so I been checking http://pazzyuno.blogspot.com, but looks like Paz made it private. Can't blame him since he sort of sons himself every time. 1st he talks about personal stuff, and then he links his blog on toxic hiphop/sports websites like sohh, colli, etc.. that's why I stopped posting on sohh. and even when I did, I stopped linking my blog there.
one of my favorite parts about Paz' blog is the gay troll that came through talking about "open your asscheeks for me pazzy. por favooooorrr" lmao. Topaz, if you're reading this, that troll wasn't me. but I still think he was funny af trolling you no homo.
but even then, Topaz blog got a little bit too gay for me after he came out of the closet. always talking about wanting a bf, rants about drama in the black gay community. either way, gl in life Topaz, in whatever you do. I don't blog much either. I really want to focus on my personal life but my fears always get the best of me. Working on changing that.
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Friday, December 1, 2017
Saturday, June 24, 2017
FUCK PRIDE!!
so last night I was planning on going to this upscale bar. my friend calls me and says "hey, there is this club and I read in a newspaper that they'll have a good DJ. check the site and call me." So I did and texted her that there will be multiple DJs, but it's a pride weekend and they rented the entire place (this club usually has 2 events so one club split in half). So she says let's do this! I get ready and pick her up.
We park a block away, and as we get there, LITERALLY 98% OF THE CROWD IS GAY! I WAS LIKE WTF!?!?! AM I IN A TWILIGHT ZONE? THIS ISN'T EVEN A GAY CLUB! so we wait a long ass time in line cuz I guess it was full. I tell her "let's go to a bar next door". She goes NOOOOOOOOOOO! we're almost in blah blah blah. We eventually get in, the cover is $40 EACH!! even though it says 20-30 on the website. now I know you're probably thinking, this can't get any worse, right? IT DOES! AT LEAST 60% OF THE MEN ARE HALF NAKED IN SHORTS WITH SHIRTS OFF!!
I'm like let's get drinks, so I lead her upstairs and buy 2. SHE DISAPPEARS WITHOUT TELLING ME ANYTHING. I just moved a little bit to the wall to stand on top of the stands because it was so crowded, I was spilling drinks as people were bumping into me. so I wasn't going to go chase her, looking for her all over the club. I drink mine, and eventually start to drink hers. after finishing about 35% of her drink, she shows up " I was in a bathroom!"
I chit chatted some people to warm up (NO HOMO), and eventually spot this room where they did Tarot readings and VR. I bring her in there. she reluctantly follows. I tell her WTF ELSE U GONNA DO HERE?? plus these are FREE so who cares. We waited for our reading forever, cuz it took 10-15mins for each person, and there were 4 -5 people ahead of us with only 2 readers at the desk.
After we are done with Tarot she starts complaining "let's go to another club!" I tell her "look! it's almost 2am, and by the time we get there, they'll be closed. but this place closes at 4." then as I'm waiting to try the VR mask, she just leaves.
Then I get a text from her "Ur gay". I'm like WTF!!!?!?!?! she drags me to this PRIDE BULLSHIT, it ends up being nothing but homos, I pay for entrance and drinks, spending $120, AND NOW SHE IS CALLING ME GAY!??!?!? I tell her LOOK, I wasn't even going to come here, and only came because of u. I pay for everything, you leave me here, and now you insult me. that's fuked up. she texts me "come over". I tell her no. I'm gonna stay here a little more. I was a little tipsy with 3.5 drinks in my system, so I wanted to sober up a little before I drove home. I only met 2 girls that SEEMED they were straight. everybody else were lesbians (mostly couples.) some smelled really bad of sweat. I was one of the only straight looking guys there with normal going out clothes.
SO FUCK PRIDE! I learned that when I see the word "Pride" in an event, to steer clear of it. I mean I did meet a cool photographer, and chit chatted with some nice people, but overall this was NOT worth it. THE worst experience of 2017 going out so far.
I am going out to that upscale bar tonight. and if it turns out to be like this, I'll simply leave. At least it's free, unless they throw a special event for a party like they did last weekend. Will do some warm ups and approach some girls. I'm serious about improving my social skills, and life. It will just take a long time. But I don't care. I'm committed.
And in case you are wondering what that place looked here. here you go...
We park a block away, and as we get there, LITERALLY 98% OF THE CROWD IS GAY! I WAS LIKE WTF!?!?! AM I IN A TWILIGHT ZONE? THIS ISN'T EVEN A GAY CLUB! so we wait a long ass time in line cuz I guess it was full. I tell her "let's go to a bar next door". She goes NOOOOOOOOOOO! we're almost in blah blah blah. We eventually get in, the cover is $40 EACH!! even though it says 20-30 on the website. now I know you're probably thinking, this can't get any worse, right? IT DOES! AT LEAST 60% OF THE MEN ARE HALF NAKED IN SHORTS WITH SHIRTS OFF!!
I'm like let's get drinks, so I lead her upstairs and buy 2. SHE DISAPPEARS WITHOUT TELLING ME ANYTHING. I just moved a little bit to the wall to stand on top of the stands because it was so crowded, I was spilling drinks as people were bumping into me. so I wasn't going to go chase her, looking for her all over the club. I drink mine, and eventually start to drink hers. after finishing about 35% of her drink, she shows up " I was in a bathroom!"
I chit chatted some people to warm up (NO HOMO), and eventually spot this room where they did Tarot readings and VR. I bring her in there. she reluctantly follows. I tell her WTF ELSE U GONNA DO HERE?? plus these are FREE so who cares. We waited for our reading forever, cuz it took 10-15mins for each person, and there were 4 -5 people ahead of us with only 2 readers at the desk.
After we are done with Tarot she starts complaining "let's go to another club!" I tell her "look! it's almost 2am, and by the time we get there, they'll be closed. but this place closes at 4." then as I'm waiting to try the VR mask, she just leaves.
Then I get a text from her "Ur gay". I'm like WTF!!!?!?!?! she drags me to this PRIDE BULLSHIT, it ends up being nothing but homos, I pay for entrance and drinks, spending $120, AND NOW SHE IS CALLING ME GAY!??!?!? I tell her LOOK, I wasn't even going to come here, and only came because of u. I pay for everything, you leave me here, and now you insult me. that's fuked up. she texts me "come over". I tell her no. I'm gonna stay here a little more. I was a little tipsy with 3.5 drinks in my system, so I wanted to sober up a little before I drove home. I only met 2 girls that SEEMED they were straight. everybody else were lesbians (mostly couples.) some smelled really bad of sweat. I was one of the only straight looking guys there with normal going out clothes.
SO FUCK PRIDE! I learned that when I see the word "Pride" in an event, to steer clear of it. I mean I did meet a cool photographer, and chit chatted with some nice people, but overall this was NOT worth it. THE worst experience of 2017 going out so far.
I am going out to that upscale bar tonight. and if it turns out to be like this, I'll simply leave. At least it's free, unless they throw a special event for a party like they did last weekend. Will do some warm ups and approach some girls. I'm serious about improving my social skills, and life. It will just take a long time. But I don't care. I'm committed.
And in case you are wondering what that place looked here. here you go...
Sunday, June 5, 2016
this guy just described me and my life perfectly
he is 22, and I am 36. crazy... fuck my life!
if it wasn't for my Transsexual friend, whom I've met while facing my fears, I would literally have NO FRIENDS. At least I don't live at home anymore. guess I'm getting ahead somehow, someway.
if it wasn't for my Transsexual friend, whom I've met while facing my fears, I would literally have NO FRIENDS. At least I don't live at home anymore. guess I'm getting ahead somehow, someway.
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Is Our Friendship Over?
So today something happened between me and my friend. I'll comeback to this, but first I'll touch on what happened a few weeks back.
My transsexual friend was going to SoCal to get a breast surgery. She asked me to give her a ride and I agreed. I get to her place on Saturday, and she tells me to take her to the airport. So, we get in my car, I go get gas, and we start driving. She tells me not to bother her, puts on her new Beats headphones and falls asleep. 30 mins later, we arrive. I drop her off, she thanks me and I drive off. I get a call 1 minute later with her yelling "you're so stupid, you took me to the wrong airport!" I tell her "you never told which airport, but just said 'airport'. how the heck was I supposed to know?" I told her just wait, and I'll be right over and there is traffic. the Airport was packed with cars. She yells at me "I will never ask you to do me a favor ever again!!!" and hung up. Literally 5 mins later, I do a loop, pull up to the airport, and call her. She doesn't pick up. I did get a text earlier but didn't feel like checking while driving. I call her again. She picks up "go home! don't worry. thank you for the ride" and hangs up.
So, I thought wtf!? and drove off. I didn't feel like circling around looking for her, not knowing what happened. I tell this story to my uncle and he goes "wtf? like a typical woman". So, at least this wasn't my fault. Later on I get a phone call from her and turns out she spent $100 on a taxi instead of waiting an extra 3 minutes for me. Okay, whatever.
Today something similar happened. She lost her phone, so we had a hard time getting a hold of each other. But I eventually made it to her place. She asked me to go with her because she needed to get some clothes picked up. I had to go get gas, so as I pull up I tell her to wait because I also gotta clean my windows a little. She goes "nooo! I am gonna walk. catch up with me!" I tell her WTF!?! DON'T!!! HOW AM I GONNA FIND YOU!?!?! I DONT WANNA DRIVE AROUND LOOKING FOR YOU! YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT!! etc.. She goes okay, do your stuff, and gets out of the car waiting outside listening to her Beats headphones again. I couldn't even wash my car because an Asian couple were using both available wipers. So I get gas, and we leave.
She has her headphones on listening to the same shit over and over. She points finger where to drop her off. As I do, I realize that it's a red zone. So, she does not say ANYTHING. Just leaves my car. I drive in reverse and pull to the right into a narrow valley to wait there instead. It's about half a block away. So right as I park, I see her yelling my name. It's a one way street so I was gonna backup until I see her walking towards me carrying a heavy load. She goes "help me proper or don't help me at all! I'm gonna get a taxi if you don't! blah blah". I tell her I can't park there, etc.. She goes "yes, you can just wait for me!! blah blah. forget it! I'm gonna go get a taxi!!" takes her heavy load and takes off. I yell at her but she ignores me with her beats headphones on. I drive to her place, literally 5 minutes away. She pulls up in a taxi 5 mins after me. My backpack and my laptop is in her place so I had no choice. Otherwise, I would've went home.
She brings her stuff and dumps it on the ground. Then brings 2 more loads of clothing of what looks like laundry. Opens the door all pissed off, and says "I don't need no help". I still pick up the 3rd load as we take an elevator up to her floor. I go in, get my stuff, and leave. She goes her way, I go mine.
So I was thinking, is this the end of our friendship? And most importantly, Is this how all beautiful women act? I was going to help her pay for her internet bill, and with some other stuff. But she just acted like a biatch. How the hell can I even communicate with her if she doesn't even tell me anything. How long are you gonna be? Is that hard to tell me? I can't wait in a red zone, LET ALONE IN A BUS RED ZONE! That's why I re-parked.
Anyway, I spent the money I was going to give her on myself today. Did 2 things for me I was putting off for a real long time. It's crazy how I spend all my time on helping her, when I completely neglect my own needs. This is what I need to do. Spend time on myself, set goals, and accomplish them. Otherwise, no matter how many friends I make, or don't make, I will never leave my predicament.
My transsexual friend was going to SoCal to get a breast surgery. She asked me to give her a ride and I agreed. I get to her place on Saturday, and she tells me to take her to the airport. So, we get in my car, I go get gas, and we start driving. She tells me not to bother her, puts on her new Beats headphones and falls asleep. 30 mins later, we arrive. I drop her off, she thanks me and I drive off. I get a call 1 minute later with her yelling "you're so stupid, you took me to the wrong airport!" I tell her "you never told which airport, but just said 'airport'. how the heck was I supposed to know?" I told her just wait, and I'll be right over and there is traffic. the Airport was packed with cars. She yells at me "I will never ask you to do me a favor ever again!!!" and hung up. Literally 5 mins later, I do a loop, pull up to the airport, and call her. She doesn't pick up. I did get a text earlier but didn't feel like checking while driving. I call her again. She picks up "go home! don't worry. thank you for the ride" and hangs up.
So, I thought wtf!? and drove off. I didn't feel like circling around looking for her, not knowing what happened. I tell this story to my uncle and he goes "wtf? like a typical woman". So, at least this wasn't my fault. Later on I get a phone call from her and turns out she spent $100 on a taxi instead of waiting an extra 3 minutes for me. Okay, whatever.
Today something similar happened. She lost her phone, so we had a hard time getting a hold of each other. But I eventually made it to her place. She asked me to go with her because she needed to get some clothes picked up. I had to go get gas, so as I pull up I tell her to wait because I also gotta clean my windows a little. She goes "nooo! I am gonna walk. catch up with me!" I tell her WTF!?! DON'T!!! HOW AM I GONNA FIND YOU!?!?! I DONT WANNA DRIVE AROUND LOOKING FOR YOU! YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT!! etc.. She goes okay, do your stuff, and gets out of the car waiting outside listening to her Beats headphones again. I couldn't even wash my car because an Asian couple were using both available wipers. So I get gas, and we leave.
She has her headphones on listening to the same shit over and over. She points finger where to drop her off. As I do, I realize that it's a red zone. So, she does not say ANYTHING. Just leaves my car. I drive in reverse and pull to the right into a narrow valley to wait there instead. It's about half a block away. So right as I park, I see her yelling my name. It's a one way street so I was gonna backup until I see her walking towards me carrying a heavy load. She goes "help me proper or don't help me at all! I'm gonna get a taxi if you don't! blah blah". I tell her I can't park there, etc.. She goes "yes, you can just wait for me!! blah blah. forget it! I'm gonna go get a taxi!!" takes her heavy load and takes off. I yell at her but she ignores me with her beats headphones on. I drive to her place, literally 5 minutes away. She pulls up in a taxi 5 mins after me. My backpack and my laptop is in her place so I had no choice. Otherwise, I would've went home.
She brings her stuff and dumps it on the ground. Then brings 2 more loads of clothing of what looks like laundry. Opens the door all pissed off, and says "I don't need no help". I still pick up the 3rd load as we take an elevator up to her floor. I go in, get my stuff, and leave. She goes her way, I go mine.
So I was thinking, is this the end of our friendship? And most importantly, Is this how all beautiful women act? I was going to help her pay for her internet bill, and with some other stuff. But she just acted like a biatch. How the hell can I even communicate with her if she doesn't even tell me anything. How long are you gonna be? Is that hard to tell me? I can't wait in a red zone, LET ALONE IN A BUS RED ZONE! That's why I re-parked.
Anyway, I spent the money I was going to give her on myself today. Did 2 things for me I was putting off for a real long time. It's crazy how I spend all my time on helping her, when I completely neglect my own needs. This is what I need to do. Spend time on myself, set goals, and accomplish them. Otherwise, no matter how many friends I make, or don't make, I will never leave my predicament.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
so I found a few of my old pics...
from back when I was going to college. this was about 10 years ago. it's basically pics of me sitting at my computer desk.
NOTHING has changed. I am still sitting at home nearly EVERY weekend, doing NOTHING with my life. I have no friends, I have no future plans or any sort of future prospect on life. I don't even make goals anymore and try to accomplish them. Just staying home feeling sorry for myself, thinking about how no one cares about me. no one calls me, no one even texts me. I am just here all alone without a soul in the world reaching out to me. fuck my life. how many more lifetimes will it take for me to wake up? to see that this will never change. I will never get anything out of life if I keep doing what I'm doing. it's almost as if I gave up again, as I did many times in the past.
I was helping my mom donating stuff to Goodwill today, and realized something. doing things with another person, even if it's my mom whom I don't even wanna be around most of the times, makes things pleasant. if I were to go to Goodwill by myself to donate stuff, it would have been so depressing, so lonely, so miserable. But driving there with someone, ANYONE, made it actually pretty cool.
But I can't stop thinking about them selfies from college. I had my first cell phone on my desk, my computer hiding underneath, with my monitor on top of the desk, and my miserable ass staring at the camera.
I am trying to meet someone, but internet dating is the most depressing thing I ever experienced. I get almost NO REPLIES. and I refuse to go out since 1) i don't drink, and 2) i am ashamed of my circumstance with my living situation, financial situation, and friend situation. too ashamed to put myself out there, let alone talk about these things with a new stranger. 3) i have so much FEAR every time I hit the club or any public gathering where people are out having fun, thinking someone will try to hurt me there, I can't even put it into words.
I will never change, and my life will never improve if I don't do something NOW. But i don't know why I don't. I know this, yet I don't act on it. I am like Jeffrey Dahmer who never made any decisions of his own growing up. and now that I'm all grown up, it's hard to even leave the house, go to a store, and say to self "I want to buy this today". I'm at the store, and I don't even know what I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my mom makes all the decisions for me. she buys food, groceries, fruits, sweets, etc.. it's really terrible, this life. no wonder women treat me like a serial killer. no one wants to be around this much misery and burden. they want happy, and positive folks, and I am far from that. I am 10x more positive than before, but even then, it's never enough for women.
and with trannies it's all about money. if you don't have money, forget even THINKING about dating a beautiful transsexual. that 'friend' of mine is a good example. she said "i need a rich husband, for real". no wonder she never calls me or texts me anymore. I am a mama's boy who doesn't even make enough to have his own place. she complains that "you don't ever buy anything for me", when she wants me to buy her $800 pair of shoes for her. right... I'm gonna save up my money that I make in 2 weeks, to buy you shoes. She has this Asian friend who helps her. he pays her bills sometimes, and even rent when she is short. buys her other stuff, and she is so "happy" with him. He is her "Angel". She meets him every weekend, and even calls him on the phone. I guess I gotta be loaded in order to get any sort of love from her, or most trannies.
I think I'm gonna go back to watching prison documentaries, as they are the only things that I could relate to. people just dump you in a hole, and no one in the world knows nor cares that you even exist. that's how I feel about my life. I had this therapist once who told me this terminology "a living ghost", someone who just observes life passively without ever participating in it. that's me, and always have been. My father thought that if he has a son, his life would be great and he would be happy. but what he got was a replica of himself with all of his burdens that he passed onto me. this is why I will NEVER have children. I would rather be alone all my life and miserable hating myself and the world. until I tackle my issues and get myself outta this shithole, I may as well just stick it out until I am outta here.
NOTHING has changed. I am still sitting at home nearly EVERY weekend, doing NOTHING with my life. I have no friends, I have no future plans or any sort of future prospect on life. I don't even make goals anymore and try to accomplish them. Just staying home feeling sorry for myself, thinking about how no one cares about me. no one calls me, no one even texts me. I am just here all alone without a soul in the world reaching out to me. fuck my life. how many more lifetimes will it take for me to wake up? to see that this will never change. I will never get anything out of life if I keep doing what I'm doing. it's almost as if I gave up again, as I did many times in the past.
I was helping my mom donating stuff to Goodwill today, and realized something. doing things with another person, even if it's my mom whom I don't even wanna be around most of the times, makes things pleasant. if I were to go to Goodwill by myself to donate stuff, it would have been so depressing, so lonely, so miserable. But driving there with someone, ANYONE, made it actually pretty cool.
But I can't stop thinking about them selfies from college. I had my first cell phone on my desk, my computer hiding underneath, with my monitor on top of the desk, and my miserable ass staring at the camera.
I am trying to meet someone, but internet dating is the most depressing thing I ever experienced. I get almost NO REPLIES. and I refuse to go out since 1) i don't drink, and 2) i am ashamed of my circumstance with my living situation, financial situation, and friend situation. too ashamed to put myself out there, let alone talk about these things with a new stranger. 3) i have so much FEAR every time I hit the club or any public gathering where people are out having fun, thinking someone will try to hurt me there, I can't even put it into words.
I will never change, and my life will never improve if I don't do something NOW. But i don't know why I don't. I know this, yet I don't act on it. I am like Jeffrey Dahmer who never made any decisions of his own growing up. and now that I'm all grown up, it's hard to even leave the house, go to a store, and say to self "I want to buy this today". I'm at the store, and I don't even know what I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my mom makes all the decisions for me. she buys food, groceries, fruits, sweets, etc.. it's really terrible, this life. no wonder women treat me like a serial killer. no one wants to be around this much misery and burden. they want happy, and positive folks, and I am far from that. I am 10x more positive than before, but even then, it's never enough for women.
and with trannies it's all about money. if you don't have money, forget even THINKING about dating a beautiful transsexual. that 'friend' of mine is a good example. she said "i need a rich husband, for real". no wonder she never calls me or texts me anymore. I am a mama's boy who doesn't even make enough to have his own place. she complains that "you don't ever buy anything for me", when she wants me to buy her $800 pair of shoes for her. right... I'm gonna save up my money that I make in 2 weeks, to buy you shoes. She has this Asian friend who helps her. he pays her bills sometimes, and even rent when she is short. buys her other stuff, and she is so "happy" with him. He is her "Angel". She meets him every weekend, and even calls him on the phone. I guess I gotta be loaded in order to get any sort of love from her, or most trannies.
I think I'm gonna go back to watching prison documentaries, as they are the only things that I could relate to. people just dump you in a hole, and no one in the world knows nor cares that you even exist. that's how I feel about my life. I had this therapist once who told me this terminology "a living ghost", someone who just observes life passively without ever participating in it. that's me, and always have been. My father thought that if he has a son, his life would be great and he would be happy. but what he got was a replica of himself with all of his burdens that he passed onto me. this is why I will NEVER have children. I would rather be alone all my life and miserable hating myself and the world. until I tackle my issues and get myself outta this shithole, I may as well just stick it out until I am outta here.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
why do friends always let you down?
or maybe it's just the friends that I make... I have two stories that I will share. the second one is more serious. here is the first.
it's about my tranny friend. last time I blogged about her was when I didn't give her $400 for her mom's ticket back to Mexico, when I said I would. we ended up hanging out because I called her, and she told me she's 'old school' and doesn't call guys. so I realized that I am supposed to call her. fast forward to a Thursday from last week, this was 2/5. I get a text from her...
Her: are you ready?
Me: for what?
Her: for something!!!
Her: did you cash ur check already?
okay, at this point I knew she needed money. this was my first check that I still didn't cash at the time with my new job. she told me she needs a $300 loan that she'll pay me back in 2 weeks. I ask if I could give her the money the next day, and she said "no, I need the money now!" I hate this, always have. when people push me to give them my money right away. feeling rushed like this, I know something is not right. so I had all my cases at work done, so I take a break and drive to my bank, get $300, and head back. I tell her that I'll bring the money in a few hours after the traffic dies down. Then she texts me...
Her: hey you want to eat burritos. I am at the best burrito place in the world
(this was the place I've been trying to make her go for months, but she refused every time)
Me: No I just ate
Her: I'm not at home but thanks anyway I'll C U other day :)
Me: What?
Her: I don't need the money. I'm not at home. I'll C U other day. Thanks :)
(at this point I get really mad and realize she called some other sucker to give her the money)
Me: Wth? you treat me like crap. Have me running around town doing things for u n then u say "never mind"
Her: I'm sorry
At this point, I was like FUCK THIS BITCH!!!!!!!! I do so much for her, but she treats me like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried telling this to her in the past, but she just wouldn't listen. We make plans, and she'd just break them like it's nothing.
When I told her I'll buy her mom's ticket, she was acting weird. She said "my mom leaves on the 21st". So, in my mind, I'm thinking "oh, she already got the ticket if she knows the date". but it was her way of telling me to give her the money. Then afterwards when I ended up calling her, she was giving me a lecture on how "if you say you'll do something, you should do it". But when I was helping her grocery shop, she said the following, "when my mom leaves, I'll invite you over, and teach you how to cook". So recently I brought that up, and she said "I never said that! I was high or I was drunk". I was thinking WOW! so when she says things, and never does them, that's okay? She does this all the fucking time! But when I do it once, and all because of her ass backwards, confusing ass communication, then I get to hear a lecture from her? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I been really distant lately, not wanting to talk to her. I actually got a "Happy Valentines" text from her, and was surprised. She never texts me on holidays, not even on the new years! I definitely think she knows what's up. And I was actually looking to move in with her to help pay her rent. Living in her living would be a nightmare. I'd be seeing different men come in and out of her room to pay her money for her time (no sex, since she just had her pussy done 2 months ago). But yeah, it would be a nightmare. Plus, her fucking dogs barking, and I'd be in the middle of this freak show. I was going to tell her that if she wants me there, I'd have to take her room, but doesn't look like this will happen. I'm tired of going out of my way to help other people, when I don't even take the steps to help me first. On one hand, this girl acts like we're good friends, and the next moment she acts like we just met and I'm a nobody or isn't important to her. fuckouttahere!!!!!!!!! you can keep your other drone bees who work for you, bringing you money. I am not the one! I won't be calling her for a while, at least until I get better with what happened to me down below.
The 2nd story is much worse, much worse!
My old Macy's co-worker whom flaked on me on the New Years invited me to snowboard with her and our other co-worker. Neither of us work at Macy's any longer, but I thought yeah, let's do this. I never snowboarded before. So, the guy would ski, and me and her would snowboard. I am going to skip the first part, but will get back to it later.
We get to Tahoe, spend the night there at a motel, get our rented gear, go up the mountain, and since I am new I wanna take a snowboarding class. So my female friend says "oh, man, it's expensive. don't take it. I'll come with you and teach you." So, we take a slide up to the basic mountain that's for beginners. get off the seats that bring us there, and her glove ripped from the inside. so, I am sitting there in the snow waiting for her. She keeps talking about it, and lagging. "oh man, it ripped, I have to go get another one". 5 mins go by, still there sitting in snow, 10 mins, still there. I am thinking WTF!?!?!?!? I WANNA SNOWBOARD!!! but I'm sitting there waiting for this friend playing with her glove. I tell her look I wanna snowboard, give me some tips. she says "go slow, and if anything, fall on your butt." So, I say okay, and off I go. I have no clue how to snowboard and have never done it before in my life. I start going fast and straight down the mountain. I panic and what do I do? what my teacher told me to, fall on my butt. I feel pain and like I hurt myself. I get up but feel this buzz up in my ass, like a nerve. I sit a little bit. Then manage to get on my feet. a guy near by teaches me this technique of banana slide where you go side to side and not directly down the mountain. She still hasn't come down. I wait for her 5 more mins. Then do the banana slide, which works amazingly btw, I go slow and learn to snowboard a little. sit down and wait, she still hasn't come down. calls me on the phone and I tell her i'm injured, she acts weird and I still don't see her. I eventually came down seeing my male friend.
I told him the story, and man... headache hits me... it hits me hard. I am fucked up for good 50 mins sitting there with him waiting for me. Afterwards I tell him, let's go ski! We get up to slides, but the nerve in my back hits me hard. holy fuck!!!!! it hurts really bad, so I say "i don't think i'll be able to do this". So I say just go ski, I'll just wait for you. then eventually they were both done, and she wasn't too concerned. I could still walk, so they don't even bring it up again. We give our rented gear back and, driving back home. on the way, she was having fun talking, and laughing in the car, without a worry in the world, not concerned and almost forgot about my injury.
Long story short, I was in such a pain, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to work on Monday. I went to ER, and turns out I broke my pelvic bone. I was thinking about it, and I could've been in a wheel chair right now! And all because my friend didn't care enough about helping me snowboard, because she was too busy adjusting her ripped glove on her hand. so now, I can't work, I don't get paid since I am a contractor and contractors don't get PTO, and I just stay home all day waiting for my body to be healed.
looking back, the whole trip was a disaster. she didn't let me know the details until I called the male friend. she said we'd leave around 6, but it was around 8:30pm. Tbh, I thought she flaked on me again. We got there at around 9pm, and she still made us wait for her because she had to 'help her co-workers' when we already made plans. wtf!?!?!?! I mean, what type of friend is this? she cares more about her co-workers, than her friends she makes plans with? she cares more about her fucking glove than her friend going down the mountain BY HIMSELF WITHOUT EVER SNOWBOARDING BEFORE? I will never go snowboarding with her again. She is selfish, and doesn't care about other people. it's always about her. I should've just not went, but oh well. I did, and paid the price for it.
I already said this before, but I'll say it again. Good friends are hard to find. That's why I remain alone, and prefer it that way. Fuck people! They will always let you down, or find ways to take advantage of you.
2/27/15
just came across this pic, and it resonates with me perfectly at this point of my life. when this realization sinks in, it really hurts. but it is the truth! when people don't care, there is not much you could do but just let them go... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't feel like being bothered right now. story of my life-being alone, and not wanting to go out to face the world. the less I see of it, the better I feel about myself, and about my life.
it's about my tranny friend. last time I blogged about her was when I didn't give her $400 for her mom's ticket back to Mexico, when I said I would. we ended up hanging out because I called her, and she told me she's 'old school' and doesn't call guys. so I realized that I am supposed to call her. fast forward to a Thursday from last week, this was 2/5. I get a text from her...
Her: are you ready?
Me: for what?
Her: for something!!!
Her: did you cash ur check already?
okay, at this point I knew she needed money. this was my first check that I still didn't cash at the time with my new job. she told me she needs a $300 loan that she'll pay me back in 2 weeks. I ask if I could give her the money the next day, and she said "no, I need the money now!" I hate this, always have. when people push me to give them my money right away. feeling rushed like this, I know something is not right. so I had all my cases at work done, so I take a break and drive to my bank, get $300, and head back. I tell her that I'll bring the money in a few hours after the traffic dies down. Then she texts me...
Her: hey you want to eat burritos. I am at the best burrito place in the world
(this was the place I've been trying to make her go for months, but she refused every time)
Me: No I just ate
Her: I'm not at home but thanks anyway I'll C U other day :)
Me: What?
Her: I don't need the money. I'm not at home. I'll C U other day. Thanks :)
(at this point I get really mad and realize she called some other sucker to give her the money)
Me: Wth? you treat me like crap. Have me running around town doing things for u n then u say "never mind"
Her: I'm sorry
At this point, I was like FUCK THIS BITCH!!!!!!!! I do so much for her, but she treats me like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried telling this to her in the past, but she just wouldn't listen. We make plans, and she'd just break them like it's nothing.
When I told her I'll buy her mom's ticket, she was acting weird. She said "my mom leaves on the 21st". So, in my mind, I'm thinking "oh, she already got the ticket if she knows the date". but it was her way of telling me to give her the money. Then afterwards when I ended up calling her, she was giving me a lecture on how "if you say you'll do something, you should do it". But when I was helping her grocery shop, she said the following, "when my mom leaves, I'll invite you over, and teach you how to cook". So recently I brought that up, and she said "I never said that! I was high or I was drunk". I was thinking WOW! so when she says things, and never does them, that's okay? She does this all the fucking time! But when I do it once, and all because of her ass backwards, confusing ass communication, then I get to hear a lecture from her? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I been really distant lately, not wanting to talk to her. I actually got a "Happy Valentines" text from her, and was surprised. She never texts me on holidays, not even on the new years! I definitely think she knows what's up. And I was actually looking to move in with her to help pay her rent. Living in her living would be a nightmare. I'd be seeing different men come in and out of her room to pay her money for her time (no sex, since she just had her pussy done 2 months ago). But yeah, it would be a nightmare. Plus, her fucking dogs barking, and I'd be in the middle of this freak show. I was going to tell her that if she wants me there, I'd have to take her room, but doesn't look like this will happen. I'm tired of going out of my way to help other people, when I don't even take the steps to help me first. On one hand, this girl acts like we're good friends, and the next moment she acts like we just met and I'm a nobody or isn't important to her. fuckouttahere!!!!!!!!! you can keep your other drone bees who work for you, bringing you money. I am not the one! I won't be calling her for a while, at least until I get better with what happened to me down below.
The 2nd story is much worse, much worse!
My old Macy's co-worker whom flaked on me on the New Years invited me to snowboard with her and our other co-worker. Neither of us work at Macy's any longer, but I thought yeah, let's do this. I never snowboarded before. So, the guy would ski, and me and her would snowboard. I am going to skip the first part, but will get back to it later.
We get to Tahoe, spend the night there at a motel, get our rented gear, go up the mountain, and since I am new I wanna take a snowboarding class. So my female friend says "oh, man, it's expensive. don't take it. I'll come with you and teach you." So, we take a slide up to the basic mountain that's for beginners. get off the seats that bring us there, and her glove ripped from the inside. so, I am sitting there in the snow waiting for her. She keeps talking about it, and lagging. "oh man, it ripped, I have to go get another one". 5 mins go by, still there sitting in snow, 10 mins, still there. I am thinking WTF!?!?!?!? I WANNA SNOWBOARD!!! but I'm sitting there waiting for this friend playing with her glove. I tell her look I wanna snowboard, give me some tips. she says "go slow, and if anything, fall on your butt." So, I say okay, and off I go. I have no clue how to snowboard and have never done it before in my life. I start going fast and straight down the mountain. I panic and what do I do? what my teacher told me to, fall on my butt. I feel pain and like I hurt myself. I get up but feel this buzz up in my ass, like a nerve. I sit a little bit. Then manage to get on my feet. a guy near by teaches me this technique of banana slide where you go side to side and not directly down the mountain. She still hasn't come down. I wait for her 5 more mins. Then do the banana slide, which works amazingly btw, I go slow and learn to snowboard a little. sit down and wait, she still hasn't come down. calls me on the phone and I tell her i'm injured, she acts weird and I still don't see her. I eventually came down seeing my male friend.
I told him the story, and man... headache hits me... it hits me hard. I am fucked up for good 50 mins sitting there with him waiting for me. Afterwards I tell him, let's go ski! We get up to slides, but the nerve in my back hits me hard. holy fuck!!!!! it hurts really bad, so I say "i don't think i'll be able to do this". So I say just go ski, I'll just wait for you. then eventually they were both done, and she wasn't too concerned. I could still walk, so they don't even bring it up again. We give our rented gear back and, driving back home. on the way, she was having fun talking, and laughing in the car, without a worry in the world, not concerned and almost forgot about my injury.
Long story short, I was in such a pain, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to work on Monday. I went to ER, and turns out I broke my pelvic bone. I was thinking about it, and I could've been in a wheel chair right now! And all because my friend didn't care enough about helping me snowboard, because she was too busy adjusting her ripped glove on her hand. so now, I can't work, I don't get paid since I am a contractor and contractors don't get PTO, and I just stay home all day waiting for my body to be healed.
looking back, the whole trip was a disaster. she didn't let me know the details until I called the male friend. she said we'd leave around 6, but it was around 8:30pm. Tbh, I thought she flaked on me again. We got there at around 9pm, and she still made us wait for her because she had to 'help her co-workers' when we already made plans. wtf!?!?!?! I mean, what type of friend is this? she cares more about her co-workers, than her friends she makes plans with? she cares more about her fucking glove than her friend going down the mountain BY HIMSELF WITHOUT EVER SNOWBOARDING BEFORE? I will never go snowboarding with her again. She is selfish, and doesn't care about other people. it's always about her. I should've just not went, but oh well. I did, and paid the price for it.
I already said this before, but I'll say it again. Good friends are hard to find. That's why I remain alone, and prefer it that way. Fuck people! They will always let you down, or find ways to take advantage of you.
2/27/15
just came across this pic, and it resonates with me perfectly at this point of my life. when this realization sinks in, it really hurts. but it is the truth! when people don't care, there is not much you could do but just let them go... I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't feel like being bothered right now. story of my life-being alone, and not wanting to go out to face the world. the less I see of it, the better I feel about myself, and about my life.
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