I have a hard time understanding Social Dynamics, and it fucks me up

Today i made a decision to talk to that mixed girl after class even if i have a thousand panic attacks and i can hardly breathe with my mouth being all dry. I came to a point where i realized i HAVE TO talk to women. If i dont talk to them nothing will ever happen, i will never get good at being social, and ill be all alone when i turn 50 writing on this blog crying like a little bitch that my life is not going where i want it to go.

So i was just like ok fuck it, ill act the same way i act when i give presentations in class. I have fear doing them, i used to be all shacking and trembling before but now i just get out there and put in 100% into that speech, i dont hold back one bit, my intensity is so strong when i present that fear gets shut the fuck down every second i speak; by the end of my presentation im like TJ Mackey, shit is amazing!



and i know thats how ill feel when i start talking to women, talking to people, but i hold back A LOT, and on top of that i avoid and leave certain social situations because i dont wanna appear socially awkward.

So today i set a goal to talk to that mixed girl, and were working in 2 separate groups. The class is over and our group scatters, but her and her group still talking and discussing. I talked to the girl in my group and exchanged #'s with her, cuz i really wanted to do it with someone just in case i dont show up or if they dont show they can call me but i let fear stop me. So after that she leaves and the mixed girl is still in her group talking. Im like maaaan wtf!? one day i really decide to go 100% at it to talk to her and its just some other bullshit Matrix moment in which im completely lost in and dont know what to do. Im thinking "should i wait for her? but isnt that kinda creepy?", so im like ok ill go in the bathroom and then by the time i come out shell be somewhere around so ill catch up with her. I come out the bathroom and shes nowhere to be seen.

This is so frustrating, i feel like even when i put all my energy into something im still confused cuz of something else happening that i havent planned. Im mad as hell right now, but at least i got somebody's # from that class so i can call and work on the project with her, or whatever i need.