all my Fam is Distant from me

I don't understand how things work sometimes. Like my female cousin i live with for example. She starts talking to me about her personal shit, I listen, ask more questions, and just kinda curious about her you know? My turn to talk, I say some personal shit, it may be deep, or maybe a little TOO deep, but it is my personal shit nonetheless, 5 seconds go by and she changes the subject and just shuts me down. She done this not just once but multiple times.

So I'm thinking like, ok it's your turn to talk and I listen, then my turn comes and you just blow me off right when I start or in the middle of the convo because either somebody calls you or you just change the subject. This is my family. Always have been like this and probably always will. It's almost like I have to fight for my voice to be heard. I can't just say it with them listening to me. They just listen a little bit and go "ok, i heard enough i gotta go" but when they talk it's like i give them 10, 20, whatever minutes they need because i actually listen or curious.

It's fucked up but I'll just be distant myself. I'm tired of this shit with me opening up and her not wanting to even listen. FUCKING BULLSHIT! And she don't even asks me "so you were saying??" and it makes me feel like she doesnt give a flying fuck. There is a lot of other things happening here that i don't feel like talking about but there you go, my "family"...

Los Angeles, my new Home

I'm in L.A. baby babaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I moved out here on the 3rd and staying with my cousin. Paying her rent but it's much lower then my fam was charging me since I graduated.

Oh man, the weather here is fucking AMAZING! HOT all day every day, and even at night. I wake up feeling warm getting out of bed unlike back in the Crap Area. Why would anyone wanna live there is beyond my understanding.

To the person who asked me about job search, I'm looking right now and it's really slow. I should look much harder but I'm still in the middle of handling all my shit I need to handle when moving.

Also, FUCK WEED!!! I am so done with reefer. I almost lost my 3rd friend because I was high while talking on the phone with her. I said something that sounded like I was trying to get with her because I was nervous or maybe some other stuff I don't remember. And she's like my sister-I don't look at her like that. She stopped calling me and I thought that's my 3rd friend lost because of weed. But we got back in touch and she lives close to L.A. so we can hang out a lil. And my other friend rode out here with me because he was like 'I was thinking of doing the same', so I got 2 friends in a new city. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meditation is my new weed. I will get "high" as much as I can on that. Trying to meditate two times a day but it's hard because my cousin has a baby so sometimes there is a lot of screaming and drama in the mornings... My new favorite song:

watch this and think of nothing

making a full screen really helps and especially when it's dark with all the lights out

My favorite Michael Jackson songs...

And this song right below is a CLASSIC LOVE SONG! I'm talking about one of a kind in the entire century classic. And the sad thing is, I bet most people haven't even heard it...




and this song was so good, I could NEVER get tired it... ever! I still love it to death each time i heard it. I didn't even understand what he was saying because I didn't speak English as a kid. But the music was so fucking good, it just filled this amazing feeling into my soul. It was this sad depressing feeling of some fucked up shit happened and he was crying about it. Also, it's like he is making this song with his words. Without the music of his voice, the instrumental wouldn't have a complete feeling to it





Amazing song. I cut out the intro of him singing with no music, and replayed it on my nano iPod over and over again when I was going to my University. THE BEST song on that album



Also "Beat it" is classic. I don't like so much of the music aspect of it but the video and the lyrics. Michael knew exactly what time it was.

There is a lot of other great songs I cannot post because it is embedded by request. But I trully love his music. I had all his CD's, but sold a few because I got tired of them. Michael was truly a Legend and a trend setter. Everybody is still TODAY is on his shit wanting to create new things and dance moves and shit and be an originator like him. I bet now he is going to be even bigger. But who knows, a few years from now he could be like some old Legend with new generations to come not really know how inspiring he was unless they lived through those times with him being alive.

Michael Jackson is officially FREE right now

So I was at Macy's around 3:30pm looking for my first suit and then I overhear this guy saying he read on some website Michael Jackson is dead, and then later him being in a coma on tv news. I was like holy shit!!!!!

I kinda envy him atm. I know it sounds weird but I totally think he is completely free of all the bullshit he had to deal with in life. It was his time to go. Some days I wish mine arrived sooner, but I guess there is still some sort of purpose for me. What that purpose is I may never know. But anyway...

R.I.P. to the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. I worshiped you when I was little and wanted to be a singer, dancer, or some sort of a performer because you were my inspiration.

Asian Lady hit my car

So when I was backing out of a parking lot this Chinese lady parked perpendicular started to back up too when I was already out passed her car a little. Then BAM my car tilted to the right side and I thought I got a flat tire. Then turns out she hit me in on the gas tank side.

Funny thing is my mom insured me a few days ago for the next 6 months when all this time I was driving her car without insurance. I gotta say I'm pretty lucky in this situation. And this happened right when my fam is going to Europe. This is gonna be some headache for me but I can get some money out of this and the car is old anyway if there is no internal damage I could fix the dent myself.

My mom's boyfriend is a fucking ASSHOLE!

So i was about to cook myself some yellow cornmeal and my mom said she got some grinded turkey left right. So im like cool and started to prepare rice. I waited 20 fucking minutes for rice to get ready since I was playing WoW (yeah, im back bitches). I come out to the kitchen and this bitch says "i ate your rice cuz i didnt know if you were gonna come out or not". MAN FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU DON'T EVEN APOLOGIZE AND YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY OR CUTE. YOU AINT CUTE YOU FAG! YOU STUPID AS SHIT!!! YOU DONT EAT OTHER PEOPLES' FOOD YOU FUCKING SLUT! omfg these are the people i deal with and live with. i am convinced they are from a different galaxy. aint no way we are from the same place. it just isnt possible.

he was buying me burritos and then if i didnt finish one, id put it in a fridge. then the next day it's gone. where is it? the fucking asshole ate it. what a fucking dumb ass. DID YOU BUY ME A BURRITO OR YOURSELF? IF ITS ME THEN LET ME EAT IT. IF YOURSELF THEN DONT GIVE IT TO ME YOU NO-IQ HAVING BITCH! this is the same guy who wants to be my father and hang out together. he wanna play tennis together, and go to lunch together. he wants me to go 'HEY DAD! I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!' and hell go 'HEY SON! I LOVE YOU TOO SON!!!!!!!!!!' hell to the fucking no. it's a good thing you dont have children or theyd be even more disfunctional than me.

oh yeah and... FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH FOR EATING MY RICE! I DIDNT EAT ALL DAY AND NOW I GOTTA STARVE FOR ANOTHER EXTRA HOUR AND WASTING MY TIME BLOGGING THIS SHIT. I DONT EVEN WANNA COME OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW CUZ I DONT WANNA SEE YOUR FACE. YOU STUPID BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Edit*

I just saw he cooked me rice that's all dry and shit. FUCK YOU AND YOUR RICE! EAT THAT SHIT YOURSELF BITCH! im just gonna eat some bread instead. fucking idiot...