what makes me really upset and sad, is that the only time people see 'us', the Elliot Rodgers, the George Sodinis, and all these other loners, creepers, weirdos, or whatever people usually label us, is when there is an extreme case like this. This sort of incident makes it much harder for us, because when people see loners, and people who just don't 'fit in', they automatically think we're all a bunch of serial killers, which isn't the case. Let me explain.
I came across this news story coincidently since I don't even watch tv or listen to the news anymore. Then I googled it, I saw this video
notice how most of the comments there are negative directed at this kid. Now think about this for a second. most of Elliot's life was probably filled with these SAME KIND OF PEOPLE spewing negativity at him, whether it was verbally, non-verbally, or physically. I can attest to this, because I am a loner. I am an 'outcast', someone who never fit-in with the 'in-crowd', and all the cool and popular kids. Even after gaining social skills by breaking through my fears, I came to a realization. No matter how much I push through my fears, no matter how much I get out of my comfort zone, approach people, strike up convos and take initiative, some people will NEVER accept me based on who I am. I am of course talking about the "normal" people. People with friends, people with lives, people with girlfriends, people with boyfriends, people with social circles, people who see 'different' as 'bad' and 'normal' as 'good'. These people have been always and are constantly giving me a hard time. from all these comments towards Elliot in the link above, one really stood out for me...
I dont want to sit here at my computer and pass judgement.....just want to say this is a shame, lives lost over an injured ego.....so pointless. Like I've always said....be kind to every one you meet....who knows what horror you'll avoid by not enraging the wrong person. Man do i feel for every family involved in this.
This man knows the TRUTH! If only every human being was as wise, and as intelligent as this man, the world would be a better place. Every time you make someone who is 'different' feel like they don't belong, like you are better than them, even when you silently judge them, that anger builds up. It builds up, and builds up, and builds up, until it explodes in an enormous chaotic event. And when it happens, who do you usually blame? The culprit, of course. The same kid who you scorned, ridiculed, mistreated, and judged for being different. I'm not saying the kid like Elliot Rodgers didn't have a choice of his own to go out like he did, but you have contributed a whole lot whether you know it or not.
Let me explain something about people like me and Elliot Rodgers. And before I do, I want to make it clear that I am NOT defending his actions. It was his choice and his choice alone to do what he did. Most of us loners don't and would never go out that route, but some do because they are too young and too lost without anyone there to even talk to, let alone explain anything about this crazy ass world. I went through high school mostly alone, I went through college alone as well. I constantly saw these happy college kids that get together, have parties, get laid, and have the fun of their lives. I didn't attend a single college party because I was so shy and quiet. And everybody always treated me like a weirdo, when I was always a good guy who had no sort of negative feelings to any person I came across. But why, you ask? Why were you so weird and different? My upbringing and my environment that I grew up in. Why else? I'll summarize it real quick, but if you want an in depth peek into my world read my George Sodini post, where I talk more about my family. I grew up with an inferiority complex because my mom would always criticize me. I was constantly told that "you're just like your daddy" in a condescending way. My uncle, whenever he was around, would constantly tell me "everything you touch, turns to shit". All of this played a huge part of my development and my problems relating to other people. But it doesn't stop there. My father who divorced my mom when I was 4 years old, never connected with me. Maybe because he just didn't know how. But he would always be absent in all the ways other than physical. He would be sort of like a living ghost. He'd watch tv with me, go to soccer games or concerts with me, but never have any sort of meaningful bond, conversations, or a relationship with me. "Hey son, how was your day at school? Did any guys bother you? Do you like any girls at your school? Ahh... when I was your age, I had a crush on..." This NEVER happened. I don't even know what it's like to have a father who talks about this sort of stuff with me. It was always the opposite. He was there physically, but absent in all other ways. When I had problems in school with other boys, or going through anything at all, I dealt with it ALONE. My mother didn't understand boys and I was the only child, so I was basically ALONE emotionally, psychologically, and literally.
When I grew up, this followed me all through high school, college, and even into the 9 to 5 where I can hardly build any bonds with other men, or people in general, and at this point don't even want to. And this is coming from someone who is not so socially awkward like I used to be. I got hired for this current project I am working on because of my people skills, just to show you how much I've grown. And after all those years of working on myself, I am still considered a weirdo by the normal crowd. A few days ago one co-worker entered our room where me and my team were working on computers. He started chatting with the popular guy whom everyone likes. After some chit chat, he asked the popular guy "how many girls you smashed at this job?" That really got me thinking "how come he never asked me that?" It's almost as if these normal people who've had normal lives know on a sub-conscious level that I am an incel, and don't even have sex. It's more fascinating to me at this point than anything, humans and how psychic we really are.
Ironically, I have just finished reading Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. And one part that really stuck out for me when looking at my upbringing and all the criticism I've received from my family members when growing up. It's two paragraphs from Chapter 14 - How to Outwit the Six Ghosts of Fear.
"The fear of criticism robs man of his initiative, destroys his power of imagination, limits his individuality, takes away his self-reliance, and does him damage in a hundred other ways. Parents often do their children irreparable injury by criticizing them. The mother of one of my boyhood chums used to punish him with a switch almost daily, always completing the job with the statement, 'You'll land in the penitentiary before you are twenty.' He was sent to a reformatory at the age of seventeen.
Criticism is the one form of service, of which everyone has too much. Everyone has a stock of it which is handed out, gratis, whether called for or not. One's nearest relatives often are the worst offenders. It should be recognized as a crime (in reality it is a crime of the worst nature), for any parent to build inferiority complexes in the mind of a child, through unnecessary criticism. Employers who understand human nature, get the best there is in men, not by criticism, but by constructive suggestion. Parent may accomplish the same results with their children. Criticism will plant fear in the human heart, or resentment, but it will not build love or affection."
In no way am I blaming my parents for my problems in life, but just trying to shed light to all the people who completely and thoroughly don't understand us 'weirdos' who simply had a different upbringing than them.
What really makes me mad, is when someone with everything judges me, someone with nothing. A guy who has a girlfriend, friends, good family and support system, people who are there for him when he needs help, advice, an opinion, someone to sort things out with him, judges a guy who has NONE of it. It really hurts when I witness this. And I witness this a lot in life. So many ignorant men pass judgments on me, most of the time silently and non-verbally, especially in these years, when they have more things in life than I ever had. You can just watch this video, and see Donnelly express this very same pain I am expressing right now...
So the next time you feel the need to judge and put down those different than you, realize that they are people just like you. People with needs and wants, and dreams, and fears. This has absolutely nothing to do with race. I am white, but I had white people treat me badly, black people treat me badly, Latin people treat me badly, and all in between. And some of those are the same men who scream racism while looking down on me probably because of my skin color thinking I have 'privilege', when my struggle is of a totally different breed. Oh, but they can't be racist because they are a minority, right? What a crock of bullshit! But I wished nothing but love to them, when they offered nothing but hate, and negativity in return.
The way things look nowadays, I really don't see any hope for people changing and rising above their ignorance. It may happen, but sadly not in my lifetime. All I see is people looking at others and already pre-judging someone thinking that the problems they themselves go through are more tough and important than the next man, with whom they have never even spoken with. It is sad, and depressing, but it is the current world we live in. Instead of helping others and trying to find the root of the issue, our society looks at the surface and passes judgments on those it doesn't understand nor align with.
But regardless of what people say or think about me, I will continue to educate myself, meditate, and strive to get better. I will change and grow until my deathbed, constantly looking for ways to improve, expand, and push my limits.