Friday, November 29, 2013

had a Date with a BBW

so with Black Friday I was working the grave shift till 8am. had a few hours of sleep and met up with this BBW MILF with no children. we met from badoo and she knows I want to fuck her. it went okay and actually she likes me. we set up a second date with us going to the beach. I will mos def make out with her or even maybe if it gets dark we can do some car play, but I am not sure where to take it to close the deal. I live with my mom. she, ironically, lives with her mom. And the only thing I could think of is getting a hotel room.

I can see us being fuck buddies having fwb sort of thing, but I don't see me and her together in a ltr. Damn I want to fuck her. I hate it not having my own place. otherwise, it would be much easier.

gotta think on how I can get some money to be able to afford having my own apartment. even having your own room with roommates is not as nice, but it beats living with your parents. I guess I'll get a hotel room if she is down. we'll see what happens. I'll keep you guys updated.

Monday, November 25, 2013

The Future of Humankind

I'm just done reading some of the parts of this essay "The Law of Accelerating Returns", which I found through The Zeitgeist Movement. If you don't know about the TZM, here is what this movement is all about...

The Zeitgeist Movement is a global sustainability activist group working to bring the world together for the common goal of species sustainability before it is too late. Divisive notions such as nations, governments, races, political parties, religions, creeds or class are non-operational distinctions in the view of The Movement. Rather, we recognize the world as one system and the human species as a singular unit, sharing a common habitat.

 and I was thinking about what is going to happen in a few decades. We are heading towards singularity. The computers will get so fast and so smart, they will surpass our limited brains' views and understanding. That 1 hour would be equivalent to one thousand years of history in our current thinking evolution. Computers that will get so smart that they'll create other computers to thinking faster and better. I'm gonna stop now and post a part of this essay. The whole thing is HUUUUGE so it may take you a while to read it. But here is what I'm talking about... Let me know what you think.

The Singularity Is Near

To appreciate the nature and significance of the coming “singularity,” it is important to ponder the nature of exponential growth. Toward this end, I am fond of telling the tale of the inventor of chess and his patron, the emperor of China. In response to the emperor’s offer of a reward for his new beloved game, the inventor asked for a single grain of rice on the first square, two on the second square, four on the third, and so on. The Emperor quickly granted this seemingly benign and humble request. One version of the story has the emperor going bankrupt as the 63 doublings ultimately totaled 18 million trillion grains of rice. At ten grains of rice per square inch, this requires rice fields covering twice the surface area of the Earth, oceans included. Another version of the story has the inventor losing his head.
It should be pointed out that as the emperor and the inventor went through the first half of the chess board, things were fairly uneventful. The inventor was given spoonfuls of rice, then bowls of rice, then barrels. By the end of the first half of the chess board, the inventor had accumulated one large field’s worth (4 billion grains), and the emperor did start to take notice. It was as they progressed through the second half of the chessboard that the situation quickly deteriorated. Incidentally, with regard to the doublings of computation, that’s about where we stand now–there have been slightly more than 32 doublings of performance since the first programmable computers were invented during World War II.
This is the nature of exponential growth. Although technology grows in the exponential domain, we humans live in a linear world. So technological trends are not noticed as small levels of technological power are doubled. Then seemingly out of nowhere, a technology explodes into view. For example, when the Internet went from 20,000 to 80,000 nodes over a two year period during the 1980s, this progress remained hidden from the general public. A decade later, when it went from 20 million to 80 million nodes in the same amount of time, the impact was rather conspicuous.
As exponential growth continues to accelerate into the first half of the twenty-first century, it will appear to explode into infinity, at least from the limited and linear perspective of contemporary humans. The progress will ultimately become so fast that it will rupture our ability to follow it. It will literally get out of our control. The illusion that we have our hand “on the plug,” will be dispelled.
Can the pace of technological progress continue to speed up indefinitely? Is there not a point where humans are unable to think fast enough to keep up with it? With regard to unenhanced humans, clearly so. But what would a thousand scientists, each a thousand times more intelligent than human scientists today, and each operating a thousand times faster than contemporary humans (because the information processing in their primarily nonbiological brains is faster) accomplish? One year would be like a millennium. What would they come up with?
Well, for one thing, they would come up with technology to become even more intelligent (because their intelligence is no longer of fixed capacity). They would change their own thought processes to think even faster. When the scientists evolve to be a million times more intelligent and operate a million times faster, then an hour would result in a century of progress (in today’s terms).
This, then, is the Singularity. The Singularity is technological change so rapid and so profound that it represents a rupture in the fabric of human history. Some would say that we cannot comprehend the Singularity, at least with our current level of understanding, and that it is impossible, therefore, to look past its “event horizon” and make sense of what lies beyond.
My view is that despite our profound limitations of thought, constrained as we are today to a mere hundred trillion interneuronal connections in our biological brains, we nonetheless have sufficient powers of abstraction to make meaningful statements about the nature of life after the Singularity. Most importantly, it is my view that the intelligence that will emerge will continue to represent the human civilization, which is already a human-machine civilization. This will be the next step in evolution, the next high level paradigm shift.
To put the concept of Singularity into perspective, let’s explore the history of the word itself. Singularity is a familiar word meaning a unique event with profound implications. In mathematics, the term implies infinity, the explosion of value that occurs when dividing a constant by a number that gets closer and closer to zero. In physics, similarly, a singularity denotes an event or location of infinite power. At the center of a black hole, matter is so dense that its gravity is infinite. As nearby matter and energy are drawn into the black hole, an event horizon separates the region from the rest of the Universe. It constitutes a rupture in the fabric of space and time. The Universe itself is said to have begun with just such a Singularity.
In the 1950s, John Von Neumann was quoted as saying that “the ever accelerating progress of technology…gives the appearance of approaching some essential singularity in the history of the race beyond which human affairs, as we know them, could not continue.” In the 1960s, I. J. Good wrote of an “intelligence explosion,” resulting from intelligent machines designing their next generation without human intervention. In 1986, Vernor Vinge, a mathematician and computer scientist at San Diego State University, wrote about a rapidly approaching technological “singularity” in his science fiction novel, Marooned in Realtime. Then in 1993, Vinge presented a paper to a NASA-organized symposium which described the Singularity as an impending event resulting primarily from the advent of “entities with greater than human intelligence,” which Vinge saw as the harbinger of a run-away phenomenon.
From my perspective, the Singularity has many faces. It represents the nearly vertical phase of exponential growth where the rate of growth is so extreme that technology appears to be growing at infinite speed. Of course, from a mathematical perspective, there is no discontinuity, no rupture, and the growth rates remain finite, albeit extraordinarily large. But from our currently limited perspective, this imminent event appears to be an acute and abrupt break in the continuity of progress. However, I emphasize the word “currently,” because one of the salient implications of the Singularity will be a change in the nature of our ability to understand. In other words, we will become vastly smarter as we merge with our technology.
When I wrote my first book, The Age of Intelligent Machines, in the 1980s, I ended the book with the specter of the emergence of machine intelligence greater than human intelligence, but found it difficult to look beyond this event horizon. Now having thought about its implications for the past 20 years, I feel that we are indeed capable of understanding the many facets of this threshold, one that will transform all spheres of human life.
Consider a few examples of the implications. The bulk of our experiences will shift from real reality to virtual reality. Most of the intelligence of our civilization will ultimately be nonbiological, which by the end of this century will be trillions of trillions of times more powerful than human intelligence. However, to address often expressed concerns, this does not imply the end of biological intelligence, even if thrown from its perch of evolutionary superiority. Moreover, it is important to note that the nonbiological forms will be derivative of biological design. In other words, our civilization will remain human, indeed in many ways more exemplary of what we regard as human than it is today, although our understanding of the term will move beyond its strictly biological origins.
Many observers have nonetheless expressed alarm at the emergence of forms of nonbiological intelligence superior to human intelligence. The potential to augment our own intelligence through intimate connection with other thinking mediums does not necessarily alleviate the concern, as some people have expressed the wish to remain “unenhanced” while at the same time keeping their place at the top of the intellectual food chain. My view is that the likely outcome is that on the one hand, from the perspective of biological humanity, these superhuman intelligences will appear to be their transcendent servants, satisfying their needs and desires. On the other hand, fulfilling the wishes of a revered biological legacy will occupy only a trivial portion of the intellectual power that the Singularity will bring.
Needless to say, the Singularity will transform all aspects of our lives, social, sexual, and economic, which I explore herewith.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

FUCK Google+, part II

So I made a long rant last time I was posting about Google+ and its pathetic attempt to make it into a social media. This right here is exactly how I feel about Google+

Monday, November 18, 2013

Fear is still kicking my ass

so I was on my lunch, and went to Chipotle to get a burrito. I stand in line and there is this thick girl in front of me. I'm thinking DAMN she fine. She turns around and we had eye contact. She looks away ordering her food while a moment later playing with her hair. I look elsewhere and see her from my peripheral turning my way AGAIN to see if I'm looking. I wasn't since I didn't want to make her feel like I'm a creep. She played with her hair again. Now I'm thinking 'damn, I haven't done an approach in a LONG ass time'. So, I don't think much of it and just let it go. Then I get my food and see her sit there somewhere. There is 1 seat available next to her and it's secluded. She puts her stuff on the table of the 2nd seat. I get my burrito and sit elsewhere thinking, thinking, thinking. "Should I approach her? If I do, what should I say? Should I say hey, what's your name? Should I say hey I wanted to say hi? Should I say hey I thought you were cute? No, that last part is bad since white girls get freaked out. I don't know... How do I even approach someone in a place like this? Situational opener? It's hard as fuck thinking of a "situational opener" when you're nervous as fuck' so, I'm like okay fuck it. after I finish half of my burrito I'll go say hi. then fear kicks in, it rises higher and higher i'm like FUCK I CANT EVEN EAT ANYMORE. I just start wrapping my burrito up since I only ate 40% of it and can't focus on anything! Then what happens? She gets up and leaves.

At this point I felt WEAK AS FUCK. I felt at a total loss of power. Like I just let it go and didn't do anything. Fear kicked my ass! I let fear run me but at the same time, why? It's all because of shame. I am ashamed. Ashamed of everything. Ever since I was a kid my mom taught me to be ashamed. and not to blame her or nothing, but this is how it was. The first time she caught me masturbating against the leg of our living room table, she told me it's bad. She said people who do that go insane and made up a bunch of lies. So, as a young kid (I was about 5 or 6) who was horny as hell, I kept masturbating feeling ashamed. Years go by and I'm secretly laying in bed rubbing against the sheets like I am having sex feeling ashamed. Then we eventually move to America, and I get into big girls. I feel ashamed. I feel like a freak of nature liking BBWs and like it's not 'normal'. I feel ashamed. I hide my fetish, but ironically my grandmother is a 'BBW', so I think I have inherited my love of BBWs that way. I still feel ashamed. I get into black girls and think they are fucking amazing with their African figures. Again, I feel ashamed and hide my like for them. I have no friends and no girlfriend while my other 'friends' I had at the time lose their virginity, go with different girls. I feel ashamed. Ashamed of being the way I am and being 'different'; ashamed of being a loner who doesn't fit in anywhere. After high school is over, I develop my Tranny fetish through porn. Again, I feel ashamed. What am I? Am I gay? I don't like men. Am I straight? I don't find biological women as attractive as I once did. I feel ashamed, and hide my 'fetish'.

I eventually graduate college, move to Los Angeles, and remain distant from everyone, including my family who don't seem to want to be around me. I feel ashamed of everything. Wanting so bad of being normal, I feel ashamed. I almost met up with one black 'tgirl' off craigslist while living in SoCal, but acted suspicious so she called me out on it. Didn't happen. I felt ashamed. I go through chaos in LA, and eventually move back home to my mom's house. At this point I hit 30s and feel ashamed for still living with my mama. Now I am 34, have no friends, have never had a girlfriend outside of a one time thing in college which nothing happened because I did not make a move, and haven't had a job until last year. I feel ashamed of not having my own place, my own independence, and my own life together. A typical 34 year old is much more matured, and have had lots of experiences in life, have been across many places of this world, whether in or outside of US. But I remain this way not knowing what to do. I feel ashamed. As a result of all this shame, I stopped approaching women a few months ago. I think women feel this sort of thing. They could tell I got a lot of burden because of the way I approach them. I make them feel uncomfortable because I act like a virgin. I even remember my co-worker I blogged about with whom I went clubbing with on the New Years eve asked me this question, "Why are you acting like you're a virgin?" After that, I stopped being 'honest' with other men about how I approach women. Because he even said, 'after I had sex and felt lust. I stopped being so scared'. But time after time I would be 'honest' and I always am with people, about how nervous I was, how my hands would be shaking, etc.. And now I am ashamed to say anything, especially all the details of how I feel.

So, I don't know. I just feel like fear is kicking my ass. Getting my own independence is the hardest thing for me to do right now. It is so hard to get a job when I am not good at anything. What the hell am I gonna do with my CJ degree? I HATE LAW! I don't remember most of the things I've learned. Reasonable Cause? I don't even remember the fucking definition of that! I don't even remember what habeas corpus mean. Everytime I hear it, I gotta wiki pedia that shit. I have no passion for law or helping people in trouble. I wanted to be a probation officer, but my life is out of order and I never been in trouble. If I can't get my own ass out of the pit I'm in, how the hell am I gonna help some kid who is in the same predicament? Thank god I got a job now, and at least can afford to rent one room. But I am still not at a point where I could afford my own place. If I can, it would have to be far from the city and that would take a long ass time for commute.

All I'm saying is, approaching women you got to have your own independence and at least have your own life. What am I gonna do with a woman if she wanna fuck? Invite her to my mom's place? It's embarrassing, and well... shameful. This is why I just gave up on talking to women. All of these reason, and on top of that, I don't even like women that much! I like Trannies. I am a mess, but getting my independence is my #1 priority at this point in my life. I got to think of a plan on getting some sort of a career. Otherwise, I don't know where this rout is going to take me.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Adrift, Movie REVIEW

I have been watching a lot of Brazilian movies lately, as I am drawn to Brazilian culture more and more. I have just seen Adrift (À Deriva in Portuguese). It is about a family that is going through a separation as they are all away on a vacation living at their beach house. As their children are hanging out with other kids exploring sexuality, and having fun, things start to unfold little by little to Filipa-the main character.

This movie is very emotional. It is not very often that a film would take me away and make me forget completely about who I am and things I am dealing with in my personal life. And this movie did just that. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe it is because my parents got divorced when I was four years old, none of which I can remember. And maybe it stroke a chord inside of me and I could relate to the characters and the drama that was unfolding on a subconscious level. Or maybe it was because the director, Heitor Dhalia, and/or the writer, Claudio Carvalho, did a hell of a good job at making such an amazing film. Whatever the reason is, I got to give this movie 5/5 stars because it was absolutely brilliant. Movies like this are the types that are overlooked, forgotten, and never see the light of day because everyone is too busy overhyping all the big blockbusters that are overrated as fuck! If I knew more titles like this, I would watch them all. But life doesn't work that ways, unfortunately. Sometimes you come across a film coincidently, and it could just talk to you in ways that no other movies do. This is one of those movies.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Coin, future of Credit Cards?

this shit is crazy. We really are living in the future. And most of us don't know it. I wonder what life on Earth will be like in 10 years, if we don't wipe each other out of course.

Thursday, November 14, 2013


Google has got to be the worst piece of shit company that exists today. All these fucking retards do is FORCE shit onto people.

Once they bought youtube, it has been going downhill. I remember way back a few years youtube was perfect. 5 star rating system, unique channel designs, and complete freedom with what you can do with your channel. Now? It's all fucked up, thanks to google.

I remember when they changed the channel design and made it bland and all the same for everyone. Google made a video on "how to use the new channel design". And I'm not even over-exaggerating when I say this. THERE WAS 98% DISLIKES ON THE VIDEO! EVERYONE HATED IT AND EVERYONE TROLLED IN THE COMMENTS OF THE VIDEO. "fuck you google. eat shit and die!" "fuck you google, give us our old design back" etc.. What did google eventually do? Delete the video, lol. What a fucking joke.

Fast forward to today, what is the new failed idea by google? Google+, the worst piece of pointless shit I ever seen. Every few months, google changes something or things in youtube that NO ONE LIKES and you gotta adapt to their new BULLSHIT changes that NO ONE NEEDS! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to learn your new crappy ideas that I don't need. I don't want to get used to the new layout or format of youtube. GO TO HELL!!! I DONT WANT TO USE MY REAL NAME ON YOUTUBE! THAT'S WHY I STAY AWAY FROM FACEBOOK! IF EVERYONE USED THEIR REAL NAMES, WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF HAVING PRIVACY? People could just google me and see where I'm from, my pics, what I did last week and with whom. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And here is another thing that pisses me off. This google+ crap is FORCED onto us. We can't escape it because google doesn't give us a choice.

So, my proposal to everyone is to LEAVE YOUTUBE! If you want to keep a youtube channel and watch free movies, DON'T MAKE ANY NEW VIDEOS! Also, instead of googling something, bing it. I already changed my home to And Bing's maps is MUCH MUCH FASTER than google's btw. Google does not give a FUCK about you or me. I remember when the new generic channel design got converted and how everyone hated it, there was a new "feedback" button. Did youtube/google ever listened to any of us complaining saying how much we hate it? No. Do they ever listen? Nope. Have they EVER listened? NO! They just keep adding new pointless, and idiotic innovations that no one likes. And when we complain about it, a few months later they just come up with ANOTHER retarded idea and push it onto us. Google doesn't seem to understand the phrase "if it ain't broke, don't fix it".

There are some unique video websites that may not be as popular as youtube, but they are not as fucked up the ass as google made youtube. There is Vimeo, there is Liveleak, and if you know of any better ones, please leave it in comments so I can edit this post. And I leave you with a video stating exactly how I feel about google+. FUCK GOOGLE! AND FUCK GOOGLE+!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

SACHA BARON COHEN Kills Award Presenter at the 2013 Britannia Awards

Just saw this earlier today. The funniest thing I've seen in a good minute. Sacha is a fucking genius. Borat is hands down one of the greatest movies ever made. I dissed it so hard when it first came out because I was negative, miserable, and pessimistic not wanting it to give it a chance. But once I saw it very recently, I was LMFAO