Huge Panic Attack

so yesterday after I trained my Kung Fu, I left and approached this girl outside. Afterwards, I felt this fear running through my body. And when I got home, I felt weak because I didn't eat for 7 hours. So, finally I ate my frozen burrito, thinking it will make me feel better. I still felt weak and like I was going to faint. my plans were to go out, drink 4 shots of vodka before I get to the club. And then talk to girls there while drunk. But I didn't go. I was worried that if I already feel like passing out, vodka may just do that.

Today I thought fuck it, no work tomorrow and I will go out tonight instead. It's Sunday so it would be slow, so no drinking. But I still feel weak like yesterday.

So  I am watching this funny ass movie, Dinner for Schmucks, because I thought I need to watch something funny when I feel shitty rather than browse toxic pol on the weekend. And I had this HUGE panic attack. This is why I stopped smoking weed, cuz i'd get these all the time. But now I am sober and I felt like kms. Called my tranny friend, literally the only one i have, and she calmed me down and told me to take the pill my doc subscribed to me. I ended up in ER last year cuz had a panic attack just like this. they told me it's from stress and nothing is wrong with me.

I feel better now, but still weak. I just feel like it's too heavy to be in this body with all my problems. And I am so lonely. it's too much sometimes to handle. I am also doing No Fap and on it for a while. Feel a lot better mentally and physically, but sometimes I need to release. But soon I'm going to Europe to do some self improvement for myself, and I hope it helps.

I haven't been blogging at all, because I guess I am just really private and stopped caring about my blog lately. So, maybe I'll blog again. Maybe not. it's kinda random, not like I used to post all the time. I just hope I'll be okay. I'm trying to improve myself in my love life and my social life, but it's so fucking hard. sometimes I just wanna get drunk and numb my feelings down, so that I don't have to feel the pain of loneliness and worthlessness. Because everywhere I go, all I see is couples everywhere. Feels like I'm disconnected from humanity and everything else in the universe.

Opera - the best browser

get rid of the parasitic Chrome, with Google collecting your information about every site you visit. get Opera instead, that uses the same Chromium engine. Opera even gives you options of copy text automatically as you select it. No other browser does this. And you could get any extension you can get for Chrome with a special extension that enables this feature. It is my main default browser as of right now. This ad is very well done

Escape | A Sci-fi short film by Opera from Operabrowser on Vimeo.

are Humans on the verge of Extinction?

I first heard about this in an article Death by Utopia. Unfortunately, that website has been taken down. But basically this is what happened in a nutshell:

Guy ran an experiment with mice in a controlled environment. He created unlimited resources for them, and different "Universes" (buildings). The result of the study with mice was this. Population growth exploded > violence > degeneracy > "beautiful ones"appeared, loner mice that secluded themselves from the group and did their own thing > extinction/collapse of the population.

We are literally witnessing the same in our western society today:

Population growth - Foreign Aid to shitholes like Africa, which is the result of more people being born. whites are having less children, however, due to so much pressure on them paying rent, and paying taxes, funding their own extinction paying for welfare of 3rd world invaders being brought to their lands

Degeneracy - This is the stage we are in currently. how many genders are there now? 20, 30, 50??? Drag queens are allowed to come to city libraries brainwashing young children into thinking this behavior is "okay". We even got 12 year old drag queens talking about they are gender nuetral and dressed up in slutty outfits shaking their asses on stage, which is downright pedophelia. I mean, what's next?

My question is, when is the extinction/collapse going to come? The way our world looks today, it can't come soon enough...

M.I.A. is a dumb ass

I can't believe I used to look up to this idiot. But then again, she's a rapper. and rap is the most lowest vibration of music on earth. nothing but worshipping of swag, bling, and glorification of crime because it's so "cool" where you get street cred for "struggling". After learning everything I've learned, I can safely say MIA is a complete moron that has no sense of clue of how the world works. But she shouldn't feel too bad, most rappers are this way. I realized this after I saw her "Borders" video about a year ago. Jesus fucking Christ!! what a globalist moron!

Some men say women belong behind cages. I disagree. Women belong in the kitchen raising their children into healthy and productive adults. This is what nature made them to do-give birth and raise their offspring. It's been that way for eons since humans have been around, and it won't change anytime soon. But now with all this feminism and "equal rights" poison that is sweeping the west, all these "independent women" think that they need "rights". Hence, all the women are focusing on their careers and end up miserable, single, and old cat ladies. Then minorities are laughing at white women and blames them for not making enough kids. When there are bigger forces that are behind this massive brainwashing and genocide. I won't even get into this now, but yeah I just wanted to vent.

M.I.A. is a complete and utter MORON! She always talks about crooked politicians in black countries but never mentions an average IQ in black nations, and the fact that all the nations ran by these low IQ Sub Saharans are corrupted to shit! they simply don't know how to plan for the future, and mainly live in the moment. this is why blacks in general are more laid back and easy going. but that's also why all their countries and neighborhoods look like sewers. Women all need to be stripped off their rights of running for office, and yes even voting. But I'm afraid we are going in the same direction as Rome. Soon this American empire, and the entire west will collapse. Hell on earth will ensue once darker low IQ races will take over. But some only learn the hard way...

FUCK JORDAN PETERSON!!!

Just another globalist stooge working to destroy white people by subverting the minds of the young to somehow think it is "wrong" and "evil" to be proud of their culture, history, and heritage. Peterson is such a FRAUD! His voice disgusts me and face makes me wanna puke!!

just want to thank Resurrection Europa for making this masterpiece video exposing this pathetic nutless cuck. Watch it now before they take it down for "hate speech"..

Wheat Starch and Corn Starch trigger Cluster Headaches

So about a year ago, I found these Hi-Chew bites. I love Hi-Chews, and Mango flavor is my favorite. So, I bought 2 of these and ate them. Then without me being aware, I started having cluster headaches each time I ate these. Lasting for around 50 mins, it was really intense. I wanted to die it hurt so bad. Finally, one day after purchasing and eating these, I put 2 and 2 together and realized they were the cause of my headaches. The main ingredient that caused them was Wheat Starch

I am finally going through my closet cleaning all my crap, and throwing away stuff I never use. And I found this sitting there for me to research. So, I am finally blogging this out because I am really working hard cleaning my soul and all the clutter that it accumulated.

Is it something that I can prove, meaning Starch is the cause of my headaches? No. But it's the only ingredient that jumped out at me, when I was reading the ingredients list. Plus, I came across this article. So, apparently Starch also causes Migraine Headaches as well...

https://migraine.com/stories/wheat-will-trigger-a-migraine/

10/26/19 Edit

Corn Starch in Evol Organic frozen burrito

Again, going through my old stuff and finally got around to looking at the ingredients of this burrito that gave me a cluster headache. Lo and behold, it has Corn Starch! So, I'd say stay away from anything with starch in it to avoid cluster headaches or any headaches for that matter. I am no doctor but this is kind of a big coincidence

Forever sexually frustrated

that's how I feel right now.

I'm back on my No Fap, No Porn program. I think I blogged about this yeeaaaaaars ago. but it is really helpful this time, because I have really stuck with it. I got to a point where my dick was lifeless. NOTHING turned me on. I only got off and had erections through porn. I came like 1x per 3 weeks at least to release, but that would still be me fapping and watching porn, the most damaging thing to men and their erectile dysfunction in our age. this was me, but after No Fap since August 1st, which is almost 3 months now, I actually wake up with hard boners. I get real erections when talking to or even looking at women!! I can't believe it. I actually FEEL something in my pants, and get arousals.

I just don't know how long I'll be able to hold off. I need a release, and me not being that great with girls really makes it extremely difficult. I wanna get better but feel so alone. no friends, no wingmen, and think I need to create a 30 day program of me pushing my boundaries socially every day, until I start to actually approach and talk to women I am attracted to. otherwise, going out to the beach every once in a while to talk to strangers won't change shit. it may get me laid one day if I'm lucky and grow enough courage to start approaching girls, but in the end I'll still remain the same.

fuck life is hard. sometimes I have not even an outlet sexually. Sometimes I wish I lived in a state or a country where prostitution was legal. because my dick feels like it is going to explode some days, along with my balls.