that's how I feel right now.
I'm back on my No Fap, No Porn program. I think I blogged about this yeeaaaaaars ago. but it is really helpful this time, because I have really stuck with it. I got to a point where my dick was lifeless. NOTHING turned me on. I only got off and had erections through porn. I came like 1x per 3 weeks at least to release, but that would still be me fapping and watching porn, the most damaging thing to men and their erectile dysfunction in our age. this was me, but after No Fap since August 1st, which is almost 3 months now, I actually wake up with hard boners. I get real erections when talking to or even looking at women!! I can't believe it. I actually FEEL something in my pants, and get arousals.
I just don't know how long I'll be able to hold off. I need a release, and me not being that great with girls really makes it extremely difficult. I wanna get better but feel so alone. no friends, no wingmen, and think I need to create a 30 day program of me pushing my boundaries socially every day, until I start to actually approach and talk to women I am attracted to. otherwise, going out to the beach every once in a while to talk to strangers won't change shit. it may get me laid one day if I'm lucky and grow enough courage to start approaching girls, but in the end I'll still remain the same.
fuck life is hard. sometimes I have not even an outlet sexually. Sometimes I wish I lived in a state or a country where prostitution was legal. because my dick feels like it is going to explode some days, along with my balls.
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Saturday, October 27, 2018
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
My Date with an Indian Girl
so today, I had a date with the Indian girl I last blogged about. I thought she was gonna flake and not respond, like most of my female interactions, but she didn't. We met up at our work's cafeteria. I was really busy, and had another appointment with a user at 1pm. She wanted to meet at 12:30, so I was in a rush.
I had doubts about asking her out over the weekend. I didn't really take a good look at her, and kept wondering if she's my type. But when I got there I was like damn she's pretty! But again, I still don't know. I am a Libra and we are picky af! Anyway, I got my food already, found a seat, and told her where it is while she stood in line.
As she joined me, we chit chatted and then it happened. Me being me-inexperienced, and haven't had a date in close to 5 years (if not longer). We had awkward moments but they didn't last that long. She filled them up with movies she watched, and I filled them in with some other crap I don't remember. All in all, I don't know. I think she likes me but you can never be too sure. Girls are weird. They act interested and flake, or not call back, and all just to be nice and not make you feel rejected. Even though that is exactly what they are doing.
How do I feel about this whole thing? Like I feel about everything in my life. Ashamed. Ashamed of not having experience with women, ashamed of not being exciting and fun to be around, ashamed of revealing this side of me to her. But I can't say it was that bad. I think I am just too hard on myself. I was doing what I usually do on dates, hiding. I am afraid what people around may hear when I speak, so I don't speak loud enough. It's really bad, but I guess it comes from feeling shame about everything in my life. I used to be a lot worse, though. I would be this way ALL THE TIME, EVERYWHERE, WITH EVERYBODY! I have at least improved a lot when it comes to people, and improved a little bit when it comes to women where I managed to ask this girl out. 99% of the times I don't, even though there could be all these signs of interest. I am too afraid of what others around will think, and I prevent myself from living my life.
Towards the end I said "We should do this again sometimes" before leaving. She said sure. I added "outside of this place[work]"... If anything comes out of it, I'll blog about it. If not, then even better. So that I don't have to deal with this shit. I feel like I am a 16 year old stuck in a 38 year old body. Can't even imagine how bad I will be at sex, if it ever gets to that...
I had doubts about asking her out over the weekend. I didn't really take a good look at her, and kept wondering if she's my type. But when I got there I was like damn she's pretty! But again, I still don't know. I am a Libra and we are picky af! Anyway, I got my food already, found a seat, and told her where it is while she stood in line.
As she joined me, we chit chatted and then it happened. Me being me-inexperienced, and haven't had a date in close to 5 years (if not longer). We had awkward moments but they didn't last that long. She filled them up with movies she watched, and I filled them in with some other crap I don't remember. All in all, I don't know. I think she likes me but you can never be too sure. Girls are weird. They act interested and flake, or not call back, and all just to be nice and not make you feel rejected. Even though that is exactly what they are doing.
How do I feel about this whole thing? Like I feel about everything in my life. Ashamed. Ashamed of not having experience with women, ashamed of not being exciting and fun to be around, ashamed of revealing this side of me to her. But I can't say it was that bad. I think I am just too hard on myself. I was doing what I usually do on dates, hiding. I am afraid what people around may hear when I speak, so I don't speak loud enough. It's really bad, but I guess it comes from feeling shame about everything in my life. I used to be a lot worse, though. I would be this way ALL THE TIME, EVERYWHERE, WITH EVERYBODY! I have at least improved a lot when it comes to people, and improved a little bit when it comes to women where I managed to ask this girl out. 99% of the times I don't, even though there could be all these signs of interest. I am too afraid of what others around will think, and I prevent myself from living my life.
Towards the end I said "We should do this again sometimes" before leaving. She said sure. I added "outside of this place[work]"... If anything comes out of it, I'll blog about it. If not, then even better. So that I don't have to deal with this shit. I feel like I am a 16 year old stuck in a 38 year old body. Can't even imagine how bad I will be at sex, if it ever gets to that...
Monday, March 26, 2018
Craigslist personals get shut down
"What happened to Craigslist personals?" is probably what a lot of people will be wondering. Due to congress passing a law, H.R.1865, cl simply took them down...
https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/1865
I do wonder where a lot of the "working girls" are going to go. Some used cl to survive, just like redpage or whatever that website was called. But can't say I'll miss craiglist personals. I've met a few women from there, one flaked on me in Oakland. She drove by in a car covering her face in a passenger seat while I was waiting for her. The last woman I "met" off of there looked so different from her pictures, I drove off when she didn't recognize my car (THANK GOD!) And by the time she noticed me, I was already too far around the corner for her to do anything. She looked like a crack whore, and I'm not even over-exagarating.
And something tells me I didn't even have it that bad. I read stories of guys getting robbed by crazy women who brought their boyfriend/pimp/etc.. hiding in a bathroom, or others where women get in your car acting crazy and won't let you go unless you give them money. This is why I was very cautious when meeting people. 99% of the time, it was just trolls, hookers, or my messages simply got ignored. Cl personals was like a place for all the girls who were too ugly to get attention irl, men who can't get laid, working girls, or crazies. You'd find a decent woman there every now and then, but due to the amount of men flooding that site, chances of that happening was almost none.
I do wonder what website all these people will migrate to, though.
https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/1865
I do wonder where a lot of the "working girls" are going to go. Some used cl to survive, just like redpage or whatever that website was called. But can't say I'll miss craiglist personals. I've met a few women from there, one flaked on me in Oakland. She drove by in a car covering her face in a passenger seat while I was waiting for her. The last woman I "met" off of there looked so different from her pictures, I drove off when she didn't recognize my car (THANK GOD!) And by the time she noticed me, I was already too far around the corner for her to do anything. She looked like a crack whore, and I'm not even over-exagarating.
And something tells me I didn't even have it that bad. I read stories of guys getting robbed by crazy women who brought their boyfriend/pimp/etc.. hiding in a bathroom, or others where women get in your car acting crazy and won't let you go unless you give them money. This is why I was very cautious when meeting people. 99% of the time, it was just trolls, hookers, or my messages simply got ignored. Cl personals was like a place for all the girls who were too ugly to get attention irl, men who can't get laid, working girls, or crazies. You'd find a decent woman there every now and then, but due to the amount of men flooding that site, chances of that happening was almost none.
I do wonder what website all these people will migrate to, though.
Wednesday, January 24, 2018
Race Mixing
White Genocide before our very eyes. and most sheep don't even know it is happening, let alone who is behind the scenes orchestrating this. Ultimate goal: One World Government, with lower IQ mixed race with no identity or pride in his heritage, which is easier to control.
Friday, December 8, 2017
Looks, Money, Status
some parts of this video had me laughing for a good minute. reminds me back in my PUAHate posting days. The guys there were doing these Male Model experiments, and those were the funniest threads I read in my life. Girls would reply to craziest shit the more gl the guy was. I left 6-12 months before Elliot Rogers went on his killing spree cuz it was so toxic, but I don't remember him posting there. Maybe cuz he was just another screen name to me, or he wasn't posting back then..
Friday, October 27, 2017
I hate rap but..
songs like this is why i used to listen to it
lyrics are about doing dumb shit, having fun, fucking bitches, enjoying life, beefing with niggaz, jump on cop cars, get shot up by police, dindu nuffin afterwards. same reason why i stopped listeniing to hip hop. but the flow is amazing!!!
she is good...
lyrics are about doing dumb shit, having fun, fucking bitches, enjoying life, beefing with niggaz, jump on cop cars, get shot up by police, dindu nuffin afterwards. same reason why i stopped listeniing to hip hop. but the flow is amazing!!!
she is good...
Thursday, August 3, 2017
Sunday, October 30, 2016
I lost my virginity
Technically, I already did with a tranny when I blogged about it. But since some people say that the only way you can truly lose your virginity is with an opposite sex. Today was that day. October 30, 2016. I was jerking off all day practicing my "tantra", and was so horny I busted within a few strokes.
Not gonna go into details, but let's just say that... there was a "price" to pay for the pussy. There is always price you pay for the pussy, cuz pussy is in high demand. Men start wars over this shit, and some men go out and blow themselves up and take 100 people with them. Because in the end, they believe in their mind that will get pussy. Crazy. Well, on a good note, I am not one of those psychopaths or lost souls willing to hurt and murder people. Thank god. It could've technically be me. Anyone lost and needing purpose in life could get brainwashed enough to do the craziest shit... for pussy.
Anyway, I'm smoking weed tonight for the last time in a while. Damn I talk a lot when I smoke. It's good therapy. I don't talk enough. I need to smoke some and go out every week. Soon... I'm working on a plan to turn my life around, get money, pussy, and grow as much as possible before I go.
But I'm thinking of moving. My landlord and his fam really walk a lot and that shit cuts deep and get on my nerves. We'll see. I'll talk to him tomorrow when I pay my rent. Maybe they can tone it down, or if not I'm outta here. fuck that shit. I don't need stress. When I don't nap, I hear them stumping for HOURS. I already talked to him, it got better but still it's really bad some nights. One of my goals is to go out after work and find a good vibe coffee shop. Study on my A+ and a Mac certificate. And come home at around 10pm. maybe do that 3x a week. Plus, finish another Seth book I am ready. I been reading it for like 6 months. So yeah, going out of my basement could really help me and no more naps so much. I take naps cuz I try to have Out-of-Body Experiences, when I completely forget and abondon my In-Body Experiences.
Anyway, I am out for now. Gonna go eat, shower, and get ready for work tomorrow. I really need sleep.
Not gonna go into details, but let's just say that... there was a "price" to pay for the pussy. There is always price you pay for the pussy, cuz pussy is in high demand. Men start wars over this shit, and some men go out and blow themselves up and take 100 people with them. Because in the end, they believe in their mind that will get pussy. Crazy. Well, on a good note, I am not one of those psychopaths or lost souls willing to hurt and murder people. Thank god. It could've technically be me. Anyone lost and needing purpose in life could get brainwashed enough to do the craziest shit... for pussy.
Anyway, I'm smoking weed tonight for the last time in a while. Damn I talk a lot when I smoke. It's good therapy. I don't talk enough. I need to smoke some and go out every week. Soon... I'm working on a plan to turn my life around, get money, pussy, and grow as much as possible before I go.
But I'm thinking of moving. My landlord and his fam really walk a lot and that shit cuts deep and get on my nerves. We'll see. I'll talk to him tomorrow when I pay my rent. Maybe they can tone it down, or if not I'm outta here. fuck that shit. I don't need stress. When I don't nap, I hear them stumping for HOURS. I already talked to him, it got better but still it's really bad some nights. One of my goals is to go out after work and find a good vibe coffee shop. Study on my A+ and a Mac certificate. And come home at around 10pm. maybe do that 3x a week. Plus, finish another Seth book I am ready. I been reading it for like 6 months. So yeah, going out of my basement could really help me and no more naps so much. I take naps cuz I try to have Out-of-Body Experiences, when I completely forget and abondon my In-Body Experiences.
Anyway, I am out for now. Gonna go eat, shower, and get ready for work tomorrow. I really need sleep.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan
I am speechless. But can't say I am surprised. This is what happens when you have Islam rooted within your culture, with laws that enforce burqas on every female. This is what happens when you suppress the most natural element in the universe, human sexuality. Sexually frustrated men who are not even able to see a female form will seek it out elsewhere. In this case, young boys dressed in female clothing. This practice of Bacha bazi is mind boggling. Homosexuality, sex slavery, pedophelia, and murder; all of these things are happening in Afghanistan, of all places.
The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan from Sajid Younas on Vimeo.
Revealing Truth , how young children are being abused.
Some of the parts of the movie brought me back to my childhood. When I saw those mountains towards the end, it reminded me of my country where I was growing up. The mountains looked just like the ones I've visited, since our countries are practically neighbors. I had a memory flash back for a moment to when I almost got abducted. We were at the last bus stop, and I got far enough away from my mom sitting around other people on the benches. As I went around this huge bus, 2 men surrounded me. They blocked the only exit in between buses all around. As I looked at one of the men, he had his eyes on me like I'm his prey. That's when I screamed, and luckily my mom came out and they scattered. I could have been kidnapped, raped, and murdered afterwards. What a crazy world this is. In the places where homophobia is at its peak, and gays get murdered in cold blood, illegal sex trade is still going on, and men with money and power run things like there is no tomorrow.
The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan from Sajid Younas on Vimeo.
Revealing Truth , how young children are being abused.
Some of the parts of the movie brought me back to my childhood. When I saw those mountains towards the end, it reminded me of my country where I was growing up. The mountains looked just like the ones I've visited, since our countries are practically neighbors. I had a memory flash back for a moment to when I almost got abducted. We were at the last bus stop, and I got far enough away from my mom sitting around other people on the benches. As I went around this huge bus, 2 men surrounded me. They blocked the only exit in between buses all around. As I looked at one of the men, he had his eyes on me like I'm his prey. That's when I screamed, and luckily my mom came out and they scattered. I could have been kidnapped, raped, and murdered afterwards. What a crazy world this is. In the places where homophobia is at its peak, and gays get murdered in cold blood, illegal sex trade is still going on, and men with money and power run things like there is no tomorrow.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
last week I ate Meat
so my lazy ass been meaning to blog about this, and I finally got around to do it.
I have been having sexual problems where I am completely impotent, and not care about sex whatsoever. The irony is, my incel ass can't get laid for shit, but at least I wanted to feel good I still have a sex drive. I tried many things like taking ginseng herb, drinking pomegranate juice, and eating figs, and nothing worked. So, I thought maybe it's because I haven't eaten meat for so long. Being a pesciterian and only eating fish every now and then could take its toll on you.
So, as I was hanging around my tranny friend on weekends I ate cheese because of her. She eats dairy products sometimes, and meat as well. Then about 2 weeks ago I said fuck it, let me experiment. I did the whole ritual of praying over the dead animal I was about to eat, apologizing for all the pain the humans have caused it, then consumed it like there was no tomorrow. I ate beef a total of 5 times. But my sex drives hasn't really improved. I mean, it did but only because I been practicing tantra by myself spanking my monkey without cumming for days at a time. It sort of builds up and it feels like it's the best nut ever that you never really bust. Sexually energy comes in waves. The high when you feel amazing and horny, and low when you don't even have any sort of pleasure doing the act. I guess that's how it works when you get old.
Either way, life goes on. I am stopping eating meat again. I really need to detox and get rid all the poison in my body and especially my mind. Eating meat is not my primary problem, even though it could be a part of it.
I have been having sexual problems where I am completely impotent, and not care about sex whatsoever. The irony is, my incel ass can't get laid for shit, but at least I wanted to feel good I still have a sex drive. I tried many things like taking ginseng herb, drinking pomegranate juice, and eating figs, and nothing worked. So, I thought maybe it's because I haven't eaten meat for so long. Being a pesciterian and only eating fish every now and then could take its toll on you.
So, as I was hanging around my tranny friend on weekends I ate cheese because of her. She eats dairy products sometimes, and meat as well. Then about 2 weeks ago I said fuck it, let me experiment. I did the whole ritual of praying over the dead animal I was about to eat, apologizing for all the pain the humans have caused it, then consumed it like there was no tomorrow. I ate beef a total of 5 times. But my sex drives hasn't really improved. I mean, it did but only because I been practicing tantra by myself spanking my monkey without cumming for days at a time. It sort of builds up and it feels like it's the best nut ever that you never really bust. Sexually energy comes in waves. The high when you feel amazing and horny, and low when you don't even have any sort of pleasure doing the act. I guess that's how it works when you get old.
Either way, life goes on. I am stopping eating meat again. I really need to detox and get rid all the poison in my body and especially my mind. Eating meat is not my primary problem, even though it could be a part of it.
Friday, December 12, 2014
update
so a lot of things happened since I blogged last time about self-esteem issues and the Colombian Tranny.
I really thought she left me, and was ignoring me, due to all of the people from my past always leaving me. But not long after, I get a text from her... "Hola"... I was like WTF!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!! this was a huge shock because 1) she was very distant, and didn't return my text a few times, and 2) I called and left her a voice mail asking her why she so distant. is it something I did? is it something I said? she did NOT call me back.
turns out, she was just exhausted from her surgery, and didn't even set up her voice mail. lol!!! this really shows me how much chaos I have in my mind, and all of us really. I had so many people in my life leave me, I thought it happened again. but it was all in my mind. crazy thing is, it made me stronger. I literally felt like I fell in love, and the girl broke my heart. it was the worst feeling in the world! It was so bad, I wanted to die. I couldn't function normally. I couldn't do homework, I couldn't watch any movies, I couldn't do anything but think about this girl ALL DAY! And in the end, I just shut her off, and realized that I have to move on and love myself unconditionally. without doing that, I'll always be fucked up with people not wanting to do with me.
it's been really hard, though, since she has her mother visiting her, and I live with mine. so getting together was a challenge. we had sex unexpectedly after we went shopping on black Friday. her mother was sleeping in the bedroom while we were fucking in the middle room. you know, the old me would've never did this. but I thought that I gotta take more risks.
the thing is, she flaked on me the next day when we were supposed to meet in a hotel again. she spent all her money on clothes, and had to "work" again. I was really mad and disappointed, but she has to work and make money like all of us. her life is very unpredictable, and I learned to accept that. another thing I learned is that she doesn't even have sex most of the time with her clients, which was a real shock to me. many guys who like trannies are into weird stuff that I won't even get into.
I don't have a lot of time and I gotta get ready for work. But the biggest news right now is that she is going to get her full sex reassignment surgery. I just dropped her off at the hospital, and the surgery will take place in about an hour. it's a real disappointment for me because you know... I prefer pre-op trannies, and it hurts me whenever they do this sort of thing. but she wants to be best friends with me because we are so much alike, and thinks it's better that way. I tried real hard to change her mind, but it's her body and she is real set on doing this. I told her that I will always love her, and not sure if she feels the same way about me. But I don't care. I don't wanna pressure her or make her love me the same way. it is what it is.
I just realize that this is where I belong, the trans community. I went out with her to a bar last week to see her 'work'. it was an interesting experience, and she knows all the trannies at the bar. I learned a whole lot being around her about the people in the community, and what is really going on opposed to me always going out alone.
the irony about today is, it's my last day of work with the current company. and so is her last day of being a pre-op transsexual. in a few hours she'll be a woman with a pussy. I won't have a laptop anymore, and she won't have a dick. bummer. no homo and all. yes tranny.
I really thought she left me, and was ignoring me, due to all of the people from my past always leaving me. But not long after, I get a text from her... "Hola"... I was like WTF!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!! this was a huge shock because 1) she was very distant, and didn't return my text a few times, and 2) I called and left her a voice mail asking her why she so distant. is it something I did? is it something I said? she did NOT call me back.
turns out, she was just exhausted from her surgery, and didn't even set up her voice mail. lol!!! this really shows me how much chaos I have in my mind, and all of us really. I had so many people in my life leave me, I thought it happened again. but it was all in my mind. crazy thing is, it made me stronger. I literally felt like I fell in love, and the girl broke my heart. it was the worst feeling in the world! It was so bad, I wanted to die. I couldn't function normally. I couldn't do homework, I couldn't watch any movies, I couldn't do anything but think about this girl ALL DAY! And in the end, I just shut her off, and realized that I have to move on and love myself unconditionally. without doing that, I'll always be fucked up with people not wanting to do with me.
it's been really hard, though, since she has her mother visiting her, and I live with mine. so getting together was a challenge. we had sex unexpectedly after we went shopping on black Friday. her mother was sleeping in the bedroom while we were fucking in the middle room. you know, the old me would've never did this. but I thought that I gotta take more risks.
the thing is, she flaked on me the next day when we were supposed to meet in a hotel again. she spent all her money on clothes, and had to "work" again. I was really mad and disappointed, but she has to work and make money like all of us. her life is very unpredictable, and I learned to accept that. another thing I learned is that she doesn't even have sex most of the time with her clients, which was a real shock to me. many guys who like trannies are into weird stuff that I won't even get into.
I don't have a lot of time and I gotta get ready for work. But the biggest news right now is that she is going to get her full sex reassignment surgery. I just dropped her off at the hospital, and the surgery will take place in about an hour. it's a real disappointment for me because you know... I prefer pre-op trannies, and it hurts me whenever they do this sort of thing. but she wants to be best friends with me because we are so much alike, and thinks it's better that way. I tried real hard to change her mind, but it's her body and she is real set on doing this. I told her that I will always love her, and not sure if she feels the same way about me. But I don't care. I don't wanna pressure her or make her love me the same way. it is what it is.
I just realize that this is where I belong, the trans community. I went out with her to a bar last week to see her 'work'. it was an interesting experience, and she knows all the trannies at the bar. I learned a whole lot being around her about the people in the community, and what is really going on opposed to me always going out alone.
the irony about today is, it's my last day of work with the current company. and so is her last day of being a pre-op transsexual. in a few hours she'll be a woman with a pussy. I won't have a laptop anymore, and she won't have a dick. bummer. no homo and all. yes tranny.
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Am I in Love?
so lately, I've been feeling really shitty. I feel as if someone close to me left me. Did they, or is it all in my mind?
I want to talk about something first, before I get into the topic I want to discuss. I have a history of people leaving me. Friends, a girlfriend, I guess you could call her that, and more people I meet along the way. You see, I am shy, introverted, sensitive guy. No matter how much I faced my fears in the past, I always hit a brick wall at one point or another. But to make a long story short, people leave me for various of reasons. One of them is that I am boring. I don't go out, I don't party, I don't drink, I don't even smoke weed anymore, I don't chase women, I don't hang out since I have no friends to hang out with. No one really knows who I am, and no one invites me to any events. I've made a friend or two in the past that would invite me. I'd come, but they'd get bored or tired of me, and just be distant. In the end, I have a history of people leaving me. And it really hurts me deeply.
One of the reasons why they leave me is that I grew up sheltered, and never developed social skills the way many other kids do. I have no siblings, and wasn't even raised around my cousins. All I was around is my socially retarded dad who divorced my mom when I was 4. And my mom, and her family, who aren't that great socially themselves. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and when it was time to go out into the real world, I simply mirrored what I learned at home.
In the past, I used to push people away without realizing it. They'd get pissed, and leave me. I had a friend before who saw it, and called me out on it, and he refused to leave me. He was gay of course (bi, but he liked men more than women imo). I say this because if he was straight, he would be nowhere near me once I said something rude or disrespectful. But he knew what I was doing, and it taught me a great deal about myself, and about gay people as well (no homo). Thanks to him, I learned from my mistakes and grew as a person. Now, today I have a problem with marijuana. When I smoke, I get real chatty and start talking a lot. Weed makes me wanna connect with people. But I get paranoid or excited, and I start saying anything, along with stupid shit.
So, why am I in love? Well, it's about that escort again. Since the time she cancelled our plans to spend another night in a hotel, she's been distant from me and I am going crazy. Every minute I don't get a text from her is like an hour. And every hour, is like a day. And every day, is like a week. I feel like I am being tortured from all sides. The other day at work, I felt like I completely left my body. I don't know where the fuck I went. But it was as if I completely blocked out! I was spaced out, and for a moment wasn't present. It really scared me. I felt like I came very close to going insane. Thank god I didn't.
Anyway, I say all this because last time I actually talked to her was when we talked 3 days before the Friday we were supposed to hang out. I was high on those 5 hits of her blunt she left me. I don't know if I texted her afterwards something stupid, or if I said something stupid. Or maybe nothing I said weirded her out at all. But that's all I've been thinking of. Where did I go wrong? Did I go wrong? Is it because I am 35 and live at home? Did she talk to her friend and she told her to let me be? All these thoughts running through my mind, and I don't know what to think.
I just never thought I'd meet someone like her. She is a sweat heart, non-judgmental, open minded, beautiful, stylish, understanding, curious, and of all of these things... she is a loner like me. She doesn't party, if she does she just goes to visit her friends there to say hi and bounce, she doesn't go out that much, and she seems like she's willing to give me a chance, despite knowing I am sexually inexperienced. But in the end, why is she so distant? Is it because she just had a surgery done? Is it over between us? I don't know. But the only thing to do right now is to give her space. I just wish I had a friend to call and ask him on this issue, but I don't even have that option. So, I always end up figuring these things out on my own. What a life, huh?
I have never been in love before, but I was just thinking about it. Is this it? Is it when you can't stop thinking about someone and their qualities, and how amazing they are? She is such a good girl, I wanna be there for her. I wanna lay next to her, hold her, kiss her. I need physical touch and affection so bad, it's pathetic! But I may have done what I've done in the past, push her away somehow, either verbally or through the circumstances of my situation. I don't really know at this point, but would like to talk to her to find out. But she didn't let me when I wanted to connect after the surgery. She texted me "No. later." I understand, but inside I'm an emotional turmoil.
This is why I hate texting. Every text from her is like being tortured. I get a text and I'm ecstatic. Then there is this long....... slow..... wait........... it could be 10 seconds or it could be 1 hour. It's fucking torture for me. Every time, I don't know if the next text will never come. The best time I have right now, is when I fall asleep. Then when I wake up, the torture starts again. I start thinking about her. "Is it over? Is she ignoring me?" and on and on. All these thoughts and questions running through my mind. And I can't escape it. Last time I got a text from her was roughly 30 hours ago. It feels like it's been much, much longer than that.
My plan for now is just to wait it out until she contacts me. And hopefully, we can connect somehow. I really want to spend time with her when she gets back. But my biggest fear is that she, like all the other people in my past, left me already in her mind, and in her heart. That would really hurt me. More than anything has hurt me in a long time. It's not very often I make a friend like this, or make a friend at all. And that's another thing, is it me being sexually inexperienced the reason for this? Don't know... I guess time will tell.
I want to talk about something first, before I get into the topic I want to discuss. I have a history of people leaving me. Friends, a girlfriend, I guess you could call her that, and more people I meet along the way. You see, I am shy, introverted, sensitive guy. No matter how much I faced my fears in the past, I always hit a brick wall at one point or another. But to make a long story short, people leave me for various of reasons. One of them is that I am boring. I don't go out, I don't party, I don't drink, I don't even smoke weed anymore, I don't chase women, I don't hang out since I have no friends to hang out with. No one really knows who I am, and no one invites me to any events. I've made a friend or two in the past that would invite me. I'd come, but they'd get bored or tired of me, and just be distant. In the end, I have a history of people leaving me. And it really hurts me deeply.
One of the reasons why they leave me is that I grew up sheltered, and never developed social skills the way many other kids do. I have no siblings, and wasn't even raised around my cousins. All I was around is my socially retarded dad who divorced my mom when I was 4. And my mom, and her family, who aren't that great socially themselves. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and when it was time to go out into the real world, I simply mirrored what I learned at home.
In the past, I used to push people away without realizing it. They'd get pissed, and leave me. I had a friend before who saw it, and called me out on it, and he refused to leave me. He was gay of course (bi, but he liked men more than women imo). I say this because if he was straight, he would be nowhere near me once I said something rude or disrespectful. But he knew what I was doing, and it taught me a great deal about myself, and about gay people as well (no homo). Thanks to him, I learned from my mistakes and grew as a person. Now, today I have a problem with marijuana. When I smoke, I get real chatty and start talking a lot. Weed makes me wanna connect with people. But I get paranoid or excited, and I start saying anything, along with stupid shit.
So, why am I in love? Well, it's about that escort again. Since the time she cancelled our plans to spend another night in a hotel, she's been distant from me and I am going crazy. Every minute I don't get a text from her is like an hour. And every hour, is like a day. And every day, is like a week. I feel like I am being tortured from all sides. The other day at work, I felt like I completely left my body. I don't know where the fuck I went. But it was as if I completely blocked out! I was spaced out, and for a moment wasn't present. It really scared me. I felt like I came very close to going insane. Thank god I didn't.
Anyway, I say all this because last time I actually talked to her was when we talked 3 days before the Friday we were supposed to hang out. I was high on those 5 hits of her blunt she left me. I don't know if I texted her afterwards something stupid, or if I said something stupid. Or maybe nothing I said weirded her out at all. But that's all I've been thinking of. Where did I go wrong? Did I go wrong? Is it because I am 35 and live at home? Did she talk to her friend and she told her to let me be? All these thoughts running through my mind, and I don't know what to think.
I just never thought I'd meet someone like her. She is a sweat heart, non-judgmental, open minded, beautiful, stylish, understanding, curious, and of all of these things... she is a loner like me. She doesn't party, if she does she just goes to visit her friends there to say hi and bounce, she doesn't go out that much, and she seems like she's willing to give me a chance, despite knowing I am sexually inexperienced. But in the end, why is she so distant? Is it because she just had a surgery done? Is it over between us? I don't know. But the only thing to do right now is to give her space. I just wish I had a friend to call and ask him on this issue, but I don't even have that option. So, I always end up figuring these things out on my own. What a life, huh?
I have never been in love before, but I was just thinking about it. Is this it? Is it when you can't stop thinking about someone and their qualities, and how amazing they are? She is such a good girl, I wanna be there for her. I wanna lay next to her, hold her, kiss her. I need physical touch and affection so bad, it's pathetic! But I may have done what I've done in the past, push her away somehow, either verbally or through the circumstances of my situation. I don't really know at this point, but would like to talk to her to find out. But she didn't let me when I wanted to connect after the surgery. She texted me "No. later." I understand, but inside I'm an emotional turmoil.
This is why I hate texting. Every text from her is like being tortured. I get a text and I'm ecstatic. Then there is this long....... slow..... wait........... it could be 10 seconds or it could be 1 hour. It's fucking torture for me. Every time, I don't know if the next text will never come. The best time I have right now, is when I fall asleep. Then when I wake up, the torture starts again. I start thinking about her. "Is it over? Is she ignoring me?" and on and on. All these thoughts and questions running through my mind. And I can't escape it. Last time I got a text from her was roughly 30 hours ago. It feels like it's been much, much longer than that.
My plan for now is just to wait it out until she contacts me. And hopefully, we can connect somehow. I really want to spend time with her when she gets back. But my biggest fear is that she, like all the other people in my past, left me already in her mind, and in her heart. That would really hurt me. More than anything has hurt me in a long time. It's not very often I make a friend like this, or make a friend at all. And that's another thing, is it me being sexually inexperienced the reason for this? Don't know... I guess time will tell.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Up All Night in a Hotel Room
So I just woke a few hours ago, at around 4pm. Me and my new
Tranny friend decided to get away in a hotel for the night.
The first plan was to get away for the whole weekend to Half
Moon Bay. She never been there, and said she was open. But then when she never
got back to me by Thursday, I started to feel like she is too busy doing her
escort job than wanting to hang out. I started thinking about all of my past
experiences, and that she is probably like everyone else. Then I thought it’s
over between us, as people tend to leave me over time. So, I didn’t text her
until I heard from her on Friday. She said she’s free that night, but the next
day she was going to be busy.
I wanted to get together with her and tell her that this
isn’t working out, and that I don’t feel safe doing stuff like rimming her when
she escorts for a living. But when we met up, her vibe was just amazing! I
completely forgot that she is such a good person.
I decided to get us a local hotel room near the beach.
Hanging out with her was possibly one of the greatest nights of my life. At first, we were like ‘okay, we’ll stay up till 2, or 3’. Then before we knew it, we’re up till 5 am. Just laying there holding each other, watching videos, movies, etc.. talking about all sorts of things most people would find weird, and outrageous.
Hanging out with her was possibly one of the greatest nights of my life. At first, we were like ‘okay, we’ll stay up till 2, or 3’. Then before we knew it, we’re up till 5 am. Just laying there holding each other, watching videos, movies, etc.. talking about all sorts of things most people would find weird, and outrageous.
We talked about names and how both of us changed ours, and
how much of your personality could change due to you changing your name. I am
actually looking to change mine again after having this conversation. I told
her about my Egyptian Goddess, and she told me about her Aztec God. Spirit
Animals, ayahuasca, etc.. just a lot of unconventional stuff.
I realized how challenging her life is. She has to pay rent,
health insurance, and also work her regular job outside of doing her escort services.
She is not like a street hooker at all, takes great care of herself, eats
healthy, and even meditates. I kinda regretted taking a few hits from her joint
after getting nervous. I realize more and more that weed is just not for me, or
at least I need to learn how to be calm when I smoke it.
The whole night was just amazing. I realized that I made a
real friend this time. She is a loner, like me, and is very open. I mean, I
meet some open-minded people. But she is just unlike anyone I’ve ever met, and
has a completely non-judgmental personality about life, sex, etc.. It’s rare I
meet someone like her. She wants to do a full surgery and get a pussy. I said
that everything about her is beautiful, and she shouldn’t change a thing. It’s
amazing how some people just have body features that aren’t of their gender. Her
ass has this natural, feminine, and curvy shape. Even she has ass implants, she
told me that she has always had the curves. It’s just unbelievable. If you’d
see her walking around half naked, you’d think she’s a girl. I was surprised to hear that when she was a stripper in Tijuana, she was making a $1,000 per night with men thinking she's a real woman.
Everything about that night was showing me good signs,
including numerology. We’re walking past hotel rooms, and see room 222, going
to a gas station to get some water; the gas price says 3.33. Looking at her
phone clock and it shows 4:44. Then we walking back to our hotel room, and see
triple numbers AGAIN. She says to me, “something is happening right now”… This
wasn’t like any other night. We want to get together again soon. Not sure when
that will be, but hopefully soon.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
I just had sex
This happened on Sunday, November 2, 2014. So technically, I am not a virgin anymore. But I feel like I still am. Nothing magical happened. Nothing spectacular. I didn’t transform into some experienced guy who is now mature, and is good with women. I’m still the same old nervous, shy, and sensitive guy that I was before sex. But am I still really a virgin?
Okay, so if you remember my I like Trannies blog, the story doesn’t end there. But it continues with this post. I saw this same girl on cl (recognized her body as there was no face pic), and e-mailed her saying what’s up. She was wondering who knows her by name and we connected. After sending her a few pics, she remembered me. We decided to hook up, and went to a place with hot tubs. It’s sort of like a hotel room, but with a little bed and a hot tub. My first time there, but I remember seeing them from porn.
So I get real nervous meeting her for some reason. I’m not sure if maybe we have no connection, or there is such a huge cultural barrier between us, that it’s hard to find a common language. Maybe we just don’t vibe? I don’t know. But the whole time I was nervous, and this isn’t like me usually. I used to be this way before, but nowadays I am more relaxed around people. Was it because she was a woman? Well, technically a Tranny, but a woman in my eyes.
We get to a hot tub, I pay for our private room. And we undress, touching each other. We talk a little bit, and then get in the tub. It was so hot at first, but took me awhile to get used to it. I took a hit from her blunt, so that got me sort of acting weird, and nervous. I freaked her out a little bit when she was touching my cock and I pulled away. Like I was afraid of her having STDs, etc.. Then She says ‘you wanna fuck me?’ I say yeah. I put on a condom, get some lubricant, and she guides my cock into her ass. 3 Strokes and I pulled out because I felt like I was about to cum. That KILLED THE WHOLE VIBE! This girl is fucking BEAUTIFUL, and I’m guessing she isn’t used to guys pulling out so quickly. She sort of got weirded out, asking me why I’m so weird. After talking for a few minutes, she felt bad, and we just got back into it. I was really cautious, and I told her that it’s my problem. I am overly cautious, and she technically is an escort. But she is upscale. Has her website, doesn’t post on cl for her services (outside of hooking up I guess). Her clients are very well off, and not bums off the street. She told me she doesn’t do it that often, and only once a month. I killed the vibe again because I was reluctant to lick her ass. Then she says “how do I know you’re clean?” And even though I told her I NEVER had unprotected sex, she still was technically right, and told me she never had either. How do we both know we’re clean?
So I said fuck it. I am taking a business class right now. And it talks about how if you want to become an entrepreneur at some point in your life, you gotta take risks. There is no way around that. I started jerking her off, playing with her breasts, and the whole time we making out in between talking, and playing around. I told her to get out of the tub and sit on the edge. She was SO FUCKING SEXY! Cinnamon complexion that gets darker around her ass and privates, super clean, smells good, good girl, very cautious around the type of people she is friends with. I think to myself “this isn’t a girl who’d be dirty”. So, I just went with my feeling.
I start licking her ass, and her balls. Then eventually make my way to her asshole and OMFGGGGGGG…. THIS WAS THE BEST PART OF THE SEX! I didn’t even cum because my boner lost Its power when I killed the mood by pulling out. when she started calling me weird, I just couldn’t be that horny anymore. But licking her brown, clean, fresh, soft, tender, juicy ass was the ultimate fantasy I’ve had with Trannies. THIS WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!! She came in like 3 minutes cuz she said she was really horny. She liked me fingering her ass while I rim it, but that was kinda hard. My tongue was also sore cuz HOT DAYMN IT’S HARD WORK AND WORKS YOUR TONGUE MUSCLES! I thought it was easy from watching it in pornos.
I don’t know, but there is a lot more details I’m leaving out because there is just too much to include. She is looking for a guy to be fwb with, and I’m so open to that. But I just don’t know if we have any connection. It was amazing just holding her and kissing her. My first technical “girlfriend” experience I’ve had with any girl.
The thing that made me think I’m still a virgin, was how short it was. She even let me fuck her hard afterwards but stopped me 30 secs in; said I was hurting her. I don’t know but seems like Trannies are sensitive. But I fucking love them. I don’t think I’d have the same attraction towards women. Too much bad experience, and I feel like there is a block in my mind, or In between me and the female species. Ehhh… who cares. This whole experience was just amazing. Better than the last 2, but so far I’ve yet to enjoy sex by cumming. It’s not the same. It’s not like holding your dick in your hand and squeezing it at the time of the orgasm. When you cum in a girl’s mouth, or her ass-pussy in this case (no homo of course, yes Tranny), it feels weird… It’s like I have no control over how good I feel at the time of the nut.
We’ll see what happens with this girl. But I’m gonna ask her if she wanna get a hotel room next week and spend the entire weekend fooling around together. I really like her. She is honest, even about her being materialistic. But that’s what I like, honesty. And I told her that I’m the same.
Hopefully, there is a part 3 coming soon to this chapter. Stay tuned…
p.s. I kinda feel special, because I taught her what French kiss means. She is taking ESL classes, and so was I when I came to US. Also, she asked me for some help with learning about indigenous cultures, and I was like are you fucking serious? That’s all I fucking know, and study on my own time. Shamanism is the TRUTH that lives in the heart of the Amazon. So, technically I taught her 2 things. The second about ayahuasca, and she already said she wants to drink it. I think we can learn a lot from each other. So, I’m hoping for the best. But you never know. Shit falls apart when you least suspect it to. I digress.
Okay, so if you remember my I like Trannies blog, the story doesn’t end there. But it continues with this post. I saw this same girl on cl (recognized her body as there was no face pic), and e-mailed her saying what’s up. She was wondering who knows her by name and we connected. After sending her a few pics, she remembered me. We decided to hook up, and went to a place with hot tubs. It’s sort of like a hotel room, but with a little bed and a hot tub. My first time there, but I remember seeing them from porn.
So I get real nervous meeting her for some reason. I’m not sure if maybe we have no connection, or there is such a huge cultural barrier between us, that it’s hard to find a common language. Maybe we just don’t vibe? I don’t know. But the whole time I was nervous, and this isn’t like me usually. I used to be this way before, but nowadays I am more relaxed around people. Was it because she was a woman? Well, technically a Tranny, but a woman in my eyes.
We get to a hot tub, I pay for our private room. And we undress, touching each other. We talk a little bit, and then get in the tub. It was so hot at first, but took me awhile to get used to it. I took a hit from her blunt, so that got me sort of acting weird, and nervous. I freaked her out a little bit when she was touching my cock and I pulled away. Like I was afraid of her having STDs, etc.. Then She says ‘you wanna fuck me?’ I say yeah. I put on a condom, get some lubricant, and she guides my cock into her ass. 3 Strokes and I pulled out because I felt like I was about to cum. That KILLED THE WHOLE VIBE! This girl is fucking BEAUTIFUL, and I’m guessing she isn’t used to guys pulling out so quickly. She sort of got weirded out, asking me why I’m so weird. After talking for a few minutes, she felt bad, and we just got back into it. I was really cautious, and I told her that it’s my problem. I am overly cautious, and she technically is an escort. But she is upscale. Has her website, doesn’t post on cl for her services (outside of hooking up I guess). Her clients are very well off, and not bums off the street. She told me she doesn’t do it that often, and only once a month. I killed the vibe again because I was reluctant to lick her ass. Then she says “how do I know you’re clean?” And even though I told her I NEVER had unprotected sex, she still was technically right, and told me she never had either. How do we both know we’re clean?
So I said fuck it. I am taking a business class right now. And it talks about how if you want to become an entrepreneur at some point in your life, you gotta take risks. There is no way around that. I started jerking her off, playing with her breasts, and the whole time we making out in between talking, and playing around. I told her to get out of the tub and sit on the edge. She was SO FUCKING SEXY! Cinnamon complexion that gets darker around her ass and privates, super clean, smells good, good girl, very cautious around the type of people she is friends with. I think to myself “this isn’t a girl who’d be dirty”. So, I just went with my feeling.
I start licking her ass, and her balls. Then eventually make my way to her asshole and OMFGGGGGGG…. THIS WAS THE BEST PART OF THE SEX! I didn’t even cum because my boner lost Its power when I killed the mood by pulling out. when she started calling me weird, I just couldn’t be that horny anymore. But licking her brown, clean, fresh, soft, tender, juicy ass was the ultimate fantasy I’ve had with Trannies. THIS WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!! She came in like 3 minutes cuz she said she was really horny. She liked me fingering her ass while I rim it, but that was kinda hard. My tongue was also sore cuz HOT DAYMN IT’S HARD WORK AND WORKS YOUR TONGUE MUSCLES! I thought it was easy from watching it in pornos.
I don’t know, but there is a lot more details I’m leaving out because there is just too much to include. She is looking for a guy to be fwb with, and I’m so open to that. But I just don’t know if we have any connection. It was amazing just holding her and kissing her. My first technical “girlfriend” experience I’ve had with any girl.
The thing that made me think I’m still a virgin, was how short it was. She even let me fuck her hard afterwards but stopped me 30 secs in; said I was hurting her. I don’t know but seems like Trannies are sensitive. But I fucking love them. I don’t think I’d have the same attraction towards women. Too much bad experience, and I feel like there is a block in my mind, or In between me and the female species. Ehhh… who cares. This whole experience was just amazing. Better than the last 2, but so far I’ve yet to enjoy sex by cumming. It’s not the same. It’s not like holding your dick in your hand and squeezing it at the time of the orgasm. When you cum in a girl’s mouth, or her ass-pussy in this case (no homo of course, yes Tranny), it feels weird… It’s like I have no control over how good I feel at the time of the nut.
We’ll see what happens with this girl. But I’m gonna ask her if she wanna get a hotel room next week and spend the entire weekend fooling around together. I really like her. She is honest, even about her being materialistic. But that’s what I like, honesty. And I told her that I’m the same.
Hopefully, there is a part 3 coming soon to this chapter. Stay tuned…
p.s. I kinda feel special, because I taught her what French kiss means. She is taking ESL classes, and so was I when I came to US. Also, she asked me for some help with learning about indigenous cultures, and I was like are you fucking serious? That’s all I fucking know, and study on my own time. Shamanism is the TRUTH that lives in the heart of the Amazon. So, technically I taught her 2 things. The second about ayahuasca, and she already said she wants to drink it. I think we can learn a lot from each other. So, I’m hoping for the best. But you never know. Shit falls apart when you least suspect it to. I digress.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
I had Oral Sex with a Tranny, Pt. 2
So I just got home about 40 minutes ago, and this was my second sexual experience in my life.
You can read about Part 1 here.
found another Tranny on craigslist, but it was tricky. You see, I wouldn't even have this expereince if I didn't start trolling. I got fucking tired of all the trannies asking for "hot guys" who are "hung" and "good looking" and basically they want everything in one package. these Trannies want the whole fantasy out of a porn movie. I understand they can't get off with guys even with medium sized dicks but HOT DAYMN!!! WTF!?!?!? what do I gotta do to get a tranny around here?
So, I found a good looking guy's pic on tumblr with a huge dick. No homo and all, but I gotta say that trolling craigslist has been THE FUNNEST EXPERIENCE I EVER HAD! I may make a post about it later. Anyway, I got this one Tranny's pics with this good looking guy. I sent her my real pics but did not get a reply. Then the next day I sent her another message with an extra pic of mine. She sent a few pics back, and it was on from there.
The thing is, she was responsive until earlier today. I got a second response at around 10am, and that was that. She told me what time she gets home and to let her know when I wanna come by. So, I sent her one e-mail. Nothing for 3 hours. I followed up and asked if she's still interested, and still nothing. I am thinking, "okay, she most likely flaked" as I had most of my experiences like this. I even had one Tranny sent me her pics, give me her #, get my #, and then act weird as shit in the past. So, I'm like whatever. I don't even prepare for this. At around 8pm, she e-mails me something like "hey, baby. I'm home now. tell me when you wanna come by." I was like WTF!?!?! So, I call her and talk, and she's walking home with a friend. So it took me longer to get ready, since I wasn't prepared.
1st bad sign right there. Then I go to the store to get some lube, thinking I may need it, and drive my ass to Oakland, where she lives. She never texts me back after I told her to get into something sexy. I am thinking, okay... bad sign #2. I was sort of confident but nervous, not like my first time where I thought the worst of the worst. Now, I am on my no fap no porn challenge again, and it's week 5 so I feel like I am going to explode browsing cl ads every day. As I get to her neighborhood, I park, call her as I am walking up to her building. She tells me her apt # but takes a few minutes buzzing me in.
As I get in, she is sort of aloof, and I'm thinking "nice". She got titties sticking out and a nice curvy ass. As she turns around she rolls eyes and I'm thinking, okay she got attitude. Now, as I get into her bedroom, she sits her ass on her bed and starts talking on the phone. I'm thinking WTF!?! bad sign #3. So, I take my jacket off as I stand there looking at her as she's speaking some other language with whomever on the other side. I'm like 'brb, bathroom'.
I piss and wash my hands, get out, and she is still talking on the phone. I sit down next to her trying to get her in the mood by touching her and asking her why she is being rude. She's like 'that's my moather and my sister' with an accent. I'm like can you talk to them later? She's like no cuz that's long distance. I say 'I'm your guest, you should talk to me.' So after going back and forth for like 5-10 mins she finally tells them off and hangs up. "You see what ju made me do, I hung up on my moather and my sister." She has so much attitude, I ask her about it. She also looks exhausted. I ask what I can do to make it better. "give me a masssage." So, I massage her really good but then she gets so relaxed she gets even lazier, not wanting to do nothing.
Anyway, the whole thing was weird because she wanted to fuck me after I got her hard. And I was like HEEEEEELLLLLLLL NO. I am a straight guy. The only one who will be doing the fucking around here is me. She gets irritated speaking her native language (she is from some tribe in Mexico). So, she's like "let me suck you. I put on a concom, but her teeth OMFGGGG. her teeth get in the way. It's like she's giving a blow job for the first time. I tell her that, she gets slightly better. I pull out every now and then and after 10 minutes or so she keeps going at it "I want make you cum. I wanna go to sleep." I'm like okay. I cum but instead of cumming in her mouth with a condom, I use my hand to hold my dick. Because I remember how disgusting I felt cumming in the last Tranny's mouth.
I felt so good afterwards, like I needed to release. 5 weeks of not masturbating and not watching porn. Now I am just gonna chill for a while. No craigslist, and no trying to get sex from anyone.
Sex is so different than jerking off, it's not even funny. It could feel like sex is the most disgusting thing in the world, because it feels so different. I always thought I'm some bad ass mother fucker and that I would fuck for hours because I jerk off for that long without nutting. But when I have my dick in a girl's mouth, it's like I can cum in 15 seconds. It's crazy, especially for me considering I am so behind in sexual experience among my pears, considering I am in my 30s, it's not even funny.
and come to think of, there was a bad sign #4-she didn't even shower! When I was giving her a message, I could feel tiny clumps of dead skin falling off her arms, back, etc.. and when I got to her feet, they were stinky. I did surprise her when I asked if she has silicon in her ass cheeks. My first time feeling silicon ass in my life! "Why didn't you showever before I came" > "I was talking to my mother"... ehhh... whatever.
But anyway, I surived, and tomorrow is another day. I feel more calm, though. Like I needed to get it out of my system. I'm just glad it was with another person and not with my hand. Sex is still not how I pictured it to be, but I am getting used to it. I wonder if I would enjoy it at all with a girl.
Until next time...
You can read about Part 1 here.
found another Tranny on craigslist, but it was tricky. You see, I wouldn't even have this expereince if I didn't start trolling. I got fucking tired of all the trannies asking for "hot guys" who are "hung" and "good looking" and basically they want everything in one package. these Trannies want the whole fantasy out of a porn movie. I understand they can't get off with guys even with medium sized dicks but HOT DAYMN!!! WTF!?!?!? what do I gotta do to get a tranny around here?
So, I found a good looking guy's pic on tumblr with a huge dick. No homo and all, but I gotta say that trolling craigslist has been THE FUNNEST EXPERIENCE I EVER HAD! I may make a post about it later. Anyway, I got this one Tranny's pics with this good looking guy. I sent her my real pics but did not get a reply. Then the next day I sent her another message with an extra pic of mine. She sent a few pics back, and it was on from there.
The thing is, she was responsive until earlier today. I got a second response at around 10am, and that was that. She told me what time she gets home and to let her know when I wanna come by. So, I sent her one e-mail. Nothing for 3 hours. I followed up and asked if she's still interested, and still nothing. I am thinking, "okay, she most likely flaked" as I had most of my experiences like this. I even had one Tranny sent me her pics, give me her #, get my #, and then act weird as shit in the past. So, I'm like whatever. I don't even prepare for this. At around 8pm, she e-mails me something like "hey, baby. I'm home now. tell me when you wanna come by." I was like WTF!?!?! So, I call her and talk, and she's walking home with a friend. So it took me longer to get ready, since I wasn't prepared.
1st bad sign right there. Then I go to the store to get some lube, thinking I may need it, and drive my ass to Oakland, where she lives. She never texts me back after I told her to get into something sexy. I am thinking, okay... bad sign #2. I was sort of confident but nervous, not like my first time where I thought the worst of the worst. Now, I am on my no fap no porn challenge again, and it's week 5 so I feel like I am going to explode browsing cl ads every day. As I get to her neighborhood, I park, call her as I am walking up to her building. She tells me her apt # but takes a few minutes buzzing me in.
As I get in, she is sort of aloof, and I'm thinking "nice". She got titties sticking out and a nice curvy ass. As she turns around she rolls eyes and I'm thinking, okay she got attitude. Now, as I get into her bedroom, she sits her ass on her bed and starts talking on the phone. I'm thinking WTF!?! bad sign #3. So, I take my jacket off as I stand there looking at her as she's speaking some other language with whomever on the other side. I'm like 'brb, bathroom'.
I piss and wash my hands, get out, and she is still talking on the phone. I sit down next to her trying to get her in the mood by touching her and asking her why she is being rude. She's like 'that's my moather and my sister' with an accent. I'm like can you talk to them later? She's like no cuz that's long distance. I say 'I'm your guest, you should talk to me.' So after going back and forth for like 5-10 mins she finally tells them off and hangs up. "You see what ju made me do, I hung up on my moather and my sister." She has so much attitude, I ask her about it. She also looks exhausted. I ask what I can do to make it better. "give me a masssage." So, I massage her really good but then she gets so relaxed she gets even lazier, not wanting to do nothing.
Anyway, the whole thing was weird because she wanted to fuck me after I got her hard. And I was like HEEEEEELLLLLLLL NO. I am a straight guy. The only one who will be doing the fucking around here is me. She gets irritated speaking her native language (she is from some tribe in Mexico). So, she's like "let me suck you. I put on a concom, but her teeth OMFGGGG. her teeth get in the way. It's like she's giving a blow job for the first time. I tell her that, she gets slightly better. I pull out every now and then and after 10 minutes or so she keeps going at it "I want make you cum. I wanna go to sleep." I'm like okay. I cum but instead of cumming in her mouth with a condom, I use my hand to hold my dick. Because I remember how disgusting I felt cumming in the last Tranny's mouth.
I felt so good afterwards, like I needed to release. 5 weeks of not masturbating and not watching porn. Now I am just gonna chill for a while. No craigslist, and no trying to get sex from anyone.
Sex is so different than jerking off, it's not even funny. It could feel like sex is the most disgusting thing in the world, because it feels so different. I always thought I'm some bad ass mother fucker and that I would fuck for hours because I jerk off for that long without nutting. But when I have my dick in a girl's mouth, it's like I can cum in 15 seconds. It's crazy, especially for me considering I am so behind in sexual experience among my pears, considering I am in my 30s, it's not even funny.
and come to think of, there was a bad sign #4-she didn't even shower! When I was giving her a message, I could feel tiny clumps of dead skin falling off her arms, back, etc.. and when I got to her feet, they were stinky. I did surprise her when I asked if she has silicon in her ass cheeks. My first time feeling silicon ass in my life! "Why didn't you showever before I came" > "I was talking to my mother"... ehhh... whatever.
But anyway, I surived, and tomorrow is another day. I feel more calm, though. Like I needed to get it out of my system. I'm just glad it was with another person and not with my hand. Sex is still not how I pictured it to be, but I am getting used to it. I wonder if I would enjoy it at all with a girl.
Until next time...
Friday, August 29, 2014
Paula Braun
just seen this movie Drained (O Cheiro do Ralo), and can't stop thinking about Paula's ass
Monday, May 5, 2014
This is why you should NEVER listen to a woman's advice...
...on how to pick her up. most girls are stuuuuupid and clueless about what they want, and then they think they have any single clue on teaching guys on how to seduce them. This is why I will never listen to what a woman tells me about how a guy should act, and talk to her. BITCH PLEASE!!! This video is the perfect example of why. It is sad and depressing, and funny as shit at the same time. apologies if I already have posted this
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Ronaldo, Brazil's Eddie Murphy
I know this is old news, but one of my Brazilian customers told me about this scandal.
http://uk.reuters.com/article/2008/04/29/uk-ronaldo-transvestites-idUKN2820144020080429
So, I looked it up. Funny as hell. Ronaldo said that "after he found out they were men" he sent them away. YEAH THE FUCK RIGHT!! you just like trannies, Ronald. SAY IT AINT SO!!! Don't worry, though. I like trannies too. so, you're not all alone on this one. But apparently in Brazil, they look down on you if you are gay or have some sort of gay fetishes (i.e. into trannies) in sports. According to one Brazilian judge who straight up dissed Ronaldo, soccer is supposedly a 'virile' sport.
One thing I can't stand how misinformed the media is, who all think that Transvestites are the same as Transsexuals. let me school you on this real quick. Transvestites=men who dress as women. Transsexuals aka Trannies aka Shemales aka Chicks with Dicks=women who USED to be men but now take hormones, have boobs, ass, no body hair, and some of which you can't even tell if they are men any longer and can totally pass as women. Transvestites=men, Transsexuals=women with OR without dicks. see? TV=men, TS=women. men, women. male, female. pre-op, post-op. are we finally learning something? goooooooood. masculine, feminine. yin, yang. baby steps. baby steps.
I remember when Eddie Murphy got caught picking up a tranny hooker, I actually fell for him saying he just wanted to help and was looking out for her safety. looking back, damn I was gullible. Ain't no big star like Eddie would be picking up a random tranny hooker to tell her to be careful. GETTHEFUCKOUTTAHERE!!! you like chicks with dicks, Eddie. SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!!!!
I wonder what the 3rd one looks like...
http://uk.reuters.com/article/2008/04/29/uk-ronaldo-transvestites-idUKN2820144020080429
So, I looked it up. Funny as hell. Ronaldo said that "after he found out they were men" he sent them away. YEAH THE FUCK RIGHT!! you just like trannies, Ronald. SAY IT AINT SO!!! Don't worry, though. I like trannies too. so, you're not all alone on this one. But apparently in Brazil, they look down on you if you are gay or have some sort of gay fetishes (i.e. into trannies) in sports. According to one Brazilian judge who straight up dissed Ronaldo, soccer is supposedly a 'virile' sport.
One thing I can't stand how misinformed the media is, who all think that Transvestites are the same as Transsexuals. let me school you on this real quick. Transvestites=men who dress as women. Transsexuals aka Trannies aka Shemales aka Chicks with Dicks=women who USED to be men but now take hormones, have boobs, ass, no body hair, and some of which you can't even tell if they are men any longer and can totally pass as women. Transvestites=men, Transsexuals=women with OR without dicks. see? TV=men, TS=women. men, women. male, female. pre-op, post-op. are we finally learning something? goooooooood. masculine, feminine. yin, yang. baby steps. baby steps.
I remember when Eddie Murphy got caught picking up a tranny hooker, I actually fell for him saying he just wanted to help and was looking out for her safety. looking back, damn I was gullible. Ain't no big star like Eddie would be picking up a random tranny hooker to tell her to be careful. GETTHEFUCKOUTTAHERE!!! you like chicks with dicks, Eddie. SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!!!!
I wonder what the 3rd one looks like...
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