Monday, August 22, 2011

people repeal me

so im sitting at my hotel on this laptop i bought from walmart, which i will return when i leave within a few days. a piece of shit wireless has got to be the worst invention in history. anyway, today i had training at school i'm attending. i started saturday and i was the only one. today, monday, many other people came for same class.

so teacher is like "so J here knows how to get the program you need to pass the test, so if i were you i'd be making friends with him" or something. he goes "come see J at lunch break or talk to me to see how to acquire the program." so, lunch comes and goes. i get back from it and we got about 10 minutes before class starts. and the thing that really amazed me was... NOT 1 PERSON CAME UP TO ME. they were all sitting there figuring it out on their own. held back the class 20 minutes from starting, but NO ONE cared to ask me. the teacher was running around desk to desk helping folks how to install the app properly. 9 people, and not 1 soul gave a fuck to save 18 minutes. they would rather waste 20 and have a teacher help them.

it really AMAZES ME how people repeal me. i am like this negative force of nature, and they want nothing to do with it. before the day started i even set a goal to myself to meet 3 new people every day. after this i stopped giving a fuck. 1/3 people and i just stopped caring. i smile, act polite, be friendly, but it is all a waste of my energy. people still don't want to be around me. then they find out i'm kinda weird socially anyway. came home from lunch, took a nap. naps rules! 1.5 hours of sleep made me feel much better, refreshed, and all.

it's almost as if i got this auric field filled with fear, insecurities, and lack of self of steem. and people can sense it. they stear clear and don't want to talk to me, let alone greet me. i sat at a lunch table with 3 guys. they were all talking amongst themselves, and i sort of got involved but not 1 gave a fuck about carring a convo with me. they all left after talking to each other.

i really dont wanna be bothered at this point. i just wanna be away from everyone. it is a good thing im away from my fam, though. i can at least relax, but i gotta study my ass off right now. so i'm out.


Anonymous said...

cool story bro

Paz said...

man.... i know you think it has to deal with your energy field or whatever but me personally either you're around some stand offish people or you give them the impression that you don't want to be fucked with. fuck them though. you'll find somebody you'll click with. just don't try to hard to search for them. you can't always blame yourself for some shit like that though. maybe you and them don't click or haven't found a common ground with. it's all good, dude. don't dread on it, fam. you ever thought about making friends with a woman, fam? i think you should make friends with a woman, fam.

Sp said...

yeah, you right. im just real sensetive and take things to heart. even with all the grounding i do, it still hard to not be attached to things for me.

1 guy is a fucking douch bag. he been avoiding talking to me even when we sit at the same table. so it's totally him, and not me.

making friends with girls is a catch 22 sort of thing. "boys and girls cant be friends" sort of thing. most women know this, and eventually every 'friend' they have tries to fuck them. almost anyway. but yeah, i dont mind making friends with women. but that sort of thing is rare. had a few female friends in the past but they didnt last long. 1 just wanted to use me for emotional support and the other was MIA most of the time.

good friends is hard to find. that's all im gotta say.