Taken from Locked up Abroad, this has got to be the greatest episode I have seen on that show. Saw it coincidentally last night. It was so good, that I found it, and watched it again today. Didn't even know there is a movie based on this guy's life, which is based on his book. Funny how he wanted to write a book, and he got the story of his life. Like he was pre-destined to experience everything he had. Unbelievable story, and it had me hooked on it like I was watching a movie. Will go out and watch Oliver Stone movie soon.
Showing posts with label Travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Travel. Show all posts
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
why do friends always let you down?
or maybe it's just the friends that I make... I have two stories that I will share. the second one is more serious. here is the first.
it's about my tranny friend. last time I blogged about her was when I didn't give her $400 for her mom's ticket back to Mexico, when I said I would. we ended up hanging out because I called her, and she told me she's 'old school' and doesn't call guys. so I realized that I am supposed to call her. fast forward to a Thursday from last week, this was 2/5. I get a text from her...
Her: are you ready?
Me: for what?
Her: for something!!!
Her: did you cash ur check already?
okay, at this point I knew she needed money. this was my first check that I still didn't cash at the time with my new job. she told me she needs a $300 loan that she'll pay me back in 2 weeks. I ask if I could give her the money the next day, and she said "no, I need the money now!" I hate this, always have. when people push me to give them my money right away. feeling rushed like this, I know something is not right. so I had all my cases at work done, so I take a break and drive to my bank, get $300, and head back. I tell her that I'll bring the money in a few hours after the traffic dies down. Then she texts me...
Her: hey you want to eat burritos. I am at the best burrito place in the world
(this was the place I've been trying to make her go for months, but she refused every time)
Me: No I just ate
Her: I'm not at home but thanks anyway I'll C U other day :)
Me: What?
Her: I don't need the money. I'm not at home. I'll C U other day. Thanks :)
(at this point I get really mad and realize she called some other sucker to give her the money)
Me: Wth? you treat me like crap. Have me running around town doing things for u n then u say "never mind"
Her: I'm sorry
At this point, I was like FUCK THIS BITCH!!!!!!!! I do so much for her, but she treats me like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried telling this to her in the past, but she just wouldn't listen. We make plans, and she'd just break them like it's nothing.
When I told her I'll buy her mom's ticket, she was acting weird. She said "my mom leaves on the 21st". So, in my mind, I'm thinking "oh, she already got the ticket if she knows the date". but it was her way of telling me to give her the money. Then afterwards when I ended up calling her, she was giving me a lecture on how "if you say you'll do something, you should do it". But when I was helping her grocery shop, she said the following, "when my mom leaves, I'll invite you over, and teach you how to cook". So recently I brought that up, and she said "I never said that! I was high or I was drunk". I was thinking WOW! so when she says things, and never does them, that's okay? She does this all the fucking time! But when I do it once, and all because of her ass backwards, confusing ass communication, then I get to hear a lecture from her? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I been really distant lately, not wanting to talk to her. I actually got a "Happy Valentines" text from her, and was surprised. She never texts me on holidays, not even on the new years! I definitely think she knows what's up. And I was actually looking to move in with her to help pay her rent. Living in her living would be a nightmare. I'd be seeing different men come in and out of her room to pay her money for her time (no sex, since she just had her pussy done 2 months ago). But yeah, it would be a nightmare. Plus, her fucking dogs barking, and I'd be in the middle of this freak show. I was going to tell her that if she wants me there, I'd have to take her room, but doesn't look like this will happen. I'm tired of going out of my way to help other people, when I don't even take the steps to help me first. On one hand, this girl acts like we're good friends, and the next moment she acts like we just met and I'm a nobody or isn't important to her. fuckouttahere!!!!!!!!! you can keep your other drone bees who work for you, bringing you money. I am not the one! I won't be calling her for a while, at least until I get better with what happened to me down below.
The 2nd story is much worse, much worse!
My old Macy's co-worker whom flaked on me on the New Years invited me to snowboard with her and our other co-worker. Neither of us work at Macy's any longer, but I thought yeah, let's do this. I never snowboarded before. So, the guy would ski, and me and her would snowboard. I am going to skip the first part, but will get back to it later.
We get to Tahoe, spend the night there at a motel, get our rented gear, go up the mountain, and since I am new I wanna take a snowboarding class. So my female friend says "oh, man, it's expensive. don't take it. I'll come with you and teach you." So, we take a slide up to the basic mountain that's for beginners. get off the seats that bring us there, and her glove ripped from the inside. so, I am sitting there in the snow waiting for her. She keeps talking about it, and lagging. "oh man, it ripped, I have to go get another one". 5 mins go by, still there sitting in snow, 10 mins, still there. I am thinking WTF!?!?!?!? I WANNA SNOWBOARD!!! but I'm sitting there waiting for this friend playing with her glove. I tell her look I wanna snowboard, give me some tips. she says "go slow, and if anything, fall on your butt." So, I say okay, and off I go. I have no clue how to snowboard and have never done it before in my life. I start going fast and straight down the mountain. I panic and what do I do? what my teacher told me to, fall on my butt. I feel pain and like I hurt myself. I get up but feel this buzz up in my ass, like a nerve. I sit a little bit. Then manage to get on my feet. a guy near by teaches me this technique of banana slide where you go side to side and not directly down the mountain. She still hasn't come down. I wait for her 5 more mins. Then do the banana slide, which works amazingly btw, I go slow and learn to snowboard a little. sit down and wait, she still hasn't come down. calls me on the phone and I tell her i'm injured, she acts weird and I still don't see her. I eventually came down seeing my male friend.
I told him the story, and man... headache hits me... it hits me hard. I am fucked up for good 50 mins sitting there with him waiting for me. Afterwards I tell him, let's go ski! We get up to slides, but the nerve in my back hits me hard. holy fuck!!!!! it hurts really bad, so I say "i don't think i'll be able to do this". So I say just go ski, I'll just wait for you. then eventually they were both done, and she wasn't too concerned. I could still walk, so they don't even bring it up again. We give our rented gear back and, driving back home. on the way, she was having fun talking, and laughing in the car, without a worry in the world, not concerned and almost forgot about my injury.
Long story short, I was in such a pain, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to work on Monday. I went to ER, and turns out I broke my pelvic bone. I was thinking about it, and I could've been in a wheel chair right now! And all because my friend didn't care enough about helping me snowboard, because she was too busy adjusting her ripped glove on her hand. so now, I can't work, I don't get paid since I am a contractor and contractors don't get PTO, and I just stay home all day waiting for my body to be healed.
looking back, the whole trip was a disaster. she didn't let me know the details until I called the male friend. she said we'd leave around 6, but it was around 8:30pm. Tbh, I thought she flaked on me again. We got there at around 9pm, and she still made us wait for her because she had to 'help her co-workers' when we already made plans. wtf!?!?!?! I mean, what type of friend is this? she cares more about her co-workers, than her friends she makes plans with? she cares more about her fucking glove than her friend going down the mountain BY HIMSELF WITHOUT EVER SNOWBOARDING BEFORE? I will never go snowboarding with her again. She is selfish, and doesn't care about other people. it's always about her. I should've just not went, but oh well. I did, and paid the price for it.
I already said this before, but I'll say it again. Good friends are hard to find. That's why I remain alone, and prefer it that way. Fuck people! They will always let you down, or find ways to take advantage of you.
2/27/15
just came across this pic, and it resonates with me perfectly at this point of my life. when this realization sinks in, it really hurts. but it is the truth! when people don't care, there is not much you could do but just let them go... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't feel like being bothered right now. story of my life-being alone, and not wanting to go out to face the world. the less I see of it, the better I feel about myself, and about my life.
it's about my tranny friend. last time I blogged about her was when I didn't give her $400 for her mom's ticket back to Mexico, when I said I would. we ended up hanging out because I called her, and she told me she's 'old school' and doesn't call guys. so I realized that I am supposed to call her. fast forward to a Thursday from last week, this was 2/5. I get a text from her...
Her: are you ready?
Me: for what?
Her: for something!!!
Her: did you cash ur check already?
okay, at this point I knew she needed money. this was my first check that I still didn't cash at the time with my new job. she told me she needs a $300 loan that she'll pay me back in 2 weeks. I ask if I could give her the money the next day, and she said "no, I need the money now!" I hate this, always have. when people push me to give them my money right away. feeling rushed like this, I know something is not right. so I had all my cases at work done, so I take a break and drive to my bank, get $300, and head back. I tell her that I'll bring the money in a few hours after the traffic dies down. Then she texts me...
Her: hey you want to eat burritos. I am at the best burrito place in the world
(this was the place I've been trying to make her go for months, but she refused every time)
Me: No I just ate
Her: I'm not at home but thanks anyway I'll C U other day :)
Me: What?
Her: I don't need the money. I'm not at home. I'll C U other day. Thanks :)
(at this point I get really mad and realize she called some other sucker to give her the money)
Me: Wth? you treat me like crap. Have me running around town doing things for u n then u say "never mind"
Her: I'm sorry
At this point, I was like FUCK THIS BITCH!!!!!!!! I do so much for her, but she treats me like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried telling this to her in the past, but she just wouldn't listen. We make plans, and she'd just break them like it's nothing.
When I told her I'll buy her mom's ticket, she was acting weird. She said "my mom leaves on the 21st". So, in my mind, I'm thinking "oh, she already got the ticket if she knows the date". but it was her way of telling me to give her the money. Then afterwards when I ended up calling her, she was giving me a lecture on how "if you say you'll do something, you should do it". But when I was helping her grocery shop, she said the following, "when my mom leaves, I'll invite you over, and teach you how to cook". So recently I brought that up, and she said "I never said that! I was high or I was drunk". I was thinking WOW! so when she says things, and never does them, that's okay? She does this all the fucking time! But when I do it once, and all because of her ass backwards, confusing ass communication, then I get to hear a lecture from her? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I been really distant lately, not wanting to talk to her. I actually got a "Happy Valentines" text from her, and was surprised. She never texts me on holidays, not even on the new years! I definitely think she knows what's up. And I was actually looking to move in with her to help pay her rent. Living in her living would be a nightmare. I'd be seeing different men come in and out of her room to pay her money for her time (no sex, since she just had her pussy done 2 months ago). But yeah, it would be a nightmare. Plus, her fucking dogs barking, and I'd be in the middle of this freak show. I was going to tell her that if she wants me there, I'd have to take her room, but doesn't look like this will happen. I'm tired of going out of my way to help other people, when I don't even take the steps to help me first. On one hand, this girl acts like we're good friends, and the next moment she acts like we just met and I'm a nobody or isn't important to her. fuckouttahere!!!!!!!!! you can keep your other drone bees who work for you, bringing you money. I am not the one! I won't be calling her for a while, at least until I get better with what happened to me down below.
The 2nd story is much worse, much worse!
My old Macy's co-worker whom flaked on me on the New Years invited me to snowboard with her and our other co-worker. Neither of us work at Macy's any longer, but I thought yeah, let's do this. I never snowboarded before. So, the guy would ski, and me and her would snowboard. I am going to skip the first part, but will get back to it later.
We get to Tahoe, spend the night there at a motel, get our rented gear, go up the mountain, and since I am new I wanna take a snowboarding class. So my female friend says "oh, man, it's expensive. don't take it. I'll come with you and teach you." So, we take a slide up to the basic mountain that's for beginners. get off the seats that bring us there, and her glove ripped from the inside. so, I am sitting there in the snow waiting for her. She keeps talking about it, and lagging. "oh man, it ripped, I have to go get another one". 5 mins go by, still there sitting in snow, 10 mins, still there. I am thinking WTF!?!?!?!? I WANNA SNOWBOARD!!! but I'm sitting there waiting for this friend playing with her glove. I tell her look I wanna snowboard, give me some tips. she says "go slow, and if anything, fall on your butt." So, I say okay, and off I go. I have no clue how to snowboard and have never done it before in my life. I start going fast and straight down the mountain. I panic and what do I do? what my teacher told me to, fall on my butt. I feel pain and like I hurt myself. I get up but feel this buzz up in my ass, like a nerve. I sit a little bit. Then manage to get on my feet. a guy near by teaches me this technique of banana slide where you go side to side and not directly down the mountain. She still hasn't come down. I wait for her 5 more mins. Then do the banana slide, which works amazingly btw, I go slow and learn to snowboard a little. sit down and wait, she still hasn't come down. calls me on the phone and I tell her i'm injured, she acts weird and I still don't see her. I eventually came down seeing my male friend.
I told him the story, and man... headache hits me... it hits me hard. I am fucked up for good 50 mins sitting there with him waiting for me. Afterwards I tell him, let's go ski! We get up to slides, but the nerve in my back hits me hard. holy fuck!!!!! it hurts really bad, so I say "i don't think i'll be able to do this". So I say just go ski, I'll just wait for you. then eventually they were both done, and she wasn't too concerned. I could still walk, so they don't even bring it up again. We give our rented gear back and, driving back home. on the way, she was having fun talking, and laughing in the car, without a worry in the world, not concerned and almost forgot about my injury.
Long story short, I was in such a pain, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to work on Monday. I went to ER, and turns out I broke my pelvic bone. I was thinking about it, and I could've been in a wheel chair right now! And all because my friend didn't care enough about helping me snowboard, because she was too busy adjusting her ripped glove on her hand. so now, I can't work, I don't get paid since I am a contractor and contractors don't get PTO, and I just stay home all day waiting for my body to be healed.
looking back, the whole trip was a disaster. she didn't let me know the details until I called the male friend. she said we'd leave around 6, but it was around 8:30pm. Tbh, I thought she flaked on me again. We got there at around 9pm, and she still made us wait for her because she had to 'help her co-workers' when we already made plans. wtf!?!?!?! I mean, what type of friend is this? she cares more about her co-workers, than her friends she makes plans with? she cares more about her fucking glove than her friend going down the mountain BY HIMSELF WITHOUT EVER SNOWBOARDING BEFORE? I will never go snowboarding with her again. She is selfish, and doesn't care about other people. it's always about her. I should've just not went, but oh well. I did, and paid the price for it.
I already said this before, but I'll say it again. Good friends are hard to find. That's why I remain alone, and prefer it that way. Fuck people! They will always let you down, or find ways to take advantage of you.
2/27/15
just came across this pic, and it resonates with me perfectly at this point of my life. when this realization sinks in, it really hurts. but it is the truth! when people don't care, there is not much you could do but just let them go... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't feel like being bothered right now. story of my life-being alone, and not wanting to go out to face the world. the less I see of it, the better I feel about myself, and about my life.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
reason why I stopped trying to Astral Project
the reason why I stopped trying to have OBEs, Out-of-Body Experiences, Astral Projections, Out-of-Body Travel, and whatever you want to call it, is very simple. I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH IN-BODY-EXPERIENCES!
I gotta say, all my life I have been fascinated with Astral Travel. Ever since the first time I found out about it, I was hooked. What is it? Where can I go? Can I visit other worlds, or other planets? Can I meet aliens? Can I visit my ancestors? The possibilities are endless. But the problem is, I haven't lived HERE. I spend all this time thinking and trying to go THERE.
Let's see. I am 35, I have almost no friends, I just lost my virginity, I still live at home with my mom, I don't have a career, I do drive and have a car so that's a good thing, I don't have a girlfriend, I have so-so social skills, I don't know how to make enough money to move out on my own and get my own place. And after all of that, I am trying to escape this reality? Sounds like I am just running away from myself and my circumstances. Now, all of these things I am dealing with are changeable and doable. BUT I HAVE TO LIVE HERE IN THIS REALITY!!! I can't accomplish any of these goals I want to if I spend all my energy studying how to go out 'there' instead of learning how to be 'here.' This is why I stopped trying to have OBEs. Ironically, though, I still have them from time to time. I am half way of reading my latest OBE book, and I haven't touched it in months.
The thing with Astral Projection is, once you have one, you will always have them. you could have Lucid Dreams, or even regular dreams, but once you have an actual Out-of-Body experience, which is quiet different, you will keep having them. Whether you'd have one every week or every month, that all depends. But you will have them. Ironically, I had one last night without even trying. The thing, naps are crucial. And I tend to have an OBE when I take a nap during the day, and fall asleep a few hours later.
But yeah, as I said already. I am focusing my consciousness in THIS reality from now on. I have so many things I need to learn as you could already tell. It's impossible to attain all these needs and desires, if you spend all your time trying to learn what it's like to be in the spirit world. Robert Monroe had his first OBE when he was 43, and correct me if I'm wrong, he already had a house, a wife, and was a successful businessman. Now, if I had my life put together like that, HELL YES I WOULD TRY TO OBE! I would try to OBE every night. But I can't be putting all my energy into this, when my life here on earth, in the 3 dimensional space, is out of order. I spend more time trying to leave my body, then to learn how to be in it and find ways to make money. I need money. I really do. At this point in my life, I never thought I would ever care about money. I always knew that money isn't everything, and that money can't buy real friends or real love. But boy is money important in our world. How am I going to survive without money if I want to move out on my own?
And without money, how am I going to travel? I want to travel. I want to visit other states. I want to make friends. I want to explore THIS world. I want to learn Portuguese real well and travel to Brazil at some point. I want to visit the Amazon. I want to go to Thailand. I want to visit New York, which has been a dream of mine for so long, I almost feel like it will just be that, a dream. So many things I want to do on this planet, that I waste all my time trying to not be here. I understand I am miserable and not happy, but I can change all that. I know I can. But it won't happen if all I do is spend my free time trying to leave this reality, when I never perfected it. Once I perfect it, then I'll have an excuse to learn lessons in the Astral World. Until then, I need to find how to learn my lesson in this one. After all, that's why we are all here, to learn the lessons we came here to learn.
I gotta say, all my life I have been fascinated with Astral Travel. Ever since the first time I found out about it, I was hooked. What is it? Where can I go? Can I visit other worlds, or other planets? Can I meet aliens? Can I visit my ancestors? The possibilities are endless. But the problem is, I haven't lived HERE. I spend all this time thinking and trying to go THERE.
Let's see. I am 35, I have almost no friends, I just lost my virginity, I still live at home with my mom, I don't have a career, I do drive and have a car so that's a good thing, I don't have a girlfriend, I have so-so social skills, I don't know how to make enough money to move out on my own and get my own place. And after all of that, I am trying to escape this reality? Sounds like I am just running away from myself and my circumstances. Now, all of these things I am dealing with are changeable and doable. BUT I HAVE TO LIVE HERE IN THIS REALITY!!! I can't accomplish any of these goals I want to if I spend all my energy studying how to go out 'there' instead of learning how to be 'here.' This is why I stopped trying to have OBEs. Ironically, though, I still have them from time to time. I am half way of reading my latest OBE book, and I haven't touched it in months.
The thing with Astral Projection is, once you have one, you will always have them. you could have Lucid Dreams, or even regular dreams, but once you have an actual Out-of-Body experience, which is quiet different, you will keep having them. Whether you'd have one every week or every month, that all depends. But you will have them. Ironically, I had one last night without even trying. The thing, naps are crucial. And I tend to have an OBE when I take a nap during the day, and fall asleep a few hours later.
But yeah, as I said already. I am focusing my consciousness in THIS reality from now on. I have so many things I need to learn as you could already tell. It's impossible to attain all these needs and desires, if you spend all your time trying to learn what it's like to be in the spirit world. Robert Monroe had his first OBE when he was 43, and correct me if I'm wrong, he already had a house, a wife, and was a successful businessman. Now, if I had my life put together like that, HELL YES I WOULD TRY TO OBE! I would try to OBE every night. But I can't be putting all my energy into this, when my life here on earth, in the 3 dimensional space, is out of order. I spend more time trying to leave my body, then to learn how to be in it and find ways to make money. I need money. I really do. At this point in my life, I never thought I would ever care about money. I always knew that money isn't everything, and that money can't buy real friends or real love. But boy is money important in our world. How am I going to survive without money if I want to move out on my own?
And without money, how am I going to travel? I want to travel. I want to visit other states. I want to make friends. I want to explore THIS world. I want to learn Portuguese real well and travel to Brazil at some point. I want to visit the Amazon. I want to go to Thailand. I want to visit New York, which has been a dream of mine for so long, I almost feel like it will just be that, a dream. So many things I want to do on this planet, that I waste all my time trying to not be here. I understand I am miserable and not happy, but I can change all that. I know I can. But it won't happen if all I do is spend my free time trying to leave this reality, when I never perfected it. Once I perfect it, then I'll have an excuse to learn lessons in the Astral World. Until then, I need to find how to learn my lesson in this one. After all, that's why we are all here, to learn the lessons we came here to learn.
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