so im sitting at my hotel on this laptop i bought from walmart, which i will return when i leave within a few days. a piece of shit wireless has got to be the worst invention in history. anyway, today i had training at school i'm attending. i started saturday and i was the only one. today, monday, many other people came for same class.
so teacher is like "so J here knows how to get the program you need to pass the test, so if i were you i'd be making friends with him" or something. he goes "come see J at lunch break or talk to me to see how to acquire the program." so, lunch comes and goes. i get back from it and we got about 10 minutes before class starts. and the thing that really amazed me was... NOT 1 PERSON CAME UP TO ME. they were all sitting there figuring it out on their own. held back the class 20 minutes from starting, but NO ONE cared to ask me. the teacher was running around desk to desk helping folks how to install the app properly. 9 people, and not 1 soul gave a fuck to save 18 minutes. they would rather waste 20 and have a teacher help them.
it really AMAZES ME how people repeal me. i am like this negative force of nature, and they want nothing to do with it. before the day started i even set a goal to myself to meet 3 new people every day. after this i stopped giving a fuck. 1/3 people and i just stopped caring. i smile, act polite, be friendly, but it is all a waste of my energy. people still don't want to be around me. then they find out i'm kinda weird socially anyway. came home from lunch, took a nap. naps rules! 1.5 hours of sleep made me feel much better, refreshed, and all.
it's almost as if i got this auric field filled with fear, insecurities, and lack of self of steem. and people can sense it. they stear clear and don't want to talk to me, let alone greet me. i sat at a lunch table with 3 guys. they were all talking amongst themselves, and i sort of got involved but not 1 gave a fuck about carring a convo with me. they all left after talking to each other.
i really dont wanna be bothered at this point. i just wanna be away from everyone. it is a good thing im away from my fam, though. i can at least relax, but i gotta study my ass off right now. so i'm out.