There is no other way of saying it. I like Trannies, Shemales, Transsexuals, Chicks with Dicks. I feel like this is a good time for me to talk about it on my blog. I don't recall ever bringing this up. But here is my story.
Growing up I always liked women. I am what you call a typical straight guy. I found gays disgusting, and sick to my stomach. I had no sort of animosity towards them, but I found it repulsive. At the same time women were a puzzle to me. When I came to America it got even harder. I not only was lagging with women, but also had to learn English. So, it was triple hard. I remember one woman approached me on gym benches inside of a b-ball court. I just stared at her as she was speaking some mumbled sentences, as I had not a single clue what she was saying. To save face I just waited and after she was finished I said "no". It was really uncomfortable. I had other women strike up convos with me (this is all high school), but I answered by guessing what they were asking me (again, to save face) and everything would just go downwards from there. I should've kept it real and said "I don't understand English", but keeping it real was always hard for me. I had always kept it fake trying to be something I am not, a real American.
By the time I graduated, I was frustrated, confused, and angry with women. I couldn't understand why so many treated me like shit. And this was around September of 1997, right after my graduation. I was heavily into porn since my mom purchased me my first PC not too long ago. I had a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge crush on black girls. They were the most fine women I have ever seen. I liked their big curvy butts, and their African figures. I even wanted to marry a black woman and have kids with her. So then one day as I am going through porn I see this pic of a woman with a dick. I was like holy fuck what is that? It's a woman... but she has a dick! So, I saved the pic on my computer and went on to fapping it to other regular porn. I experimented with all types. Posing, white, black, Asian, latin, lesbians, BBWs, anal, hard core, etc.. Then, after about a week I was going through my old files I saved, and came across that same woman with a dick. I thought... eh... and something to the likes of "my life fucking sucks. so, who cares? let me just get off to this." I did, and then before I knew it I was searching for Trannies on the porn sites.
About a year into it, and that was all I was viewing-shemale porn. Then it hit me... "am I gay?" these are men, or at least used to be. I mean they still have their penises. Then I thought, nah.. can't be. I'll prove it. So, I got out my old black girl collection and started jerking off to them. Then I noticed that I just wasn't as turned on by them as I used to be. I came but it was empty. It was as if something was missing. I went from enjoying black girls in porn 100% to about 60 or 70%. It was really shocking and confusing at the same time. Why can't I get excited as much to regular porn as I am to tranny porn? So, I went even a step further and deleted all my TS collection. I even did the whole 1 year no fap challenge on sohh cuz of this, thinking it would help me.
Then I started noticing that the only fantasies I have are of trannies. I don't have fantasies of black girls like I used to. I used to be CRAZY about black women. Fantasize about them all the time, thinking about being with them romantically, etc.. But now, all I got was trannies in my head. I seen a few irl and got a boner. The thought of seeing a woman and knowing she has a dick made me hard. It was very new and exciting. So I went even further, I suppressed my fantasies. This is when things really went down hill. For about a year I didn't fantasize about shemales, so my dick went completely dead. It was as if someone performed chemical castration on me. I HAD A DEAD DICK! Then one day I was viewing regular porn, which made me about 60-70% horny, I saw an ad with a shemale with her dick hanging down. I had this HUGE rush throughout my system. It was as if I just turned alive. It was as if someone shot a fucking suringe into me filling me up with L.I.F.E.. I was blown the fuck away. I wanted this feeling all the time, and started to realize that this is what I like now. And there could be no other way to change that.
What made me suppressing my fantasies worse is that once I started to fap to tranny porn again, I had a really hard time keeping these fantasies. They would escape my head within minutes or hours after I was done watching porn. Sometimes it took days, but once I stopped viewing porn, the fantasies would disappear. To this day that is one thing I regret doing, suppressing my fantasies. I don't suggest anyone do that, but I learned the hard way.
So, at some point I learned to realize that Transsexuals is what I want and what I need in order to be happy. I still consider myself straight, but can see why people think I am gay. I just don't like men and am still repulsed by them. And the only thing that gets my dick hard is women with dicks.
The thing about it is that once I have discovered them, I had no negativity towards them. When I'd watch porn with women and see guys fucking them, I had so much anger towards females, so many negative feelings, so much pain behind what I am looking at. A man is dominating a woman, and the same woman probably treats me like I am some serial killer in real life. Maybe it's because I always lacked confidence, I was socially awkward, or whatever other reasons; it didn't feel good. But once I got into trannies, they were a breath of fresh air. I had really admired their struggle, as I admired black women's struggle. But Tgirls had even a bigger struggle. I mean it's one thing when half the world hates you because you are dark skinned, but imagine how much more people hate you when you are dark skinned and you are a tranny. I was always attracted to struggle, maybe because I have always struggled since birth and life was always really hard for me.
The best analogy to what happened to me sexually is a spring. When you take a spring and you untwist it, you could never put that spring back together again the way it was. It will always look and feel different. I believe that's how sexuality works, at least it worked this way with me. Once I got into trannies, I could never get back into women. It just won't work and I have tried for about 10 years, only to realize that Tgirls, Shemales, Trannies, etc.. is the only thing I want in this lifetime. They are the only "girls" that would make me happy and make my dick feel like no other thing in the universe, filling me up with ultimate 100% sexual rush.
So, with all of that being said, here is my story of what happened tonight. Last week I said to myself I want to go out bar hopping. I need to get used to being out by myself at least 2-3 times per week. I need to get used to being out at a bar and learn the night culture. So, that same night I just went bar from bar. It was Thursday night. And I remember the 2nd bar I entered was a gay bar, but I didn't even know till I was sitting there for 5 minutes and bar tender comes up to me and tells me so after I asked him about the bar, haha. It was a good experience. I needed it. I need to explore instead of sitting in my house. Then I bar hopped to other bars. There was another gay bar, a punk rock bar, a country bar, and a few others. Then I remembered that bartender in the gay bar told me about this other bar located behind them. So, I go in there. When I get inside, it's a TRANNY BAR!!! OMG!!! I go upstairs and there is a tranny in the elevator with tits. I was like daymn, "are you a transgendered?" She says yes. My dick gets hard. I go in and there is a tranny sitting there. I sit next to her and she tried touching my cock. She is a hooker and wants to suck me off. I see a bunch of trannies sitting in the corner and ask her if they all call girs>yes. I tell her I just wanna enjoy myself and go sit elsewhere. I basically spent the rest of the night there. I started to get really nervous because I was looking at all the strippers dancing thinking to myself "THIS IS WHAT I WANT!" Met a cool Brazilian guy there who is into Trannies too. Most dudes there were old, ugly, and looked like life didn't treat them well. I felt like fucking Brat Pit in that bitch.
So, anyway. I went there 2x last week. I also went out there tonight. And I almost lost my virginity there. I learned that 99% of trannies there are strippers, hookers, escorts, or all of the above. They come there to "work." So, tonight I meet this Columbian tranny. She is fine as FUCK! Thick with a black girl's booty, tits, the whole 9.. I introduce myself and just chit chat with her. Then said nice to meet you and went sat down by myself. Had a private dance from this one really amazing chick whose spirit I just love. Spent the rest of my money on tipping dancers, and ended up talking to the Columbian tgirl. We talked and I just asked her about her life and how she got into hooking, etc.. Then as she had no clients that night, she started asking me what type of car I drive, etc.. Then I told her if she wants I'll drop her off on my way home, since she was saying she would get a taxi.
We leave together, and she asks me to go get my car. As I pick her up I am driving her home. I get to outside of her place, and she tells me to park. I was like okay. We talk a little and she keeps asking me questions like "how long do you last? do you have stamina?" I dodge questions and tell her I practice Tantra, which I do, but with myself. She starts to get curious and I also told her I never had a tranny before. Now, I never say I am a virgin because I don't want to tell her that. She asks me what I would do to her. I describe in detail. Then she smiles and says "would you lick my ass?" I say I would but I would have to trust you and know you well. She says she is not horny now but the only way I can get her horny is to lick her ass. So, I say I won't do it unless I already know her, trust her, etc.. She says "well, you got me curious since you never had a tgirl so I'd be your first. but I am clean, I don't have any decease" etc.. Then she is like "well, you never had sex that's weird. I wanna help you but..." and then we just kissed cheek to cheek like Latinos do it, and she left. Looking at her from the back I was like DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN. Black girl's ass, legs, curvy as fuck, Columbian tgirl. This girl would be the type who'd get cat called by straight men without any of them knowing she is a tranny. She was that fine. I kept looking as she got inside the glass doors of her apartment building, turned around, and waved at me. I waved back and drove off. For a moment there I got so nervous realizing this could be my virginity out the window. But it didn't happen.
This is the closest I have EVER been. Actually, I was this close once but with a woman. I never talked about it. But I was not horny at all so I didn't close the deal. I just realized recently that why the fuck do I have these stupid rules? Like, "I got to lose my v-card with a real female" WHY!?!?!?!? it's stupid. I don't even like females that much anymore. and why the fuck would I want to have a chance of impregnating her? No thanks. If I could I'd just fuck trannies. The hardest part is meeting them and finding where they hang out. Not the ones who are looking to fuck for money.
I like trannies. That's who I like sexually. They are the only ones who can make me happy. I don't want kids. I don't need women. All they do is lie, and then trap you with the "I am pregnant with your child". Not saying all, but why go through that shit when I don't even care for them that much anymore? Pointless.
One wise man on sohh once said, whom I didn't even like... "follow your dick". And he was right all along. From now on, I am following my dick. I will still practice approaching women. Since fine trannies are rare as hell, and there is plenty of Transvestites/Cross Dressers in that stripper bar. But I am mos def will keep my eye out on a tgirl and hopefully one day I find one and make her into my girlfriend. I feel so good that I actually went out bar hopping last week. It was the biggest break through I had so far and realized that no one really gives a shit. If someone sees me there, they wouldn't care. I am past the point of where I don't care if people know or find out. I LOVE TRANNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And they will always be part of me.