when Trojanman told me I need somebody to talk to face to face, it got me thinking. I don't even have 1 person here in LA that gives enough fuck about me to come hang out with me or ask me to come hang out with them. 7 cousins live here, one of which is a distant not related by blood, and none of them ever call.
Now I got this "friend" who lives in Riverside and she does nothing but call me on the phone and tell me about her problems. Like she could call me and tell me about her father and how fucked up he is. And I'm like hey.. it's all good... my father is fucked up too. But then she calls me and starts telling me about her guy problems like "so this one guy at my work, I went for him, and then I pushed him away, and now I'm gonna work on Sunday with him and it's gonna be so uncomfortable". And I'm thinking "bitch, wtf do you want me to say?" I have no clue what to tell her cuz you tell this sort of thing to your girlfriends or maybe gay guys who'll probably go "guuuuurlll he did you wrong" or some shit. I AM NOT THE ONE! But I try to be nice so I just stay silent cuz I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL HER! I have no experience with women and she knows this.
And I had this dream about her one time. In this dream she lied to me about where her room is, and that we were gonna do something in her room. I said if you lie to me I don't wanna be friends with you and she went "NOOOOOOOOO. I NEED YOU!" So when she was telling me about that white guy at her work or whatever the fuck I said... 'I gotta question for you. are you using me?' and I told her about my dream and she went 'no, if I were using you then you'd be using me too.' BUT ALL SHE DOES IS CALL ME ON THE PHONE TELLING ME HER BULLSHIT PROBLEMS! or that her job sent her on some fucking delivery, or that her dad is giving her trouble, blah blah blah. she doesn't wanna meet up (one time flaked on me when I was the one who tried to go to the beach), she doesn't want me to come visit her (when she told me I should and said she'd visit me too. I fucking wanted to see her city and she calls me right away on some "there is nothing to do here" as in 'dont come here!!!'), and I been in LA since July I haven't seen her ONCE!!!
So she got all mad or whatever and haven't called me since. She was like "dont get this the wrong way but I love you and blah blah blah, but I dont NEED you. If you not there, I'll be alright". Oh, and when I asked her about this she said "I'm not using you for emotional support". And I was thinking like... BITCH IF YOU NOT USING ME FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT THEN WHY DID YOU BRING EMOTIONAL SUPPORT UP? FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! But I'm all nice and shit and can't say it to her because as crazy as this sounds... SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN MY LIFE WHO CALLS ME ON THE PHONE AND TALKS TO ME! So I'm scared of losing her. But on the real though... FUCK THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sick of hearing from her and her telling me "oooooo, I'm gonna do so and so, you should come be there for me" when I KNOW we aint never gonna meet and the bitch is gonna keep talking about these future plans that will never happen.
So I don't know. I texted her once after that and she never replied. The bitch is probably mad. FUCK HER! I won't ever call or contact her and see if she does and if she doesn't, good riddance. I'm so sick of always finding people like her who find one or the other way to use me for their purposes when at the end of the day I remain ALONE with them being nowhere near me to support me. Yet when shit goes down they call me for some sort of advice or a shoulder to lean on. FUCK YOU BITCH! GO TO HELL!! IF YOU USING ME FOR THAT DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN YOU SLUT! STUPID ASS BITCH.
Friday, December 11, 2009
I fixed my Computer but...
can't play games worth shit.... My WoW is so laggy that it's PATHETIC. I'm gonna go test how many fps it gets. brb... 14 FPS!!! and I all the settings on LOW! it lags even when I start the game without logging in. it's that bad. At least I now can meditate which I haven't done in like 2 weeks.
I'm gonna try to find this one GeForce card that is considered the best for my old system but it gotta be some ebay sites. argh.. I'm so exhausted. I got 2 video cards to return and I can't even receive e-mails from newegg for some reason so I gotta figure this out to get my RMA settled.
FUCK MY LIFE!
I'm gonna try to find this one GeForce card that is considered the best for my old system but it gotta be some ebay sites. argh.. I'm so exhausted. I got 2 video cards to return and I can't even receive e-mails from newegg for some reason so I gotta figure this out to get my RMA settled.
FUCK MY LIFE!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Don't EVER buy ATI/Radeon Video Cards
My PC has been crashing and I had no idea why. I feel like I just gave my computer a heart surgery because there was so much dust inside. I spent 2 days cleaning all of it. Some fans were cluttered with dust up to 80%! I took the entire tower apart and put it back together. After finishing this project (thank God I don't work), it STILL froze on me DESPITE THE FACT THAT I BOUGHT NEW AND BETTER SPEED FROM EBAY!
now the GOOD thing is I believe I figured out what is wrong with my computer.
Problem 1: ATI Radeon Video Card
Problem 2: Old WIndows XP that had so much junk on it I couldn't even run an anti-virus scan all the way through.
Problem 3: Dust
So I purchased a brand new Radeon card for $100 that is TOP NOTCH. I mean this card is one of the best on the market for my system. Got it this week, installed it, and it would give me more problems. First it wouldn't even show the screen when I turn the PC on, then somehow I managed to make it work only ONCE, tried WoW which worked on Medium settings, tried it on High and it crashed. And then it would give me blank screen when I restarted the computer.
ATI/RADEON CARDS ARE A PIECE OF JUNK! So don't ever waste your money on them! If it has either ATI or Radeon label on it, look the other way.
This is my 3rd purchase from ATI product and my LAST! FUCK YOU RADEON FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH ALL THIS SHIT. I HOPE YOU ALL GO OUT OF BUSINESS AND I WILL NEVER SPEND ANOTHER PENNY ON YOUR GAY PRODUCTS THAT DON'T WORK FOR SHIT!
I'm running my old ATI Radeon 9500 pro atm, but can't play any games on it because it overheats and the fan on it is broken. It even froze on me last night when I was blogging this (Firefox rules! it saved all my text). If my new GeForce card I'm getting soon works, I'll reinstall Windows, and treat my PC like it's my one and only son. Well, in a way it is... I watch TV on it, I play games on it, I check my mail on it, and I look for jobs on it. But that GeForce is nothing fancy though. It's slightly better then the card I'm running but if it works and can get me through another 6 months with this computer, then I'm happy.
now the GOOD thing is I believe I figured out what is wrong with my computer.
Problem 1: ATI Radeon Video Card
Problem 2: Old WIndows XP that had so much junk on it I couldn't even run an anti-virus scan all the way through.
Problem 3: Dust
So I purchased a brand new Radeon card for $100 that is TOP NOTCH. I mean this card is one of the best on the market for my system. Got it this week, installed it, and it would give me more problems. First it wouldn't even show the screen when I turn the PC on, then somehow I managed to make it work only ONCE, tried WoW which worked on Medium settings, tried it on High and it crashed. And then it would give me blank screen when I restarted the computer.
ATI/RADEON CARDS ARE A PIECE OF JUNK! So don't ever waste your money on them! If it has either ATI or Radeon label on it, look the other way.
This is my 3rd purchase from ATI product and my LAST! FUCK YOU RADEON FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH ALL THIS SHIT. I HOPE YOU ALL GO OUT OF BUSINESS AND I WILL NEVER SPEND ANOTHER PENNY ON YOUR GAY PRODUCTS THAT DON'T WORK FOR SHIT!
I'm running my old ATI Radeon 9500 pro atm, but can't play any games on it because it overheats and the fan on it is broken. It even froze on me last night when I was blogging this (Firefox rules! it saved all my text). If my new GeForce card I'm getting soon works, I'll reinstall Windows, and treat my PC like it's my one and only son. Well, in a way it is... I watch TV on it, I play games on it, I check my mail on it, and I look for jobs on it. But that GeForce is nothing fancy though. It's slightly better then the card I'm running but if it works and can get me through another 6 months with this computer, then I'm happy.
Friday, December 4, 2009
The Power of Now - REVIEW
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
I just finished reading this book a few days ago. First of all, just like New Earth, this is NOT an easy book. He gives you a lot of different views of life, death, and beyond. There is a lot of things to absorb and think about. This isn't the book you read in a week and go "that was nice." This is a book you read a little, put down, pick up again, read some more, etc..
The main topic of this book is presence. Not the future, or the past, but this moment. Eckhart Tolle mentions that every time your mind goes into the past, thinking about all the bad things done to you and you start to get real emotional wishing this and that would never happen, or the future-thinking of what will happen tomorrow and so on, it is your Ego. In order to not align yourself with your Ego, you gotta bring your mind into the present moment.
The author also talks a lot about "Being". From what I understand, he refers to your "true" self. The inner self that is immortal, your soul, spirit, or whatever else people refer it to. He says people put labels on things that don't last farther then this life time which I COMPLETELY agree with. Example: "I'm Puerto Rican! blah blah blah, I eat PR food, date PR women", etc.. I've met a lot of people who half the time talk about their race, religion, or background which I find EXTREMELY annoying. After they die, that label they were so boasting about goes to their grave and most likely will never be related to them in any way, shape or form.
Echkart gives this great exercise on how to feel the life force within that most of us don't even pay attention to. I do it after every meditation.
Also, there is this short part about negativity, and that the only useful thing about it is that it strengthens the Ego and gives itself an identity, like "I been through this, that, and the other. This is who I AM. This is really ME." *cough*Trojanman*cough*. When in reality, the REAL you is somebody so far beyond these labels to which the Ego attaches itself to, through which it can only survive until your death. Once you die, your Ego dies, but your "Being" lives on.
I would give this book 4/5. It's worth a read if you got some free time on your hands. Took me a few months to finish it.
My next book though is just FASCINATING to me. I will be writing a review when I finish it. I'm picking it up today from the library. Hint: it's very similar to the previous book review I did but with MUCH more depth to it.
I just finished reading this book a few days ago. First of all, just like New Earth, this is NOT an easy book. He gives you a lot of different views of life, death, and beyond. There is a lot of things to absorb and think about. This isn't the book you read in a week and go "that was nice." This is a book you read a little, put down, pick up again, read some more, etc..
The main topic of this book is presence. Not the future, or the past, but this moment. Eckhart Tolle mentions that every time your mind goes into the past, thinking about all the bad things done to you and you start to get real emotional wishing this and that would never happen, or the future-thinking of what will happen tomorrow and so on, it is your Ego. In order to not align yourself with your Ego, you gotta bring your mind into the present moment.
The author also talks a lot about "Being". From what I understand, he refers to your "true" self. The inner self that is immortal, your soul, spirit, or whatever else people refer it to. He says people put labels on things that don't last farther then this life time which I COMPLETELY agree with. Example: "I'm Puerto Rican! blah blah blah, I eat PR food, date PR women", etc.. I've met a lot of people who half the time talk about their race, religion, or background which I find EXTREMELY annoying. After they die, that label they were so boasting about goes to their grave and most likely will never be related to them in any way, shape or form.
Echkart gives this great exercise on how to feel the life force within that most of us don't even pay attention to. I do it after every meditation.
Also, there is this short part about negativity, and that the only useful thing about it is that it strengthens the Ego and gives itself an identity, like "I been through this, that, and the other. This is who I AM. This is really ME." *cough*Trojanman*cough*. When in reality, the REAL you is somebody so far beyond these labels to which the Ego attaches itself to, through which it can only survive until your death. Once you die, your Ego dies, but your "Being" lives on.
I would give this book 4/5. It's worth a read if you got some free time on your hands. Took me a few months to finish it.
My next book though is just FASCINATING to me. I will be writing a review when I finish it. I'm picking it up today from the library. Hint: it's very similar to the previous book review I did but with MUCH more depth to it.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Fired, Headach, & no Internet
So another headache hit me today. I talked to my co-worker and she suggested I go str8 to a hospital. I told my supervisor and she said she'll talk to her boss. Then I'm thinking "I they won't fire me because of this right? eh, who cares. health is more important to me". Then she comes and goes "you can take off". So I leave, go do my thing, call my employment agent and he's like 'yeah, they want to end your assignment' I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS??? he said they wanted somebody who'd be more committed or some shit. Like wtf? I wasn't even shocked the fact that I got fired as the fact that they just laid my ass off cuz I had to leave 2x due to my health condition. WOW! And I was busting my ASS on that job. Many people waste time. Like they could be standing next to the printer while it's printing "yep, I'm waiting for the printer to print... WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". Not me. I was running back and forth to my desk and by the 3rd run my shit would be finished printing and I would finish more then half of the packet. I guess they were gonna fire me anyway since they got this new girl working there. I don't know.
That company is a trip though. We are all slaves working for them. People with my job title start at what.. $10 per hour, and they have to wait 6 months before they ask for a raise for... uh... $12 per hour? and ANYONE can get fired like THAT because of any reason. It really is a trip. Truth is, if they paid $8 an hour and there were no jobs, people would work for that company. We all need money somehow, someway...
I went to East LA to a Hospital afterward, saw a doc, and he said I have Cluster Headaches. He just gave me some meds but said they come and go and there is no way of telling when. They are kinda seasonal I guess and come for a week, then gone for months.. I really thought I had a sinus infection because my co-worker suggested it.
And on top of that my PC is screwed. Got a new CPU and it has the same lock up problems, and I don't know if it's my video card or mother board. And internet is very unstable. Can work 1 min, and the next it's gone. Wireless sux, linksys sux more, and my PC needs some serious work.
Saved up some money from this job for the next 2 months of rent though, so that's a good thing.
That company is a trip though. We are all slaves working for them. People with my job title start at what.. $10 per hour, and they have to wait 6 months before they ask for a raise for... uh... $12 per hour? and ANYONE can get fired like THAT because of any reason. It really is a trip. Truth is, if they paid $8 an hour and there were no jobs, people would work for that company. We all need money somehow, someway...
I went to East LA to a Hospital afterward, saw a doc, and he said I have Cluster Headaches. He just gave me some meds but said they come and go and there is no way of telling when. They are kinda seasonal I guess and come for a week, then gone for months.. I really thought I had a sinus infection because my co-worker suggested it.
And on top of that my PC is screwed. Got a new CPU and it has the same lock up problems, and I don't know if it's my video card or mother board. And internet is very unstable. Can work 1 min, and the next it's gone. Wireless sux, linksys sux more, and my PC needs some serious work.
Saved up some money from this job for the next 2 months of rent though, so that's a good thing.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
another fucking Headache, pt. II
so today I had ANOTHER headache at work. I started feeling it at around 9:45 and by 10am it was FULL BLAST. It lasted for 1 and a half hour. OMG I had to go break in a break room and couldn't work. Went to the bathroom and it just went away when I took a shit. I don't know wtf is happening but I am so sick of my body and not knowing what and how is causing these painful headaches from hell.
I went home because I wanna relax and WILL get at the bottom of this. Need to do some research later on after I lay down for a while on what is causing this.
I WILL GET BETTER
I WILL GET BETTER
I WILL GET BETTER
I'LL FIND THE CAUSE OF MY HEADACHES
I'LL FIND THE CAUSE OF MY HEADACHES
I'LL FIND THE CAUSE OF MY HEADACHES
I WILL BE CURED
I WILL BE CURED
I WILL BE CURED
I went home because I wanna relax and WILL get at the bottom of this. Need to do some research later on after I lay down for a while on what is causing this.
I WILL GET BETTER
I WILL GET BETTER
I WILL GET BETTER
I'LL FIND THE CAUSE OF MY HEADACHES
I'LL FIND THE CAUSE OF MY HEADACHES
I'LL FIND THE CAUSE OF MY HEADACHES
I WILL BE CURED
I WILL BE CURED
I WILL BE CURED
Dream about having Sex with Rihanna
I wanna blog before I leave for work. But I woke up and had a dream about boning Rihanna. Actually, we were making sweat love to each other. It was beautiful and intense. Laying there all naked in bed caressing each other. There was a lot more in the dream but this is all I remember for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)