was planning on listening to two tapes, tape 3, and tape 4. my lazy ass started it around 4am last night even though i had a chance to do it much earlier then that. and i was so tired and exhausted that about 15 mins into the first one i zoned out. dont remember anything i heard after that until i snapped back into it. then i listen closely and the tape sounds unfamiliar. after i found out its already going 15 mins into the 4th tape i turn it off and went to sleep.
had really weird dreams after that. one of them was about me going to city college, the other about me being in this tall skyscraper building in downtown, which seemed to be my home, doing something im not supposed to do and this guy was chasing me i think trying to catch me. and the last part was me being in one room in the same building looking at porn and then there was this blonde MILF that i started fucking. i was really surprised too cuz i havent had sex in a dream in like 10 years or even longer. i never dream about having sex. maybe my reality reflects in my dreams, i dont know.
then i woke up around 2pm even though i had a chance to wake up around 12 but i was lazy so i just went back to sleep.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
OBE - Day 18
last night did tape 3 again, which was 4th time. ok, one thing im good at doing now is putting my body to sleep while my brain is active. i can feel my body being numb. i can still move and stuff if i want to but the point here is to not. some moments i forget about my body and sort of escape into my mind and whatever im trying to visualize or achieve.
i just thought of this and i wanna try to do this tape 3 again during the day when im home alone. my fam is gonna be leaving soon for a week to some vacation so ill be doing this every day during the day plus listen to new tape every night or at least every 2 nights in a row.
i just thought of this and i wanna try to do this tape 3 again during the day when im home alone. my fam is gonna be leaving soon for a week to some vacation so ill be doing this every day during the day plus listen to new tape every night or at least every 2 nights in a row.
Friday, April 4, 2008
I gotta vent
i just came home from hanging out with my female friend about an hour ago. this shit is really pissing me off right now and i gotta let it off my chest. the cool thing about her is that shes a female version of me, she likes to stay home a lot, she likes to be alone, and we have a lot of similarities and are not attracted to each other so we stay friends. but one thing thats really pissing me off is that our friendship is one sided. its like i do things for her, bring movies for us to watch, install shit on her computer to get the fucking spyware off of it, take her to buy some stuff, i may not pay for her but hey im still taking her ass somewhere. and what do i get in return? nothing! its weird, all of my friendships are like this. even with my so called cousins. i call them mother fuckers and they call me, then at some point they keep telling me to give them a call but they never be the ones to call me and im just like why why why? you got a baby and you sit home 24/7, you mean you cant pick up the fucking phone to call your cousin that is willing to be close to you? and then my male cousin, mother fucker you dont even work! you have a girl, go hang out with your friends who you get high and drunk with then come home to chill the rest of the day. then on top of that you the one talking about we should stick together cuz we family and all that shit, but yet you never find the time to call? thats bullshit. i dont know, it just feels like no matter how cool i am with my friends or even relatives, i never get shit in return. its like no matter how close i am with people, i still feel like im miles away.
so with this friend of mine, i told her ass when she goes to LA to visit her family, to bring me something back. shes like "i got chu", so i ask her what did you bring shes like "me" im like oh man thats cold, so she starts talking "im going back next week, what do you want?". at this point i feel like i either really dont understand people, or i need to start treating everyone like shit. cuz all the assholes of this world get everything they want, and they treat people and especially women like crap. slap em around a few times, disrespect them, and on top of it all be 100% selfish to the core of their existence, and what do they get in return? everything! shit is weird but thats what i see. they just dont give a fuck and people give in to their needs.
plus i got these loser ass nerds on sohh stalking me, im talking about every thread i make these same fags come into and try to "son" me. its like dude.. get a fucking life i dont give a flying fuck about you why you care so much about me? leave me the fuck alone go worry about whatever the fuck you going through. mother fuckers are really pathetic. makes me feel like im being followed by a bunch of obsessed stalkers who have nothing else better to do with their time but follow me around all day. so if thats you and you reading this FUCK YOU! go get a life or if you have one worry about living it stop worrying about what i go through.
so with this friend of mine, i told her ass when she goes to LA to visit her family, to bring me something back. shes like "i got chu", so i ask her what did you bring shes like "me" im like oh man thats cold, so she starts talking "im going back next week, what do you want?". at this point i feel like i either really dont understand people, or i need to start treating everyone like shit. cuz all the assholes of this world get everything they want, and they treat people and especially women like crap. slap em around a few times, disrespect them, and on top of it all be 100% selfish to the core of their existence, and what do they get in return? everything! shit is weird but thats what i see. they just dont give a fuck and people give in to their needs.
plus i got these loser ass nerds on sohh stalking me, im talking about every thread i make these same fags come into and try to "son" me. its like dude.. get a fucking life i dont give a flying fuck about you why you care so much about me? leave me the fuck alone go worry about whatever the fuck you going through. mother fuckers are really pathetic. makes me feel like im being followed by a bunch of obsessed stalkers who have nothing else better to do with their time but follow me around all day. so if thats you and you reading this FUCK YOU! go get a life or if you have one worry about living it stop worrying about what i go through.
OBE - Day 16 & a Dream for Day 17
day 16 was ok, nothing special. day 17 i listen to the same tape, tape * about visualizing and sending out what i want to be and what i want out of life, etc.. i listen to this tape 3 days in a row so far.
the invisible bubble seems to work when i interact with people. i dont care as much how they respond cuz i keep my energy inside and no negative energy can get in cuz i dont let it.
i had a dream about me joining a dancing crew. i always loved dancing since i was a kid but i never took it seriously. so im dreaming i join this dancing crew that was mostly black. for some reason i wasnt nervous at all, was real chill and laid back. the leader of the crew was this black guy i always see on my college campus. we all in this room and he is sort of ignoring me. there was this arab guy, i think it was either alybaba from sohh or a guy that looked like him. i didnt like that fuck from the first comment he made when i was signing the sheet, after that i was like yeah dude thinking to myself "fuck off!". then there was this one Trini girl i had in my class, she was really feeling me but i never asked her out for whatever reason (in real life). anyway, she was happy to see me join the crew and as i was signing up, she said something and i said "what?" even though i vaguely heard what she said, so she rolled her eyes and said "nothing".
i was being quiet but was being friendly, introducing myself to people in my proximity. this black women in her 30s or 40s really liked me and was acting friendly. we were talking and she asked me something, i said "i dont know any moves but i got rhythm." then i remember we had a widescreen hdtv screen and were about to start watching some movie. then we all leave and seem to be walking somewhere that looks like a mall, and this tall black dude along with a few black women looking at me probably wondering why i join their team. at first i hesitate to look back cuz it makes me uncomfortable then i look back at him and he bows his head (no homo). i think then i woke up cuz i dont remember the rest of the dream.
the invisible bubble seems to work when i interact with people. i dont care as much how they respond cuz i keep my energy inside and no negative energy can get in cuz i dont let it.
i had a dream about me joining a dancing crew. i always loved dancing since i was a kid but i never took it seriously. so im dreaming i join this dancing crew that was mostly black. for some reason i wasnt nervous at all, was real chill and laid back. the leader of the crew was this black guy i always see on my college campus. we all in this room and he is sort of ignoring me. there was this arab guy, i think it was either alybaba from sohh or a guy that looked like him. i didnt like that fuck from the first comment he made when i was signing the sheet, after that i was like yeah dude thinking to myself "fuck off!". then there was this one Trini girl i had in my class, she was really feeling me but i never asked her out for whatever reason (in real life). anyway, she was happy to see me join the crew and as i was signing up, she said something and i said "what?" even though i vaguely heard what she said, so she rolled her eyes and said "nothing".
i was being quiet but was being friendly, introducing myself to people in my proximity. this black women in her 30s or 40s really liked me and was acting friendly. we were talking and she asked me something, i said "i dont know any moves but i got rhythm." then i remember we had a widescreen hdtv screen and were about to start watching some movie. then we all leave and seem to be walking somewhere that looks like a mall, and this tall black dude along with a few black women looking at me probably wondering why i join their team. at first i hesitate to look back cuz it makes me uncomfortable then i look back at him and he bows his head (no homo). i think then i woke up cuz i dont remember the rest of the dream.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
two chicks
i saw that chick at work who wanna get with me, shes not as bad as i thought. i mean her face is not my type but i like her thickness. damn, i shouldve asked her to hang out with me over the spring break but oh well.. story of my fucking life. if i ever see her again at work maybe ill ask her out. ill go with what the feeling is inside of me, even though it is always wrong. fuck that! that other chick ignoring me, not returning my phone calls and shit. saw her in class today initiated convo then im like alright.. and she keeps talking, im like damn... shes one of those "nice girls", i aint mad.
OBE - Day 15
maaaaaaan i dont remember shit about last night. all i know is that the tape 2 of Wave II was 36 mins long but it felt like 10. im getting more under the trance or something, i dont know.
fuck all that though, i feel like i got stuff going on but not writing it down cuz of this fucking OBE.
fuck all that though, i feel like i got stuff going on but not writing it down cuz of this fucking OBE.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
OBE - Day 14, & a Dream
last night i was playing 2nd tape of Wave II. This was about sending your question out and waiting for the answer to come back. I read the text file and it said something like.. not everybody can hear voices talking to them or access psychic realms, it takes more time for some people then other. i agree with that, i have a friend and hes really connected to his soul. dude could be standing on a bus stop and predict if the bus is gonna come just based on his surroundings and the weather around him, its amazing. but im like the opposite, not very connected with my soul and never have any sort of psychic or spiritual messages coming to me. so i guess its gonna take a while for me to have any effect. so yeah, i tried my best but it didnt work.
i had a dream about my homeland, again. i dont know why but i dream about my neighborhood i grew up in a lot. i think i miss my life there, my status, knowing everybody in the hood and everybody knowing me. i miss having fun along with the struggle, i miss that balance in my life.
i was waiting for a bus, so im waiting and waiting (there was some other dream about me taking a bus or going to city college here but i dont remember). and at some point i end up back in my country on the street i was raised on. then i hear the trolly right around the corner. it was the street that had no rails though. so i see the front of the train turning towards me so i start running for the next stop which is like miles away (the real train station). so as i run by the school i lived next to i see a kid on a bike riding by, and then another one, i look close and he looks like somebody i went to school with. dude looked exactly like dj khalid but my height. i look again point my finger at him and go hey. he says whats up and seems to remember me. we talk a lil and im like hey im trying to catch this train, so hes like ok ill go with you. then after a moment of walking hes like hop on my bike it will be faster. so i hop on his bike and we just riding through my neighborhood. a couple of years before we left, the government built these towers which was about 12 stories high. we were just riding right by them and i was seeing kids that are like 10-15 hanging out and stuff. then i woke up.
i had a dream about my homeland, again. i dont know why but i dream about my neighborhood i grew up in a lot. i think i miss my life there, my status, knowing everybody in the hood and everybody knowing me. i miss having fun along with the struggle, i miss that balance in my life.
i was waiting for a bus, so im waiting and waiting (there was some other dream about me taking a bus or going to city college here but i dont remember). and at some point i end up back in my country on the street i was raised on. then i hear the trolly right around the corner. it was the street that had no rails though. so i see the front of the train turning towards me so i start running for the next stop which is like miles away (the real train station). so as i run by the school i lived next to i see a kid on a bike riding by, and then another one, i look close and he looks like somebody i went to school with. dude looked exactly like dj khalid but my height. i look again point my finger at him and go hey. he says whats up and seems to remember me. we talk a lil and im like hey im trying to catch this train, so hes like ok ill go with you. then after a moment of walking hes like hop on my bike it will be faster. so i hop on his bike and we just riding through my neighborhood. a couple of years before we left, the government built these towers which was about 12 stories high. we were just riding right by them and i was seeing kids that are like 10-15 hanging out and stuff. then i woke up.
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