Sunday, October 15, 2017

I'm in prison

every fucking weekend it's the same shit. I stay home all day. I may go out to buy food or clothes, but outside of that, I am stuck in my own routine of doing absolutely nothing. you know.. I actually enjoy weekdays a lot more. yes, I still have no friends to hang out with and yes I am still miserable, but at least work keeps me occupied and sane. I feel like i am in prison. damn life is hard.  dont know how to break this pattern.

my biggest fear is to be stuck like this living with fear unto my 50s and 60s. with all my family gone, and me not having anyone left, who will look out for me? I stopped going out again cuz I dont really approach women 98% of the time when I do. I just get drunk and high. oh well. idk what to say. I'll just exist in this dimension of misery and hate every minute of it. Don't know how to do anything else. I've never actually lived this life. just existed.

Friday, October 6, 2017

PewDiePie is Funny as Fuck!

trolling the fuck outta Pepsi. and their commercial was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life!! some of his videos are cringe, though. like the one with his girlfriend... I still get shivers. Hey, this new place I moved into is more quiet. so much so, I feel it's too much. I wanna talk out loud sometimes. but its like a sanctuary here. it's good. peaceful. but too much. oh well, better than last place. PewDiePie respects whaamen!

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Ex Machina was good

my god. movies are so bad nowadays. I rarely watch any. but came across Ex Machina after watching Internet Historian latest video. the movie was awesome, and I wish every movie was like this. had me captivated the whole time, when 98% of movies I watch I go ADD. that's not even mentioning all the NWO propaganda that's being pumped into us by Hollywood. I'd say 9/10, because the ending I didn't  particularly like, unless there is a sequel...

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Steve Jabba is awesome

Pick-up is like meditation. but let's be real here. Jabba is a good looking guy. that helps a lot. looks DOES matter. anyone tells you it doesn't is full of shit...

Saturday, September 2, 2017

when will I start living?

I am 37 years old, soon to be 38, and I have never lived my life. I've always just existed, like a leaf floating in mid air, going towards any direction the wind blows.

I haven't been blogging lately due to several reasons, but this is one of them. when will I start living? will I go through life until it's my time to leave being miserable and lonely? I am just tired of blogging about the same shit, complaining about the same thing. and I give up so much. I really want to to get back into pickup but feel like I cant do this alone. its so efing hard. plus i really wanna move outta Cali. people here are so passive aggresive, its like they dont wanna be talked to. but i need 2 travel first to see the rest of US but im scared.

anyway. just wanted 2 let that off my chest. its hot af today. gonna go finish exercising and shower. maybe go to the beach..

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

headache woke me

cluster headache woke me 50 mins ago at 2am. went up so severe to 8-9 that eventually my whole left sinus side was full. sometimes I wonder if headaches are caused due to so much energy of a person's soul it cant hold it within one body so it leaks out through headaches. just a thought not sure is based in reality. im just glad af its over, bit i still feel 2-3 scale remnants. this pain hurts so much omfg.. dun wish it on my worst enemy.

Thursday, August 3, 2017