Sunday, July 12, 2009

all my Fam is Distant from me

I don't understand how things work sometimes. Like my female cousin i live with for example. She starts talking to me about her personal shit, I listen, ask more questions, and just kinda curious about her you know? My turn to talk, I say some personal shit, it may be deep, or maybe a little TOO deep, but it is my personal shit nonetheless, 5 seconds go by and she changes the subject and just shuts me down. She done this not just once but multiple times.

So I'm thinking like, ok it's your turn to talk and I listen, then my turn comes and you just blow me off right when I start or in the middle of the convo because either somebody calls you or you just change the subject. This is my family. Always have been like this and probably always will. It's almost like I have to fight for my voice to be heard. I can't just say it with them listening to me. They just listen a little bit and go "ok, i heard enough i gotta go" but when they talk it's like i give them 10, 20, whatever minutes they need because i actually listen or curious.

It's fucked up but I'll just be distant myself. I'm tired of this shit with me opening up and her not wanting to even listen. FUCKING BULLSHIT! And she don't even asks me "so you were saying??" and it makes me feel like she doesnt give a flying fuck. There is a lot of other things happening here that i don't feel like talking about but there you go, my "family"...

2 comments:

Paz said...

well... you're in a town you NEVER been in before and you can either start on clean slate or you can repeat what happened in the yay area. you have a choice. not saying you gotta change who you are BUT there's more people to meet. space, you a pimp in disguise. you old enough, you got your own place. time to do your thing, mayne. i wanna hear that you finally got some pussy fam.

SP said...

having my own place? not even close! there are so many things that are happening in this apartment you have no idea.