PSI story...

This happened to me about 5 hours ago...


I am at my college campus looking for a nice quiet spot where i can review my notes and go home early. So i find this perfect place i was never in before, its completely secluded, on the second floor of the main building where all the student unions are in. It has a bunch of sofas with a few small round stands in between to put the notes or drinks on. To my right is a bunch of tinted windows that lets me see the outside, but its pretty dark and its about 8pm. And for whatever reason i just CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS GIRL. She is the first girl i EVER spit game to back in my community college. I saw her again about a month earlier but never asked her out cuz i felt there was no chemistry.

Anyway, im thinking to myself "i have got to see her again, i have to tell her". So im sitting there wanting to talk to her, the more i think about it the more i want her to come. Then im like ok let me try something. I close my eyes and start talking to her, telling her to come see me, telling her the location of the building and that if she on campus i want to talk to her. I do this over and over again. Then i visualize this bright, shiny, lightening in one line connected to my head that leads all the way into the Universe connected to the God force, with a second one coming back to Earth connected to her. I keep talking to her telling her the location of the building, and where im at. I do this for about 5 maybe 10 minutes. Then i just hang around some more thinking about her and leave the campus to go home.

Right as I cross the street... I see her walking towards the same bus stop not even 30 feet in front of me. The fear kicks in right away but i think to myself whatever man i gotta do this. She sits down and then i come sit right next to her and we just fluff talk... feels like i like her and she likes me but... it ends up where it ALWAYS ends up... us having a hard time forming a conversation, with these awkward moment of silences... after a few minutes i tell her "you always this quiet?" she says no, shes not the quiet type. and i say maybe its just me, she smiles and tells me "nah, trust me.." and this is where i just say whatever i wanted to tell her, "you know, some girls i talk to..... i can talk to them all day, but when i talk to you... its like... nothing comes... and i was thinking of asking you out but....... maybe we just dont click". I sit there and after a few more seconds she asks me some off the wall, nothing to do with the conversation type question, i answer it, then my bus comes.

When i got on that bus i felt like a fucking superman!!! It was this feeling of freedom, finally telling someone what ive been thinking and feeling, something i do very rarely in my life which is why i think im so bitter, angry, and mad all the damn time.

And its funny cuz when i came home, my best friend Jay, who is also my roomate, is sitting there just started a movie called Reign Over Me, im talking about only a few seconds into it. he pauses it and says he was hoping ill watch it with him. We watch the movie and the Adam Sandler's character is.. well... me. That guy who is always to himself, has no friends, has no one that really knows him or understands him, someone who never shares any personal part of his life with anyone, someone who is really hurt either by others or by the experiences that life has brought him, someone who has family members try to help him but never find the right way to do it and sometimes end up hurting him in the process. I cried a few times watching that film thinking about my life and how different yet similar i am to that character. and I was only paying attention to the movie 50% of the time, the rest of my focus was thinking about the girl i talked to earlier and how it felt SOOOO GOOD after the conversation i had with her.

me and Jay talked for a while, and i felt and understood that in order to be trully happy, i have to share my world with everyone i meet, and tell them who i really am, where im from, how i trully feel, and what i want. Yeah its scary, and many people will reject me, hate me, and even try to hurt me, but its the only way to be happy. Otherwise ill be like that character in the movie, what was his fucking name, Charlie, with all the bullshit built up inside of him having random moments where he spazzes the fuck out for some stupid reason.

I feel like this day was put together, its like i just dont see myself watching this movie WITHOUT having that conversation, they wouldnt go together. This is the most intense PSI experience i ever had in my entire life, and it feels so good, its like im partially free and want that freedom to keep on growing and building into my true self, who i really am, whoever that may be.