at the same time... is profound.
okay so I didn't meditate this morning, and I figured... it's my last day smoking for a while. let me finish this gram (I have never smoked 1 gram in 3 days. a gram can last me 2 weeks to a month!). But then decided to meditate after I smoke.
I sit down on my rug, light the candles and BOOM... I'm gone.
I had so many realizations while meditating. my visualization of my psychic shield become more intense. I could almost visualize and see blue, red, teal colors bursting from my insides out towards my crown chakra, making a bubble that engulfs itself around me like an egg.
Then I went.. wait a minute... I am the pulse of the universe. in.... out... in... out... then I hear my heart beating 2 times.. boom boom, boom boom, 2 times. extraction... contraction... in.... out... but before this I had this trippy realization that I'm in all this 'home'.. i am trapped in this 'home'.. my body. then i started feeling mucus dripping down my sinus. wholy fuck! I had so many realizations and feelings towards life, it was hard to explain. I had this memorry from when I had my eyes checked, and the girl was annoyed with me. I could feel like we are both at our 'homes' and sometimes we don't get to see what the other's 'home' feels like it. but it's all the same.
I dont know why, but I consetrated on my breath for longer than usual times. and I could never meditate on marijuana before. I just got bored and stopped few mins into it. So I tried my best to stay in with the breath, and realized that's how come all the yogis and masters in hinduism do. they can come close to being on their breath with their concousness 95-100% of the time. that is 100% of their attention on the breath. that is how they leave their bodies and experience other realities. I think that is why I meditate subconciously and been doing it for that long. I somehow seek that and want that knowledge. I want that experience, and that is what makes me so motivated once I realize it every time.
I still have a long way to go in meditation, but maybe I should combine it with weed. hmmm... maybe... weed makes me lazy, so juuuuuuust maybe....