Even though i should be sleeping its 3 am in this bitch, i wanna ad this before i go to bed. Im still working on my paper and i came across this quote right here, "Individuals who grow up without a father in the home struggle the most with self-identification, which makes it difficult for them to have relationships with other people" by Joyce Morley-Ball.
That is the fucking truth!!!!! All of my life i been struggling with self-identification, but also forming and most importantly HAVING relationships with people. Im talking about even having friends. So many times id make friends and then once i get comfortable i do something that will make them lose respect for me. Id basically do something to push them away, and then they go "fuck you too" and leave. And at the end i wouldnt even know that i did what i did, unless somebody sticked around and told me that i was being a fucking asshole. So id always end up being confused, not only about my self-identity, but also about why the fuck everybody keeps on leaving me? Its really weird man...
There is this part in The Wire: Season 3, where Cutty sitting on a couch talking to a preacher, and he says "I've had this feeling for a long time... its like Im standing outside myself watching me do things i dont wanna do... you know... just seeing me like im somebody else but never ever being able to stop the show... im tired........" Story of my motha fucking life.
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