I got no life

damn, i am sitting here TRYING to do my homework, yet i dont give a FUCK about school. and then im thinking well, if i dont care about school why the fuck i still go? and the answer is, cuz i got nowhere else to go and nothing else to do. If i drop out my mom is not gonna support me or help me out in any way so im gonna have to get a 9-5 job. and where? doing what!?

i got no goals in life, no ambition, no motivation, and honestly i feel like this is some sort of a movie. Many times i have mini second flash backs. Sort of like within a split second i realize that im here in this body trapped for this entire lifetime, its a trip i cant explain it. But in a way its a reality for all of us, its just i think the isolation made me think and feel this shit im experiencing. Its like sometimes i feel like its an error im in this body living this life and having this reality. Within these flashbacks i sort of wander off feeling like im somewhere else living another life or something, and then when the reality hits me like AHHH SHIT!!! I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THIS CRAP??? DAMN!!!

No wonder i got a hard time with women, im probably the type of guy girls run away from and avoid like the plague. But fuck that i dont care, this is my reality and my problems, just like guys who these bitches go crazy for, but yet those guys beat them half to death, thats their problem and the shit they gotta deal with.

I just felt like posting this cuz im literally sitting here filled with apathy, i was supposed to do the readings for the paper to be finished by this friday and i have read maybe 1 page, and i had the entire day to do it. its veterans day, my day off!!!

Fuck everything, my life is a joke and i can see why im so damn lonely and have no human contact. I been doing this same shit for so long it has become a condition, like a fucking slave living on plantation. FUCK im going crazy here!! and i dont know where to go or what to do to change this piece of shit reality that im stuck in...