Wheat Starch and Corn Starch trigger Cluster Headaches

So about a year ago, I found these Hi-Chew bites. I love Hi-Chews, and Mango flavor is my favorite. So, I bought 2 of these and ate them. Then without me being aware, I started having cluster headaches each time I ate these. Lasting for around 50 mins, it was really intense. I wanted to die it hurt so bad. Finally, one day after purchasing and eating these, I put 2 and 2 together and realized they were the cause of my headaches. The main ingredient that caused them was Wheat Starch

I am finally going through my closet cleaning all my crap, and throwing away stuff I never use. And I found this sitting there for me to research. So, I am finally blogging this out because I am really working hard cleaning my soul and all the clutter that it accumulated.

Is it something that I can prove, meaning Starch is the cause of my headaches? No. But it's the only ingredient that jumped out at me, when I was reading the ingredients list. Plus, I came across this article. So, apparently Starch also causes Migraine Headaches as well...

https://migraine.com/stories/wheat-will-trigger-a-migraine/

10/26/19 Edit

Corn Starch in Evol Organic frozen burrito

Again, going through my old stuff and finally got around to looking at the ingredients of this burrito that gave me a cluster headache. Lo and behold, it has Corn Starch! So, I'd say stay away from anything with starch in it to avoid cluster headaches or any headaches for that matter. I am no doctor but this is kind of a big coincidence

Forever sexually frustrated

that's how I feel right now.

I'm back on my No Fap, No Porn program. I think I blogged about this yeeaaaaaars ago. but it is really helpful this time, because I have really stuck with it. I got to a point where my dick was lifeless. NOTHING turned me on. I only got off and had erections through porn. I came like 1x per 3 weeks at least to release, but that would still be me fapping and watching porn, the most damaging thing to men and their erectile dysfunction in our age. this was me, but after No Fap since August 1st, which is almost 3 months now, I actually wake up with hard boners. I get real erections when talking to or even looking at women!! I can't believe it. I actually FEEL something in my pants, and get arousals.

I just don't know how long I'll be able to hold off. I need a release, and me not being that great with girls really makes it extremely difficult. I wanna get better but feel so alone. no friends, no wingmen, and think I need to create a 30 day program of me pushing my boundaries socially every day, until I start to actually approach and talk to women I am attracted to. otherwise, going out to the beach every once in a while to talk to strangers won't change shit. it may get me laid one day if I'm lucky and grow enough courage to start approaching girls, but in the end I'll still remain the same.

fuck life is hard. sometimes I have not even an outlet sexually. Sometimes I wish I lived in a state or a country where prostitution was legal. because my dick feels like it is going to explode some days, along with my balls.

Cats are the greatest creatures on EARTH!

Social Momentum - Week 1 + Asking an Aryan Girl out

Social Momentum

So, I stopped going out to clubs for the most part and drinking. At some point, my body started to reject alcohol. What I did on the weekends was the following:

• Prepare alcohol - I first started out with Corona, later on started preparing Vodka
• Go to a new/different club on Friday and/or Saturday
• Park my car and drink the alcohol - at first I'd drink 1 Corona, and then buy more liquor inside the club to get lose. Later, I prepared 4 vodka shots mixed with cranberry juice. This really saved me money. I'd drink the whole 4 shots right away. This really helped with PTSD and to calm my nerves

But at some point, what started to happen was my body started to reject alcohol. My body isn't of someone who drinks or can drink too much. So I cannot handle liquor like certain men. I first started to throw up literally each time I drank my 4 shots of vodka approximately 2-3 hours afterwards. And then headaches started to hit me, and hit me hard. I thought it was because I got cheap alcohol. I had about 20% left of Sobieski (Polish Vodka), so I dumped it all. Then bought Stalichnaya (very popular and more pricey Russian Vodka), but then the result was the same!

And what I'd do after the club is beat myself up "why didn't you approach so and so girl! She was your type! You could've said something you idiot!" But then the problem was this. I didn't talk to any strangers throughout my day. And when it was time to go out, I tried to talk to people to warm up, and then girls. It was like going from nothing, to everything. Unfortunately, this is how most men are (minus even warming up with strangers). They think by going out to a club, they'll find the right girl. But if they haven't warmed up for the day, week, month, etc.. socially, nothing magical is going to happen at night. Unless they are good with women already. And from my experience, most men aren't.

So, this whole week I have been warming up as much as I could. It really opened my eyes after watching this video (mainly the part where he mentions starting to form a habit of being social with strangers




It's still really difficult, as I am not used to it, but I am trying my best and hopefully will stick with it.


Asking an Aryan Girl out

So at my current job, there is a party each month. And all the people come with their co-workers. There is liquor, music, food, and all for free. I have been going there almost each month by myself. It's really nerve wrecking for me, but I go anyway. I warm up with people and managed to approach some girls a few times this year. But never closed the deal (this is my sticky point).

So yesterday, I go to the party by myself as usual. Then after having food, drink water, and chit chatting with some strangers here and there, my coworker spots me. I was like holy crap! You're the first coworker I've seen at these gatherings. He takes me where the rest of them are, and I join them. There is this really pretty Aryan girl there (not with the group, but with another group literally next to us).

I saw her before, but didn't say anything. I chit chat with my co-workers and 2 guys are drinking beer getting drunk. Then I end up talking with one of these guys, as others form another group amongst themselves talking with each other. We start talking about women, and for like 15 mins I am eyeing this girl but make sure she doesn't spot me. She was dressed casual, jeans, sneakers, and nothing fancy, sexual, or revealing. Then I'm like holy crap, she is so my type! Tall, nicely built, Scandinavian looking. I was really nervous cus I was thinking to approach her but didn't. Then finally, I tell my coworker to hang on for a sec. I open her up and start with a chit chat. Then introduce myself and him. Then this dude.... HIJACKS THE WHOLE CONVERSATION! He already has a g/f, but he's a good talker. So, he was like ME ME ME! I this, I that, etc.. I talked 20% of the time with her, and him 80. But the girl seemed really laid back, and open minded. Like she's really easy to talk with and not weird or socially awkward.

She was from Canada, and was just at our company for the summer. Finally, when he broke away to chat about something with our group I asked her if she dates shorter guys than her. She was about 6'0", I am 5'10". She was like "no". And then she followed up with "I am not looking. But I am flattered". After a few mins, she says nice to meet you, etc.. and goes back to her group. This was literally the first time I asked a girl out at these parties. I will keep going, though. It's much harder to do this alone. If I wasn't there with our group, I would've left 30 mins before I did. I'd feel creepy af standing by those girls by myself. Maybe my inner game is something else I need to improve.

Russian Rap

Wiggers in Russia... who could've thought. I thought Timoti that black wanna be faggot was the only one. Jews dont even have to take control of the nation and pour the poison of Cultural Marxism into the Russian television, these kids practically brainwash themselves. their brains are fried by this disgusting trash of black thug culture. they hate their own heritage, abondon tradition and family values, and become low life thugs obsessed with sex, drugs, money, cars, and being hard. I dont think most even realize how much poison this hip hop culture spreads throughout the world. It is BANNED in China. Smart people. the rest nations need to do the same. If i had a son (or daughter), he wouldn't go anywhere near this filth



PHARAOH – BLACK SIEMENS (PROD. BY FROZENGANGBEATZ)

found more hip hop poison from Russia

FACE - БУРГЕР (prod. by PackMan)

South African Boer escaped to China

This was so good, I had to post it. Those disgusting black communists killing White African farmers, torturing families and even children to death, after raping a wife in front of her husband. Boiling whites alive in some cases. Really sick shit. And then they wonder why the world hates blacks. The biggest rude assholes i have ever seen and had the misfortune of dealing with. Yeah, I guess I am racist for pointing out the truth. Anyway, watch this video! The LIGHT at the end of the tunnel for Boers. First, Russia takes them as refugees (God bless Putin!), and now China

Russian Hard Bass

I am glad Russians are creating their own music culture now. Proud of my brothers! I remember in 2009 after college i got real home sick, and wondered what it was like... All I could find was a bunch of wigger wanna bes making rap. it was pathetic. I came across one American white dude living in Moscow. he had a blog, and in it he said "Since perestroika, Russians seem to be having some sort of an identity crisis. A rapper named Timoti is a good example. He is some sort of a rich rapper guy. etc.." And Timoti is a big time wigger tough guy. like Eminem basically. And all else i could find was some Fascist, Nazi bands cuz in the 90s, lotta immigrants from neighboring countries and even from Africa were coming into Russia to 1) study in college or 2) work for low wages. so, many Russians were pissed (blacks were practically scared to go outside after dark. Russians aren't cucked like American whites. so blacks and other minorities know their place in the society. and if they act out or have a chimp out moment, Russians will beat them up pretty bad and even kill them.) Russians were getting no jobs, and invaded by non-Russians at the same time. Russia for Russians sort of Fascist movements came outta that, like in Europe among whites today.. even in Ukraine. anyway...

good shit. keep it up! glad real Russian music is taking off among young slavs. I wanna hear Poland Hard Bass next...





*Bonus Track*

I can't get enough of this. probably listened to it 100x at least

My Date with an Indian Girl

so today, I had a date with the Indian girl I last blogged about. I thought she was gonna flake and not respond, like most of my female interactions, but she didn't. We met up at our work's cafeteria. I was really busy, and had another appointment with a user at 1pm. She wanted to meet at 12:30, so I was in a rush.

I had doubts about asking her out over the weekend. I didn't really take a good look at her, and kept wondering if she's my type. But when I got there I was like damn she's pretty! But again, I still don't know. I am a Libra and we are picky af! Anyway, I got my food already, found a seat, and told her where it is while she stood in line.

As she joined me, we chit chatted and then it happened. Me being me-inexperienced, and haven't had a date in close to 5 years (if not longer). We had awkward moments but they didn't last that long. She filled them up with movies she watched, and I filled them in with some other crap I don't remember. All in all, I don't know. I think she likes me but you can never be too sure. Girls are weird. They act interested and flake, or not call back, and all just to be nice and not make you feel rejected. Even though that is exactly what they are doing.

How do I feel about this whole thing? Like I feel about everything in my life. Ashamed. Ashamed of not having experience with women, ashamed of not being exciting and fun to be around, ashamed of revealing this side of me to her. But I can't say it was that bad. I think I am just too hard on myself. I was doing what I usually do on dates, hiding. I am afraid what people around may hear when I speak, so I don't speak loud enough. It's really bad, but I guess it comes from feeling shame about everything in my life. I used to be a lot worse, though. I would be this way ALL THE TIME, EVERYWHERE, WITH EVERYBODY! I have at least improved a lot when it comes to people, and improved a little bit when it comes to women where I managed to ask this girl out. 99% of the times I don't, even though there could be all these signs of interest. I am too afraid of what others around will think, and I prevent myself from living my life.

Towards the end I said "We should do this again sometimes" before leaving. She said sure. I added "outside of this place[work]"... If anything comes out of it, I'll blog about it. If not, then even better. So that I don't have to deal with this shit. I feel like I am a 16 year old stuck in a 38 year old body. Can't even imagine how bad I will be at sex, if it ever gets to that...

I asked an Indian Girl out at work...

I know, I know... after getting red-pilled, I am 100% against race-mixing. But I am not planning on having children, so I think I am good.

I did not think I was going to do this. I haven't asked a woman out in a loooooooong ass time. And frankly, I am frightened to show any woman my lonely world. Which is why I don't ask any women out. But today at work I was helping this girl out, and she is so my type. Big girl, curvy, BBW kind. I am in IT so I was setting up her laptop. There wasn't any social pressure since we were in a private room. Then I lead the conversation to eventually bringing out the part that she is from India (took me like 3x ffs). Then it was Bollywood > Padmavatti (my favorite movie of 2018) > Shiva Goddess, etc.. and from there she was very cool. Showed me I.O.I.'s and everything. She was very surprised about my knowledge of Indian culture.

I really felt the tension, and was thinking about asking her out but hesitated 2x. Then finally I ask "Would you like to have lunch sometime?" She paused for 2 seconds...... then said yes. Then before leaving, she said "yeah, email me so we can have lunch". I guess she really likes me. She is kinda short, though. I think 5'2", or even shorter. But DAMN she is thick!

I don't know. I am really afraid about race-mixing, but not like we're going to have sex next time. It may not even work out. I just hope she won't try to use me to get a green card cuz her VISA expires in 2020. Will post more details soon...

I am sick of Black People

Back in the early 1990s when I first came to US, I was really infatuated with African Americans. I was fascinated with their street culture, hip-hop, and wanted to learn as much as I could and absorb it. This is why I started listening to rap, and eventually became a wigger, wearing baggy pants with a cap backwards sideways. 2pac was my idol, since I had no father of my own. He became my father figure. I wanted to understand why blacks go through so much. Why are they oppressed? What are these projects many of them live in? Why do black communities have so many problems? etc, etc..

My first experience with blacks started in High School. I was a loner so I spent lots of times by myself. One time I was in a gym, and I went out to the 2nd floor of our basketball court building, where you could see everything beneath you (sort of like a huge balcony). One black guy stood at the entrance and started cussing at me random words. I was just looking at him not knowing a word of English. Then a few years later when I learned enough English to understand and speak it, I had another experience. It was Friday, and I'd normally go to a computer lab M-Th after school to play video games. I knew this one black skinny nerd there. But on Fridays we had no lab. But this black skinny guy told me "hey man, there is a lab up there today" I said 'but it's Friday'. He said, "trust me, it's open today. go and check it out!". So, I take my naive ass up stairs on the 2nd floor and wait... The lab is closed, but I wait. 5 minutes, 10 mins... nothing. Then all of the sudden I see 4 black guys and one Latino/white with them creeping up from a stairwell to my right. I stand there kinda arrogantly as I look away after seeing them. Then... As they come from my right side.... *BOOM* the Latin white dude hits me in my stomach. I bend from the punch... *BOOM* *BAM* BOOM* punches are flying from everywhere.. These 5 guys' punches are coming from all sides landing on my head. It was hard to breath and I was overwhelmed with all the hits, so all I could do was cover myself.

The black nerd set me up, and it took me 1 week to recover mentally. My ears were bleeding on the outside, and I lost some hair behind the ears area on my head because of impacts to the head. Later I learned on Fridays they jump Freshmen, but I was actually a Soft-more or a Junior. I was just really skinny and small, so I looked younger.

Fast forward to the beginning of my college years. At some point, I got jumped by 3 guys outside of my campus (2 blacks and 1 latin.) I am not going to go into details, but they took what was in my wallet, and then wanted to take my Nike sneakers. I managed to get away, but I couldn't sleep all night after this happened. As a result, I developed PTSD. I could never calm down after that day, and my insides turned into a turmoil. Ever since that day, I get triggered seeing blacks in groups thinking they're going to jump me.

Even back when I used to listen to rap, liked blacks, and denied all my negative experiences with them thinking that blacks are just oppressed with "white racism" and need help, deep down I couldn't understand why black Americans are so rude, and disrespectful. I thought it was all the result of slavery, but looking back I was dead wrong. I wanted to hate them, but thought "that would make me as bad as these blacks who hate me. and I don't want to get on their level."

So, fast forward to today. I went to Trader Joe's after work to get some Rice milk and some berry pie. There is a black man cashier who looked like he's in his late 30s. I even passed up another free lane on the right side to a girl in front of me. So, I wait... Finally, it's my turn. He rings me up, and I ask him if he could weigh the cherries (I saw $5.99 by lb sign, so wanted to know the cost). So, instead of being straight forward with me, he started to be a smart ass. "What makes you think it's by lb?" I don't remember exactly the details. Then he said "we don't weigh anything in the store. You wanna know how I know???...... I work here." Just really vague, and indirect rudeness. Then as I'm getting my stuff, he turned with his back toward me and started chit chatting with his co-worker cashier.

At this point of my life, I don't want to be ANYWHERE NEAR BLACKS! I went from loving black people, being interested in their life and their struggles, to not giving a single fuck about any of them. And what I'm beginning to find out, is that I am not the only one. Blacks are the most rudest, hateful, closed minded, bigoted, and racist people I have EVER came across. I am sick and tired of dealing with them, and want no part of their bullshit any longer. What really gets me, is how they walk around with a chip on their shoulder acting like the whole world owes them something. And the thing is, I'm white AND a male, so my pale ass gets the worst treatment. I have many more stories of bad experiences with blacks, but I just felt like making a general post about how I feel at this point in time.

Let's just put it this way. If the TRUTH is right here at my computer table, majority of blacks are all on Mars. They're not interested in history, facts & truth, but in their WE WUZ KANGZ & #WakandaForever fantasies. 85 IQ people. What else do you expect? Anyway, I will leave this post with a quote that rings true to any Sub Saharan community ANYWHERE on the planet. This is why every neighborhood they occupy, be it in Africa, America, Europe, etc.. with History of slavery, without, etc.. (makes no difference) looks like a sewer.

"I have given my life to try to alleviate the sufferings of Africa. There is something that all white men who have lived here like I must learn and know: that these individuals are a sub-race. They have neither the intellectual, mental, or emotional abilities to equate or to share equally with white men in any function of our civilization. I have given my life to try to bring them the advantages which our civilization must offer, but I have become well aware that we must retain this status: the superior and they the inferior. For whenever a white man seeks to live among them as their equals they will either destroy him or devour him. And they will destroy all of his work. Let white men from anywhere in the world, who would come to Africa, remember that you must continually retain this status; you the master and they the inferior like children that you would help or teach. Never fraternize with them as equals. Never accept them as your social equals or they will devour you. They will destroy you." - Albert Schweitzer

And look at South Africa today, that's ran by blacks. A corrupted, crime ridden, 3rd world shithole. Albert knew exactly what he was talking about. So did Gandhi. But the liberal media just painted men like these as "racist", when they were simply speaking the truth about blacks, how they act, live, and think.

Cyberpunk 2077

This game looks amazing. But without the music, this trailer wouldn't be as good as it is. Still, if I was still into video games.. I'd buy this one. The problem is, I'd have to buy a new powerful PC just to enjoy it. And I won't buy a console cuz I don't play games anymore. Waste of money





the song - Hyper - Spoiler

I am ACMT 2017 Certified!

On 5/31/2018 I passed my 2nd test for ACMT 2017. 2 Months ago I passed the Fundamentals, which is required to pass ACMT. I am so proud of myself. Been studying for almost a year! Not non-stop, as I took 3 breaks. The last break I almost didn't get back into studying. Got really lazy and was just doing nothing for months! Finally, I said OK I gotta get back into it and pass it before they release 2018 version. So finally, after all the hard work, I PASSED.

My Score:

ACMT 2017 - 87/100%
Fundamentals 2017 - 94/100%

The main reason why I chose this cert is because I am now with a company that has access to GSX, which is required to pass this exam. You cannot do this on your own. Plus, I am using my company's laptop-Macbook Pro. So, I thought "I'll never waste my $$$ on a greedy and backwards company like Apple. I will take advantage of both of these elements, and study for ACMT".

My plan now is break for a month, then study for Network+, which I heard includes A+. Then once I pass that, I'll start looking for a better job.

I felt SO PROUD OF MYSELF when I passed this test. I really understand how people make more money and become rich. They study ALL-THE-TIME. Studying every day, always reading new things, get new certs, degrees, learn new languages, etc.. (THANK YOU Brian Tracy!) It's anything but easy. But that's how you get ahead in life, especially nowadays. The boomers could just get a College degree, get a good job, buy a house, and then have kids. Nowadays things are different. You can't do that anymore. We can't even afford to have our own place, so we resort to living with roommates. Want a full time job? Forget it! Half the people nowadays are contracted, and I'm being generous. Everybody is trying to save as much money as possible, companies and corporations included.

I am now just relaxing. Smoking weed a little bit here and there, and just wasting my life until July. I deserve it. Feels like I'm on vacation. Like I'm free from all the pressure of studying. It was the first time I pushed MYSELF without the help of others like my mom or anyone else to achieve my education/career goals. I felt amazing, but the feeling faded. Now I just feel neutral. Currently focusing on self-improvement.

Blackops2cel

Was just listening to parts of FaceLMS Live chat and heard about Blackops2cel... I nearly fell off my chair when I saw his pic

Incels troll hard. Poor guy was a celebrity of an PUAHate incel community. Incels are probably the biggest miserable fucks I've been around. funny times posting and browsing, but at some point gets too toxic, racist, and almost evil. everybody hates themselves and their lives they troll to another level.

Anyway, this really reminds me of my PUAHate days. laughing uncontrollably seeing these Tinder experiments with Male Model profiles. the shit you could get away with had me laughing for hours!! good old days... RIP PUAHate though. the biggest toxic waste I've ever been on.

I should just run my own MM Tinder profile but I'm too lazy.

p.s. more examples

St. Blackops2cel - the comments... ROFL i think im gonna die from laughing right now!! HAHAHA https://www.reddit.com/r/Braincels/comments/82ufay/let_us_take_this_brief_moment_to_give_thanks_to/

Hell on Earth (Last night)

Last night I had the worst case of a Cluster Headache in 2018.

to start things off, I ate this delicious lemon cake in a plastic container that was out for all at a kitchen in the building I was visiting at work. There was 5 of them, so I took 1 for me. It was good, but very fattening and creamy. Then after work I felt so bad physically, I couldn't even eat dinner or study for my upcoming test I been studying almost for the last year. I just laid in bed feeling physically weak, and my stomach was really giving me "I don't want to eat nothing" signals.

I felt so weak, I literally didn't do nothing all day after work but lay in bed. But I couldn't sleep neither. Just laid there for an hour with eyes closed. I don't remember what I did the rest of the day when I got up. By around 10pm, I was so tired and sleepy sitting at my computer I thought I will go to bed early that night.

When it came time to go to bed, it was around 11ish pm. I already ate, flossed my teeth and was in bed. I felt sleepy but couldn't sleep. My mind kept racing, and I couldn't stop thinking about stuff talking to myself with eyes closed. I couldn't sleep until around 1:30 until I decided to take a sleeping pill. Still, I couldn't sleep until 3am. Then I don't exactly remember if I fell asleep or kept laying there, but at around 3:30am I opened my eyes and felt a headache coming on. I usually just lay there for 5-10 mins and wait for the headache to subside, but this wasn't one of those nights.

The headache started growing and morphing into a monster. My sinus were full, as I had trouble breathing the whole night, but this time I felt things dripping inside my forehead area. I got up and drank some water. That didn't help. I ate some pretzels, and drank more water. The headache started to grow out of control. At this stage I was in extreme pain feeling like someone is stabbing me in my forehead. Sinus dripping from my left nostril as I use tissues one after another, throwing them on the floor. I opened my window to get some fresh air, but that did not work at all. So I kept holding my head, moaning like a tortured victim, and praying to god to take the pain away. Nothing I did helped, and I suffered like a helpless baby for the next 50 mins.

at around 4:20ish am Cluster Headache finally started to leave me little by little. Until I felt the after effect shocks, like an earthquake leaving an area.

Was going to blog about this after the headache but I was exhausted and lazy. Went to bed, and fell asleep. Couldn't wake up on time, and was late for work as a result.

I am never eating any fattening junk food like that ever again. I literally felt this lemon pie in my system the night this headache from hell came. I was about to go to bed 20 mins ago, but thought I'll blog about this for my records. THE most painful headache of 2018! I wanted to literally die. I wonder if people off themselves who deal with cluster headaches. so painful, I cannot even put it into words. Anyway, I need to get some rest. Good night.

Pick-Up Journal Entry

so I am following this guy on youtube The Fearless Man. he gives lots of good advice, one of which is keep a journal. I am just sharing one event from last night here publicly.

I got really drunk. Drank 4 shots before taking Uber, and when got to the club was all buzzed. Then when I go inside... it is a gay night!! I was like... WTF!?!?! NOT AGAIN! I just remembered now that the website said "pansexual night". I googled it, but didnt really understand it correctly. I only went cuz they played House.

When I'm in I approach this group of 1 guy and 1 girl. I ask what is this? and the guy says "it's mostly bi people here. you can find some girls, but mostly it's bi guys." his friend was cute and I asked them where can I find regular clubs. she started giving me advice on clubs I already been to, and they were kinda far. she was from New York and really cute, down to earth, and talkative. she talked more than me. I offered her a drink. she said sure. then when I got drinks, I took mine, and walked off. I forgot to 1) ask her about her outfit (just realized it this morning). she was wearing some weird costume with her toes showing, and her friend was too. probably characters from a video game, and 2) ask for her number. One other thing I forgot to do was actually GIVE HER THE DRINK. I just left it at the bar. Small things like this really matter.

What I learned: I never really ask girls out. I talk, I am NOT GROUNDED AT ALL, I dont know what to say, and dont even notice things due to me not being grounded.

Goals: I will focus on these things from now. Go out, talk to girls, get their #, get dates. rinse and repeat. I just dont do the last 2 things, hence I never have any connections with girls or anything outside of a conversation. I expect some sort of magic to happen where I develop amazing game, and I sweep these women off their feet. But I need experience to do that. Plus, I watch keys to the VIP and most men simply suck and get #s doing much worse conversationally than me. So again, 1) Talk to girls, 2) get #s, 3) set dates.

Will update this later if I need to change things around, but this is it for now.

p.s. I puked in the club bathroom a little after my 5th drink, and then after taking Uber home outside of my place next to a tree REALLY BADLY. man... I woke up all fucked up with a hang over, but feel much better now.

Weird Dream about a Girl

so last night I had the weirdest dream. I am at some party or some social gathering or maybe some sort of vacation getaway? I don't remember the whole thing. Then I talk to one blonde white girl at some point, and she's not feeling me. Then I just brush her off, and she walks away. Then there is this other brunette girl (at first I thought she was Indian, but I think she was white with dark features with tanned skin. maybe Sicilian) that sits with me and falls into my arms. I start talking with her. The 1st girl notices this. After a few moments I tell her..

Me: Hey, maybe we should get something to eat. I wanna take you out sometime.
Her: Really??

and then I don't remember the rest of the convo. but then she gets up and stands in front of me a few feet away where I can have a good look at her fully (torso to face), and then she says "and you waited for me all your life" while she throws her naked arms to her sides. Then I woke up shortly.

I had 2 small cluster headaches, though. 1 at 4:19am that woke me up. It was getting worse, so I drank some water, opened my window and breathed deeply for a while. Went away after 15 mins. Went back to sleep. The second was at 6ish am, but I went back to sleep. Did the same thing, and it seemed to help. My alarm rang at 6:36am so I had some sleep. I think it was sinus, though. I felt it dripping inside my head a little.

Panic Attacks and Cold Weather

so, I got PTSD and I get panic attacks when I 420 sometimes. I got a panic attack now, and I noticed a cold weather. I turned on the heater. but still

too slow. put on my Puma velour suit jacket, it helped but now I got heater next to my stomach.

when you are cold, you are more likely to have a panic attack cuz the feeling inside of you matches your environment. and it's hard to control it, so you watch it spin out of control. Maybe I should stop smoking. I really need to focus on meditation instead. that's the thing, when I smoke.. I cannot meditate. it's almost impmossible. Hard to relax when weed is in my system. Vodka actually relaxes me, while ganja sometimes freaks me out. But I only drink when I go out. never had more than 2 shots at home and 2 shots is nothing.

but yeah, Just wanted to blog this out. I need to note this, and it's not the first time it happened.
stay warm when you smoke, or put on some layers WITH socks. really helps you stay warm and in control, and relaxed.

Padmaavat

I don't even know how I found this gem. The poetic story, love, war, honor, cowardice... The most epic movie I have seen in 2018, and the greatest Bollywood film I have EVER seen. 5/5 stars...

Blade Runner 2049 was Excellent

I don't watch movies lately, but this movie was pretty amazing. Kept me captivated, to the point where I completely lost myself in the film. This rarely happens, and is why I don't watch movies any longer. It was directed by Denis Villeneuve, same guy who directed Sicario which is another epic film. Really puzzling and hard to get, though. I may rewatch it, if time permits, or simply look up some of its meanings. It is really long, but worth every minute. Blade Runner 2049 made me remember how much I love future Sci-Fi genre.

I will be watching Arrival next. Hopefully, it will live up to the first two.

what it's like in Russia

this guy brings back so many memories growing up in Russia, it's not even funny. I didn't, however, grow up in these high rise buildings, but my cousins did. There were also gangs that had street brawls, one block of hooligans (of these high-rise buildings) vs another block of hooligans. My cousin would always try to tell me stories how he was in these brawls, but he wasn't lol. Dude was just lying, trying to impress me. My female cousin (his sister) told me this later on when I lived with her in LA. He just saw these brawls growing up as a kid.

At some point, I got fed up with the Russian culture and tried to get away from it as far as possible. I was ashamed where I came from, and lied to people when they asked me "where you from?" That's when my loner days began. I've been a loner ever since. I kinda regret it, but I kinda don't. If I wasn't a loner, I wouldn't be able to grow as much as I have. The group mind would pull me back and tell me "what are you doing? you're supposed to be with us, like you're one of us". That's how I got red-pilled. No group pulling me back. But I digress.

Funny ass video, if you understand all the Russian terms I guess... but even if you don't, Boris can teach you. just browse his youtube channel. Dude is funny af.





Bonus Video: Hard Russian Bass.

I'm glad Russians are putting out their own ORIGINAL music, compared to that disgusting wigger Timati





*Edit*

damn Pewdiepie just upped this video, 5 hrs after I blogged this post.

the Slav flavor is spreading. it's getting out of control.

*Warning* there is a video of a dog attacking its owner. that shit was sick so you may wanna skip it *Warning*

Russia is crazy. I came to a friend's home and in his yard there was a cat all torned apart, eyes gauged out and everything. 2 German Shepards got ahold of her and killed her that way. Russia is defintely a unique place, that's for sure.

Craigslist personals get shut down

"What happened to Craigslist personals?" is probably what a lot of people will be wondering. Due to congress passing a law, H.R.1865, cl simply took them down...

https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/1865

I do wonder where a lot of the "working girls" are going to go. Some used cl to survive, just like redpage or whatever that website was called. But can't say I'll miss craiglist personals. I've met a few women from there, one flaked on me in Oakland. She drove by in a car covering her face in a passenger seat while I was waiting for her. The last woman I "met" off of there looked so different from her pictures, I drove off when she didn't recognize my car (THANK GOD!) And by the time she noticed me, I was already too far around the corner for her to do anything. She looked like a crack whore, and I'm not even over-exagarating.

And something tells me I didn't even have it that bad. I read stories of guys getting robbed by crazy women who brought their boyfriend/pimp/etc.. hiding in a bathroom, or others where women get in your car acting crazy and won't let you go unless you give them money. This is why I was very cautious when meeting people. 99% of the time, it was just trolls, hookers, or my messages simply got ignored. Cl personals was like a place for all the girls who were too ugly to get attention irl, men who can't get laid, working girls, or crazies. You'd find a decent woman there every now and then, but due to the amount of men flooding that site, chances of that happening was almost none.

I do wonder what website all these people will migrate to, though.

the Greatest Troll of our Time...

LMFAO!

Race Mixing

White Genocide before our very eyes. and most sheep don't even know it is happening, let alone who is behind the scenes orchestrating this. Ultimate goal: One World Government, with lower IQ mixed race with no identity or pride in his heritage, which is easier to control.

this Music feeds my Soul

the amount of suffering a certain tribe put German people through, who soon will become minority in their own land... is beyond some peoples' comprehension. once you see this truth, your life will never be the same. I don't know why, but that's all I keep thinking about when listening to this song.

why isn't there more masterpieces like this?




Paganism for life! I was always a pagan, but more of a mutt. I got my Goddess from Egypt. she's been with me for quiet some time. I think it's obvious who she is when looking at my blog... I really need more help, but I feel like I need to take action. She's waiting for me to do this. But it's so hard, especially when you're conditioned to be a certain way. anyway, this song is amazing. even if you don't care about what I just said. there needs to be more traditional music like this of all people. everyone should get in touch with their roots. and white people shouldn't be demonized because they're trying to do it, like everyone else.