this World is FUCKED!

It's Saturday, 10-30-21, Halloween. I force myself to get a “costume”, a “Security” cap, and buy 2 tickets to 2 venues. I specifically researched on Eventbright to see if it requires a vaccination card to enter-no mention for neither events.

One of these events was a Russian party. And to put it into perspective. If you’re an immigrant, it’s extremely hard to socialize with Americans and “fit in”. So, people tend to find parties with their own which makes things easier. I am extremely anxious about both events, as I am a shy introvert. The Russian party at a bar is the main event. The 2nd one was a backup, just in case the Russian party sucked. I paid a total of around $55. I even got a 3rd backup-free entry before 11pm at some other club.

I get my pre-game liquor ready. I go out and take Subway. Keep in mind, I got PTSD, so whenever I go around people, my fear is through the roof. I get to the Russian party (it's at a bar). Lot's of people outside in groups wearing various costumes. Girl at the door asks for my vaccination card. WHAT? I tell her there isn’t a single thing mentioned about this where I purchased the ticket-Eventbright. “San Francisco rules, blah blah..” I ask for a refund “I’ll have to ask my manager”. I leave.

I go to the 2nd Club for which I bought the ticket for. Same shit. Certain events specify the mandatory vaccination cards, but these didn’t, so I thought I was good. Not the case.

Didn't even bother with the free-before-11 Club. Too far. I go to a Strip Club, my 4th and final backup plan.. Same shit! WHAT!? I tell the bouncer that their website specifically tells you vax cards are NOT required, and you don't even need a mask. WoW!…

as of today, 11-1-21, 48 hours later, the website still the same

at this point I just roam around asking each bar the same question… all are identical. One lets me in cuz I told him I am Ukranian, 2nd bar let me in but it was tiny with like 10 people, and finally this degenerate strip club let me in cuz I told the Samoan bouncer I got my negative COVID test. So, it’s basically either 1) who you know, or 2) if you get lucky. I got a stamp from the 1st bar, and now I am in this shitty half club/half strip club.

Entrance is $60. WTF!? I say to self “it’s either this, or go back home”. I pay. I already got 4 shots of vodka in me since 20 mins ago. So, I go get a 5th drink + water to freshen up. Go up to “VIP” (strip club) > $20. All girls are ugly (this is San Francisco-fag central. If you want pretty girls, you go to LA). I tip one Asian chick $5. And 10 min later see a bad ass girl dancing on same pole. Tip her $5 and ask her if she’s Brazilian in Portuguese. she’s that hot. She’s Cuban. Really sexy. About 5’11” with heals and caramel complexion, but hard to see-dim lights. She says “Security” cuz I’m wearing the hat (my Halloween costume), and I tell her “Eu Russo!” means “I am Russian” in Portuguese. She tells me “my last bf was Russian”. I laugh at the bitch and walk away cuz I know it’s a lie.

FUCK THE VAX!

Leave at 1 am with 6 drinks in me total. Long story short. This world is 10x more fucked than before. I am surprised I even have a job at this point. I refuse to take the jab. I am not allowed to COPE with my Doomer existence like I used to by drinking liquor + going out to night clubs to do Pickup + Strip Clubs afterwards. Now I need a vax card which I am refusing to get. Wow. Just Wow… How did we get here? Are people really this stupid to take the vaccine that isn’t fully known for its long term side effects? Yes. People are sheep. This world is scary, and I don’t want to be part of it anymore. But, here I am. Which means I must experience this clown world. It’s 4am now, and I am about to go to bed. So tired. I can only stay home and COPE by using some online dating sites but they are all shit. I really wanna move. Bat Area is not for me. But from the looks of things, neither is the whole world in 2021. Fuck my life!!

I am 40

so today I get an email from my homeboy Topaz and i felt like making this.

truth is, I no longer blog for the most part. it takes too much work and I have tendinitis. So, typing for long periods fuck up my hands. I did however went back to taking Kung Fu 3-4x per week. So, I been healing my hands with it and doing much better. Thank god my sifu is still alive. he's 79 and still NO ONE could beat him.

I do audio journaling on my phone now. it helps me a ton. long story short. I did Summer Camp with Dan/Badboy




it helped me a little, but it was the hardest thing I ever done in my life. it was much harder than i imagined it to be. i was so overwhelmed with approaching girls, i felt like a bomb that wanted to explode. i thought i was gonna lose my mind. had a total of 3 dates-2 instadates and 1 actual date. and that's it. a few guys got laid a few times. most guys didn't have much success tho.

long story short. there was this photographer there (part of instructors crew) named Helena, and we clicked. she told me about how Marlon Brando did audio tapes/journaling. I was like wtf is this? So, I tried it and it really helps me.

I am an only child so most of my day I don't talk to anyone. I keep everything that goes on in my life, work or outside on inside. and when I get it out in a blog like this, it takes too long and it fucks up my hands. audio journaling really helps me to get it out IMMEDIATELY, and it helps me to do social warm ups, as well as with self-expression. i still have a hard time getting laid and with women but at least I got the structure. that's one thing I love about Badboy, structure. and Croatia was amazing, along with its people. I felt like Croatians were these super evolved aliens who have ascended beyond space and time and who are so friendly, and good. unlike any people i ever met. and I'm from Eastern Europe so i understood them completely. because they appear cold and distant at first-never smile. but when you talk to them, they are so warm. it was like visiting another planet.

anyway, i went out yesterday-Sunday after drinking 4 shots of vodka and 'trying' to talk to girls. no approaches and i thought wth... let's celebrate. then went to a strip club. on NO FAP for 1 year 1 month and sexually frustrated but i know how to control it. long story short, i met this 10/10 black girl there and she was so my type. omg... not gonna go into details but she was so different than any stripper i ever met. i'm thinking of just coming back there once per month when i go out drinking and visiting her. who cares if it's fake. at least i get to feel good being around her. i'm miserable all the fucking time. may as well enjoy my company with her. fucking strip clubs.. nothing but dicktease and blueballs at end of the night. but that's life i guess. at least this girl was warm and flirty with me. most of them are just cold and ask for money right away, or flirty and do the same.

i think that's it for now. don't feel like 40, but more like 25. i grew a little but feel like i refuse to approach girls on my own and scared to get my feet dirty. miserable and lonely. but what else is new? at least i got 1 year of Kung Fu now and feel stronger, and more grounded. i wanna become a Master. that's my life dream. one day... gotta go train now. a little late but had to blog real quick. it was either now or never.

Cluster Headache pt. 2

here we go again...

couldn't sleep from 12:30 till about 1:11am when i looked at the clock. i felt headache coming on... but it was mild 1, then 2... drank some water, but i felt it more in my sinus. then at 1:46am it hit me at 7.. then 8, and 9 and shit i wanted to die.

i think it's the food, though. i wanted to puke at certain times. i ate frozen burrito and something in it probably triggered it. i'll have to look at the wrapper tomorrow. lasted until 2:26am. 40 mins of hell. i really need to start eating healthier.

i jump started my MA again, and my sifu is still alive thank god, but i still eat like shit. i mean it isn't the worst. but i guess that's the price for not having a woman in my life. always eating whatever i could find or whatever doesn't look like poison (i dont eat junk food or any shit tier food).

anyway, i'll try to get some sleep. maybe take a sleeping pill. gotta wake up for work in 4 hours. fuck my life... these headaches drain all my energy

Cluster Headache

woke up at 5:47am with a Cluster Headache at about a 6 > drank some water > it kept going > in about 10 mins it went up to a 7. then it just kept rising and it hit like a 9 where I wanted to straight kms. lasted until 6:30am and then started coming down to 8, 7, 6, and eventually faded.

Huge Panic Attack

so yesterday after I trained my Kung Fu, I left and approached this girl outside. Afterwards, I felt this fear running through my body. And when I got home, I felt weak because I didn't eat for 7 hours. So, finally I ate my frozen burrito, thinking it will make me feel better. I still felt weak and like I was going to faint. my plans were to go out, drink 4 shots of vodka before I get to the club. And then talk to girls there while drunk. But I didn't go. I was worried that if I already feel like passing out, vodka may just do that.

Today I thought fuck it, no work tomorrow and I will go out tonight instead. It's Sunday so it would be slow, so no drinking. But I still feel weak like yesterday.

So  I am watching this funny ass movie, Dinner for Schmucks, because I thought I need to watch something funny when I feel shitty rather than browse toxic pol on the weekend. And I had this HUGE panic attack. This is why I stopped smoking weed, cuz i'd get these all the time. But now I am sober and I felt like kms. Called my tranny friend, literally the only one i have, and she calmed me down and told me to take the pill my doc subscribed to me. I ended up in ER last year cuz had a panic attack just like this. they told me it's from stress and nothing is wrong with me.

I feel better now, but still weak. I just feel like it's too heavy to be in this body with all my problems. And I am so lonely. it's too much sometimes to handle. I am also doing No Fap and on it for a while. Feel a lot better mentally and physically, but sometimes I need to release. But soon I'm going to Europe to do some self improvement for myself, and I hope it helps.

I haven't been blogging at all, because I guess I am just really private and stopped caring about my blog lately. So, maybe I'll blog again. Maybe not. it's kinda random, not like I used to post all the time. I just hope I'll be okay. I'm trying to improve myself in my love life and my social life, but it's so fucking hard. sometimes I just wanna get drunk and numb my feelings down, so that I don't have to feel the pain of loneliness and worthlessness. Because everywhere I go, all I see is couples everywhere. Feels like I'm disconnected from humanity and everything else in the universe.

Opera - the best browser

get rid of the parasitic Chrome, with Google collecting your information about every site you visit. get Opera instead, that uses the same Chromium engine. Opera even gives you options of copy text automatically as you select it. No other browser does this. And you could get any extension you can get for Chrome with a special extension that enables this feature. It is my main default browser as of right now. This ad is very well done

Escape | A Sci-fi short film by Opera from Operabrowser on Vimeo.

are Humans on the verge of Extinction?

I first heard about this in an article Death by Utopia. Unfortunately, that website has been taken down. But basically this is what happened in a nutshell:

Guy ran an experiment with mice in a controlled environment. He created unlimited resources for them, and different "Universes" (buildings). The result of the study with mice was this. Population growth exploded > violence > degeneracy > "beautiful ones"appeared, loner mice that secluded themselves from the group and did their own thing > extinction/collapse of the population.

We are literally witnessing the same in our western society today:

Population growth - Foreign Aid to shitholes like Africa, which is the result of more people being born. whites are having less children, however, due to so much pressure on them paying rent, and paying taxes, funding their own extinction paying for welfare of 3rd world invaders being brought to their lands

Degeneracy - This is the stage we are in currently. how many genders are there now? 20, 30, 50??? Drag queens are allowed to come to city libraries brainwashing young children into thinking this behavior is "okay". We even got 12 year old drag queens talking about they are gender nuetral and dressed up in slutty outfits shaking their asses on stage, which is downright pedophelia. I mean, what's next?

My question is, when is the extinction/collapse going to come? The way our world looks today, it can't come soon enough...

M.I.A. is a dumb ass

I can't believe I used to look up to this idiot. But then again, she's a rapper. and rap is the most lowest vibration of music on earth. nothing but worshipping of swag, bling, and glorification of crime because it's so "cool" where you get street cred for "struggling". After learning everything I've learned, I can safely say MIA is a complete moron that has no sense of clue of how the world works. But she shouldn't feel too bad, most rappers are this way. I realized this after I saw her "Borders" video about a year ago. Jesus fucking Christ!! what a globalist moron!

Some men say women belong behind cages. I disagree. Women belong in the kitchen raising their children into healthy and productive adults. This is what nature made them to do-give birth and raise their offspring. It's been that way for eons since humans have been around, and it won't change anytime soon. But now with all this feminism and "equal rights" poison that is sweeping the west, all these "independent women" think that they need "rights". Hence, all the women are focusing on their careers and end up miserable, single, and old cat ladies. Then minorities are laughing at white women and blames them for not making enough kids. When there are bigger forces that are behind this massive brainwashing and genocide. I won't even get into this now, but yeah I just wanted to vent.

M.I.A. is a complete and utter MORON! She always talks about crooked politicians in black countries but never mentions an average IQ in black nations, and the fact that all the nations ran by these low IQ Sub Saharans are corrupted to shit! they simply don't know how to plan for the future, and mainly live in the moment. this is why blacks in general are more laid back and easy going. but that's also why all their countries and neighborhoods look like sewers. Women all need to be stripped off their rights of running for office, and yes even voting. But I'm afraid we are going in the same direction as Rome. Soon this American empire, and the entire west will collapse. Hell on earth will ensue once darker low IQ races will take over. But some only learn the hard way...

FUCK JORDAN PETERSON!!!

Just another globalist stooge working to destroy white people by subverting the minds of the young to somehow think it is "wrong" and "evil" to be proud of their culture, history, and heritage. Peterson is such a FRAUD! His voice disgusts me and face makes me wanna puke!!

just want to thank Resurrection Europa for making this masterpiece video exposing this pathetic nutless cuck. Watch it now before they take it down for "hate speech"..

Wheat Starch and Corn Starch trigger Cluster Headaches

So about a year ago, I found these Hi-Chew bites. I love Hi-Chews, and Mango flavor is my favorite. So, I bought 2 of these and ate them. Then without me being aware, I started having cluster headaches each time I ate these. Lasting for around 50 mins, it was really intense. I wanted to die it hurt so bad. Finally, one day after purchasing and eating these, I put 2 and 2 together and realized they were the cause of my headaches. The main ingredient that caused them was Wheat Starch

I am finally going through my closet cleaning all my crap, and throwing away stuff I never use. And I found this sitting there for me to research. So, I am finally blogging this out because I am really working hard cleaning my soul and all the clutter that it accumulated.

Is it something that I can prove, meaning Starch is the cause of my headaches? No. But it's the only ingredient that jumped out at me, when I was reading the ingredients list. Plus, I came across this article. So, apparently Starch also causes Migraine Headaches as well...

https://migraine.com/stories/wheat-will-trigger-a-migraine/

10/26/19 Edit

Corn Starch in Evol Organic frozen burrito

Again, going through my old stuff and finally got around to looking at the ingredients of this burrito that gave me a cluster headache. Lo and behold, it has Corn Starch! So, I'd say stay away from anything with starch in it to avoid cluster headaches or any headaches for that matter. I am no doctor but this is kind of a big coincidence

Forever sexually frustrated

that's how I feel right now.

I'm back on my No Fap, No Porn program. I think I blogged about this yeeaaaaaars ago. but it is really helpful this time, because I have really stuck with it. I got to a point where my dick was lifeless. NOTHING turned me on. I only got off and had erections through porn. I came like 1x per 3 weeks at least to release, but that would still be me fapping and watching porn, the most damaging thing to men and their erectile dysfunction in our age. this was me, but after No Fap since August 1st, which is almost 3 months now, I actually wake up with hard boners. I get real erections when talking to or even looking at women!! I can't believe it. I actually FEEL something in my pants, and get arousals.

I just don't know how long I'll be able to hold off. I need a release, and me not being that great with girls really makes it extremely difficult. I wanna get better but feel so alone. no friends, no wingmen, and think I need to create a 30 day program of me pushing my boundaries socially every day, until I start to actually approach and talk to women I am attracted to. otherwise, going out to the beach every once in a while to talk to strangers won't change shit. it may get me laid one day if I'm lucky and grow enough courage to start approaching girls, but in the end I'll still remain the same.

fuck life is hard. sometimes I have not even an outlet sexually. Sometimes I wish I lived in a state or a country where prostitution was legal. because my dick feels like it is going to explode some days, along with my balls.

Cats are the greatest creatures on EARTH!

Social Momentum - Week 1 + Asking an Aryan Girl out

Social Momentum

So, I stopped going out to clubs for the most part and drinking. At some point, my body started to reject alcohol. What I did on the weekends was the following:

• Prepare alcohol - I first started out with Corona, later on started preparing Vodka
• Go to a new/different club on Friday and/or Saturday
• Park my car and drink the alcohol - at first I'd drink 1 Corona, and then buy more liquor inside the club to get lose. Later, I prepared 4 vodka shots mixed with cranberry juice. This really saved me money. I'd drink the whole 4 shots right away. This really helped with PTSD and to calm my nerves

But at some point, what started to happen was my body started to reject alcohol. My body isn't of someone who drinks or can drink too much. So I cannot handle liquor like certain men. I first started to throw up literally each time I drank my 4 shots of vodka approximately 2-3 hours afterwards. And then headaches started to hit me, and hit me hard. I thought it was because I got cheap alcohol. I had about 20% left of Sobieski (Polish Vodka), so I dumped it all. Then bought Stalichnaya (very popular and more pricey Russian Vodka), but then the result was the same!

And what I'd do after the club is beat myself up "why didn't you approach so and so girl! She was your type! You could've said something you idiot!" But then the problem was this. I didn't talk to any strangers throughout my day. And when it was time to go out, I tried to talk to people to warm up, and then girls. It was like going from nothing, to everything. Unfortunately, this is how most men are (minus even warming up with strangers). They think by going out to a club, they'll find the right girl. But if they haven't warmed up for the day, week, month, etc.. socially, nothing magical is going to happen at night. Unless they are good with women already. And from my experience, most men aren't.

So, this whole week I have been warming up as much as I could. It really opened my eyes after watching this video (mainly the part where he mentions starting to form a habit of being social with strangers




It's still really difficult, as I am not used to it, but I am trying my best and hopefully will stick with it.


Asking an Aryan Girl out

So at my current job, there is a party each month. And all the people come with their co-workers. There is liquor, music, food, and all for free. I have been going there almost each month by myself. It's really nerve wrecking for me, but I go anyway. I warm up with people and managed to approach some girls a few times this year. But never closed the deal (this is my sticky point).

So yesterday, I go to the party by myself as usual. Then after having food, drink water, and chit chatting with some strangers here and there, my coworker spots me. I was like holy crap! You're the first coworker I've seen at these gatherings. He takes me where the rest of them are, and I join them. There is this really pretty Aryan girl there (not with the group, but with another group literally next to us).

I saw her before, but didn't say anything. I chit chat with my co-workers and 2 guys are drinking beer getting drunk. Then I end up talking with one of these guys, as others form another group amongst themselves talking with each other. We start talking about women, and for like 15 mins I am eyeing this girl but make sure she doesn't spot me. She was dressed casual, jeans, sneakers, and nothing fancy, sexual, or revealing. Then I'm like holy crap, she is so my type! Tall, nicely built, Scandinavian looking. I was really nervous cus I was thinking to approach her but didn't. Then finally, I tell my coworker to hang on for a sec. I open her up and start with a chit chat. Then introduce myself and him. Then this dude.... HIJACKS THE WHOLE CONVERSATION! He already has a g/f, but he's a good talker. So, he was like ME ME ME! I this, I that, etc.. I talked 20% of the time with her, and him 80. But the girl seemed really laid back, and open minded. Like she's really easy to talk with and not weird or socially awkward.

She was from Canada, and was just at our company for the summer. Finally, when he broke away to chat about something with our group I asked her if she dates shorter guys than her. She was about 6'0", I am 5'10". She was like "no". And then she followed up with "I am not looking. But I am flattered". After a few mins, she says nice to meet you, etc.. and goes back to her group. This was literally the first time I asked a girl out at these parties. I will keep going, though. It's much harder to do this alone. If I wasn't there with our group, I would've left 30 mins before I did. I'd feel creepy af standing by those girls by myself. Maybe my inner game is something else I need to improve.

Russian Rap

Wiggers in Russia... who could've thought. I thought Timoti that black wanna be faggot was the only one. Jews dont even have to take control of the nation and pour the poison of Cultural Marxism into the Russian television, these kids practically brainwash themselves. their brains are fried by this disgusting trash of black thug culture. they hate their own heritage, abondon tradition and family values, and become low life thugs obsessed with sex, drugs, money, cars, and being hard. I dont think most even realize how much poison this hip hop culture spreads throughout the world. It is BANNED in China. Smart people. the rest nations need to do the same. If i had a son (or daughter), he wouldn't go anywhere near this filth



PHARAOH – BLACK SIEMENS (PROD. BY FROZENGANGBEATZ)

found more hip hop poison from Russia

FACE - БУРГЕР (prod. by PackMan)

South African Boer escaped to China

This was so good, I had to post it. Those disgusting black communists killing White African farmers, torturing families and even children to death, after raping a wife in front of her husband. Boiling whites alive in some cases. Really sick shit. And then they wonder why the world hates blacks. The biggest rude assholes i have ever seen and had the misfortune of dealing with. Yeah, I guess I am racist for pointing out the truth. Anyway, watch this video! The LIGHT at the end of the tunnel for Boers. First, Russia takes them as refugees (God bless Putin!), and now China

Russian Hard Bass

I am glad Russians are creating their own music culture now. Proud of my brothers! I remember in 2009 after college i got real home sick, and wondered what it was like... All I could find was a bunch of wigger wanna bes making rap. it was pathetic. I came across one American white dude living in Moscow. he had a blog, and in it he said "Since perestroika, Russians seem to be having some sort of an identity crisis. A rapper named Timoti is a good example. He is some sort of a rich rapper guy. etc.." And Timoti is a big time wigger tough guy. like Eminem basically. And all else i could find was some Fascist, Nazi bands cuz in the 90s, lotta immigrants from neighboring countries and even from Africa were coming into Russia to 1) study in college or 2) work for low wages. so, many Russians were pissed (blacks were practically scared to go outside after dark. Russians aren't cucked like American whites. so blacks and other minorities know their place in the society. and if they act out or have a chimp out moment, Russians will beat them up pretty bad and even kill them.) Russians were getting no jobs, and invaded by non-Russians at the same time. Russia for Russians sort of Fascist movements came outta that, like in Europe among whites today.. even in Ukraine. anyway...

good shit. keep it up! glad real Russian music is taking off among young slavs. I wanna hear Poland Hard Bass next...





*Bonus Track*

I can't get enough of this. probably listened to it 100x at least

My Date with an Indian Girl

so today, I had a date with the Indian girl I last blogged about. I thought she was gonna flake and not respond, like most of my female interactions, but she didn't. We met up at our work's cafeteria. I was really busy, and had another appointment with a user at 1pm. She wanted to meet at 12:30, so I was in a rush.

I had doubts about asking her out over the weekend. I didn't really take a good look at her, and kept wondering if she's my type. But when I got there I was like damn she's pretty! But again, I still don't know. I am a Libra and we are picky af! Anyway, I got my food already, found a seat, and told her where it is while she stood in line.

As she joined me, we chit chatted and then it happened. Me being me-inexperienced, and haven't had a date in close to 5 years (if not longer). We had awkward moments but they didn't last that long. She filled them up with movies she watched, and I filled them in with some other crap I don't remember. All in all, I don't know. I think she likes me but you can never be too sure. Girls are weird. They act interested and flake, or not call back, and all just to be nice and not make you feel rejected. Even though that is exactly what they are doing.

How do I feel about this whole thing? Like I feel about everything in my life. Ashamed. Ashamed of not having experience with women, ashamed of not being exciting and fun to be around, ashamed of revealing this side of me to her. But I can't say it was that bad. I think I am just too hard on myself. I was doing what I usually do on dates, hiding. I am afraid what people around may hear when I speak, so I don't speak loud enough. It's really bad, but I guess it comes from feeling shame about everything in my life. I used to be a lot worse, though. I would be this way ALL THE TIME, EVERYWHERE, WITH EVERYBODY! I have at least improved a lot when it comes to people, and improved a little bit when it comes to women where I managed to ask this girl out. 99% of the times I don't, even though there could be all these signs of interest. I am too afraid of what others around will think, and I prevent myself from living my life.

Towards the end I said "We should do this again sometimes" before leaving. She said sure. I added "outside of this place[work]"... If anything comes out of it, I'll blog about it. If not, then even better. So that I don't have to deal with this shit. I feel like I am a 16 year old stuck in a 38 year old body. Can't even imagine how bad I will be at sex, if it ever gets to that...

I asked an Indian Girl out at work...

I know, I know... after getting red-pilled, I am 100% against race-mixing. But I am not planning on having children, so I think I am good.

I did not think I was going to do this. I haven't asked a woman out in a loooooooong ass time. And frankly, I am frightened to show any woman my lonely world. Which is why I don't ask any women out. But today at work I was helping this girl out, and she is so my type. Big girl, curvy, BBW kind. I am in IT so I was setting up her laptop. There wasn't any social pressure since we were in a private room. Then I lead the conversation to eventually bringing out the part that she is from India (took me like 3x ffs). Then it was Bollywood > Padmavatti (my favorite movie of 2018) > Shiva Goddess, etc.. and from there she was very cool. Showed me I.O.I.'s and everything. She was very surprised about my knowledge of Indian culture.

I really felt the tension, and was thinking about asking her out but hesitated 2x. Then finally I ask "Would you like to have lunch sometime?" She paused for 2 seconds...... then said yes. Then before leaving, she said "yeah, email me so we can have lunch". I guess she really likes me. She is kinda short, though. I think 5'2", or even shorter. But DAMN she is thick!

I don't know. I am really afraid about race-mixing, but not like we're going to have sex next time. It may not even work out. I just hope she won't try to use me to get a green card cuz her VISA expires in 2020. Will post more details soon...

I am sick of Black People

Back in the early 1990s when I first came to US, I was really infatuated with African Americans. I was fascinated with their street culture, hip-hop, and wanted to learn as much as I could and absorb it. This is why I started listening to rap, and eventually became a wigger, wearing baggy pants with a cap backwards sideways. 2pac was my idol, since I had no father of my own. He became my father figure. I wanted to understand why blacks go through so much. Why are they oppressed? What are these projects many of them live in? Why do black communities have so many problems? etc, etc..

My first experience with blacks started in High School. I was a loner so I spent lots of times by myself. One time I was in a gym, and I went out to the 2nd floor of our basketball court building, where you could see everything beneath you (sort of like a huge balcony). One black guy stood at the entrance and started cussing at me random words. I was just looking at him not knowing a word of English. Then a few years later when I learned enough English to understand and speak it, I had another experience. It was Friday, and I'd normally go to a computer lab M-Th after school to play video games. I knew this one black skinny nerd there. But on Fridays we had no lab. But this black skinny guy told me "hey man, there is a lab up there today" I said 'but it's Friday'. He said, "trust me, it's open today. go and check it out!". So, I take my naive ass up stairs on the 2nd floor and wait... The lab is closed, but I wait. 5 minutes, 10 mins... nothing. Then all of the sudden I see 4 black guys and one Latino/white with them creeping up from a stairwell to my right. I stand there kinda arrogantly as I look away after seeing them. Then... As they come from my right side.... *BOOM* the Latin white dude hits me in my stomach. I bend from the punch... *BOOM* *BAM* BOOM* punches are flying from everywhere.. These 5 guys' punches are coming from all sides landing on my head. It was hard to breath and I was overwhelmed with all the hits, so all I could do was cover myself.

The black nerd set me up, and it took me 1 week to recover mentally. My ears were bleeding on the outside, and I lost some hair behind the ears area on my head because of impacts to the head. Later I learned on Fridays they jump Freshmen, but I was actually a Soft-more or a Junior. I was just really skinny and small, so I looked younger.

Fast forward to the beginning of my college years. At some point, I got jumped by 3 guys outside of my campus (2 blacks and 1 latin.) I am not going to go into details, but they took what was in my wallet, and then wanted to take my Nike sneakers. I managed to get away, but I couldn't sleep all night after this happened. As a result, I developed PTSD. I could never calm down after that day, and my insides turned into a turmoil. Ever since that day, I get triggered seeing blacks in groups thinking they're going to jump me.

Even back when I used to listen to rap, liked blacks, and denied all my negative experiences with them thinking that blacks are just oppressed with "white racism" and need help, deep down I couldn't understand why black Americans are so rude, and disrespectful. I thought it was all the result of slavery, but looking back I was dead wrong. I wanted to hate them, but thought "that would make me as bad as these blacks who hate me. and I don't want to get on their level."

So, fast forward to today. I went to Trader Joe's after work to get some Rice milk and some berry pie. There is a black man cashier who looked like he's in his late 30s. I even passed up another free lane on the right side to a girl in front of me. So, I wait... Finally, it's my turn. He rings me up, and I ask him if he could weigh the cherries (I saw $5.99 by lb sign, so wanted to know the cost). So, instead of being straight forward with me, he started to be a smart ass. "What makes you think it's by lb?" I don't remember exactly the details. Then he said "we don't weigh anything in the store. You wanna know how I know???...... I work here." Just really vague, and indirect rudeness. Then as I'm getting my stuff, he turned with his back toward me and started chit chatting with his co-worker cashier.

At this point of my life, I don't want to be ANYWHERE NEAR BLACKS! I went from loving black people, being interested in their life and their struggles, to not giving a single fuck about any of them. And what I'm beginning to find out, is that I am not the only one. Blacks are the most rudest, hateful, closed minded, bigoted, and racist people I have EVER came across. I am sick and tired of dealing with them, and want no part of their bullshit any longer. What really gets me, is how they walk around with a chip on their shoulder acting like the whole world owes them something. And the thing is, I'm white AND a male, so my pale ass gets the worst treatment. I have many more stories of bad experiences with blacks, but I just felt like making a general post about how I feel at this point in time.

Let's just put it this way. If the TRUTH is right here at my computer table, majority of blacks are all on Mars. They're not interested in history, facts & truth, but in their WE WUZ KANGZ & #WakandaForever fantasies. 85 IQ people. What else do you expect? Anyway, I will leave this post with a quote that rings true to any Sub Saharan community ANYWHERE on the planet. This is why every neighborhood they occupy, be it in Africa, America, Europe, etc.. with History of slavery, without, etc.. (makes no difference) looks like a sewer.

"I have given my life to try to alleviate the sufferings of Africa. There is something that all white men who have lived here like I must learn and know: that these individuals are a sub-race. They have neither the intellectual, mental, or emotional abilities to equate or to share equally with white men in any function of our civilization. I have given my life to try to bring them the advantages which our civilization must offer, but I have become well aware that we must retain this status: the superior and they the inferior. For whenever a white man seeks to live among them as their equals they will either destroy him or devour him. And they will destroy all of his work. Let white men from anywhere in the world, who would come to Africa, remember that you must continually retain this status; you the master and they the inferior like children that you would help or teach. Never fraternize with them as equals. Never accept them as your social equals or they will devour you. They will destroy you." - Albert Schweitzer

And look at South Africa today, that's ran by blacks. A corrupted, crime ridden, 3rd world shithole. Albert knew exactly what he was talking about. So did Gandhi. But the liberal media just painted men like these as "racist", when they were simply speaking the truth about blacks, how they act, live, and think.

Cyberpunk 2077

This game looks amazing. But without the music, this trailer wouldn't be as good as it is. Still, if I was still into video games.. I'd buy this one. The problem is, I'd have to buy a new powerful PC just to enjoy it. And I won't buy a console cuz I don't play games anymore. Waste of money





the song - Hyper - Spoiler