Wednesday, October 29, 2008

my shrink just became history

so after my last semester's session ended i wasn't even gonna get therapy anymore until my mom's b/f found out about this other department. it's basically a bunch of students training to become shrinks and i said sure why not. then it turns out the guy is quiet when i started seeing him and makes me uncomfortable. he'd repeat the same shit over and over like "how did that make you feel" and fills in empty awkward silences with weird shit that he already said. i was like ok but then i was like i dont even need therapy. aint no way this guy can help me seems like im teaching him more then hes teaching me and i dont wanna use therapy as a crutch. so last time i was like ok dude i'm not feeling this and i dont think i need therapy he kept pressing it how he wanna help me to go through this and blah blah. i told him i got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and he cant help with with it, but only i can help myself. maybe meditation will help me but that takes years and i gotta stand on my own two feet and get settled with my life before i get therapy. so he was like ok im gonna research PTSD and see you next week.

so today he got me some info and i was like thanks. this was the last session, but he still told me he'll leave the spot open for me for the remainder of the semester and hopefully he'll see me next week.

i'm just gonna try to be more closer to the 2 friends i got cuz i barely call them or make plans with them. i really feel like that's the best therapy i can get as of now.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Joe Bidden

kinda funny too my black friend 100% agrees with me and not like it matters but i was real surprised cuz i thought he'd co-side with Obama because he knows a lot about politics and to me all of this is new. i was like what about those people in the black community where everybody is voting for the sole reason that Obama is black, wouldn't you say they are sheep? he was like 'they are worse then sheep cuz then if our first black president fucks up then he'll make black people in America look even worse and it's racist' and i agree with him. that's like black judges watching Olympics and picking a black runner based on his race and not on his skill. people don't even realize they doing that shit in this election, but that's exactly what they're doing. he told me how Joe Bidden is even more of a retard then Palin so i looked it up and found this.

what did he say about Obama before the VP pick?

and what did he say about McCain before the VP pick?


and i thought Palin was bad with her fundamentalist religious views and being part of some nut organization that tries to convert homosexuals. but now i'm beginning to believe Bidden is 10x worse as a VP. i can't imagine this Obama/Bidden combo with Obama being a puss and never taking a stand and Bidden talking shit about his own partner and even accepting his proposal when he clearly stated Obama has little experience and not ready for the big leagues. who will win? time will tell. but i was really i mean really thinking of switching sides cuz of Palin but now i'm starting to believe i was right all along.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Kimbo's loss

if you ask me the guy just got lucky. if they let him fight again Kimbo would destroy this dude. i think only a rematch would confirm it though..

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

this is why I DON'T TRUST ANYONE!

my mom's boyfriend is keeping tabs on me and he always tries to impress me. how does he do that? yesterday was my birthday and while i was eating with my fam he goes... "you must have ate moche ice cream because you had the munchies." i was like wtf? why does he always say shit like that??? he would say something that would lead me to wonder how does he know what he knows and why does he always try to impress me by implying that he knows it?

he obviously is going through my shit. i am not home half the time because i'm either in school, work, or at my internship. so he checks my drawers, tv stand (that just stands there with almost nothing on it or in it but i keep my self-made bong inside), and anything that i have in my room. so if i buy weed he checks my drawer and goes "hmmm, he just got some weed," if i threw away my old bong and made a new one he goes "hmmm, he just made a new bong... interesting." basically this guy is nothing more then a sneaky asshole who thinks he is impressing me and the more i find out about his dirty tricks the more i don't like him. funny thing is he wants me to like him and respect him when he goes behind my back looking through my drawers.

who knows maybe he even checks my computer files, e-mail, or even browser history and maybe he's here on my shit reading it! the only reason that just may not be the case is cuz hes not computer savvy and behind technology. but i dont give a rats ass im creating a password for my computer once i get home. i've had enough of this shit. i'm paranoid as it is now i gotta worry about making a blog entry of getting high then knowing that he probably already knows that i'm about to do it today. so if he wants to have his little power trip by threating to kick me out the house he can just read my blog and then come in to "surprise" me and impress me at the same time that he knows what i'm doing and when i'm doing it.

some family i have. i can't trust my own mother with information because she will most likely sell me out, and i can't trust my father-wannabe because he will go through all my shit then make a subliminal comment on how he knows me, acting like we're buddies and that supposedly i tell him shit i do in private when i don't. and he always does this btw. i remember one time coming from school and he looked outside the window seeing i was coming from the west part of the block and then he'd mention it at the dinner table indicating "i know what way you're coming from school because i'm smart and it's obvious."

he been making so many of these sort of comments that i been real paranoid staying in that house thinking he got psychics telling him my person stuff (and i wouldn't be surprised if he does btw cuz there is a high possibility he goes that far if he goes through all my shit not feeling guilty.) reason why i think he may have hired psychics is cuz i know he has a shrink he talks to, and he'd bring up random shit that would make me think "how does he know all this stuff about me when i don't tell him anything related to any of the things he brings up?" it's truly disgusting and i feel violated. not only do i not have any privacy other then staying in my room, my room itself has no privacy cuz he searches through every area i put my personal belongings in. shit really pisses me off but i'm not gonna be this naive ever again. cuz i always thought "he is a cool guy, he wouldn't do that." yet time and time again he proved me wrong, and yesterday he just confirmed it.

the only thing i don't understand is, how can a person with such fucked up beliefs and values wants to be a father of someone who is the complete opposite? if i was in his situation i would never go through my g/f's son's shit unless it was a matter of life or death. but that's where me and him are different. he was the one who told me to not lock my room when i leave 'in case of emergency or fire' yeah, no wonder. you going through all my personal belongings supposed to be some emergency huh?

and that is somebody who wants to hang out with me and teach me about life... in his world... yet he doesn't even understand me by what i mean "his" world and all he ever says is "it's 1 world and we all live in it." typical baby boomer mentality. and i would always wonder why he can never look me in my eyes for more then a few seconds. this right here could just be it. dang, maybe i was always destined to have such a fucked up and dysfunctional family in this lifetime. can't wait to get out of this shit hole.