Everywhere I go at some point i wanna get away - pt. II

my friend just sent me pictures of our neighborhood. man... looking at these pictures brings so many memories it is unbe-fucking-lievable. this is my house right here. the top two on 2nd floor are our windows. dang i remember those wires hanging from the roof and they still there.















and this is the school i was living next to:



















Living around Uzbeks was crazy. I was scared to walk into that school when it was in session because i knew i was gonna get beat up if i did. Me and my friends would play tennis against the wall of our storages, and the tennis balls would sometime end up inside the school. So we would sneak in and wait until no one is around. Then take the ball and run as fast as we could back. I did that once cuz my ball ended up inside so i climbed that blue gate, ran in, got the ball, and ran the fuck out. It would be that, or we would go from our roof of the storages and get down from there, but i never did that though. But on Sundays and i think Saturdays too it was quiet. We'd walk inside the school, walk around, and use their playgrounds and stuff. It was a cool ass school... when it wasn't in session.

I talked to my mom and she told me that the school was mainly a Russian school but then the government converted it to the Uzbek school in about 1966 because they changed the system. The government made all the Uzbeks go to their schools, and those who are Russians, Jews (mainly whites but we didnt have white or black terms in my country), Koreans, or even Uzbeks or Tatars, Kazaks, whatever go to Russian schools. Now going by that school i lived next to was real fucked up because these Uzbeks are like savages. They would mostly come from poor neighborhoods called Mahalas (Vilages), which was all over the city but i think it was mainly people who lived within a walking distance. and their parents would raise them to hate, hate, hate. Hate the Jews, hate the Russians, hate, hate, hate, throw rocks, then hate some more. Now i dont know how exactly their parents raised them because they never wanted to be friends with anyone so my mom never had those type of friends. She had some Uzbek friends but they were good peoples and not like the ignorant, racist, and uneducated type.

When my mom was young every time she'd walk by the school, those Muslims would yell at her, chase her, and throw rocks at her. and then when she got older she'd talk back and try to go after them, the stupid kids would run away. This is how they are in my country, and i can't even imagine how they're like in Middle East. This is why when i hear the news about Palestine, and how everybody is talking about how Israel is so evil for fighting and killing Palestinians, and even though i do agree with some of it, nobody sees how these Middle Easterns are being raised, and how uneducated, racist, violent, and hateful these people are. It's like a culture of death, i don't know any other way of describing it. When the Jews kicked Palestinians out and made Israel land theirs, they just added fuel to the fire, and that shit will never die down because these people already hated Jews with passion. I can't even imagine how much they hate us now. Plus in Middle East they don't just get raised to hate, and act aggressive, throw rocks and shit, but they get raised to hate, be violent, throw rocks, and kill. It's just fucking sad and i dont think anyone knows how to stop this plague.

This is the culture i was bread on, and i wanted to get out so badly. But the truth is, it's like that everywhere in the world but these type of Muslims who grow up in these environments just take it farther then anyone because they mix their hate with religion and that is a deadly combination.

My mom was telling me how Uzbeks would act really rude when you went to buy something in a store. And in politics it was crazy too because she said one time she heard somebody say shit like "if you're not Uzbek, you're a nobody." It's funny because here in America people discriminate against blacks, but back in my country people discriminate against whites. Even if you wanted to get in college, they would look at your grades, and if you not Uzbek, and got a C, and there is an Uzbek who got a C, they take that Uzbek over you. They could be like 20 Uzbeks before you, and they will still go while you wait in line. The only way would be to get all A's then they can't deny you admission. I don't know how it's like now though, but i'm sure it's the same bullshit. Most (if not all) Jews left, a lot of Russians left but many are still there. So you know it's a tough life there for some people.

During the winter these kids or teens would throw snow balls in our kitchen window, and even some to our bedroom window on the side. My mom would repair windows until she just gave up cuz as soon as she'd repair somebody made another hole. It was really fucking hard growing up in that place without any role models, maybe that's why it was so hard for me. I was real confused about all of this shit, and it's sad because some of these things i find out about my mom's reality just now. This is why i'm so closed i guess. My mom never talked to me about anything in her life so i kinda mirrored her and never talked to her about mine. And then i started doing that with everyone. My dad was even worse because at least my mom would tell me some things about her, but my dad wouldn't tell me anything, i mean nothing! I had no clue who he was back then and i still have no clue who he is today, and my mom can say the same thing for her experience with him.

Dang i really can't stop tripping about looking at all these neighborhood pics i got. It's like im reconnected with my childhood again, and it feels so weird inside. I don't even know what emotions i'm feeling right now. I'm gonna have to wait and see what i feel later on about today. That should make it clearer.