Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Negative co-workers

This has been building up inside of me for the last 2 weeks, and I gotta let it out.

so I got this job very recently. It is part time and it is me standing all day.

I am pretty good at reading people and my first impression is ALWAYS right. I am a minority at work. I am one of the 2 white guys in our whole floor. Most of the people are black, some latino, and a few asians. Now, my department has 3 people I work with that switch shifts periodically. 1 black girl, 1 black guy, and 1 asian guy. the Asian guy is cool, the black girl is meh.. she acts cool but judges me on the inside and I could feel it. but at least I could talk to her and she is nice for the most part, and knows how to keep it professional. now this black guy is by far the worst co-worker I have had working at this place.

first of all, he is from Africa. so, he is not an African American. but he walks with a limp, he talks with slang, and I am pretty sure he uses the n word. but that's beside the point. I never judged him for any of this but just took a notice from the observation. now, when i started here i really had to get to know people. no one ever talked to me. so when I got to know him, he made me feel like I am interviewing him. he never asked me anything, but it was mostly me asking him about who he is and telling him about myself. it's something people do to get to know each other and I was totally comfortable, except how he made me feel.

now after that day, he hasnt spoken a word to me. i mean, i come in, and say whats up to him. he doesnt even answer, and when i get to our area where me and him are standing next to each other, he just leaves and stands somewhere else. he treats me like a piece of shit. actually, worse; he acts like i don't exist. and, what's really interesting is that he knows all the people and he talks to a lot of black folks at our place. and it's no big deal to me. he was there for a year, and i just started. but i was just looking at him walking from place to place with black girl co-workers or talk to our manager kissing his ass, or talk to other black guy co-workers, and i realized that back in college and high school, guys like this made me feel like i am a reject. they would always ignore me, act like they're better than me, and create a picture in which they are connected to everyone around them, and vise versa, but i am some wierdo that should remain on the outside away from everyone because i dont belong.

it's real interesting to me how an inner voice plays such a big role in communication. i am talking about what you think, opposed to how you act. he thinks something like "i dont like this white boy. i am better than him. he cant even do it right. he is new here. he dont know shit. he is a rookie. i dont like him. etc.. etc.." now, i dont know if he is racist and doesnt like white people, but i feel that prejudice from him all the way. he never looks at me, never says hi, once he said bye, and it was the first day, and for the rest of the time he gives me attitude like he is above me. now, my inner voice is positive and i send out good vibes towards people, even assholes like him, but i just find it really hard to work in this environment. he acts like we are strangers, and he wants to keep it that way. he treats me like crap, and the only one he talks to is the black girl coworker. like i would be standing there talking to her, and then he comes and starts talking to her like i am not even there. and those 2 got some sort of vibe going. really tells me a lot about her. i already got vibes from the girl, who generally speaking doesnt give a fuck about what i tell her about myself. she just finds a word from what i say and starts talking about herfself because that's all that matters to her. i can hear her life stories all day, but when it's time to hear mine, she is half present, half gone.

i really am not sure what to do. i think ill just mirror the guy when i come in. ill go stand somewhere else when he is at the stand alone. and just be distant. i am tired of this bullshit. i worked with co-workers like this before. it's just that i have never had them be part of my team. and since he is part my team, it makes things 10x harder. team members should be supportive of each other and get each others back. not throw one another under the bus, and act like enemies.

a few other co-workers been giving me bad vibes, but this African guy just makes me kinda not wanna come to work. I will do my best to approach a few girls before i start work. that usually always get my adrenaline going and puts me in a happy mood for the rest of the day. but i havent done that in a while. and the more i hold myself back, the more i cant stop thinking about this fucking douch.


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