and so far i havent done shit!!! and this is how i do homework. its like i dont care, if i did all my work it wouldnt matter cuz i got nothing else to do! i got nothing to look forward to, i got no plans, i got no future, i got no fucking life!
my mom thinks if i go to school and get my degree all my problems will be solved, that i will grow up and be a man, but i dont even know what in the fuck im getting this degree for! you mean to tell me just cuz i got a piece of paper that says i completed UC then everything will be good? HELL NO! maybe thats why i stretch out these study sessions and im thinking maybe i have a learning disability. its like i dont fully understand what i read cuz I DONT CARE! i dont care about my stupid classes, i dont care about school, i dont care about reading a book, i dont care about even watching a movie sometimes, i swear i feel like whatever i do just comes back to me thinking about me and my problems so in a way i cant just escape and absorbe whatever im reading, watching, or listening to. its crazy and maybe somethings wrong with me.
i think its just that i dont take care of what i need to take care of and whatever i do just makes me think about how fucked up i am so i relate EVERYTHING to me and my life. like im in my class and my teacher is talking "class i had a great weekend, my wife blah blah and my 2 kids blah blah" and im sitting there thinking "BITCH! YOU GOT A WIFE, 2 KIDS, AND HERE YOU ARE TELLING ME ABOUT HOW HAPPY YOU ARE!? FUCK YOU! STFU!!! I DONT WANNA HEAR THIS SHIT BITCH! I CAME HERE TO LEARN NOT HEAR YOUR STUPID ASS RAMBLE ABOUT YOUR HAPPY TIMES" thats what goes through my head. thats like that with almost everything that i DONT HAVE. i get mad and nothing matters, the material im supposed to learn, or even the movie im watching, i cant even enjoy the shit cuz it comes back to me thinking about all this shit im lacking.
id drop out of school but thats the thing, i dont care about anything else either. ahh whatever im gonna go back and really try to finish this piece of shit paper, or least get like 2 pages in before i go home. i got 2 to do plus study for my anthropology test. shit.... at least i got a study partner, i had enough balls to ask this girl if i can borrow her notes and she turned out to be a cool friend. nothing serious though cuz she is like 17 and id get some serious prison time if i try to do anything with her.
ahhhhhhh fuck this, back to studying with surfing the web and checking my e-mail every 5 minutes.
1 comment:
I feel you on that teacher thing...my english teacher is always bragging about something. Oh my son is up at Princeton he's sending me down a Princeton tee-shirt so I can wear on Fridays. Then she hangs the damn shirt up in the class for everybody to see.
This new school has this thing called "Good News" the teacher randomly calls out a student and they have to say something in their life that is going good..
I always hope that she don't call on me, because THERE ISN'T ANYTHING GOING GOOD IN MY LIFE! AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE HAPPINESS DAMNIT!
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