Severe Headaches i wanna OFF MYSELF!!!

i woke up at 3:24am its 3:56 now and i been having this piece of shit migrane. all i do is suffer, suffer suffer, pain pain pain pain pain all my fucking life im sick of it this headache is so fucking severe feels like somebody is cutting the inside of my left eye socket and my eye looks all red like it aint normal.

I dont understand why GOD puts me through all this pain man, if he exists. Fucking lonely, painful life, wtf is wrong with this body that im in, why is it acting so weird? If i wanna drink water why isnt my body thirsty? i can go without food or watter without feeling like i need it then i feel this shitty ass migrane.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY STOP THIS SHITTY ASS PAIN OMG I DONT KNOW IF I CAN TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! man its about 20 % down but it still hurts like shit wtf is wrong with this body man. oh man im so tired of feeling pain, physically like this i used to go through this shit all the time in high school and not know what it is, then after i figured out after like i dont know 10 fucking years of visitng stupid ass western doctors, they said im fine, eastern doctors, they said im fine, till i figured out on my own and i still have these shitty ass headaches cuz i dont care and once i get em i wish and pray to GOD i ate and ddrank enough liquid sothat i would feel this pain.

nobody hears, and when they do they dont care, shit is crazy man, i need to take care of myself, take care of my body, nobody else gives a flying fuck why should they? they got their own body that functions its own way to worry about it. man this shit hurts so bad i literally wanna take a gun put it in my mouth and blow my fucking brains out so that the pain stops. i think the pain goes down to 30% now but still hurts like shit. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FDU KFAU;D FKALDJ FA;DF UFCK FUC FUKC FUFKD;AFDKFJA; DKFJA ;DSFJ A;LDFJJA;LKKDJF L;AKJ DF;LAJ DF;AJ ;FLDJA ;L~!~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my left eye is dripping with tears, its red as shit, and i really really really dont understand why people like me have to suffer so much pain and so much struggle. and what really really really confuses me is that WHY DOESNT ANYBODY HEAR ME!!!!!!! i suffer with a headache doctors say im fine, i suffer with issues people say im fine, then some dumb ass loner who has my characteristics shoots up a school then everybody wanna learn how to lock people like me up so that all the "normal" people can have a nice life. WHY THE FUCK DONT YOU WANNA HELP SOMEONE WHEN THEY ARE DOWN AND STRUGGLING? WHY YOU WANNA TELL ME IM FINE AND ALL AND THEN YOU DONT EVEN KNOW THE HALF OF IT? why is this society is so fucked up? i dont understand, why couldnt doctors tell me i just need to eat and keep my body filled with liquid to get rid of headaches? all these appointments one after another and one has yet to tell me anything! some fixed me up with other stuff and i appreciate it but why couldnt they dumb asses tell me to just DRINK WATER AND EAT ENOUGH FOOD TO NOT GET SEVERE MIGRANES? i dont understand, probably never will.

shit man headache is down a lil more its 4:07 am and i got school tommorow first day fuck!!!!!!!!! i should be sleeping but thank GOD, as much as im mad at that fucker right now, that i got this blog to vent out on. oh how i cursed out GOD when i was a kid, life was so weird and confusing but yet everbody told me to pray to him and ask for help, i did but my life was always filled with pain, suffering, and confusion.

I really need to take responsibility now that i know how my body works i just have no motivation so then i bitch and moan when the pain comes but yet i dont do the steps to prevent the dumb ass headache or any other ache in my life. I dont know man, i need some plan or maybe have some food with me at all time so that im always munching on something. I feel guilty spending my mom's money so i try to starve myself to save up, its really pathetic. I hate how she raised me like that but i gotta change and break away from this piece of shit condition, i need to get free and do what th fcuk i need to do to prevent any pain or suffering. I dont know how im gonna do this but i must or no one will do it for me, its my body i should love it and heal it especially now that i know how to prevent these piece of shit headaches! ok, i think its like 85% gone now, but im mad, got lil tears in my left eye, my nose is stuffed i wanna cry thinking about all the bullshit i gotta deal with plus feel these pains. enough! im off to bed now...