I am fucked up

so today is my birthday, and I am at the lowest mental state I have been in a long time. listening to this song to keep my spirits up. it's helping a little, but not much




I can barely type, because tendons in my hands are fucked up. I am too insecure to speak words into my computer because I don't want no one hearing what I have to share here at work or even at home-all paranoid that my roommate or my landlord/his fam hears me upstairs. I have such low self-esteem. it's truly disgusting. there is a new girl at work that sits in my cube, and she is real pretty. she is portuguese, spanish, and mexican. I am too fucking nervous to talk to her, and tbh i dont want to. i done it once and dont wanna do it again. i am sick of women and especially the whole game of men needing to be the conversation starters, leaders, and closers-bringing these bitches out of their shell. fuck that bullshit! i have a hard time bringing myself out of MY shell. what makes these hoes so different?

I am paranoid that they see everything I type here at work, but I keep blogging here regardless. I am not sure if this will be my last blog for a while, but I really am exhausted from life. I feel so overwhelmed, i cannot even put it into words. was just watching people dance at raves on youtube. and i feel so fucking shameful, and self-pittied. i can barely dance in front of myself sometimes, feeling all self-concious thinking some spirits are watching me. it's hard to dance in front of people. i am a paranoid fuck. i was thinking on why i am an outcast, and so weird. and one thing comes to mind-my Jewish ancestry. even with me being tuned into this Alt-Right movement, white nationalism, and the understanding the struggle of whites being genocided by psycho Jews, I can sort of see why Jews want them destroyed. many of these parasitic Jews feel like me. they are outcasts living in a foreign land without a country. they dont fit in with the natives, and they want to hurt them to make them feel their pain. exactly why these sociopaths go on shooting sprees. but then again, this is just my theory. who knows the real answer.

even my Russian European side doesn't really come through much. my Russian grandfather was a gangster, and a leader of some gang in Russia. he had 17 knife wounds on his body from fighting people with knives. and I am like the complete opposite of that. never even met the guy. he passed I think 10 days after I was born. I never met any of my grandfathers. never had any male role models of close relatives. so no wonder i never developed a strong confidence and the understanding of what it's like to be a man. even with all the martial arts I am doing, it doesn't really help me to gain any confidence. I think I need to get back into Pick-up and take action. but i barely wanna leave my room, which is my comfort zone. every time i think to self "i wanna go out tonight by myself". i just end up googling different spots, and abandoning the mission. my PTSD is out of control. i was even thinking of doing some ecstasy because I heard it helps people like me, but dont even know any people who i can get it from.

I hung out with one tranny last Friday, and i really like her. but the tranny community is weird. if you wanna be with a tranny, chances are you gotta pay. not gonna go into the whole story of what happened, but I have a feeling she likes me. or maybe it's just my naivety speaking. and even with her I am scared. she is a party girl-likes to go out drinking, different clubs, feels like she has a strong character. and i can't stop thinking of people messing with me the second my foot hits the ground after i park my car, with fear running through my veins like electric waves traveling throughout my body. I am a mess, but I think this trans community was meant for me. so many weirdos in it, oh man... they make me look sort of normal haha. so out of all the creeps and old men these trannies meet, i am the guy they actually want to get to know. i cant even imagine how turned off most women would be once they find out about me, my skeletons, including my attraction for transsexuals. but i dont need to imagine it. most women are very cold to me. they probably pickup on my vibe of chaos and fear.

most days I just stay home or hang out with my ts friend thinking to myself 'what do i do with my life?' because in the end, I just don't know. I find myself giving up, starting back up, but giving up more often. I just dont know what to do. but in the end, happy birthday to me!

Obama will go down...

AS THE WORST PRESIDENT IN U.S. HISTORY! now this kenyan muslim piece of turd wants to give away our internet. when Bill Clinton, whose foundation is behind so many corruptions and scandals, calls out Obama on this fuckery, you know that is saying something. UNBELIEVABLE!

Tim Kaine (Hilary's VP pick) is calling for White Genocide

these are the puppets that are controlled by globalists, and they want to rule us comes November. scary. these anti-white racists don't realize what happens to white nations who import 3rd world immigration into their countries. they need to live in Sweden in muslim no-go zones to get a taste. or Belgium, or France. but we all know these democRATs only support anti-white policies, as long as it doesn't effect them personally. all while putting all their kids in all-white, crime-free, private schools, and live in all-white neighborhoods. Tim Kaine, you are a piece of leftist shit! FUCK YOU, AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!



http://whitegenocideproject.com/hillarys-vice-president-says-whites-must-become-a-minority/

I got an e-mail of this German girl

last time I had a date was over a year ago when I was still doing Pick-up in a mall. my social life is a joke!! but anyway, believe it or not, this was at work and just happened like 10 minutes ago.

She is from Germany and is going back by the end of the year. she is about a 6, 7 max. blonde hair, blue eyes. even though I am very picky, we had a really good conversation, and I just said I wanna continue it over coffee. she said yes. I was expecting a no, since I get that 99% of the time. but my guess is that Europeans are very different than Americans, especially Californians, who are indirect and fake as hell. I asked for her #, but she gave me her e-mail instead. no one was around, so I felt no social pressure. still got really nervous when I thought about asking her.

I'll blog about what happened. stay tuned.

Jihadi father's business Yelp reviews

funny as hell. wanted to save the screenies before Yelp takes them down

https://www.yelp.com/biz/first-american-fried-chicken-elizabeth

will I ever live this life?

Mark Dice is funny

he forgot to mention Angela Merkel. because I KNOW she works for Satan himself.

History repeating itself

highly recommend everyone to read this, if you want to understand the world and what has been going on behind the scenes. The truth is rising to the surface, and those that lie and cheat the system are losing power. The AltRight is here to stay, whether you like it or not. Anti-semitism doesn't appear out of nowhere. It's a mere reaction to the Jews' schemes of destroying Western Civilization, and vilifying Christianity and white Europeans.

#StopWhiteGenocide

http://www.theoccidentalobserver.net/2016/09/jews-versus-the-alt-right-lessons-from-history/

I wonder if you can do pickup in..

Second Life. I wanna get back into pickup. but scared and dunno if im ready. but then again, i dont no if ill ever b ready...

Robert Spencer is a hypocrite

so I just got banned from posting on jihadwatch, because I spoke honestly about Jews on multiple occasions. and on that Jew-funded website, no amount of truth about a certain group of people is allowed. Any honest fact uttered about Jews will get you ridiculed, and placed into an "anti-semite" box. This is very ironic, since I am part-Ashkenazi Jew myself.

so how is Robert Spencer a hypocrite? Very simple. After Donald Trump criticized Spencer and Pamela Gueller for drawing Muhammad at their Texas event, Spencer kept making a post after post about how "Trump doesn't understand 'freedom of speech', and its importance". He must have made about 10 posts crying about it. Every time Trump said something controversial, Spencer would blog with how "Trump may be right, but.. but.. buuut... he criticized ME. and what about muh freedom-of-speech!? and  blah blah blah". I was rolling my eyes with every one of those posts, because I could just feel Robert's bruised ego crying for attention. And then when he banned me for expressing my freedom of speech, it was all clear.

I was going to blog about what I'm about to say, so I may as well make it part of this post. Robert Spencer reminds me of a muslim version of David Duke.  No matter what the Jewish media says about him, I like Dr. Duke. He is very aware of all of the evil Jews do to the western world, but he is completely ignorant and uninformed about muslims. Robert Spencer is the complete opposite version of that: he knows all the evil muslims spread, but is utterly clueless about Jews. and I guess when he hears this truth, he thinks of it as "hate speech". I can bet anything that a bunch of Jewish cry babies kept e-mailing him about my "hate speech" to get me banned, and Spencer put the hammer down.

From now on, I'll avoid Mr. Spencer's website altogether. I spent over an hour per day reading jihadwatch, and sometimes commenting. I'll stick to barenakedislam. Even the lady that runs that website, who is a Jew, recognizes all the psychopathic Jews that are ruining our world, and even called them out in one post before. To quote Robert Spencer himself "you can't defeat the enemy you don't understand". But from the looks of it, Mr. Spencer doesn't even see the enemy, let alone name it by its name. Islam may be one of them, but unfortunately, it's not the only one.

I was actually thinking of purchasing and reading some of Spencer's books. but now, why bother? a man who boastfully claims how he "understands" freedom of speech, and then silences people he disagrees with. What a fucking hypocrite you are, Robert Spencer. I am no longer your student, as you proved yourself to be a hypocritical coward.

the Greatest Kid Ever

are Tatu girls really lesbians?

probably just another gay ass rumor. good selling technique, though...

Malchiki (what she is really saying) means "young guys" in Russian...

Proverbs 22:6

This is the first Bible verse that actually made me say "wow!" this is so legit. every parent should follow this advice. I am the product of a child that was raised to be confused, uninformed with the world, and lack of self-esteem. parents need to do their job, and if they can't... they shouldn't have children. but that is why whites are fucked up these days. many of us don't want to have children. plus, having kids is expensive. and White Genocide just speeds up every generation. even Hitler try to stop it, and gave bonuses to Germans who had children. nowadays all the white German self hating cunts and cucks call this practice "racist". it's now "racist" to not want your own people to survive. this proposal was rejected because




I can't even watch this. it enrages me just thinking about it. women DON'T BELONG IN POLITICS!! THESE MORONS WILL DESTROY US AND OUR WESTERN WORLD SOON! GET THEM OUT OF POWER NOW BEFORE WE ALL PERISH! ITS NOW CONSIDERED "RACIST" TO NOT WANT GERMAN PEOPLE TO EXIST WITHIN 2 GENERATIONS!!! unbelievable. heh... at least I'm not uninformed anymore. I know more of what is going on than most of the world, and especially whites. but people are waking up. anyway, I digress...

Train up a child in the way he should go;
         even when he is old he will not depart from it. - Proverbs 22:6