Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Super Trooper Pick-Up

I really wanted to post this in the previews entry, but forgot all about it. Might as well post it right meow. haha!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Sunday, June 24, 2012

I am so discouraged with life

like right now I feel like an utter failure.

okay, so the girl texted me and said she is sick so there was no date. ill call her on thursday and see whats up with her. i think she likes me but who knows wtf is going on with her. ill put that on hold for now.

but for my situation in life is just a mess. where am i going? what career do i see myself in? i honestly dont know. i am looking at jobs in the IT field and my head is spinning. sooooooooooooooo much stuff going on. software programming, scripting, linux, SQL, servers, html, iPhone/iPad repair, networking, and i dont know 95% of it! sure i could repair a computer using google, or install windows. all i really got under my belt is my A+ certificate. thats it.

so i got this internship, ironically is how i met that chick. if it wasnt for this internship, i would not have seen her. and it really stinks. the company pays me $10 but thats good because i get experience. but basically they told me i got 3 months and after that if they like me they hire me. but even then the pay would be $13 to $16/hr. so wait... how am i supposed to move out from my mom with that kinda income? the thing about this internship is that they dont teach the interns how to repair anything. we are just doing mindless tasks like taking pictures, preparing items, taking out hard drives and/or LCDs out of laptops (the best thing in the internship). so at the end, i dont learn any skills i could use at other jobs. not the type of skills most companies want anyway. however, they DO teach iPhone repair... BUTTTTTTT they teach that to someone who've been 6 months to a year with them... so i gotta stay with them, get paid nothing, stay with my mom, and after that IF they keep me i get to learn how to repair iPhones? i dont know man.. i am just really tired. what am i gonna do in life?

down at my local walgreen there is this guy working there. he is fairly young and i can see myself in him. so basically, he works in that store, pays his bills, and has his own spot (okay maybe roommates). but he has his own life. should i go his route? sshould i just find any job and move the fuck out? i really dont know wtf to do. meeting women is hard because of this. how am i gonna tell that girl my situation? eventually i will have to. it's like... i dont know where i am going in life and especially in my career. things are so complicated these days and i dont know the half of it. i cant fucking program or script. in fact, i HATE IT! sitting at the computer typing up characters that are weird and obscured. and on top of it i am so lazy. looking for jobs is hard enough, but looking for jobs that i actually think i could be good at is another story. i was just looking at job listings for 1 hour. could not apply to 1. and i am talking about general stuff from every category there is. i cant find anything that i can say "i did that and have epxerience. now please let me work and make money". i dont know.. i really dont know. i am going to bed early tonight. in fact, fuck this. i am out right now. gonna eat and catch some zzzss.

life is hard.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

I have a date this Saturday

so... I finally worked up the nerve to call up the Filipino girl (DAMN SHE IS FINE!) and made a date for Friday (tomorrow), but she called back and re-scheduled for Saturday. She has a very amazing vibe about her. I think she is one of those old school women who cooks, cleans, looks after her man, etc.. basically the opposite of what an average American woman is like.

it's really interesting looking at my progress. A couple of things that really helped me to get through all of this and I am still getting over it. I can't just say I made it when I just approached and got 1 #. Maybe I'll talk about the things that helped me later. But for now, I need to focus on this date.

I am going to do some research as far as dating goes. and even if it doesn't go too well, this woman strikes me as so amazing and down to earth, she wouldn't judge me or think i'm a loser. maybe I read her aura subconciously and just KNEW I HAD to approach her because of her amazing body (at least the attraction on my part), and her vibe. maybe that's why me not approaching her that first day I saw her fucked me up so much. I knew on a subconcious level that she is very different. and she is, let me tell you. when I approached I thought I was going to do all the work like 90/10, me talking 90%, her 10. and the same i expected when I called her. But she is totally different. very talkative, engaging, and blushes when i say stuff like "hey, i was thinking about you" or "i think you're cute".

ANYWAY, in no way am i putting her on a pedistitle. I am just making a point in which she surprised me with her warm personality. it's really rare I meet women like that nowadays. but then again, I don't approach much so that could be part of the reason. and when I do meet someone so warm, it kinda throws me off on some "wow.. women like that exist out there?"

Will blog about the date on what happened.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I got her #

OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so today I couldn't read my book on the way home because I DID talk to the girl i saw on Monday.

I was a nervewreck when I got on the train. I sit in the back and I kinda knew she wasn't gonna be there since it was an early train. But a few minutes before doors close, there she is. She sits at the sit in front of me facing the same direction. I knew right there it was either now or never. So... I take my shit and move to the seat next to her and said hi. long story short, she is single and I got the digits. HAHA! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As I was walking home I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs and I couldnt stop smiling :) DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO FACE YOUR FEAR!

Thank you to all my ancestors and my spirit guides who have been guiding me up to this point, and most of all thank you me for actually doing what I said I would do. FUCK FEAR! in fact, no. I love you fear. Thank you for teaching me valuable lesson(s) in life. After I moved back to my seat and it was her stop, she actually turned and said bye to me. didnt expect that. maybe she likes me. who knows.. WHO CARES!?!?!

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dark Matter?

man im watching this movie and it just hit me. is Dark matter the next world that we just may witness post 2012? all of dark matter is invisible, so could there be another world? another dimension that lies in this "dark matter" invisible dimension? is this what the ancients referred to as the "Golden Age"?


or maybe im just high

Monday, June 18, 2012

I need to learn how to be observant

so i was just thinking about my previous blog and what mistakes i made. i could've came up to her with "hey, whats your name?" or... the second.

One thing I need to improve on, is not be afraid to look. like looking at that girl on the train. i looked at her, she looked back (even though she had shades) sat in her seat, and moved over to the window spot. then took out her make up and started putting it on. now.. that right htere is an opening. in fact, she could've made it for me. but i was too scared thinking of approaching then to actually realize it is a sign, a signal. if not, who cares!? do it especially since the universe opened the door for you. you just have to walk through it and have a seat next to this woman and say hi!

so yeah... that is one thing i need to work on.

Facing my Fears

Saying hi women is one of, if not THE scarriest thing in my life. One of my fears that I need to conquer in this lifetime is this, approaching women.
So today I am going home from my internship. I enter the train station and think to myself "hmm.. I haven't seen a women that I was REALLY attracted to in a while"... as I go downstairs and turn left; there are people waiting. And on the concrete bench this girl is sitting. I was going to sit there but there were like 2-3 kids around 10 or 12. She turns her head to the right and looks at me. I don't know what type of look it was because she had 1) dark sun glasses that don't reveal the eyes, and 2) ipod white ear plugs. I didnt think much of it. looked her up. Her face was oval but her body was thick and she had nice toes. I thought to self "hmm.. I can just come up to her and say hi right now". but what did my big ego do? "nahhhh" my excuse was "those kids are there next to her. that would be weird"

I am one of those sensetive guys that cares greatly what people think of me. in fact, I think that certain things are rude or weird when they are not. Like saying hi to this girl with kids next to her. then I'm like whatever.. no biggie. We get on the train and i sit in the back. She sits in middle (looked back at me before sitting down, btw) and when I look at her body real good... I was like DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fear KICKED IN! on a scale from 1-100, it was about 85% (10-15% when I first saw her-the BEST time to approach). Then I'm like oh shit! I should go sit next to her since she took the window seat and say hi. Ego: but you live with yo mama, and you are 32 years old. Me: yeah, true. but she is THE girl I wanna talk to.

So I had this battle with my ego for about 30 seconds and the ego won. Now what really fucked me up was that how it effected me. I feel like part of me just died. In fact, I was reading a book and after this happened, I could not focus on it at all! I just sat there thinking like "woooooooooooooooow" at how attracted I was to her and at how I DIDNT say hi. I couldn't read... I kept thinking that if i just said hi it would've have been over already (95% chance of rejection), and i would've felt like I smoked pot all day or did the most amazing drug to ever exist in the Universe.

This happens to me not a lot. but when it does, I do not do anything 85-90% of the time. And I feel like shit at the end as a result of me not doing anything.

And I been thinking on the way home how I shouldn't even worry about me living with my mom, not ever having a g/f, or having a career, having a life, etc.. I must do it, because I really want to not because I have to, and if I get a #, throw it away. in fact, I must start saying hi to girls I am attracted to, get a bunch of #s and throw them ALL away. Who gives a shit!!! and by me approaching say 50 women or get 15#s, I will grow spiritually more than if I were to meditate 50 days in a row for 100 hours.

So yeah, I just wanted to blog about this because I haven't seen a girl that fine in a while; her body anyway. I dont know if she is a mean bitch or has no personality. But if I never say hi to women I am attracted to, I will never know and will just be left thinking about it the rest of the freaking day.

The next time I see her, I will say hi!
The next time I see her, I will say hi!
The next time i see her, I will say hi!
The next time I see her, I will say hi!
The next time i see her, I will say hi!
The next time i see her, I will say hi!
The next time I see her, I will say hi!
The next time I see her, I will say hi!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

I feel bad for wild cats

I really do. I feel like humans are the worst animals on the planet. they kill everything, blow sacred bhudda temples like the one in Afghanistan, and just kill each other as well as all the animals that live in sorrounding areas. they do it with no respect for life, and as long as they make a buck. I think 2012 is about this crazy world changing completely 180. it will go from mostly bad, to mostly good. how that is going to happen i dont know. but this is sad. Bali and Javan tigers are now extinct. Lions and Cheetas and now pushings towards their direction

"Bali preyed on most mammals that lived within their habitat. Their major sources of food were wild boar, rusa deer, Indian muntjac, red junglefowl, monitor lizards, monkeys and possibly banteng (the last now also extirpated on the island). The only known predators of Bali tigers were humans."


fucking sick. Poor cats. my heart goes out to you. I love you, now and always.

Humans need to wake up on what they are doing. I seriously hope they do, before it's too late.
I cant find the clip but in Wild Cats documentary there is a section on how they go out and just straight hunt a Tiger, and in less than 30 second, a Tiger gets converted into a pile of bones and skin. fucking sad as hell. and then they sell tiger boans for medicine. some Chinese sell tiger bones illigally in their stores in SF, and other cities. holy sh!t man. this is just sad on all levels.


Sunday, June 3, 2012

Leopard cubs annihilate King Cobra

bwaaaaaaaaaaahahhaahhaha... King Cobra. big deal... I am a little cub and I pwn your ass, haha

Leopard raping 4 Lionesses

Hopefully these Lions have learned their lesson; NEVER FUCK WITH A LEOPARD! or you just might get PWNED