I had a girl put my # in her celly today

props to taylormade, the guy whoever left feedback for my last entry, whoever you are.

today i was exhausted as fuck i had only 4 hours of sleep. so im at my college all tired, not even thinking about my Mission 1, but its in the back of my mind. class is over, im at the bus stop waiting for my train. then this cute girl stops not even a few feet away from me. i take a few steps towards her and say how you doing. she answers fine, im paying attention to her body language without thinking any of that negative bullshit i used to think and im calm. shes more on a neutral side so i chat with her for a few minutes and as my train pulling in i tell her to give me a call if she wants to hang out sometimes.

chances are she wont call but it doesnt matter. this POSITIVITY is amazing!!! its the first thing that is helping my Post traumatic stress disorder. before id be nervous just walking from class to class cuz all id have is negative thoughts in my brain "what if i bump into somebody? what if people are thinking bad things about me? omg they laughed are they laughing at me?". fuck all that poison, i refuse it to run me again!!!

also i wanna ad i chit chatted with this heavy set, tom boy looking black woman, i think she had a do-rag on and was kinda ghetto. i made a comment when standing in line at a Taqueria how she looks like shes sick and we had a tight convo. i initiated and we kept talking back and forth. its so easy to talk to strangers who are social, and i love it. the focus is "how you doing", observe the language, and positive thinking. thats it!!!

the only trouble i have is talking to people in groups. like if there is a mixed group of men and women, or a group of men especially, i get all lost and feel inferior if im part of the circle (which almost never happens cuz i dont let it). thats another thing i need to work on, but ill just focus on small steps and all that other stuff will come to me.