Tuesday, January 26, 2016

looking for a place now

I've had it with my mom. I had a fight on Sunday when she started shoving food down my throat. "take this"... "take this"... right in front of her friend, when I am right there and can just reach out and grab food myself. she keeps treating me like a fucking child when I am 36 years old! so I just start yelling at her telling her to stop embarrassing me and shoving food down my throat. then she starts arguing with me "everybody does this", and ask her friend "yeah, I do this too. my son complains too. blah blah blah". I just ate my food, and gtfo of there not saying a word to neither of them. My mom NEVER APOLOGIZES. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no matter how wrong she is. because in her mind, I am always wrong.

Then yesterday after taking a nap, I see a note on the kitchen counter with my mom TALKING TO ME LIKE IT'S ALL MY FAULT AND LIKE SHE IS THE ONE THAT WAS RIGHT!!!!!!! telling me I need therapy and I should be "patient" with her, and blah blah blah. that was the last straw. I can't take this shit anymore. So instead of apologizing for treating me like a child, she tells me 1) I am wrong for yelling at her, and 2) i need therapy. HOLD UP!!!!! I NEED THERAPY TO TEACH ME HOW TO BE A FULL RETARD AND AWKWARD IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS SO I CAN DEAL WITH YOU!?!?! so in other words, she wants me to go to therapy for her, and not me. I already was 10x more socially awkward before, and now she wants me to go back to what I used to be and put up with her bullshit while she's acting weird and dysfunctional. DYSFUNCTIONAL!!!!!!! but she thinks it's normal, and that "all people do this".

so yeah, I am now looking for a place. too bad i'll have to live with roommates, as I can't afford to have my own place. but roommates are better than this, because I feel like I am stuck. i haven't lived away from home ever since I moved out to LA, had a life crisis, and moved back. I just hope I can find something because it isn't that easy to find roommates nowadays here, and also a lot of people are control freaks. No pets, no smoking, no drugs, NO OVER NIGHT GUESTS, etc.. they want you to be their slave. it's insanity. But I've been looking since yesterday, and taking it even more seriously today. The days of me slacking are over. I will be building my life from now on AWAY from home. One day I am hoping to travel, see America, and then eventually the world, if it doesn't blow up soon.

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