I almost had an emotional breakdown today

i thought i was gonna lose it. the first part of the day was great, me and my female friend chilled at her dorm for a few hours, she is so cool, the coolest girl ive met in years. its like anything i say she never judges it. we left to our class and afterwards we departed ways, i felt fullfilled and loved, like someone truly cares about me for once. damn she really is a good person, i just wish women would be more open and positive like her, cuz i swear all i get is attitude, negativity and rejection, im at a point where im tired of women's bullshit and dont wanna deal with them anymore.

the rest of the day was shit. first off the girl in my class. i was so scared to talk to her but you know my mentality is FUCK FEAR! so im like whatever i go outside in a hall during our break and just hang out, when she comes out and goes to the bathroom i wait till she comes back and pull her to the side, chat a lil then im like "me and you should hang out sometimes" so shes like 'we should' as shes walking away from me 'well talk about it after class blah blah' so im like um........ ok. after class i come up to her and ask her if she got any classes shes like 'no' im like damn well i gotta class right now let me get yo # so we can hang out later on. then she gave me this "im annoyed" look and said 'let me get yours instead' so im standing there like WTF!? she writes down my # and i walk away feeling good thinking "oh man i did it yeah!" then the more i think about it the worse i feel, thinking to myself "DAMN BITCH! WHY CANT YOU JUST TELL ME OFF!? WHY GO THROUGH ALL THIS BULLSHIT "OH YEAH, WE SHOULD HANG OUT LETS TALK" JUST TELL ME NO! IM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, I GOTTA BOYFRIEND, GIVE ANY EXCUSE IN THE BOOK! JUST STOP ACTING NICE WHEN ALL YOURE DOING IS MAKING ME THINK YOURE INTERESTED WHEN YOU NOT! STUPID ASS BITCH! uuugghhh that shit drives me crazy! i hate nice girls, grow some fucking balls bitch! shit... i guess nice girls really hurt my feelings cuz i dont get what they want, and they not brave enough to tell me so they can be talking to me for weeks just not to hurt my feelings and when i find out in the end it hurts me even more. its like WTF!? WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THIS FROM THE GIT GO? DAMN! i dont know, im nice myself but really wanna learn how to tell people str8 up. cuz not doing it is annoying as hell.

then im in my class like whatever, its over and then i get my test back, its an F. i feel rejection once again, my own fault i didnt study and feel even worse. then when i left im at a bus stop, its late and its freezing, im in my button up and start shivering, then im like 'omg the girl from PSI story could appear now omg!' and fear kicks in, rejection on my mind, i start shivering from cold, it turns into paranoia shaking. im standing there with my body shaking like pootie in i love new york filled with fear mixed with rejection times 3 and madness, i really thought i was gonna lose it. people around me probably thought something was really wrong with me, i dont know. i was just standing there with my mouth and body shivering like im in the snow butt naked, you know them people that be shaking and then they look like they about to start crying? thats sort of how i looked. i dont know how long i can keep on living like this i really feel like i need people like my female friend in my life, otherwise i may have an emotional breakdown and it scares me, really really scares me.