Today i don't wanna talk to anyone! Since i woke up at 6:40am i been feeling this way. Maybe its cuz i havent gotten enough sleep for the last 2 days but i feel like this a lot. Just go everywhere alone without wanting to talk to no one. I dont know why but i always felt that way. And every time i chose to talk to someone its like im looking for something, either a friendship, or maybe sex, or some sort of connection, but the funny thing is when i want that thing it never happens so i despise talking to people. Feels like there is no point of conversating if im not gonna get anything out of it.
I either want everything, or nothing at all and i know thats extreme but i dont know how to stop wanting either of these 2. Thats why i end up not wanting to talk to anyone and just spend my time alone.
It's weird, and i dont know why im like this but its a big part of me. Being socially awkward, wanting something yet when trying to get it by socializing realizing i cant because i dont know how to ask for it. Then i get depressed and seclude myself from everyone, even those who claim they understand me 100% when they never experienced it themselves. Makes me feel like im alone, all alone on this big fucking planet without anyone to relate to. Then i see these fucking videos on BET and MTV with all these happy people smiling, partying, socializing and shit. Makes me so envious and angry inside, its like my insides start to boil. I hate those fucking videos! Thats why i havent been watching them for the last 3 months or so, its disgusting, makes me sick to my stomach. Seeing that perfect world filled with happiness and fun. And all those dumb ass ignorant rappers like Fat Joe keep saying stupid shit like "and when they see you on top, they wanna hate". what the fuck? are you retarded? you on tv throwing all that pussy, money, and fun in my face, to the point of bragging that you have all that shit and then you want people to respect you for it? FUCK YOU! GO TO HELL YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT!! if you dont want people hating on you maybe you should stop throwing all that shit in peoples faces, bragging about all the shit you do and how you live. dumb fuck! i feel that way sometimes about all the rappers who do the same shit, its like get the fuck outta my face i dont wanna see all that bullshit you claim you live, its probably fake anyway.
3 comments:
you and trojan should do another radio show
i know we should but i just think were too fucked up to be doing anything like that. people who do radio shows have many many life experiences. me and trojanman are on the other side of the spectrum. its like 2 kids talking about experiences they never had, makes me reluctant to even invite anyone on it.
but i dont know.. we might, im just really hesitant cuz of all the shit i just said.
trill talk... i gotta cosign you about those rappers. they got the girls in they video and showing off the money.. ya know... motherfuckers always feel the need to show off NOT cause they're proud of owning something but rather to put other people down. ya know... if someone got rims on their car and they bust their ass for it, good for them BUT @ the same time, ya know... i'ma keep it real. @ these days and times, even if you got something nice, it would be BAD to show it off especially when motherfuckers like us are around ya know... i'm gonna play both sides cause i know if i was in that position, i would hope that nobody would be plotting of taking my head off cause they ain't fortunate like me BUT since i'm not in that position, i look @ it like "you got it like that and you flossing with it in a way where you trying to put down people" maybe you don't deserve it.
fuck it, it's a split decision with me. i wanna hate @ the same time i can't CAUSE i know way too many stories of jealousy getting people killed.
i'm just saying.. and hear me out on this space. my mom's coworker, don't know if she still works with her, son got murdered in baltimore over shit like that. he was in a similar situation like you and me fathers and shit i guess and dude decided to leave home up here for down south. he becomes friends with these guys and he's giving these guys the world. see, the thing is he busted his ass for what he got. he busted his ass for the car shop he worked for ONLY for those same guys to one day set him up along with his girlfriend. they take him to some house or abandon house and murder him. i think they blew his head off but i know for sure that they mutilated his body by burning him alive. THIS WAS ALL CAUSE THEY DIDN'T LIKE THE GUY CAUSE HE WAS "SHINING". HE WAS A HARD WORKER THAT ACTUALLY TRIED TO ACHIEVE SOMETHING. INNOCENTLY HE DIED FROM THEM FAGGOT ASS SNAKES. they all EXCEPT for the fucking good for nothing set up bitch got life sentences for what they done. they deserve that shit.
ya know.... i'm always paranoid for myself ESPECIALLY my brother cause he's going down to the atl in late may. ya know i don't trust the people he's going down with and my bro, i hate to put him down, he isn't the cautious type. he likes to ride with the crowd even if the crowd may be scheming and using him. ya know.. i'm just saying.. i feel your pain cause i feel that way too BUT ya know... hate leads to shit like murder and ya know... ain't enough love in the world.
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