Making Excuses for Talking to Women

Today i was on the train going to Oakland for my dentist appointment, and as i get on all the seats were taken so i stood not too far away from this girl. She glanced at me when i wasnt looking and i did the same to her a few moments later. so at some point she was kinda trying to get my attention and i looked directly at her until she looked away. then i was like oh shit oh shit this is it. and then i did what i always do in situations like this, i started making excuses. the excuse this time was "i dont wanna be late for my appointment". now i could've gotten off the train with her, got her #, and caught the next one. and in my opinion anything would've worked... ANYTHING! hi, hey, excuse me i just wanted to come up to you and say hi, etc.. but i didn't get off.

fear funs me. it runs me like a little bitch. it got me by the balls and i let it control me without doing a damn thing. this girl was fine. i mean she looked cute as hell and had a body like Nivea. She was either Filipino or Chinese. proper attire, sexy as hell showing off her shoulders. and moments like this dont come too often for me because i have a really bad intuition about things. many times my intuition tells me the opposite of what's really going on. so that's another excuse i give myself to not do anything. oh and another major excuse about a situation like this would be "i dont wanna get off the train on the station thats not mine". like i dont wanna be going somewhere im not going. it sucks but i always do this.

its not that bad though beause in the past i would beat myself up over this. in fact, id beat myself up so bad right now id be feeling suicidal. but i feel fine, i dont hate myself or blame myself for not talking to her. what's the point? it's bad enough already, and im just gonna make it worse.

if i talked to women who were as much interested in me as i was in them, i would've probably already had a few girlfriends in my life. but unfortunately that's not the case.