Sometimes i hate everybody and everything...

Last night i wanted to make a rant post in my blog but i didnt. I was gonna curse out everybody and everything i hate, and believe it or not i hate a little bit of everyone and everything, even those people close to me. It's funny because i just told my roommate friend i need space and i basically asked him to leave me a lone and let me be for a while, he took it as i dont like him or i hate him or i dont wanna be his friend no more.

Its so funny i been a loner for the last 15 years, and many times it wasnt by choice, and after 15 years im so used to being alone that sometimes i need that, even when im around people. Its like if i had lots of friends id need to be alone away from them every now and then.

Back to the topic, I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING SOMETIMES! I hate my mother, i fucking HATE my father, i hate my soon to be step father, i hate my friends if i have any, i hate all the women who i know, some play games others play hard to get, others just in the background, i hate my life and how it turned out to be, i hate fear i fucking HATE fear, fear is the main reason why im so fucked up and i let it stop me almost every time in the past. anything i wanted to do i let fear stop me, and by the time i figured out that i need to keep doing what i want to accomplish regardless of fear being there, my fear increased from lets say 5 to 50. its like the longer you let fear control you the more fear youll generate, its weird but its true. anyway, and yes i hate myself sometimes.

im just bitter i guess, seeing people living out their lives, taking a full advantage of what life has to offer, while i remain alone, all by myself. and its funny because when im not alone, it gets to a point where i NEED to be, otherwise i feel like i cant breathe or something. it makes me mad when i see guys out with women, smiling, flirting, enjoying their time. it makes me mad when i see even shows like the wire, motha fucking politicians or even cops out talking, mingling, picking up women, going from hood to hood like it aint a thing, it really makes me mad. if i had a choice id edit all that happy go lucky crap out and leave all the things that go down in the hood im interested in. i fucking hate cops, alot of them is some selfish motha fuckers. i had a friend who was a cop, he was this typical alpha dominant male, who always knew what to say at the right time, always had a bitch by his side whenever i saw him. its almost like he brought one with him just to look good or something, oh man i hated that so much. and alot of the times i hate that fuck, telling me how much pussy he be getting and shit. then tried to get me pussy like im some helpless, powerless little boy. fuck that dumb ass, i hate that cunt man! i didnt want his hook ups, even if i remain alone all mylife i dont care. i either get it or i dont, fuck you trying to bring it to me like without you i cant function or something. go to hell. i fucking hate my innocent, naive, passive attitude, people like that cop always at some point leave me because of it. i dont know if its because im ashamed of it or maybe its because people dont wanna be around someone who hasnt fully grown up or matured yet.

i dont know, many people dont understand me because they not me. so when i feel distant and dont wanna be around them they take it personal. im just a dude who didnt go through what many kids at the age of 3 go through, and i guess its hard for someone to understand that. all the basic shit im learning now many guys learned it in diapers.

maybe its my lesson in this lifetime, maybe its karma that was passed from my ancestors, sometimes i dont know if this is gonna be life till the end or if change gonna come. and i fucking hate that too, me never knowing anything.