i feel like im living in National Geographic

today its really hot, i mean really hot. so my fam opened up all the windows and doors, which i dont mind for the most part. but these people i live with dont understand that you only do that shit for so long. im walking into my bathroom and there is this big ass 3 inch mosquito sitting on the wall, scared the shit outta me. then little flies are everywhere, like every time i go in the bathroom or kitchen there are little tiny flies flying all up in my face, then as im eating in the kitchen there is this flying 1 inch bug sitting on a fridge. then i walk in a hall and there is a spider on the ceiling. I swear to God i feel like im living in National Geographic, i mean WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THESE WHITE PEOPLE!??????????????!?!?!?!?!?! SHIT! why are they so obsessed with this shit! it's like every now and then i think to myself "who are these people im living with and why are they so weird?" why do they leave windows open when its freezing outside and when i tell them so, they tell me to wear something warm? are you serious? im freezing my balls off and i gotta wear a sweater inside my own house? people heat their houses why we gotta freeze to death just to get "fresh air"?

then on top of that i got a D on my test so the new thing is that if i get another D or lower im going to have to move out. are you serous? didnt you say im gonna move out at the end of the year what the fuck? if i move out now then what the fuck am i gonna do? shit i dont know, this class is really hard but this is just crazy. i had an interview for internship and im real confident that i got it but if i move out that internship goes out the window cuz im gonna have to find a 9/5 and kiss my education goodbye and im like a year away from completing it.

im tired of these people. i was talking to my therapist about it and he told me that parents supposed to guard and protect their children and teach them how to make it in this world but i had none of that shit. and hes right, if anything my fam did was make me worse. so now when im still living with them trying to get an education they setting these deadlines for me to move. first its at the end of the year, now its at the end of the month? are you fucking serious? i dont know what im gonna do. my plan though is wake up tomorrow, get all my shit, my voice recorder and go over it in the library, fuck staying in this piece of shit National Geographic dump.

i'm moving my OBE's to my new blog

me posting these OBE sessions is getting in the way of me speaking my mind on my blog, or i intermix the 2 and going back i dont know which is which. so i created a new blog for that.

http://obetravel.blogspot.com/ is where all my progress is gonna be stored from now on.

My Childhood Friend just contacted me

yesterday my childhood friend sent me an e-mail. this is crazy because i really didnt think wed ever see or even talk to each other. when i was 13 me and my fam moved; it was my death. i died and havent been the same ever since. and the truth is at some point i tried my best to forget about everything in the past, even my friends, because i wanted a better future.

but damn... this is really nuts, i was just looking at her profile and she looks so different then i remember her. im probably gonna wait 1 more day until i reply, but this is really really really crazy and i still cant believe it. i am so far away from everyone i never thought id be e-mailing my childhood friend who i had a huge crush on.

OBE - Day 22, 23, & a dream

Day 22

i edited those 2 nerve wracking buzzing sounds from tape 4 and listened to it last night. didnt have enough time to listen to 3 and even do push ups because im so lazy.

its funny because ever since i started these tapes i been having dreams almost every day. dont remember the one last night but i woke up at like 7am cuz my fam was talking on the phone all loud and shit using a speaker, i hate that shit! they did that before. plus im sensitive so i wake up easily like that. then these same motha fuckers complain that my music is too loud when its barely medium cuz "its not nice to the neighbors." stupid ass bitches worry about disturbing the neighbors when they havent complained once, than care about talking loud as fuck when im sleeping in the other room. that shit REALLY pisses me off. fucking hoe ass trick ass mother fucking sluts! i think every person should go to school before becoming a parent. seeing what these folks with kids on sohh say about their kids makes me realize most parents are fucking retarded!


Day 23

listened to Tape 4 of Wave II again. i really like this tape, it teaches how to heal wounds, get rid of build up non-needed energy, and create power within when doing something physical. its 30 mins long but feels like its only half of that.

4/11/08

didnt do day 24 but i had a dream. i was in this apartment with this kitten, then left, when i came back the kitten was rushing for the front door trying to escape. i closed the door real fast and the kitten ran as fast as it could slamming its whole body into it. after that it was going crazy like it wants to get out, the i realized it needs to use the bathroom so i opened the bathroom door cuz there is an entrance to the backyard in the bathroom. the kitten ran into the bathtub and took a shit. then there was another kitten in the bathtub. there was a backyard past the shower with a slide in door. the dream was long and there was some other stuff like i dreamed about my therapist im seeing at my college. hes a cool ass guy, probably the best therapist i ever had. i dont remember what he was doing but seemed like guiding me or some shit.

rant

i gotta say, at this rate that im moving im having doubts id be able to accomplish this OBE or anything in life. im so lazy, i have no motivation, i start things and never finish them, i always hit a brick wall and feel like i cant get past it, i get depressed and nothing matters even the things i really really want in life. i say fuck this and fuck that, give up, then start over again. i repeat the same pattern over and over again and then i complain that my life sux and never goes anywhere. i do this in school with studying and getting good grades, i do this with women, i do this in anything i do and i dont know how to stop. people give me advice and i listen, but then i go and do the same bullshit routine over and over again. i do things the same way i always have and im tired cuz i dont understand why i keep doing them. i can just sit there on the internet for over an hour doing absolutely nothing, then the last minute id try to listen to the tape when im almost falling asleep in the middle of it. wake up late all groggy and shit and complain to everyone that i havent gotten any sleep. i feel like something inside of me is empty, so i try filling the emptiness with this leisure time i spend on the internet attempting to have fun browsing different sites or sohh. but then i realize its not fun, its bullshit and a waste of life, yet i realize i have nothing else to do so i keep surfing the net.

i can be sitting in the library doing "homework" when im all doing is surfing the web and wasting time until im exhausted. then i do homework for like 30 minutes and go home because im so tired. and going home to do homework is suicide, it never happens! i dont know what to do.

OBE - Day 20 & Day 21

day 20: did tape 4 again, nothing special. had a weird dream about me walking the streets of some suburb. then i hear this really creepy horse/demon growl so i stop. i see a woman that looks like some friendly sorcerers and the thing that was making a noise looks like weird creature from either hell or some weird place. it was really tall, about 7 or 8 feet. i thought it was gonna attack me but when the woman saw me she told the creature to follow her, they both left inside the house or the backyard of a house. i kept walking the streets till got to this place around the corner with other people gathering. one guy had a machete, i guess just in case he encountered that creature on the street or if somebody wanted to fuck with him. the rest i dont remember. i think maybe world of warcraft is influencing these sort of dreams, but maybe im wrong.

day 21: last night i said fuck tape 4 and listened to tape 5... half assed. 1st of all my lazy ass started really late.. AGAIN! i did push ups the last minute so when i was doing breathing exercises i was exhausted as fuck! and had a dream but dont remember it. 2nd, in the middle of the tape there was a loud noise which seemed to be an error, im gonna go check again and see if its an error or its part of a tape. then it happened AGAIN! it scared the shit out of me i felt nerve buzzes throughout my hands, opened my eyes, snapped out of it and was afraid to get back into it till the end. i kept thinking "if this thing is gonna buzz me one more time im gonna shut this pc off and go to sleep, fuck this!"

Pre-Law meeting was disappointing as fuck

i just left the pre-law meeting and i thought it was part of a Criminal Justice club. turns out it's a totally different thing and its for people who are planning on going to law school or being lawyers. im real disappointed but whatever, back to the same old bullshit routine i guess. the guy i talked to said CJ students are welcome but what the fuck am i gonna do there? i saw this girl there, we were supposed to hang out and get high together on a platonic basis last semester but she sort of flaked. was planning on talking to her after the meeting but she broke the fuck out faster then i could blink with her g/f she came there with.

and as far as the black student union.. as much as im interested i really dont see myself being there, i really dont. not only am i not "one of the guys." people wont even see me for who i am but the fact that im white 1st and foremost.

my goal for this semester though is to attend events. i got invited to this one event tomorrow and im gonna go. and any CJ meeting that comes up im gonna attend or even this Pre-Law club, if im interested ill show up. now im hungry as hell, about to go to cafeteria and then read the case for my class.