here we go again...
couldn't sleep from 12:30 till about 1:11am when i looked at the clock. i felt headache coming on... but it was mild 1, then 2... drank some water, but i felt it more in my sinus. then at 1:46am it hit me at 7.. then 8, and 9 and shit i wanted to die.
i think it's the food, though. i wanted to puke at certain times. i ate frozen burrito and something in it probably triggered it. i'll have to look at the wrapper tomorrow. lasted until 2:26am. 40 mins of hell. i really need to start eating healthier.
i jump started my MA again, and my sifu is still alive thank god, but i still eat like shit. i mean it isn't the worst. but i guess that's the price for not having a woman in my life. always eating whatever i could find or whatever doesn't look like poison (i dont eat junk food or any shit tier food).
anyway, i'll try to get some sleep. maybe take a sleeping pill. gotta wake up for work in 4 hours. fuck my life... these headaches drain all my energy
Showing posts with label Cluster Headaches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cluster Headaches. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Thursday, July 4, 2019
Cluster Headache
woke up at 5:47am with a Cluster Headache at about a 6 > drank some water > it kept going > in about 10 mins it went up to a 7. then it just kept rising and it hit like a 9 where I wanted to straight kms. lasted until 6:30am and then started coming down to 8, 7, 6, and eventually faded.
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Wheat Starch and Corn Starch trigger Cluster Headaches
So about a year ago, I found these Hi-Chew bites. I love Hi-Chews, and Mango flavor is my favorite. So, I bought 2 of these and ate them. Then without me being aware, I started having cluster headaches each time I ate these. Lasting for around 50 mins, it was really intense. I wanted to die it hurt so bad. Finally, one day after purchasing and eating these, I put 2 and 2 together and realized they were the cause of my headaches. The main ingredient that caused them was Wheat Starch
I am finally going through my closet cleaning all my crap, and throwing away stuff I never use. And I found this sitting there for me to research. So, I am finally blogging this out because I am really working hard cleaning my soul and all the clutter that it accumulated.
Is it something that I can prove, meaning Starch is the cause of my headaches? No. But it's the only ingredient that jumped out at me, when I was reading the ingredients list. Plus, I came across this article. So, apparently Starch also causes Migraine Headaches as well...
https://migraine.com/stories/wheat-will-trigger-a-migraine/
10/26/19 Edit
Corn Starch in Evol Organic frozen burrito
Again, going through my old stuff and finally got around to looking at the ingredients of this burrito that gave me a cluster headache. Lo and behold, it has Corn Starch! So, I'd say stay away from anything with starch in it to avoid cluster headaches or any headaches for that matter. I am no doctor but this is kind of a big coincidence
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Hell on Earth (Last night)
Last night I had the worst case of a Cluster Headache in 2018.
to start things off, I ate this delicious lemon cake in a plastic container that was out for all at a kitchen in the building I was visiting at work. There was 5 of them, so I took 1 for me. It was good, but very fattening and creamy. Then after work I felt so bad physically, I couldn't even eat dinner or study for my upcoming test I been studying almost for the last year. I just laid in bed feeling physically weak, and my stomach was really giving me "I don't want to eat nothing" signals.
I felt so weak, I literally didn't do nothing all day after work but lay in bed. But I couldn't sleep neither. Just laid there for an hour with eyes closed. I don't remember what I did the rest of the day when I got up. By around 10pm, I was so tired and sleepy sitting at my computer I thought I will go to bed early that night.
When it came time to go to bed, it was around 11ish pm. I already ate, flossed my teeth and was in bed. I felt sleepy but couldn't sleep. My mind kept racing, and I couldn't stop thinking about stuff talking to myself with eyes closed. I couldn't sleep until around 1:30 until I decided to take a sleeping pill. Still, I couldn't sleep until 3am. Then I don't exactly remember if I fell asleep or kept laying there, but at around 3:30am I opened my eyes and felt a headache coming on. I usually just lay there for 5-10 mins and wait for the headache to subside, but this wasn't one of those nights.
The headache started growing and morphing into a monster. My sinus were full, as I had trouble breathing the whole night, but this time I felt things dripping inside my forehead area. I got up and drank some water. That didn't help. I ate some pretzels, and drank more water. The headache started to grow out of control. At this stage I was in extreme pain feeling like someone is stabbing me in my forehead. Sinus dripping from my left nostril as I use tissues one after another, throwing them on the floor. I opened my window to get some fresh air, but that did not work at all. So I kept holding my head, moaning like a tortured victim, and praying to god to take the pain away. Nothing I did helped, and I suffered like a helpless baby for the next 50 mins.
at around 4:20ish am Cluster Headache finally started to leave me little by little. Until I felt the after effect shocks, like an earthquake leaving an area.
Was going to blog about this after the headache but I was exhausted and lazy. Went to bed, and fell asleep. Couldn't wake up on time, and was late for work as a result.
I am never eating any fattening junk food like that ever again. I literally felt this lemon pie in my system the night this headache from hell came. I was about to go to bed 20 mins ago, but thought I'll blog about this for my records. THE most painful headache of 2018! I wanted to literally die. I wonder if people off themselves who deal with cluster headaches. so painful, I cannot even put it into words. Anyway, I need to get some rest. Good night.
to start things off, I ate this delicious lemon cake in a plastic container that was out for all at a kitchen in the building I was visiting at work. There was 5 of them, so I took 1 for me. It was good, but very fattening and creamy. Then after work I felt so bad physically, I couldn't even eat dinner or study for my upcoming test I been studying almost for the last year. I just laid in bed feeling physically weak, and my stomach was really giving me "I don't want to eat nothing" signals.
I felt so weak, I literally didn't do nothing all day after work but lay in bed. But I couldn't sleep neither. Just laid there for an hour with eyes closed. I don't remember what I did the rest of the day when I got up. By around 10pm, I was so tired and sleepy sitting at my computer I thought I will go to bed early that night.
When it came time to go to bed, it was around 11ish pm. I already ate, flossed my teeth and was in bed. I felt sleepy but couldn't sleep. My mind kept racing, and I couldn't stop thinking about stuff talking to myself with eyes closed. I couldn't sleep until around 1:30 until I decided to take a sleeping pill. Still, I couldn't sleep until 3am. Then I don't exactly remember if I fell asleep or kept laying there, but at around 3:30am I opened my eyes and felt a headache coming on. I usually just lay there for 5-10 mins and wait for the headache to subside, but this wasn't one of those nights.
The headache started growing and morphing into a monster. My sinus were full, as I had trouble breathing the whole night, but this time I felt things dripping inside my forehead area. I got up and drank some water. That didn't help. I ate some pretzels, and drank more water. The headache started to grow out of control. At this stage I was in extreme pain feeling like someone is stabbing me in my forehead. Sinus dripping from my left nostril as I use tissues one after another, throwing them on the floor. I opened my window to get some fresh air, but that did not work at all. So I kept holding my head, moaning like a tortured victim, and praying to god to take the pain away. Nothing I did helped, and I suffered like a helpless baby for the next 50 mins.
at around 4:20ish am Cluster Headache finally started to leave me little by little. Until I felt the after effect shocks, like an earthquake leaving an area.
Was going to blog about this after the headache but I was exhausted and lazy. Went to bed, and fell asleep. Couldn't wake up on time, and was late for work as a result.
I am never eating any fattening junk food like that ever again. I literally felt this lemon pie in my system the night this headache from hell came. I was about to go to bed 20 mins ago, but thought I'll blog about this for my records. THE most painful headache of 2018! I wanted to literally die. I wonder if people off themselves who deal with cluster headaches. so painful, I cannot even put it into words. Anyway, I need to get some rest. Good night.
Friday, May 18, 2018
Weird Dream about a Girl
so last night I had the weirdest dream. I am at some party or some social gathering or maybe some sort of vacation getaway? I don't remember the whole thing. Then I talk to one blonde white girl at some point, and she's not feeling me. Then I just brush her off, and she walks away. Then there is this other brunette girl (at first I thought she was Indian, but I think she was white with dark features with tanned skin. maybe Sicilian) that sits with me and falls into my arms. I start talking with her. The 1st girl notices this. After a few moments I tell her..
Me: Hey, maybe we should get something to eat. I wanna take you out sometime.
Her: Really??
and then I don't remember the rest of the convo. but then she gets up and stands in front of me a few feet away where I can have a good look at her fully (torso to face), and then she says "and you waited for me all your life" while she throws her naked arms to her sides. Then I woke up shortly.
I had 2 small cluster headaches, though. 1 at 4:19am that woke me up. It was getting worse, so I drank some water, opened my window and breathed deeply for a while. Went away after 15 mins. Went back to sleep. The second was at 6ish am, but I went back to sleep. Did the same thing, and it seemed to help. My alarm rang at 6:36am so I had some sleep. I think it was sinus, though. I felt it dripping inside my head a little.
Me: Hey, maybe we should get something to eat. I wanna take you out sometime.
Her: Really??
and then I don't remember the rest of the convo. but then she gets up and stands in front of me a few feet away where I can have a good look at her fully (torso to face), and then she says "and you waited for me all your life" while she throws her naked arms to her sides. Then I woke up shortly.
I had 2 small cluster headaches, though. 1 at 4:19am that woke me up. It was getting worse, so I drank some water, opened my window and breathed deeply for a while. Went away after 15 mins. Went back to sleep. The second was at 6ish am, but I went back to sleep. Did the same thing, and it seemed to help. My alarm rang at 6:36am so I had some sleep. I think it was sinus, though. I felt it dripping inside my head a little.
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
headache woke me
cluster headache woke me 50 mins ago at 2am. went up so severe to 8-9 that eventually my whole left sinus side was full. sometimes I wonder if headaches are caused due to so much energy of a person's soul it cant hold it within one body so it leaks out through headaches. just a thought not sure is based in reality. im just glad af its over, bit i still feel 2-3 scale remnants. this pain hurts so much omfg.. dun wish it on my worst enemy.
Wednesday, July 19, 2017
here we go again
another day, another cluster headache. started about 15 mins ago at 1. now at about 4. i took a break at work, went outside to take deep breaths of fresh air, and it JUST starting to go down as I started typing this. breathing deeply seem to be helping a lot. I drove these headaches away like this the whole year. I guess I was really lazy today and didn't start doing breathing exercises till headache got to 4. blogging for my records.
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
cluster headaches 1-11
1) 12/13 woke up at 3am last night with left sinus all clogged up. headache lasted for around 30 mins. i swear. i dont wanna exist when it hits. then woke up again 2 hours later with another headache. just blogging for my records.
2) 12/14 woke up at 2:15am with a bad headache. got worse. my left side was empty, but then it got clogged, and painful like a headache from hell! lasted for 40 mins. i could've needed oxygen. in-law with windows closed for more than 24 hrs. candles were burning 2 hours before bed. opened window and went outside after 30 mins of severe pain. seemed to help. i wanted to die. worst headache of the year
3) 12/16 was at a club. drank 2 bears and the headache hit me. this was at around 1:20ish am. went outside for fresh air. it wasn't that strong-about 4-5. lasted maybe 30 mins. i wanted to hang out with on tranny i was talking with, but headache fucked it up.
4) 12/20 at around 3:10 am started feeling something. got up, drank water, ate crackers. headache was coming on, but went away after about 15 mins. tried to sleep-couldnt. at around 4:10am same feeling came back, stronger and stronger until a full blown headach to 7-8. it was bad. lasted about 40 mins. stopped at 4:54am my left sinus side was all fucked up, drained from my nose.
5) 12/20 fell asleep at 5am. had an OBE. woke up at 5:30am and started to feel another headache. then it really hit me. lasted another 40 mins until 6:14am. had a severe peak-very painful but not as painful at the former.
6) 12/22 woke up at 4:45am with headache. again, sinus dripping on left side. drank water with crackers-nothing. but turned on the heater, and the headache disappeared almost completely within 5 minutes. stopped at 5:05. by 5:10am I did not feel a thing. it is really cold. maybe weather has something to do with this? I drank 2 cups of tea today, plus maybe another full cup at home throughout the day after work. plus, serial with soy milk. so you'd think I had enough liquid. but maybe not. still. once a headache hits, usually it lasts a good 30-50 mins. first time went away so quick. will try heater again next time after eating and drinking next time.
7) 12/22 I think I slept until 6:36. alarm rang. headache starting. then it got much worse and lasted for around 50 minutes. it started going away at 7:29 when I should've been going to work.
8) 12/23 here we go again. woke up at 2:45am with a headache, and and 3:37am and only within the last 10 mins it has been coming down. yeah, i just hope i wont wake up again. this is getting really exhausting. I'll turn on the heater to keep the room warm. let's see if it's this extreme cold weather. could be. I even drank 3 cups of tea today. i'll try 4 at work today. see if that helps. but i think it could be the cold. we'll see.
9) 12/24 was at a bar with my friend, and drank some unknown bear brand. it was a huge glass cup. then when we hopped to a different bar, she bought me Corona. I drank about 20% and got hit with a huge headache at around 12:55am. Then went to another bar and I was fucked up the entire time. headache lasted a good 3 hours. but even then it was at 20% when I fell asleep at around 4am. the next morning, still 12/24, I had headache all day.
10) 12/30 stopped a headache by rubbing my neck to let the blood in/out of my brain. then as i drove to get some falafel wrap, headache came back. lasted 50 mins from 3:20 to 4:10pm
11) 12/31 didnt eat anything except crackers for breakfast and water. friend was bringing pupposas but ate there herself. took too long so headache kicked in. had it for an hour at about 15%. then it hit me hard. dont know how long it lasted. was too fucked up and didnt care afterwards. was too exhausted and drained. my friend arrived half-way in and witnessed my torture. i freaked her out lol, crawling on all fours acting like possesed. it fucking hurt. wtf was i supposed to do.
2) 12/14 woke up at 2:15am with a bad headache. got worse. my left side was empty, but then it got clogged, and painful like a headache from hell! lasted for 40 mins. i could've needed oxygen. in-law with windows closed for more than 24 hrs. candles were burning 2 hours before bed. opened window and went outside after 30 mins of severe pain. seemed to help. i wanted to die. worst headache of the year
3) 12/16 was at a club. drank 2 bears and the headache hit me. this was at around 1:20ish am. went outside for fresh air. it wasn't that strong-about 4-5. lasted maybe 30 mins. i wanted to hang out with on tranny i was talking with, but headache fucked it up.
4) 12/20 at around 3:10 am started feeling something. got up, drank water, ate crackers. headache was coming on, but went away after about 15 mins. tried to sleep-couldnt. at around 4:10am same feeling came back, stronger and stronger until a full blown headach to 7-8. it was bad. lasted about 40 mins. stopped at 4:54am my left sinus side was all fucked up, drained from my nose.
5) 12/20 fell asleep at 5am. had an OBE. woke up at 5:30am and started to feel another headache. then it really hit me. lasted another 40 mins until 6:14am. had a severe peak-very painful but not as painful at the former.
6) 12/22 woke up at 4:45am with headache. again, sinus dripping on left side. drank water with crackers-nothing. but turned on the heater, and the headache disappeared almost completely within 5 minutes. stopped at 5:05. by 5:10am I did not feel a thing. it is really cold. maybe weather has something to do with this? I drank 2 cups of tea today, plus maybe another full cup at home throughout the day after work. plus, serial with soy milk. so you'd think I had enough liquid. but maybe not. still. once a headache hits, usually it lasts a good 30-50 mins. first time went away so quick. will try heater again next time after eating and drinking next time.
7) 12/22 I think I slept until 6:36. alarm rang. headache starting. then it got much worse and lasted for around 50 minutes. it started going away at 7:29 when I should've been going to work.
8) 12/23 here we go again. woke up at 2:45am with a headache, and and 3:37am and only within the last 10 mins it has been coming down. yeah, i just hope i wont wake up again. this is getting really exhausting. I'll turn on the heater to keep the room warm. let's see if it's this extreme cold weather. could be. I even drank 3 cups of tea today. i'll try 4 at work today. see if that helps. but i think it could be the cold. we'll see.
9) 12/24 was at a bar with my friend, and drank some unknown bear brand. it was a huge glass cup. then when we hopped to a different bar, she bought me Corona. I drank about 20% and got hit with a huge headache at around 12:55am. Then went to another bar and I was fucked up the entire time. headache lasted a good 3 hours. but even then it was at 20% when I fell asleep at around 4am. the next morning, still 12/24, I had headache all day.
10) 12/30 stopped a headache by rubbing my neck to let the blood in/out of my brain. then as i drove to get some falafel wrap, headache came back. lasted 50 mins from 3:20 to 4:10pm
11) 12/31 didnt eat anything except crackers for breakfast and water. friend was bringing pupposas but ate there herself. took too long so headache kicked in. had it for an hour at about 15%. then it hit me hard. dont know how long it lasted. was too fucked up and didnt care afterwards. was too exhausted and drained. my friend arrived half-way in and witnessed my torture. i freaked her out lol, crawling on all fours acting like possesed. it fucking hurt. wtf was i supposed to do.
Friday, January 15, 2016
1. Cluster Headache
so as I document my long life battle of cluster headaches, I got my 1st one of the year.
had a hard time sleeping. finally fell asleep at around 2am; woke up at around 4:19am.
I've been drinking not enough water lately, maybe 3-4 cups per day. as I didn't have any headaches, i figured I could get away with it.
went to the kitchen and drank a cup of water. opened my window and started to breath in fresh air with deep breaths in and out.
headache lasted for about 10 mins until 4:29. this was either lack of water, lack of oxygen, or both. it was about a 4/10.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
why do friends always let you down?
or maybe it's just the friends that I make... I have two stories that I will share. the second one is more serious. here is the first.
it's about my tranny friend. last time I blogged about her was when I didn't give her $400 for her mom's ticket back to Mexico, when I said I would. we ended up hanging out because I called her, and she told me she's 'old school' and doesn't call guys. so I realized that I am supposed to call her. fast forward to a Thursday from last week, this was 2/5. I get a text from her...
Her: are you ready?
Me: for what?
Her: for something!!!
Her: did you cash ur check already?
okay, at this point I knew she needed money. this was my first check that I still didn't cash at the time with my new job. she told me she needs a $300 loan that she'll pay me back in 2 weeks. I ask if I could give her the money the next day, and she said "no, I need the money now!" I hate this, always have. when people push me to give them my money right away. feeling rushed like this, I know something is not right. so I had all my cases at work done, so I take a break and drive to my bank, get $300, and head back. I tell her that I'll bring the money in a few hours after the traffic dies down. Then she texts me...
Her: hey you want to eat burritos. I am at the best burrito place in the world
(this was the place I've been trying to make her go for months, but she refused every time)
Me: No I just ate
Her: I'm not at home but thanks anyway I'll C U other day :)
Me: What?
Her: I don't need the money. I'm not at home. I'll C U other day. Thanks :)
(at this point I get really mad and realize she called some other sucker to give her the money)
Me: Wth? you treat me like crap. Have me running around town doing things for u n then u say "never mind"
Her: I'm sorry
At this point, I was like FUCK THIS BITCH!!!!!!!! I do so much for her, but she treats me like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried telling this to her in the past, but she just wouldn't listen. We make plans, and she'd just break them like it's nothing.
When I told her I'll buy her mom's ticket, she was acting weird. She said "my mom leaves on the 21st". So, in my mind, I'm thinking "oh, she already got the ticket if she knows the date". but it was her way of telling me to give her the money. Then afterwards when I ended up calling her, she was giving me a lecture on how "if you say you'll do something, you should do it". But when I was helping her grocery shop, she said the following, "when my mom leaves, I'll invite you over, and teach you how to cook". So recently I brought that up, and she said "I never said that! I was high or I was drunk". I was thinking WOW! so when she says things, and never does them, that's okay? She does this all the fucking time! But when I do it once, and all because of her ass backwards, confusing ass communication, then I get to hear a lecture from her? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I been really distant lately, not wanting to talk to her. I actually got a "Happy Valentines" text from her, and was surprised. She never texts me on holidays, not even on the new years! I definitely think she knows what's up. And I was actually looking to move in with her to help pay her rent. Living in her living would be a nightmare. I'd be seeing different men come in and out of her room to pay her money for her time (no sex, since she just had her pussy done 2 months ago). But yeah, it would be a nightmare. Plus, her fucking dogs barking, and I'd be in the middle of this freak show. I was going to tell her that if she wants me there, I'd have to take her room, but doesn't look like this will happen. I'm tired of going out of my way to help other people, when I don't even take the steps to help me first. On one hand, this girl acts like we're good friends, and the next moment she acts like we just met and I'm a nobody or isn't important to her. fuckouttahere!!!!!!!!! you can keep your other drone bees who work for you, bringing you money. I am not the one! I won't be calling her for a while, at least until I get better with what happened to me down below.
The 2nd story is much worse, much worse!
My old Macy's co-worker whom flaked on me on the New Years invited me to snowboard with her and our other co-worker. Neither of us work at Macy's any longer, but I thought yeah, let's do this. I never snowboarded before. So, the guy would ski, and me and her would snowboard. I am going to skip the first part, but will get back to it later.
We get to Tahoe, spend the night there at a motel, get our rented gear, go up the mountain, and since I am new I wanna take a snowboarding class. So my female friend says "oh, man, it's expensive. don't take it. I'll come with you and teach you." So, we take a slide up to the basic mountain that's for beginners. get off the seats that bring us there, and her glove ripped from the inside. so, I am sitting there in the snow waiting for her. She keeps talking about it, and lagging. "oh man, it ripped, I have to go get another one". 5 mins go by, still there sitting in snow, 10 mins, still there. I am thinking WTF!?!?!?!? I WANNA SNOWBOARD!!! but I'm sitting there waiting for this friend playing with her glove. I tell her look I wanna snowboard, give me some tips. she says "go slow, and if anything, fall on your butt." So, I say okay, and off I go. I have no clue how to snowboard and have never done it before in my life. I start going fast and straight down the mountain. I panic and what do I do? what my teacher told me to, fall on my butt. I feel pain and like I hurt myself. I get up but feel this buzz up in my ass, like a nerve. I sit a little bit. Then manage to get on my feet. a guy near by teaches me this technique of banana slide where you go side to side and not directly down the mountain. She still hasn't come down. I wait for her 5 more mins. Then do the banana slide, which works amazingly btw, I go slow and learn to snowboard a little. sit down and wait, she still hasn't come down. calls me on the phone and I tell her i'm injured, she acts weird and I still don't see her. I eventually came down seeing my male friend.
I told him the story, and man... headache hits me... it hits me hard. I am fucked up for good 50 mins sitting there with him waiting for me. Afterwards I tell him, let's go ski! We get up to slides, but the nerve in my back hits me hard. holy fuck!!!!! it hurts really bad, so I say "i don't think i'll be able to do this". So I say just go ski, I'll just wait for you. then eventually they were both done, and she wasn't too concerned. I could still walk, so they don't even bring it up again. We give our rented gear back and, driving back home. on the way, she was having fun talking, and laughing in the car, without a worry in the world, not concerned and almost forgot about my injury.
Long story short, I was in such a pain, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to work on Monday. I went to ER, and turns out I broke my pelvic bone. I was thinking about it, and I could've been in a wheel chair right now! And all because my friend didn't care enough about helping me snowboard, because she was too busy adjusting her ripped glove on her hand. so now, I can't work, I don't get paid since I am a contractor and contractors don't get PTO, and I just stay home all day waiting for my body to be healed.
looking back, the whole trip was a disaster. she didn't let me know the details until I called the male friend. she said we'd leave around 6, but it was around 8:30pm. Tbh, I thought she flaked on me again. We got there at around 9pm, and she still made us wait for her because she had to 'help her co-workers' when we already made plans. wtf!?!?!?! I mean, what type of friend is this? she cares more about her co-workers, than her friends she makes plans with? she cares more about her fucking glove than her friend going down the mountain BY HIMSELF WITHOUT EVER SNOWBOARDING BEFORE? I will never go snowboarding with her again. She is selfish, and doesn't care about other people. it's always about her. I should've just not went, but oh well. I did, and paid the price for it.
I already said this before, but I'll say it again. Good friends are hard to find. That's why I remain alone, and prefer it that way. Fuck people! They will always let you down, or find ways to take advantage of you.
2/27/15
just came across this pic, and it resonates with me perfectly at this point of my life. when this realization sinks in, it really hurts. but it is the truth! when people don't care, there is not much you could do but just let them go... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't feel like being bothered right now. story of my life-being alone, and not wanting to go out to face the world. the less I see of it, the better I feel about myself, and about my life.
it's about my tranny friend. last time I blogged about her was when I didn't give her $400 for her mom's ticket back to Mexico, when I said I would. we ended up hanging out because I called her, and she told me she's 'old school' and doesn't call guys. so I realized that I am supposed to call her. fast forward to a Thursday from last week, this was 2/5. I get a text from her...
Her: are you ready?
Me: for what?
Her: for something!!!
Her: did you cash ur check already?
okay, at this point I knew she needed money. this was my first check that I still didn't cash at the time with my new job. she told me she needs a $300 loan that she'll pay me back in 2 weeks. I ask if I could give her the money the next day, and she said "no, I need the money now!" I hate this, always have. when people push me to give them my money right away. feeling rushed like this, I know something is not right. so I had all my cases at work done, so I take a break and drive to my bank, get $300, and head back. I tell her that I'll bring the money in a few hours after the traffic dies down. Then she texts me...
Her: hey you want to eat burritos. I am at the best burrito place in the world
(this was the place I've been trying to make her go for months, but she refused every time)
Me: No I just ate
Her: I'm not at home but thanks anyway I'll C U other day :)
Me: What?
Her: I don't need the money. I'm not at home. I'll C U other day. Thanks :)
(at this point I get really mad and realize she called some other sucker to give her the money)
Me: Wth? you treat me like crap. Have me running around town doing things for u n then u say "never mind"
Her: I'm sorry
At this point, I was like FUCK THIS BITCH!!!!!!!! I do so much for her, but she treats me like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried telling this to her in the past, but she just wouldn't listen. We make plans, and she'd just break them like it's nothing.
When I told her I'll buy her mom's ticket, she was acting weird. She said "my mom leaves on the 21st". So, in my mind, I'm thinking "oh, she already got the ticket if she knows the date". but it was her way of telling me to give her the money. Then afterwards when I ended up calling her, she was giving me a lecture on how "if you say you'll do something, you should do it". But when I was helping her grocery shop, she said the following, "when my mom leaves, I'll invite you over, and teach you how to cook". So recently I brought that up, and she said "I never said that! I was high or I was drunk". I was thinking WOW! so when she says things, and never does them, that's okay? She does this all the fucking time! But when I do it once, and all because of her ass backwards, confusing ass communication, then I get to hear a lecture from her? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I been really distant lately, not wanting to talk to her. I actually got a "Happy Valentines" text from her, and was surprised. She never texts me on holidays, not even on the new years! I definitely think she knows what's up. And I was actually looking to move in with her to help pay her rent. Living in her living would be a nightmare. I'd be seeing different men come in and out of her room to pay her money for her time (no sex, since she just had her pussy done 2 months ago). But yeah, it would be a nightmare. Plus, her fucking dogs barking, and I'd be in the middle of this freak show. I was going to tell her that if she wants me there, I'd have to take her room, but doesn't look like this will happen. I'm tired of going out of my way to help other people, when I don't even take the steps to help me first. On one hand, this girl acts like we're good friends, and the next moment she acts like we just met and I'm a nobody or isn't important to her. fuckouttahere!!!!!!!!! you can keep your other drone bees who work for you, bringing you money. I am not the one! I won't be calling her for a while, at least until I get better with what happened to me down below.
The 2nd story is much worse, much worse!
My old Macy's co-worker whom flaked on me on the New Years invited me to snowboard with her and our other co-worker. Neither of us work at Macy's any longer, but I thought yeah, let's do this. I never snowboarded before. So, the guy would ski, and me and her would snowboard. I am going to skip the first part, but will get back to it later.
We get to Tahoe, spend the night there at a motel, get our rented gear, go up the mountain, and since I am new I wanna take a snowboarding class. So my female friend says "oh, man, it's expensive. don't take it. I'll come with you and teach you." So, we take a slide up to the basic mountain that's for beginners. get off the seats that bring us there, and her glove ripped from the inside. so, I am sitting there in the snow waiting for her. She keeps talking about it, and lagging. "oh man, it ripped, I have to go get another one". 5 mins go by, still there sitting in snow, 10 mins, still there. I am thinking WTF!?!?!?!? I WANNA SNOWBOARD!!! but I'm sitting there waiting for this friend playing with her glove. I tell her look I wanna snowboard, give me some tips. she says "go slow, and if anything, fall on your butt." So, I say okay, and off I go. I have no clue how to snowboard and have never done it before in my life. I start going fast and straight down the mountain. I panic and what do I do? what my teacher told me to, fall on my butt. I feel pain and like I hurt myself. I get up but feel this buzz up in my ass, like a nerve. I sit a little bit. Then manage to get on my feet. a guy near by teaches me this technique of banana slide where you go side to side and not directly down the mountain. She still hasn't come down. I wait for her 5 more mins. Then do the banana slide, which works amazingly btw, I go slow and learn to snowboard a little. sit down and wait, she still hasn't come down. calls me on the phone and I tell her i'm injured, she acts weird and I still don't see her. I eventually came down seeing my male friend.
I told him the story, and man... headache hits me... it hits me hard. I am fucked up for good 50 mins sitting there with him waiting for me. Afterwards I tell him, let's go ski! We get up to slides, but the nerve in my back hits me hard. holy fuck!!!!! it hurts really bad, so I say "i don't think i'll be able to do this". So I say just go ski, I'll just wait for you. then eventually they were both done, and she wasn't too concerned. I could still walk, so they don't even bring it up again. We give our rented gear back and, driving back home. on the way, she was having fun talking, and laughing in the car, without a worry in the world, not concerned and almost forgot about my injury.
Long story short, I was in such a pain, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to work on Monday. I went to ER, and turns out I broke my pelvic bone. I was thinking about it, and I could've been in a wheel chair right now! And all because my friend didn't care enough about helping me snowboard, because she was too busy adjusting her ripped glove on her hand. so now, I can't work, I don't get paid since I am a contractor and contractors don't get PTO, and I just stay home all day waiting for my body to be healed.
looking back, the whole trip was a disaster. she didn't let me know the details until I called the male friend. she said we'd leave around 6, but it was around 8:30pm. Tbh, I thought she flaked on me again. We got there at around 9pm, and she still made us wait for her because she had to 'help her co-workers' when we already made plans. wtf!?!?!?! I mean, what type of friend is this? she cares more about her co-workers, than her friends she makes plans with? she cares more about her fucking glove than her friend going down the mountain BY HIMSELF WITHOUT EVER SNOWBOARDING BEFORE? I will never go snowboarding with her again. She is selfish, and doesn't care about other people. it's always about her. I should've just not went, but oh well. I did, and paid the price for it.
I already said this before, but I'll say it again. Good friends are hard to find. That's why I remain alone, and prefer it that way. Fuck people! They will always let you down, or find ways to take advantage of you.
2/27/15
just came across this pic, and it resonates with me perfectly at this point of my life. when this realization sinks in, it really hurts. but it is the truth! when people don't care, there is not much you could do but just let them go... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't feel like being bothered right now. story of my life-being alone, and not wanting to go out to face the world. the less I see of it, the better I feel about myself, and about my life.
Friday, February 13, 2015
another headache coming on
2/14/15
another headache started at 9:10am. i took advil, and thought it would help me like it did last time. it worked about 20 mins in. but headache lasted until 9:47 so it didn't seem like advil did anything.
I woke up from a nap at 6:30am (from 12:30), and went back to sleep at 7:30. i think that i need to eat and drink after naps. my body needs food. i used to be able to prevent headaches by drinking water and stay eating (water especially). but now that doesn't work. ate cereal and drank water but didn't prevent the headache. upon wakening at 9am i felt a very mild headache and thought id get up and eat/drink. nothing. no result. thank god it's over now.
-Date of the time this post was made-
wow.. fuck my life. its getting more and more intense. i took a hit but actually it was a dud. i don't think weed will help me anyway. these headaches are inevitable and are all sinense based. fuck it hurts it hurts so bad i wanna off myself. i don't wanna exist feeling this. it is the most intense and severe pain. like someone is sliding a knife in your eye and your head.
another headache started at 9:10am. i took advil, and thought it would help me like it did last time. it worked about 20 mins in. but headache lasted until 9:47 so it didn't seem like advil did anything.
I woke up from a nap at 6:30am (from 12:30), and went back to sleep at 7:30. i think that i need to eat and drink after naps. my body needs food. i used to be able to prevent headaches by drinking water and stay eating (water especially). but now that doesn't work. ate cereal and drank water but didn't prevent the headache. upon wakening at 9am i felt a very mild headache and thought id get up and eat/drink. nothing. no result. thank god it's over now.
-Date of the time this post was made-
wow.. fuck my life. its getting more and more intense. i took a hit but actually it was a dud. i don't think weed will help me anyway. these headaches are inevitable and are all sinense based. fuck it hurts it hurts so bad i wanna off myself. i don't wanna exist feeling this. it is the most intense and severe pain. like someone is sliding a knife in your eye and your head.
headache
another one just passed, draining my sinus. lasted a good 50 mins. not as intense as last time, but still hurts like a bitch. i hate this season.
holy fuck. so 30 mins later... ANOTHER headache hits me. i was in the middle of eating, so i go in my room and lay yelling periodically holding my head in a pillow thinking 'i hate my life'. my mom comes in my room, sits next to me and tries taking it away with her hands. i was like ok whatever i really don't wanna be bothered right now, but i don't mind this.
then... she starts giving me a lecture about my diet. I was like wtf?! gtfo here!!!!! don't talk to me. stupid bitch. is she insane? does she not realize she is making my headache worse? who talks down on someone in pain!?!?? fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
holy fuck. so 30 mins later... ANOTHER headache hits me. i was in the middle of eating, so i go in my room and lay yelling periodically holding my head in a pillow thinking 'i hate my life'. my mom comes in my room, sits next to me and tries taking it away with her hands. i was like ok whatever i really don't wanna be bothered right now, but i don't mind this.
then... she starts giving me a lecture about my diet. I was like wtf?! gtfo here!!!!! don't talk to me. stupid bitch. is she insane? does she not realize she is making my headache worse? who talks down on someone in pain!?!?? fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, February 12, 2015
woke up from another cluster headache
at 2:10, i wake up, mild headache. holy fuck then it got worse. i felt like i was being my ass kicked. my god it was painful. lasted until 2:50, then the after shocks were still kicking it till about 2:55. now it's calming down and almost 3 am. it could've been sinus this time cuz my nose is tripping, but i think i didn't drink enough water the whole day. i only drank one mug instead of 2. that's very little. will have to drink 2 per day minimum. i just got behind with my user having problem at work. my own fault.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
cluster headache at work
i slept about 3 hours last night, and think this could have been the cause. but today when I was doing a swap at my user's desk, I got hit with a headache bad. i went to the bathroom and suffered there in agony for about half an hour till it came down. i still was fucked up for the rest of the day. these things take all the energy out of me.
i swear, i wanna be dead when i feel this pain. it's like someone is stabbing me in my head. i think i am ready for ayahuasca. if i can take this much suffering, i can sure as hell take whatever aya can put me through. that's what i realized today. the fear will always be there. but I really wanna try magic mushrooms first. it's hard to find a ceremony, though, unless i wanna go to mexico.
i swear, i wanna be dead when i feel this pain. it's like someone is stabbing me in my head. i think i am ready for ayahuasca. if i can take this much suffering, i can sure as hell take whatever aya can put me through. that's what i realized today. the fear will always be there. but I really wanna try magic mushrooms first. it's hard to find a ceremony, though, unless i wanna go to mexico.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
being sick sucks
so I have been smoking weed again almost every day. it got so bad, my body was rejecting it and i was coughing like crazy. i took a 2.5 day break and then smoked again with my tranny friend. next day i had a really bad runny nose. i thought its just allergies. but today i got so fucked up, i could not go to work. woke up with a fever. then after i slept really good my cluster headache began at around 11:30am. it lasted a whole 8 hours. i swear, i wanted to die it was so painful. i think it was my sinus dripping on the left side of my forehead. oh man... it took all my energy. even though it's mostly gone, i am drained...
fuck. being sick sucks. i think i'm gonna stop smoking weed for a while. my body can't handle all that smoke every day. i need to start listening to it instead of ignoring what it's telling me. second time i got sick cuz of this. my own fault.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
How to prevent Cluster Headaches
I have been having cluster headaches from around the age of 15, and found ways to reduce them by about 95% or even more. And this is without using an oxygen tank. I have maybe 2 to 3 cluster headaches per year, and they are usually seasonal. I know this guide may just be working for me, since we all have different bodies, but following it won't hurt if cluster headaches run your life.
How to prevent, stop, reduce, or alleviate Cluster Headaches:
1) Water - this is THE main reason why I would get cluster headaches. In fact, I just had one a few minutes ago. I woke up at 7am with a very mild cluster headache, and remembered right away that I didn't drink enough water throughout the day. I got up and drank a full glass of water. Headache lasted for 15 minutes. It went from very mild, to mild, back to very mild, and it disappeared. You got to drink enough water so that your piss is white throughout the day. So maybe about 6 to 8 full glasses of water throughout the day. I am approximating here. You got to use your own judgment. But be careful, drinking too much water too fast CAN kill you. So, drink a glass every hour or 2, and about 3 to 5 hours before going to bed you could stop.
2) Oxygen - I have personally never used an oxygen tank, but it is true that oxygen intake can lessen the headache. But that doesn't matter if you don't drink enough water! So, If I were to wake up just now from the headache and do heavy breathing, the headache would get worse and worse because I don't have enough water in my system, which also btw contains oxygen. I do martial arts. And the type of martial arts I practice has nothing to do with cardio, but more to do with building POWER! This prevents my lungs and brain from getting enough air. So, sometimes I got to breath really heavy by doing breathwork for maybe 5 to 10 minutes, or I do some forms that have more to do with moving around instead of standing in one spot. Another interesting fact is, if I do too much cardio (running, or playing any sort of sport too long like basketball, soccer, etc., I get a cluster headache). Which brings me to our next point...
3) Messaging Carotid Arteries - One time I had a severe case of a cluster headache when I was on a bus. I was in desperate need and as I looked out the window, I saw a Chinese acupressure place. I went in with my left eye all red dripping in tears explaining to the doctor about my headaches. He did a bunch of pressure work on me, and explained to me that my Carotid arteries are thinner than in some people. This prevents from blood fully getting to my brain. Hence, why I get these headaches when I exercise too much. I was going to this doctor for about a year with him doing acupressure work on me. The best way to do this is putting your palm around the back of your neck. Then wrap your hand around and press on the one carotid artery with your thumb, and the other with your remaining fingers. Then message your arteries with your fingers front to back while applying just enough pressure to the side of your neck. This will help to move the blood flow to your brain. Doing this a few times a week could decrease the number of cluster headaches you have.
4) Food - sometimes I would get cluster headaches when not eating enough food. This happened to me a few times. Let's say if I don't eat for 5 hours straight. It doesn't matter if I drink water. If I don't eat food, I could get a cluster headache. The best way to prevent this is to eat small portions of food every few hours WITH water, lol. And believe it or not, the type of food you eat also matters. I used to eat a lot of crap food. And this was around the time when I just started getting cluster headaches. By eating healthy, I prevent cluster headaches from occurring. Stay away from grease (french fries seem to be okay), junk food, or anything else that isn't healthy, and you'll decrease the amount of cluster headaches you have. Again, this may just be my body, as we all have bodies that function differently. So, use your own discretion on what your body needs as far as food, and what it doesn't. You put enough poison in your system, you will pay for it at some point. I just happen to pay with lots of pain. So, these headaches are keeping me healthy, so to speak.
*Edit* Stay away from Wheat Starch or Starch in general, as they cause Cluster Headaches https://libraliving.blogspot.com/2018/11/wheat-starch-triggered-cluster-headaches.html
5) Alcohol - One time I had a friend who suggested I drink one glass of red wine per day because "it's very healthy". Boy was I sorry. It was the biggest mistake of my life! I had a cluster headache from the pits of hell for 2 hours NON-STOP! I was screaming and holding my head as my blood vessels were bursting on my forehead, feeling like blood pressure was so high that it would pop my veins that were pumping blood in and out. It was that bad. Now, some guy recently told me that headaches occur from drinking red wine due to sulfites in it, but it may not be the case. All I will say is, STAY AWAY FROM ALCOHOL! This is the case for me. I could drink one beer, but after I drink more, I'll feel a headache coming. If I drink even more, then I'm screwed and low and behold cluster headache will greet me with open arms. Red wine just makes it 100x worse and hits me like a ton of bricks. But drinking alcohol in general, always gives me headaches. The only way I could drink is if I mix it with lots of water, orange juice, or other form of non-alcoholic liquid. I even gotta be careful drinking malt liquor, which has a very low alcohol.
6) Sleep - This may or may not be the case. But I remember back when I used to not sleep enough, I would get cluster headaches much more easily. So, get sufficient amount of sleep every night and you'll decrease the amount of headaches you have. Again, this has to do with what "sufficient" sleep means for YOUR body. I need 7-8 hours. I knew one guy who needed 5. Some people only need 3-4. You have to know your body, and give it what it needs, or suffer because you neglect it.
7) Bowel Movement - This is a very rare case, but it happened to me a few times. So, I feel like it is worth mentioning. This very last headache that I had earlier today had after shocks, sort of like an earthquake. So, I had tiny bits of pains popping up in my head even after drinking 2 glasses of water. That's the thing about cluster headaches. You got to do everything you can not to have one, or there may be another around the corner. Or worse is, most of the headache will dissipate, but the aftershocks of it will bug you. Or even in the worse case, which happened to me a few times, you will have a cluster headache for the rest of the day! So, back to today. After me feeling the after shocks, I emptied my bowels. And then the headache almost entirely disappeared. I did have a few more after shocks throughout the day, but they weren't as strong. So, make sure you don't need to go to the bathroom. And if you do, DO NOT PUSH OR FORCE IT OUT! You don't want to get hemorrhoids because you were too desperate to get rid of a headache.
Following this formula helps me to prevent having cluster headaches; maybe it will help you too. I cut down cluster headaches to about 2-5 per year, and they always tend to be seasonal and happen within a certain month. And when they do happen, it has to do with sinus. I always had allergies in my sinus. So, when I get these headaches, my left side of my nose and sinus above my eye gets clogged up draining discharge with my left eye turning red filled with tears. I am not sure how to stop these from occurring, exactly. I even used to cleanse my sinus with water filled with himalayan salt, but it doesn't appear to do anything long term.
Anyway, good luck and if you got any other methods that help you to prevent cluster headaches, leave a comment below so it could help other people. Thank you.
How to prevent, stop, reduce, or alleviate Cluster Headaches:
1) Water - this is THE main reason why I would get cluster headaches. In fact, I just had one a few minutes ago. I woke up at 7am with a very mild cluster headache, and remembered right away that I didn't drink enough water throughout the day. I got up and drank a full glass of water. Headache lasted for 15 minutes. It went from very mild, to mild, back to very mild, and it disappeared. You got to drink enough water so that your piss is white throughout the day. So maybe about 6 to 8 full glasses of water throughout the day. I am approximating here. You got to use your own judgment. But be careful, drinking too much water too fast CAN kill you. So, drink a glass every hour or 2, and about 3 to 5 hours before going to bed you could stop.
2) Oxygen - I have personally never used an oxygen tank, but it is true that oxygen intake can lessen the headache. But that doesn't matter if you don't drink enough water! So, If I were to wake up just now from the headache and do heavy breathing, the headache would get worse and worse because I don't have enough water in my system, which also btw contains oxygen. I do martial arts. And the type of martial arts I practice has nothing to do with cardio, but more to do with building POWER! This prevents my lungs and brain from getting enough air. So, sometimes I got to breath really heavy by doing breathwork for maybe 5 to 10 minutes, or I do some forms that have more to do with moving around instead of standing in one spot. Another interesting fact is, if I do too much cardio (running, or playing any sort of sport too long like basketball, soccer, etc., I get a cluster headache). Which brings me to our next point...
3) Messaging Carotid Arteries - One time I had a severe case of a cluster headache when I was on a bus. I was in desperate need and as I looked out the window, I saw a Chinese acupressure place. I went in with my left eye all red dripping in tears explaining to the doctor about my headaches. He did a bunch of pressure work on me, and explained to me that my Carotid arteries are thinner than in some people. This prevents from blood fully getting to my brain. Hence, why I get these headaches when I exercise too much. I was going to this doctor for about a year with him doing acupressure work on me. The best way to do this is putting your palm around the back of your neck. Then wrap your hand around and press on the one carotid artery with your thumb, and the other with your remaining fingers. Then message your arteries with your fingers front to back while applying just enough pressure to the side of your neck. This will help to move the blood flow to your brain. Doing this a few times a week could decrease the number of cluster headaches you have.
4) Food - sometimes I would get cluster headaches when not eating enough food. This happened to me a few times. Let's say if I don't eat for 5 hours straight. It doesn't matter if I drink water. If I don't eat food, I could get a cluster headache. The best way to prevent this is to eat small portions of food every few hours WITH water, lol. And believe it or not, the type of food you eat also matters. I used to eat a lot of crap food. And this was around the time when I just started getting cluster headaches. By eating healthy, I prevent cluster headaches from occurring. Stay away from grease (french fries seem to be okay), junk food, or anything else that isn't healthy, and you'll decrease the amount of cluster headaches you have. Again, this may just be my body, as we all have bodies that function differently. So, use your own discretion on what your body needs as far as food, and what it doesn't. You put enough poison in your system, you will pay for it at some point. I just happen to pay with lots of pain. So, these headaches are keeping me healthy, so to speak.
*Edit* Stay away from Wheat Starch or Starch in general, as they cause Cluster Headaches https://libraliving.blogspot.com/2018/11/wheat-starch-triggered-cluster-headaches.html
5) Alcohol - One time I had a friend who suggested I drink one glass of red wine per day because "it's very healthy". Boy was I sorry. It was the biggest mistake of my life! I had a cluster headache from the pits of hell for 2 hours NON-STOP! I was screaming and holding my head as my blood vessels were bursting on my forehead, feeling like blood pressure was so high that it would pop my veins that were pumping blood in and out. It was that bad. Now, some guy recently told me that headaches occur from drinking red wine due to sulfites in it, but it may not be the case. All I will say is, STAY AWAY FROM ALCOHOL! This is the case for me. I could drink one beer, but after I drink more, I'll feel a headache coming. If I drink even more, then I'm screwed and low and behold cluster headache will greet me with open arms. Red wine just makes it 100x worse and hits me like a ton of bricks. But drinking alcohol in general, always gives me headaches. The only way I could drink is if I mix it with lots of water, orange juice, or other form of non-alcoholic liquid. I even gotta be careful drinking malt liquor, which has a very low alcohol.
6) Sleep - This may or may not be the case. But I remember back when I used to not sleep enough, I would get cluster headaches much more easily. So, get sufficient amount of sleep every night and you'll decrease the amount of headaches you have. Again, this has to do with what "sufficient" sleep means for YOUR body. I need 7-8 hours. I knew one guy who needed 5. Some people only need 3-4. You have to know your body, and give it what it needs, or suffer because you neglect it.
7) Bowel Movement - This is a very rare case, but it happened to me a few times. So, I feel like it is worth mentioning. This very last headache that I had earlier today had after shocks, sort of like an earthquake. So, I had tiny bits of pains popping up in my head even after drinking 2 glasses of water. That's the thing about cluster headaches. You got to do everything you can not to have one, or there may be another around the corner. Or worse is, most of the headache will dissipate, but the aftershocks of it will bug you. Or even in the worse case, which happened to me a few times, you will have a cluster headache for the rest of the day! So, back to today. After me feeling the after shocks, I emptied my bowels. And then the headache almost entirely disappeared. I did have a few more after shocks throughout the day, but they weren't as strong. So, make sure you don't need to go to the bathroom. And if you do, DO NOT PUSH OR FORCE IT OUT! You don't want to get hemorrhoids because you were too desperate to get rid of a headache.
Following this formula helps me to prevent having cluster headaches; maybe it will help you too. I cut down cluster headaches to about 2-5 per year, and they always tend to be seasonal and happen within a certain month. And when they do happen, it has to do with sinus. I always had allergies in my sinus. So, when I get these headaches, my left side of my nose and sinus above my eye gets clogged up draining discharge with my left eye turning red filled with tears. I am not sure how to stop these from occurring, exactly. I even used to cleanse my sinus with water filled with himalayan salt, but it doesn't appear to do anything long term.
Anyway, good luck and if you got any other methods that help you to prevent cluster headaches, leave a comment below so it could help other people. Thank you.
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