore me I would get so mad, almost furious. I would be like "fuck! why is he ignoring me and talking to everybody else?" I would think about hurting him, try to ignore him back, or give him attitude back just to try and hurt his feelings. Now it's like... WHATEVA BITCH!!! I was laughing seeing this guy act all paranoid and scary around me. It's just FUNNY! This guy either lynched my ass in previous lifetime or he is some dark entity. Either way, I don't care! LOVE IT!!!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

to Paz' reply on "escapism"

"space, honestly, i think you need to stop with the escapism. it's not helping you at all. in fact, it's making you worse. the whole mediation thing was cool. now you're talking about vampires and energy space and shit. like seriously dude.. i think that you're displacing all your energy into other shit and just avoiding the issues in your life that are bothering you the most.

instead of just submitting defeat to your problems and giving up, it would be better for you to still confront them and have hope. this shit isn't the right way to go about it, dude. seriously... all this shit about vampires and world of warcraft could go into looking for friends and women. for real.. you are clearly avoiding the issues and digging a deeper hole for yourself. i'm not dissing you or anything but for real though.... i think you're trying way too hard now. it's actually coming off like you're mental, dude."

first off, this isn't the "new" me. I have met 2 energy Vampires in my life. the first was my roommate back in San Francisco, this is the second. and I'm sure I been around many vampires, but I never noticed them or was around them long enough to find out the truth. I am very sensitive to energy, and can pick up on things most people aren't aware of. this isn't ALL THE TIME, but it is when I need to protect myself from certain individuals, or when it is meant for me to know something.

why are you worrying about issues in my life? and what do they have ANYTHING to do with this? and actually, I AM working on SOME aspects of my life and fixing the issue on me being a negative person. I am doing daily affirmations, meditation, and other things I'm into that I don't talk about.

and second, I'm not "trying" at all. it is just something I see, and feel. If you woke up tomorrow and could communicate with the other side, the spirits and your ancestors that have passed on, would that mean you would be "avoiding the issues in your life"? no. some people are just gifted with certain senses or abilities. I am someone who could spot Vampires. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing. And just because you are an atheist and don't believe in anything outside of this 3 dimensional world, doesn't mean that things aren't there. all of these "none of it is true" mentality you have, it's all in your head. it's not how life, or death is. what do you know about spirituality? how many books have you read on the subject? so yeah. keep thinking I'm mental, but I'm just saying what I see. just because I wasn't talking about this back when I made my blog, doesn't mean I wasn't aware of all these things.

"don't take it the wrong way, homie. i'm trying to tell you this from a homie's perspective. the only thing you're doing is proving these motherfuckers that are hating on you right when you submit to fail and shit. nawmean... sure, you may not be happy with yourself right now and shit but you can work on it though step by step. you can put all that shit into time buying new clothes, going to the gym, trying to i guess better yourself but not this shit with vampire hunting."

huh? I am doing a lot of positive shit. I visualize protective shield around me daily. despite of what you think, or believe, IT ACTUALLY HELPS ME TREMENDOUSLY ON NOT CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT ME! who is doing "vampire hunting"? I'm just avoiding this energy sucking leech like the plague.

you know... there were times back in our history, when people like me would get lynched/executed/burned at the steak. people who were into magic, who were psychic, could communicate with spirits, etc.. would get killed for being "different."

and this is my choice. I choose to be spiritual, to meditate, to ask my spirit guides to bring me closer to them and let me complete the whole purpose for why I chose to come to Earth plane for. keep thinking I'm "mental". I don't care. funny thing is, the more I ask my guides for the right path, direction, and information about spiritual realms and beyond, the more they bring it to me. I have discovered so many sources of information lately, I honestly don't know where to start.

from the looks of how deeply I'm getting into this stuff, a few months to a year from now I don't think you'll even be visiting my blog. you'll be thinking I'm one of those people who are "out there" or lost my marbles. it's cool though. keep hating yourself, looking down on yourself, talking about killing people, and do all that other negative thinking (you are the one who chooses to think this way. fuck all the excuses for what you've been through and what has happened to you in the past. I REFUSE TO BE A VICTIM!), and all the other things you let get to you. me? I don't let 1 negative thought get into my head, and if it does I make sure to steer it towards the positive direction with affirmations.

Yeah, I have a lot of issues I still need to work on. But what is the best place to start but within yourself? positive thinking is the first step to making any positive changes in your life in my opinion, especially if you are a negative and miserable person.

p.s. how is your "getting laid this year" mission going? got any chicks yet?

Monday, April 12, 2010

funniest WoW forum momment

this is one of them...

basically this guy lost a duel to another and started talking crap. then it lead to him claiming he was gonna fuck him up outside of the game

i was laughing pretty hard reading this. it was around 2008 when i joined LK...

2 years later.. i'm still laughing each time i read this... LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!

i got tears rolling down my eyes from laughing so hard every time i read a quoted comment of these 2 guys whose posts got deleted by staff. and then the other people sonning them.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I told the Vampire off

omg this energy sucking vampire just WOULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE! No matter how bad I visualized my shield he would just come up to me at least once a week, break my energy focus on whatever i was doing like say i got my headphones listening to the radio. he would just tap on my shoulder and ask me the dumbest question in the universe like.. "have you seen our supervisor?" like... I BEEN SITTING HERE FOR THE LAST 2 HOURS ON MY COMPUTER WITHOUT LOOKING ANYWHERE TO THE SIDES HOW THE FUCK WOULD I SEE OUR SUPERVISOR YOU DUMB SHIT? STOP BOTHERING ME!!!!!!!!!! so i was like okay... i gotta tell him to leave me alone because maybe i barely sleep and maybe thats why my shield isnt as strong. today i woke up at 5am had 5hours of sleep and i feel weird. i was out grocery shopping and felt very fragile. my eyes all watery and its like my shield is weak. i need sleep, but hard to get it at this place. im still looking for a place that asian guy fucked me over and turned out to be a some crazy nut.

anyway, i told the vampire... "don't talk to me". it was some brave stuff to say cuz im Libra. Libras are "nice" to people. we feel weird being rude in any way. maybe he knew that and saw it in my energy field, and took advantage of it. not no more. you cant fucking say a word to me now because i told you to leave me alone, bitch. fuck off and stop sucking on my energy. go find some other victims at work. all those people who never talk to me, go to them cuz you cant come to me anymore.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

She makes so much sense...

that it's not even funny.

a big part of my life I had this problem with women. they would just treat me really badly and I never figured out why.

I already done some rituals to cleanse my body of negative energies. I typed up all the poison that was in me and needed to get out. then printed the paper, wrote some more negative things that are inside me and that i want to get rid of. took it in the back, asked the Universe to take this negativity away from me and send it back to the lower realm where it came from, and then burned the paper. There is a lot of more stuff I need to do to work on myself and cleanse all the un-wanted energy in my body.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

I found a place!

OMG... today was almost unreal. I been looking for about a week for a new place and today was the last day because if I didn't find it today... I wouldnt look anymore. It was because I made a deal with my roommie that I'll give him a 30 day notice and I'm a man of my word. As crazy as that sounds that's something that I am in terms of my character. My word is everything. If I said something, there is 10 outta 10 that's how it will be. Most people say that bullshit they hear in Scarface but their words dont mean SHIT!

Anyway, this one place I thought to myself "I'm gonna see it, and it will be the last place. If i don't like it... 2 more months of hell"... I go there and it's like a movie. Everything is quiet, peaceful, it's THE NICEST PLACE I SEEN EVER! and the roommate is real chill & laid back. Neighborhood makes me feel like I'm in LA you see in movies and not some hood where they play loud music with base at 2am on Saturday night.

I been asking my spirit guides every single day before my meditations to please help me find a place with peace & quiet, as well as where I can get some sleep! I didn't have a good night sleep in so long I don't know what that feels like. Every morning the baby starts crying OMGGGGGGG. I wanna die. I wear earplugs and I STILL WAKE UP because it's so loud. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

I left that new place like ..... "is this real?" am I actually going to move away.. from this chaos.. the crying... the pothead parents fighting damn near every morning and I gotta put up with this crap? Am I dreaming?

I really hope this is the place I can live in and be able to meditate, sleep, and exist in PEACE. It got to be...