Panic Attacks and Cold Weather

so, I got PTSD and I get panic attacks when I 420 sometimes. I got a panic attack now, and I noticed a cold weather. I turned on the heater. but still

too slow. put on my Puma velour suit jacket, it helped but now I got heater next to my stomach.

when you are cold, you are more likely to have a panic attack cuz the feeling inside of you matches your environment. and it's hard to control it, so you watch it spin out of control. Maybe I should stop smoking. I really need to focus on meditation instead. that's the thing, when I smoke.. I cannot meditate. it's almost impmossible. Hard to relax when weed is in my system. Vodka actually relaxes me, while ganja sometimes freaks me out. But I only drink when I go out. never had more than 2 shots at home and 2 shots is nothing.

but yeah, Just wanted to blog this out. I need to note this, and it's not the first time it happened.
stay warm when you smoke, or put on some layers WITH socks. really helps you stay warm and in control, and relaxed.

Steve Jabba is awesome

Pick-up is like meditation. but let's be real here. Jabba is a good looking guy. that helps a lot. looks DOES matter. anyone tells you it doesn't is full of shit...

Meditation and Music helps

I really need to get back into pick-up. I haven't done any approaches in so long, I feel like I lost all my power. I need to keep approaching women. It gives me energy, and makes me feel alive. It's really weird. Approaching women to get with makes me feel confident and amazing as a man.

But anyway, meditation helps to clear the mind. I have been doing it daily for about 2 weeks, and can actually remember my dreams every time I wake up, at least some of them. Even after I stopped smoking weed, I couldn't remember 90% of my dreams anymore. It's like I didn't care. I stopped reading my Seth book, and forgot all about that 2nd life. I also read that people who meditate every day, have Lucid Dreams on the regular basis. I remember back when I was trying to Astral Project, but didn't realize it's a constant work. Working on yourself as a person. Meditation is like food, spiritual food. Just like music

I need more House in my life

so I finally got internet here, my landlord let me use his. he is the best land lord I've ever had. the coolest guy ever and he likes me too. I don't cause trouble and always reserve water, electricity, and am clean, and he helps me out with stuff. anyway. I finally smoked this weekend on my own. I only smoke with a friend when we go out, and we been hitting up the House clubs. We get tipsy, high, and then dance and enjoy the music. not all of it is good, but when it is good, it is good!






I'm taking a break from viewing all the chaos, and the fall of the western world. I'm gonna check the Trump and Islam news at work, and at home watch LOA and self help, affirmation, and Photoshop tutorial videos on youtube. Time to get my life back on track. I need a plan. One plan is to get better at Photography and PS. Then I'm gonna get back into Premier and make a few movies. Then I will get back into pickup, but I'm thinking of doing a plastic surgery first. We'll see. I need to get my life in order, or things for me will never change.

I'm gonna start to meditate too. 20 minutes a day. I think that's not bad. At night before going to bed. I need to make goals and accomplish them. Man life is hard. But the best thing you could do is work work work hard at it. Otherwise, things will never change.