Wednesday, January 21, 2015

I feel like I am Alone again...

Here we go again...  somehow, someway... I make a friend. The friendship lasts a little bit, and then it happens... we get further and further until I am alone again. story of my life.

So it's about that tranny "friend" again. I don't even know where to start. But I'll start when we were in a hotel last. I told her that I will always love her, and she was real excited that night when I was dropping her home. She even told me "let's keep in touch! but if I don't answer texts that means I don't wanna look at my phone". Even called me the same night when I got home. I told her she could use me for rides since I love driving. So... she would call me frequently about helping her. It got so crazy that when I'd call her to say hi, she'd be shopping with her mom asking me to give her a ride back home. I didn't do it, but thought wow... she's abusing me. she stopped calling about this and maybe realized it or maybe... she found another guy to give her rides.

So not even a month ago I didn't hear from her for a while. And I thought 'let me not call her till she calls me'. And this was during the New Years Eve, and beyond. I literally had NO ONE to call, spend time with, and even talk to. I was going crazy, mentally I mean. No job at that time, no social interaction, and my mom was away on vacation. I was locked up in my house all day every day. A week goes by and I cave in, I call her... She of course was busy being out with her mom and her "friend" who bought them dinner. She said she'll call me back. When she called me the next day, she was very distant that day. Right then and there I realized that she doesn't care. And that's when I stopped caring.

I spend money on her, and I did it because I want to. Life is very different for transsexuals, and I really care about them for some reason. But it's like... she treats me like shit. I told her that I will buy the plane ticket for her mom to fly back to Mexico. She told me she'll do research and let me know details. I was like cool... so then she tells me when I was visiting her "my mom is leaving on the 20th". So, I'm thinking "oh, wow she must've bought a ticket". Then I texted her on the 18th asking about her mom's departure and she goes "my mom is ready. are you ready?" I thought "is she asking me to buy her a ticket this way?" I mean, she doesn't even have enough courtesy to CALL ME and ASK ME like a human being? She waits until I bring it up and then she indirectly indicates it. So, I am not even worth a phone call and you want me to pay for your shit? FUCK YOU!!! I don't know... am I wrong here? Am I over-exagerating? I texted her back "Am I ready for what?" Because honestly, I feel if you want my help you should ASK me, in person or on the phone. She read my message and never texted me since. Probably found another guy to buy her ticket.

And another thing I realized; she only calls me when she needs me. I haven't heard from her in almost 2 weeks. Last time we hung out, was when I drove her to go shopping. We didn't end up going shopping so we hung out at her place. And this time... I am not calling her. I am tired of this. I told her before "why you treat me so bad?" and she didn't get it, and even told me "i treat my other male friends 10x worse". So, I guess us men are all replaceable species. We are so easily disposable, it's pathetic! I don't spend money on her, so she finds someone who will.

And she has other friends. One guy pays for everything for her. She calls him "my angel". He bought her a $4,000 bed, spent $8,000 on her buying her 2 purses, and some other shit, and is paying rent for her for the next 3 months because of her surgery. And god knows on what else he spends on her. Thinking about that makes me think. Who am I to her? I am not rich, I don't even have enough money to get my own place. Is money all she cares about? If yes, then I know where I stand.

Either way, I grew more distant from her. She has her brother, her best friend back in Mexico. her other Tranny friends on Facebook, other guys like me trying to call her either to fuck or to pay her for sex, and then... there is me. huh... I feel like I am one of the many, and she is the one. That's some bullshit. Why are men so fucking easy to replace in our society, and women are held on a fucking silver platter like trophies? You know it's funny, I always complain about women treating me badly, but she is a good example. She is a transsexual, which I am sure now she'll disagree since she has a pussy, but even then she treats me like a cash machine, or a yellow cab. If I have no more funds, or gas, she would pick up the phone, and call another cash machine, or dial another yellow cab that is available. And she could get it all for free. Fuck me. Fuck my life.

Just thinking about this... Last time she asked me to come over to hang out... was so that I could bring some weed, hahahahaha. So if I don't have money, rides to provide, or weed, there is absolutely no reason for her phone call. Lol... I don't know what else to do but laugh, but this is life of a beautiful woman, or transsexual in this case. Either way, men bend backwards just to be with her or around her. And one time, ONE TIME I was late, okay twice... and she tells me "you shouldn't have the barbie wait". But she made me wait almost every time we were going to hang out for 30+ minutes! That's okay right? She said "yeah, but I'm a woman. that's okay." I think I just gave up on her. I tried teaching her that that sort of thing is not right, but it feels like it's no use. She just...... doesn't..... care.... unless I have some money I guess.

I am gonna go smoke some herb. I need it. I been smoking lightly every day to build high tolerance. Don't have bad trips anymore. I still wanna do some DMT & Ayahuasca, but weed is all I got for now...

p.s. I just remembered that the last time we were smoking in my car and talking she told me "you get on my nerves sometimes". I said "I'm surprised you're still around. most people leave me cuz I get on their nerves." The same exact thing I was told to by my other friend I hung out with and blogged about. "you get on my nerves sometimes"... People won't even give me a chance to improve. I told her that I am an only child so I am still learning social skills 3x, but she just said "stop using it as an excuse". Guess it's true what they say... Some men are meant to walk a lonely road

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