When will i soul travel? when when when?? am i doing something wrong? what am i doing wrong? did i take too many breaks, this is driving me nuts!
im going crazy here. do i need to focus more? do i need to meditate? do i just need more time? ahhhhhhh this sux man it sux! sux sux sizuux huge nuts!
do i think too negative? i got nowhere to go and nothing to do, and its pissing me off. stuck on the fucking spring break at home wacking off all day and cant even soul travel and i got no patience. and i havent smoked weed since i started, thats over 2 weeks! i dont wanna give this up just like everything else i gave up on in life. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck a;fdja;fklsajdf; asdjf;asldk jf;lasjd
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
OBE - Day 12.. i thought it was Monday, LMAO!
man... i wake up thinking its monday, get ready for school. when i get on campus its all empty im like "damn people are still on spring break", and the building my class is in was closed so im like damn there is no school. and i find out classes start tuesday. then i get home and my folks tell me its Sunday hahahaha, damn.. i dont know whats happening with me.
but i been staying up, went to bed at 7 am last night. a few fucked up things happened. 1) i stayed up real late, started doing this at 6, 2) i didnt remember the last half session or what i was being told and have no clue where i was. either was in my head thinking about stuff or maybe somewhere else, i think its the first, and 3) not only did i feel like nothing happened but i broke out of the state i was in cuz i started hearing the same tape from the start only to realize i put my winamp on repeat, and the speakers were on!!!!!
i couldnt sleep for like 30 mins after that thinking if somebody in the house heard the tape being played. i was like damn i hope they didnt cuz i dont want them knowing what im doing every night.
but i can visualize the bubble around me more clearly. i make it a blue color and its glowing and shit, looks so purdy. after listening to these tapes i realized its all about visualizations. its not magic or anything like that, its all what you visualize and create in your mind. sort of like how people create these same invisible bubbles to protect themselves against psychic vampires. that stuff is real, you gotta really focus on visualizing or people can get in and suck on your energy or disrupt your energy field.
another thing im beginning to realize is that i stay up when im depressed. whether i have school or i dont, whether i smoke purple, or whether im playing video games. when im depressed i stay up all night even if there is nothing to do. i started doing that in high school, and part of it is cuz im a night person and love the night. night gives me some sort of energy or makes me feel alive or something, i dont know i cant explain it.
but i been staying up, went to bed at 7 am last night. a few fucked up things happened. 1) i stayed up real late, started doing this at 6, 2) i didnt remember the last half session or what i was being told and have no clue where i was. either was in my head thinking about stuff or maybe somewhere else, i think its the first, and 3) not only did i feel like nothing happened but i broke out of the state i was in cuz i started hearing the same tape from the start only to realize i put my winamp on repeat, and the speakers were on!!!!!
i couldnt sleep for like 30 mins after that thinking if somebody in the house heard the tape being played. i was like damn i hope they didnt cuz i dont want them knowing what im doing every night.
but i can visualize the bubble around me more clearly. i make it a blue color and its glowing and shit, looks so purdy. after listening to these tapes i realized its all about visualizations. its not magic or anything like that, its all what you visualize and create in your mind. sort of like how people create these same invisible bubbles to protect themselves against psychic vampires. that stuff is real, you gotta really focus on visualizing or people can get in and suck on your energy or disrupt your energy field.
another thing im beginning to realize is that i stay up when im depressed. whether i have school or i dont, whether i smoke purple, or whether im playing video games. when im depressed i stay up all night even if there is nothing to do. i started doing that in high school, and part of it is cuz im a night person and love the night. night gives me some sort of energy or makes me feel alive or something, i dont know i cant explain it.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
OBE - Day 11
I started doing this at 6am last night, went to bed around 6:40, probably fell asleep at 7, woke up at like 12:45 and got up physically at 2:37. I do this when im depressed, stay up all night then sleep all day if i dont have school.
When i started tape 6 i did all the visualizations and everything, then at some point any slight movement would cause my piece of shit headphones to make a squeaky sound. I mean like a movement that is not even a movement, just a barely slight head tilt then i hear EEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHH oh GOD I WANTED TO TAKE A HAMMER AND BREAK THESE PIECE OF SHIT HEADPHONES THAT ARE MADE OF CHEAP PARTS. The head phones themselves are not that bad but they're cheap, made out of some cheap plastic. These headphones always prevent me from going into a complete trance cuz everytime i hear them squeak it gets on my fucking nerves and i start focusing on them thinking "it dont bother me" when deep down inside it does. SHIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im fucking pissed!
I had a dream too but i dont remember what it was..
When i started tape 6 i did all the visualizations and everything, then at some point any slight movement would cause my piece of shit headphones to make a squeaky sound. I mean like a movement that is not even a movement, just a barely slight head tilt then i hear EEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHH oh GOD I WANTED TO TAKE A HAMMER AND BREAK THESE PIECE OF SHIT HEADPHONES THAT ARE MADE OF CHEAP PARTS. The head phones themselves are not that bad but they're cheap, made out of some cheap plastic. These headphones always prevent me from going into a complete trance cuz everytime i hear them squeak it gets on my fucking nerves and i start focusing on them thinking "it dont bother me" when deep down inside it does. SHIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im fucking pissed!
I had a dream too but i dont remember what it was..
Game is the funniest rapper on the planet..
this is the funniest thing ive read in a while
http://www.sohh.com/articles/article.php/9903
game having dreams of Suge Knight's car smashing his face, crying in his closet wishing he was dead cuz no one in the rap game respects him. LMAO! I dont think Game was ever a nice rapper though, he just got lucky and had Dr. Dre by his side. But the dude should be a comedian, his whole DVD about 50 was cracking me the fuck up.. this right here is the most dead on Game impersonation i ever seen.
http://www.sohh.com/articles/article.php/9903
game having dreams of Suge Knight's car smashing his face, crying in his closet wishing he was dead cuz no one in the rap game respects him. LMAO! I dont think Game was ever a nice rapper though, he just got lucky and had Dr. Dre by his side. But the dude should be a comedian, his whole DVD about 50 was cracking me the fuck up.. this right here is the most dead on Game impersonation i ever seen.
Friday, March 28, 2008
OBE - Day 10
Just woke up not too long ago, man im so lazy dont feel like writing anything right now. Anyway, i was listening to tape 5 last night and after i felt asleep i had a long ass dream. Somewhere in the middle of tape 5 my mind drifted and i felt like it was going somewhere, i got scared and wanted to snap out of it but i made myself not to. I saw some lines or something and then nothing... it was about 5-10 seconds.
After the tape was over i felt asleep about 10 mins later. The dream i had was weird and long. I don't remember a lot of it but the first part was me taking a bus. Then i met this guy and we start talking about martial arts, i told him something like i wanna learn how to fight and we were talking about sparring. Then i realized my feet were dirty so i started washing them in this soap water, while looking over my back worrying if people seeing me even though part of me didnt care at all. Some were looking at me shaking their head like "this guy is crazy", but i was like whatever. After i was done i didnt have new socks so id use different colored bandannas instead to put around my feet before i put my shoes back on.
After that it was dream about trains and how i got on one train, but there was another train that left the place at the same time. And when i got on it i kept seeing the train from the outside like it was filmed in a movie. Seeing 2 trains depart from one location, one going left and the other right (the one i was on). Then i saw some huge futuristic type of plane, like the one similar in Halo the game, that they use to transport marines in. It was flying right after the trains.
3rd part of the dream was me trying to return books to the library, but when i get there it was being closed. I go in and return the books then it turns out its a clothing store. I go in and some young teenagers i dont know go in there with me. Then we get locked in and cant get out for some reason. We start going from floor to floor looking for exit. I try some jeans on, and i got a walkman with me. Then the girls go one way and me and this guy start looking for an exit together. I think i woke up but went back to sleep and started dreaming it again. Then eventually we found an exit and the rest i don't remember.
After the tape was over i felt asleep about 10 mins later. The dream i had was weird and long. I don't remember a lot of it but the first part was me taking a bus. Then i met this guy and we start talking about martial arts, i told him something like i wanna learn how to fight and we were talking about sparring. Then i realized my feet were dirty so i started washing them in this soap water, while looking over my back worrying if people seeing me even though part of me didnt care at all. Some were looking at me shaking their head like "this guy is crazy", but i was like whatever. After i was done i didnt have new socks so id use different colored bandannas instead to put around my feet before i put my shoes back on.
After that it was dream about trains and how i got on one train, but there was another train that left the place at the same time. And when i got on it i kept seeing the train from the outside like it was filmed in a movie. Seeing 2 trains depart from one location, one going left and the other right (the one i was on). Then i saw some huge futuristic type of plane, like the one similar in Halo the game, that they use to transport marines in. It was flying right after the trains.
3rd part of the dream was me trying to return books to the library, but when i get there it was being closed. I go in and return the books then it turns out its a clothing store. I go in and some young teenagers i dont know go in there with me. Then we get locked in and cant get out for some reason. We start going from floor to floor looking for exit. I try some jeans on, and i got a walkman with me. Then the girls go one way and me and this guy start looking for an exit together. I think i woke up but went back to sleep and started dreaming it again. Then eventually we found an exit and the rest i don't remember.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
OBE - Day 8 & Day 9
Last night was a trip. Day 8 though was foggy, I went back to tape 4 cuz I had like a 3 day break. I feel like I need to step it up and put more energy into this, do it every night instead of taking so many breaks.
I memorized the affirmation, how to do the resonant bubble, focus 10 and other stuff. I was thinking about things in between but then ended up drifting away like being in an unconscious or a sleep state. When the tape ended I wasn’t even listening to Monroe talking to me I was just hearing him in the background. So then I turned off my pc and went to bed.
Now last night... this is getting serious, dude is instructing me to float upward. Now one thing that really freaked me out that at the end of the tape he didnt instruct me to come back and wake up, everything was getting more and more quiet and in my mind i was floating higher and higher, first above my bed, then the house, and then above the clouds, and then it turned out the tape ended. Thats what i remember. Let me go listen to the ending now see if its not just something in my head, brb... yep, thats exactly how it is. this seems dangerous but i completely forgot to read the text file before listening to tape 5, brb... whoa, actually this tape was supposed to put me to sleep. should've read this last night but oh well, im gonna listen to it again tonight when i go to sleep.
I memorized the affirmation, how to do the resonant bubble, focus 10 and other stuff. I was thinking about things in between but then ended up drifting away like being in an unconscious or a sleep state. When the tape ended I wasn’t even listening to Monroe talking to me I was just hearing him in the background. So then I turned off my pc and went to bed.
Now last night... this is getting serious, dude is instructing me to float upward. Now one thing that really freaked me out that at the end of the tape he didnt instruct me to come back and wake up, everything was getting more and more quiet and in my mind i was floating higher and higher, first above my bed, then the house, and then above the clouds, and then it turned out the tape ended. Thats what i remember. Let me go listen to the ending now see if its not just something in my head, brb... yep, thats exactly how it is. this seems dangerous but i completely forgot to read the text file before listening to tape 5, brb... whoa, actually this tape was supposed to put me to sleep. should've read this last night but oh well, im gonna listen to it again tonight when i go to sleep.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
woke up thinking i was somewhere else
this morning felt like i was somewhere else when i woke up. like i was in a different place when i was asleep and when alarm clock woke me up i was like why is that thing ringing? last night i knew i had to work today but when i woke up i had no clue what was going on.
i was asleep for like 6 hours but felt like i was gone for like a day or 2. weird..
meanwhile the OBE tapes make more and more sense. im visualizing the bubble around me daily, about to memorize the affirmation, and then do my next session tonight.
i was asleep for like 6 hours but felt like i was gone for like a day or 2. weird..
meanwhile the OBE tapes make more and more sense. im visualizing the bubble around me daily, about to memorize the affirmation, and then do my next session tonight.
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