Palestinian girl, take 2

it's really funny. I just checked my blog and it's been 3 months since that whole episode with the girl happened. but here is what happened afterwards...

when she was acting weird and i scheduled a date for the NEXT saturday, and the next saturday actually came. I came there looking for her but she wasn't there. when I came back again, she was acting weird again, and i looked like a complete IDIOT!!!!!!! talking about lunch and all that shit IN FRONT OF ALL HER CO-WORKERS. it was THE most emberrasing moment in a LOOOONG time. in fact, it took me back to college when I first started talking to women. what else can I say, it was totally all my fault and I did this out of fear.

After that I split and never been in that department since. i completely gave up on talking to her or ANY female co-workers. one of the reasons was this: i didnt want anyone knowing all my skeletons in my closet. cuz once one girl finds out, her whole department may know if she tells them that the date was boring, i was quiet, awkward, etc..

you think that was bad? well, it gets better. I have a co-worker and he actually likes this OTHER girl that works in the Palestinian girl's department. he did the whole Ricko Suave shit and they are hanging out, talking on the phone, etc.. now. now this girl he hanging with is friends with the Palestinian girl. and my co-worker tells me that whenever my girl comes down to our floor, instead of her going the path to avoid the counter where I and everyone else stands, she walks by the counter to see who is there. I of course am never there when this happens. and he keeps trying to convince me to go talk to her. now, of couse I won't go there EVER again since EVERYONE knows my face and who I am now (fucking emberrasing I tell you). but all this preasure and indication that she is interested got me thinking of just talking to her when she comes by and I'm there.

but it gets even better.. I AM REALLY NERVOUS AROUND HER! in fact, she takes me back to college days and i run out of words to say and act weird and shit. like for example, i used to 'save' different topics for an actual 'date'. like if i think of 12/21/2012 and it is next week, i see the girl, i wouldnt say nothing and just wait until we actually hang out, which never ever happened, and THEN id think 'thats when i would talk about it, so i wouldnt run out of things to say'. and thats another reason why i avoided this girl like the plague. but all this preasure and information about her got me EVEN MORE NERVOUS talking to her. so everytime im on my floor i cant stop thinking about it and it is driving me crazy.

i dont really know whats gonna happen but i am nervous as i type this.
another thing is, my co-worker has a lot of experience with women and in life. but i am the opposite. so, his girl may think that i am similar and tell my girl about how amazing, awesome, and fun her guy is, and my girl probably thinks the same about me which is the complete opposite.

either way, i will post whatever outcome occurs. but i really almost dont want nothing to happen because of all my life problems and me being scared revealing all this bullshit to her, and then have her eventually leave me and tell all her co-workers how much clueless, friendless, and whatever others things I am. thats the scarriest part to me. one department knowing about me, or ANYONE for that matter.