like right now I feel like an utter failure.
okay, so the girl texted me and said she is sick so there was no date. ill call her on thursday and see whats up with her. i think she likes me but who knows wtf is going on with her. ill put that on hold for now.
but for my situation in life is just a mess. where am i going? what career do i see myself in? i honestly dont know. i am looking at jobs in the IT field and my head is spinning. sooooooooooooooo much stuff going on. software programming, scripting, linux, SQL, servers, html, iPhone/iPad repair, networking, and i dont know 95% of it! sure i could repair a computer using google, or install windows. all i really got under my belt is my A+ certificate. thats it.
so i got this internship, ironically is how i met that chick. if it wasnt for this internship, i would not have seen her. and it really stinks. the company pays me $10 but thats good because i get experience. but basically they told me i got 3 months and after that if they like me they hire me. but even then the pay would be $13 to $16/hr. so wait... how am i supposed to move out from my mom with that kinda income? the thing about this internship is that they dont teach the interns how to repair anything. we are just doing mindless tasks like taking pictures, preparing items, taking out hard drives and/or LCDs out of laptops (the best thing in the internship). so at the end, i dont learn any skills i could use at other jobs. not the type of skills most companies want anyway. however, they DO teach iPhone repair... BUTTTTTTT they teach that to someone who've been 6 months to a year with them... so i gotta stay with them, get paid nothing, stay with my mom, and after that IF they keep me i get to learn how to repair iPhones? i dont know man.. i am just really tired. what am i gonna do in life?
down at my local walgreen there is this guy working there. he is fairly young and i can see myself in him. so basically, he works in that store, pays his bills, and has his own spot (okay maybe roommates). but he has his own life. should i go his route? sshould i just find any job and move the fuck out? i really dont know wtf to do. meeting women is hard because of this. how am i gonna tell that girl my situation? eventually i will have to. it's like... i dont know where i am going in life and especially in my career. things are so complicated these days and i dont know the half of it. i cant fucking program or script. in fact, i HATE IT! sitting at the computer typing up characters that are weird and obscured. and on top of it i am so lazy. looking for jobs is hard enough, but looking for jobs that i actually think i could be good at is another story. i was just looking at job listings for 1 hour. could not apply to 1. and i am talking about general stuff from every category there is. i cant find anything that i can say "i did that and have epxerience. now please let me work and make money". i dont know.. i really dont know. i am going to bed early tonight. in fact, fuck this. i am out right now. gonna eat and catch some zzzss.
life is hard.