so today I drag my ass to my shrink and he always makes me feel like 1) he doesn't understand me, 2) he doesn't know what he can do to help due to him having a totally different life, and 3) he doesn't care. for #3, his eyes roll almost in the back of his head. it's a subconscious thing people tend to do when they are bored, or don't care. I notice this a lot and don't want to be around people who do that when I talk to them. in this case, it's my shrink.
so today was the most uncomfortable appointment yet. I came there, asked him how he is, he asked me I was and what I been doing. and of course, it's the same shit. I was like "looking for a job and not looking for a job being bored. I'm bored most of my life" and then there was silence... I didn't have shit to say and neither did he. I just sat there without saying a word. and why should I? that fucker gives me "I don't care" vibe the second I start talking. the first 5 minutes were the hardest. I was uncomfortable. then I was like blah, and I started to meditate visualizing a shield. after about 25 minutes he just went okay we'll since you just sitting there staring into nothing, see you next week. I was like yeah, okay. and that was that.
at this point, he cannot help me for shit. I will talk to my fam see if we can just keep him as our family shrink and so that I drop him for my appointments. I seriously think that #1 I need a job, #2 I need money, and #3 the only person who could help me is me in the future. in other words, someone like me and who had my life, but is prosperous now. I can learn a lot from a guy like that because he would understand me the most, and genuinely CARE about helping me, not like this shrink who is clueless.