shit man, islolation... loneliness... this is my day to day reality right now. go to school, sit in class, day dream 80% of the time, go to work maybe if i have to (thank God its on campus!), go to library, read, do homework, surf the web, then go home and play WoW. i am seriously going crazy, im in my room talking to myself and shit doing push ups, getting high playing the stupid game that i am bored of already. i mean its like there is a million things to do and i can play it 24/7 but whats the point? leveling up, doing quests, getting killed, blah blah blah, who cares!!! seriously, i think if i have to quit something i just do it. thats why i wasnt scared to get into this game, cuz i knew its not that hard to get out of. i have discipline.
damn... i love being alone and all and i even wrote a paper on being a loner, my teacher loved it and turns out hes a loner too but he has an outgoing personality so i had no idea, but this loneliness is just too redundant. i dont think too much of it is very healthy for anyone. i seriously need some friends, i just dont know what to do or where to go. its like i dont even care... but i do... common interest brings people together, but i dont have any interest that i can think of. anything im into could be random. like this game im playing, so many nerds into this shit its pathetic! i talked to the game club in my college and its a nerd fest! they play magic cards and shit, board games, video games too. martial arts, so many crazy mother fuckers, i swear when i was training Kung Fu i didnt even realize i was around a bunch of weirdos. sports i was never good at, thats why i quit that martial arts im just not a fighter or a tough guy whats the point of trying to be one, im just trying to be something im not.
this is some depressing shit i feel like i cant stick with anything. visualizations-do it for a day or 2, quit, meditation-did it for like a year or so, quit, mantras-did it a few days, quit, anything in life i start i quit, its like i hate schedules and calendars. its weird, i dont know what it is. i like doing things spontaneously or something, i dont know. im 28, and im still at the same place where i was 10 years ago. i think im a little better but overall, in life... yep, same place. i dont know nothing else comes to mind its 4 am and i gotta go wash my face and sleep. fuck this whole blog and the last dumb ass that put that comment up, ill delete that bullshit every time. at least have the balls to say who you are instead of hiding like a little bitch pretending to be other people.
5 comments:
"i am seriously going crazy, im in my room talking to myself and shit"
damn
"i am seriously going crazy, im in my room talking to myself and shit"
ain't nothing wrong with that. i do that shit all the time. i've been doing that shit since i was a kid.
if that makes me crazy, then i guess i am.
early signs of schitzophrenia:
-replaying or rehearsing conversations out loud, talking to yourself
-sleep disturbances and insomnia
-awkward gait (how you walk)
-inability to experience joy from activities
-appearing desireless- seeking nothing
-feeling indifferent to important events
-HYPERSENSITIVITY to criticism, insults, or hurt feelings
-sudden irritability, hostility and anger
-low motivation
-suicidal thoughts
-inability to form or keep relationships
-social isolation
-ruminating thoughts- often about past disappointments and missed opportunities
-making up new words (neologisms)
-nonsensical logic
-obsessive compulsive tendencies
-conversations that seem deep but are not coherent or logical
-overpowering, intense feelings people are talking about you, or that you are being watched and followed
-thinking people are working together to harrass you
-when people hear voices inside their heads, as if their inner thoughts are no longer alone
many of these symptoms overlap with other diseases such as bipolar disorder
the person who wrote that schizo stuff above, do me a favor and try this out. tell all your friends to buzz off for a few months and not call anyone on the phone and not have anybody to talk to in person, at least nothing about personal stuff (you can talk to strangers about mundane shit that will never go anywhere other then some chit chat). do that and then come back and tell me how it affects you.
mother fuckers here analyzing and dissecting this bullshit when they have no experience being stuck in one type of environment.
talking to yourself is not crazy or even weird, some kids do it you know why? cuz there are no other kids to talk to! and i dont feel like getting into a debate over that other stuff so yeah... do that experiment and then get back to me, i wanna see what you say after that.
ok ill try it
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