so i had about 3 hours of sleep tonight. i can't go to bed early because the roommate whose desk is right next to my plastic wall goes to bed late, and i cant wake up early because my cousin's baby starts yaaaaaaaaing ooooooooing eeeeeeeeeing at the fucking 6 or 7 in the morning. i don't know who my cousin is. she says one thing but does the other.
on the 27th i attended a funeral of my father's grandma's sister. i never really knew her but she was really cool every time i was around. i felt she meant well to me but we never really chatted like adults because i was too little. i saw my 4 cousins i havent seen for like 14 years. but anyway, as we were driving back my cousin is like i wanna be close to you, and we should go to the beach together and blah blah blah i just dont got time. i was like yeah after 2012 if we still alive we'll do all that haha. i mean i understand her situation. she has a baby, but man sometimes i dont even trust her. some days she talks to me like she wanna get out what's on her mind. other days she doesnt even look me in the eye.
like last night her friend came over. they go to the balcony to smoke some herbals and closed the door behind them to talk. then i come later and i hear them talking with the bathroom lights being on. i was like wtf? are they both in there? then i'm like are they having sex? i walked to the kitchen a couple of times to peep and no. seemed like they were just talking. is there some shit going on? is it a secret? why she's hiding stuff from me? her friend runs a business where he goes to factories, buys clothes of big names, and then sells them at higher prices. is that all he does? is he dirty? is my cousin dirty? i mean what the hell?
i feel like there is too much drama in this house and i dont even know about it. it's really weird and i wanna get outta here. just like i wanted to get out of my mom's and her man's crib. same shit, different story. i think i chose this life. to be distant from people and be so different from everybody that most of the world just wouldn't understand me. i mean why else does everyone around me keep acting this way? is it something i do? or is it just the way my path goes?
i got 2 female friends. one from Riverside, and the other from Compton. the Riverside chick been MIA and has hundreds of friends especially male friends because she had a dysfunctional relationship with her dad. so she makes male friends cuz she wanna be close to them i guess looking for a father in them. and all of them try to get with her. i guess im just one of the many in the pod and next weak shell be like "oh...! i forgot about that guy. let me text him. 'hi! how are you?'" fuck that! i kinda dont even wanna talk to her. flaked on me and havent even seen her once and i been in this area for a month!!! the Compton chick i e-mailed and she e-mailed me back 1 week later loool. at some point i didnt even wanna reply. took me like 5 days to reply to her reluctantly because i almost dont care anymore. i mean like... if other people don't care, why should i?
No comments:
Post a Comment